Recapping and Erasing Personal History From Our Journals.

[Nagual LoneWolf]

Erasing personal history removes self importance and opens up space for the nagual to occupy. When we erase personal history we do it because it does not matter any more. What happened did, now it doesn't matter. When I thought it did matter was why I kept the history. 

For example: here in Arizona the highest mountain in the state is in Flagstaff and its called Humprey's peak and/or the San Francisco mountains.It was named the San Francisco mountain because a long time ago before pollution it was said one could see the pacific ocean and the city of San Francisco from on top (14,4000 feet high). I decided I would climb to the top of the mountain and one summer a few years ago I did. It was important to me to have 'climbed a mountain' as part of my personal history. After stalking myself, I realized that it did not matter to anyone else I climbed the mountain and it only mattered to me. Then I realized it only mattered to me when I did it, after that it was just personal history.

 We all keep this personal journal filled with our accomplishments, our memories, our fears and dreams, our inner losses and wins. This takes up space within us.  Erasing personal history makes room for the spirit. The journal can instead keep our warrior memories, when power came into our lives, when we felt the jolt. By recapping we examine our journal and find the entries that have pain and other emotions stored in them and we erase these histories thus freeing our personal power. These type of emotional memoriescan take a lot of space inside and block the entry of the nagual spirit. This is why it is so important to erase personal history so a warrior can be changed by the spirit. So much of us is affected by our personal history. When we erase it we can become whatever we want for we are no longer a product of our lives. We live each day and then we can see that only life is important and rest is meaningless and not important. Do you keep such a journal?

[Nagual LoneWolf]

Reflecting back to the mountain I realize there is two parts to this story, first as mentioned above I climbed the mountain and thus had the personal history of climbing this mountain not a small feat. Up there one looked down on passing thunder storms, the air was cold and breathing was hard. The indians considered the mountain important and sacred. On the way up I saw many signs of power and it was truly one of my most amazing experiences hiking in Arizona. This is the part I keep, the part I let go is that "I climbed a mountain."

[Guest]

Do you keep such a journal?



Yes, I do. And it has become one of the most satisfying things. I enjoy sharing it with other warriors, but also I think if I could not do that I would still enjoy the witnessing of spirit. I, when young used to talk to trees and to me that was spirit witnessing me, and the tree represented wisdom or a wise one listening. I also played alone alot, was satisfied in my own company, and have felt most isolated in a group of people, due to their awareness, likes and dislikes being different than mine.



But back to the journal, the events I put in, I don't prepare for them, I let them come to me, each day or maybe no entire for several days and then there is one. An event that stands out, either a recall of past, or current event, something in my tonal or dreaming will trigger it. Then I write about it, and then afterwards view it and there is a transformation aspect, its not only what I thought it was when I started it, there is more to see (and grow from) when I step back, and then after a few days its often no longer relevant but have noticed it can revive at a later time, someone else may revive it or it just does within my own perception/memory.



And how is this different than a regular diary, I ask myself? Well, just as you said, a warriors journal puts emphasis on the nagual spirit of things, so as you write and express, you have to consider the aspects that do not fit, which will show self importance, or hurts and attachments, and by comparison you see a difference and have to make choices on how you process it in future actions if you truly want to change. Those aspects come out as you type or write, the intent you exercise as you put the words down, you see that intent reflected back to you when you reread it and then you see how intune with spirit you are or else where your holdouts are...and can change those.



So as I look at it, it was the same thing I was doing when talking to trees, I sought to connect with spirit. I could not do this in a group of people, it had to be done between me and spirit. I could share it with others, but the source of connection is abstract to begin with.

[BarefootInTheSand]

Nagual LoneWolf wrote:the part I let go is that "I climbed a mountain."
^ Your description puts words to something I have felt through the years.  It is something my partner and I have conversations about (regarding hanging pictures of things we have done on the wall).  I feel uncomfortable with it, however, have not had anything justification for feeling that way.  When we have parties I dont like when our guests form images of the kinds of people we are based on the pictures we have displayed.  It feels like it takes something away from the quality of interaction and I miss it and wish it wouldnt go like that. 
I like to frequent new places that I have never been before and go where no one knows me.  While it is nice to visit the stores and places where we are known...going where we are not known has a certain appeal to me.  You get a different side of people. 
Do you think you will ever go so far as to erase the parts you are currently keeping?

[Guest]

there will come a time when you will let it all go.
why wait.   do it now.    all things will pass.
don't worry about  it.

[Nagual LoneWolf]

Regarding my warrior journal, to me it is important to keep my link with the nagual, when I have felt it, seen it, experienced it, been touched by it, and changed by it. The tonal aspects of personal history I release and let it go, let it flow and not worry about it. A warrior on the path must know when he received power, when he believed power and when he became power. This is me.

[Guest]

BarefootInTheSand wrote:Nagual LoneWolf wrote:the part I let go is that "I climbed a mountain."
^ Your description puts words to something I have felt through the years.  It is something my partner and I have conversations about (regarding hanging pictures of things we have done on the wall).  I feel uncomfortable with it, however, have not had anything justification for feeling that way.  When we have parties I dont like when our guests form images of the kinds of people we are based on the pictures we have displayed.  It feels like it takes something away from the quality of interaction and I miss it and wish it wouldnt go like that. 
I like to frequent new places that I have never been before and go where no one knows me.  While it is nice to visit the stores and places where we are known...going where we are not known has a certain appeal to me.  You get a different side of people. 
Do you think you will ever go so far as to erase the parts you are currently keeping? 
  Great question Barefoot.  I was contemplating asking it myself.  Hey, can I ask, are you a Gemini?

[Guest]

"Do you think you will ever go so far as to erase the parts you are currently keeping?"



I would like to answer this, since I posted about a warrior journal too. No I would not erase everything about my life.

[Guest]

I just re-read this again this morning, and I don't want to argue with you, Raven or Wolf, but I think, in terms of efficient use of energy and becoming lighter, any sort of attachment should be discarded.  That includes ideas of what kind of warrior we are and also memories and tales of yesterday.  After all, Now is now and we are not-- right now, the warrior we were yesterday.

[Guest]

Yes, I agree with you, but still keep an album because its not the album that is an attachment, attachments occur in how one perceives what they say do or think. So, in Wolf's example, he reviewed his experience of climbing the mountain, and he removed the parts that pertained to him "his achievement" the "I climbed the mountain" and what was left was just the experiences. We still remember our past, unless we lose our memory due to injury of some sort. And so if we remember our past, we can choose to remember it in a way that is not attached by making the effort of stalking the parts that need to be released the "I did this, its about me" parts.

[Guest]

Ravenmoon wrote:Yes, I agree with you, but still keep an album because its not the album that is an attachment, attachments occur in how one perceives what they say do or think. So, in Wolf's example, he reviewed his experience of climbing the mountain, and he removed the parts that pertained to him "his achievement" the "I climbed the mountain" and what was left was just the experiences. We still remember our past, unless we lose our memory due to injury of some sort. And so if we remember our past, we can choose to remember it in a way that is not attached by making the effort of stalking the parts that need to be released the "I did this, its about me" parts.
I have to admit, I can't really grasp what you are trying to convey here.  What I am saying is that it doesn't matter what we did yesterday, we are who we are right NOW!  I am not sure if this is what you are saying, too or if you disagree and are attempting to put forth another idea.  I can't seem to find the *idea* part of your post.  
Are you saying that you can hold on to something, yet not be attached to it?

[quantumshaman]

Interesting discussion.  I've long felt that one of the most misunderstood aspects of toltec nagualism is "recapitulation."  The rituals associated with it are amusing at best.  Breathe in.  Turn head to left.  Cough.  No, wait... that's a prostate exam... hmmm...
But seriously... in my own work I've put forth an idea called "the teflon warrior".  This works best for warriors at a more advanced level, but can be helpful for anyone on the path, no matter their level of achievement.  Basically... **** don't stick to teflon.  Once the warrior realizes this, s/he may be better able to walk through life without getting bogged down - not so much in the actual "memory", but in the inherent "****" that may be attached TO the memory.  For example, I can look back on my life at incidents that were highly unpleasant, and remember them as if they happened yesterday, but without ANY emotional attachment to them whatsoever.  The memory is not the thing itself - which is what I think Wolf was saying.  The memory is just the experience.  What seems to matter about the emotional/spiritual attachment is how that aids us or debilitates us in the Now.
For example... this is where I think certain practitioners of CC's methods can get WAY off the mark.  By trying to shed ALL emotional reactions to certain events from our past, we run the high risk of turning ourselves into nothing more than observational tools.  OTOH, I think it's a matter of using some common sense (which ain't common these days) to determine which memories benefit our path, and which may be impeding our progress.  I have a friend who dwells on her past - is literally obsessed with a skiing accident that happened when she was 15.  Around that single memory, she has built her entire life - yet from a seer's perspective, someone on the outside looking in, it is very plain to see that it is her ATTACHMENT to the memory which has created an entire lifetime of pain, suffering, and has resulted in driving away almost everyone in her life.  She has used manipulation and attempted guilt-tripping in an attempt to hook others into her drama, when the simple reality is that if she could simply LET GO of the negative implications of the memory itself, she would be able to live a happy and full life (what's left of it anyway - she is now over 50, and still creating unreal realities all revolving around this incident that happened more than 35 years in the past).
So in that case, we see someone (someone who once professed to be a warrior) so utterly attached to a memory that her entire life has been negatively impacted. 
On the other hand... I know people who have certain memories in their lives which they have used as inspiration to the infinite.  They have been able to use certain memories to propel them forward on their path - without obsession, without undue attachment.  They simply use the ENERGY of the memory to motivate them when they may be feeling stuck or isolated, or whatever it is that makes one need some sort of "boost" from the infinite.  I maintain that our memories can BE that boost - but as with anything else in life, it's a matter of balance and moderation and (un)common sense.
In CC's version of recapitulation (or at least in the version which most modern-day practitioners attempt to perform), one is theoretically attempting to "recapture energy stuck in the past."  Er... not only impossible, but kinda silly when you think about it. Energy, time, past, present, future and self are all the same thing when you really stop to think about it.  No amount of breathing & coughing and wheezing is going to recapture "lost energy".  The only thing that can do that is simply letting it go.  My own mantra in that regard has become, "That was then, this is now."  Part of letting go of the past is knowing that it IS the past.  The things that hurt you THEN are probably no longer viable threats in the NOW.  So what has to happen is that warriors need to apply that teflon coating - which comes in the form of clarity.  Once we truly *see* that the past is like a poem written on water, we no longer NEED to feel those attachments - whether anger or fear or guilt or whatever it is that keeps us anchored to the MEMORY rather than living beyond the transient experience.

[Guest]

songbird wrote:Ravenmoon wrote:Yes, I agree with you, but still keep an album because its not the album that is an attachment, attachments occur in how one perceives what they say do or think. So, in Wolf's example, he reviewed his experience of climbing the mountain, and he removed the parts that pertained to him "his achievement" the "I climbed the mountain" and what was left was just the experiences. We still remember our past, unless we lose our memory due to injury of some sort. And so if we remember our past, we can choose to remember it in a way that is not attached by making the effort of stalking the parts that need to be released the "I did this, its about me" parts.
I have to admit, I can't really grasp what you are trying to convey here.  What I am saying is that it doesn't matter what we did yesterday, we are who we are right NOW!  I am not sure if this is what you are saying, too or if you disagree and are attempting to put forth another idea.  I can't seem to find the *idea* part of your post.  
Are you saying that you can hold on to something, yet not be attached to it?

I will give you an example.
So it does not matter if you have no dream expereinces, you could still be a dream coach without accessing any dream experiences of your own? No of course not. If you are an advanced dreamer and thus can assist others, it means you had previous experiences occur to make you who you are today. You will utilize those experiences to assist you in the now. So its about dropping the self importance from past events be they years ago or hours ago. That is the part to erase. Then we can see what in our history is useful to us today. Attachment is not a given, it only depends on how one perceives what one does. Many people keep dream journals and I would not call that an attachment either. Some people record their nagual experinces on forums (their own or others) I would not call that an attachment either. It only matters how one perceives what one does.

[Nagual LoneWolf]

My own answer: When I climbed the mountain there was also a part that was magical, spiritual, something I felt I can never describe, this magic part I hold onto, the other part of 'climbing a mountain as an event' I let go once I realized it was not important but what happened while up there was important. A seer keeps the tales of power for they lead him to the spirit.

[Guest]

mr. tambourine man rolls into town
actually on to the village square, by
the water fountain and sez kiddies
it is not what you look at (so much)
(as to) it is what you see  (that counts).
carry on now,  as you were.

[Guest]

energylover wrote:
it is not what you look at (so much)
(as to) it is what you see  (that counts).

Nice

[Guest]

quantumshaman wrote:
In CC's version of recapitulation (or at least in the version which most modern-day practitioners attempt to perform), one is theoretically attempting to "recapture energy stuck in the past."  Er... not only impossible, but kinda silly when you think about it. Energy, time, past, present, future and self are all the same thing when you really stop to think about it.  No amount of breathing & coughing and wheezing is going to recapture "lost energy".  The only thing that can do that is simply letting it go. 
Just to clarify here, I don't think that the energy is stuck in the past, but when the mind is preoccupied with the past, that does take up energy that we could be using for other things, here and now.  The recapitulation is a way, granted its not the way for everyone, to work on "letting it go".

[BarefootInTheSand]

songbird wrote:
What I am saying is that it doesn't matter what we did yesterday, we are who we are right NOW!  I am not sure if this is what you are saying, too or if you disagree and are attempting to put forth another idea.  I can't seem to find the *idea* part of your post.  Are you saying that you can hold on to something, yet not be attached to it?


You make an interesting point here SB, everything one hangs onto is an attachment of sorts.  What they are saying is that there is a purpose to hanging onto some things...it doesn't make it any less of an attachment.  The response about history of dreaming used to help others with dreaming, while nice, is still attachment and self importance (determining some parts of self-history is more important than other parts of one's self-history). 
Perhaps in the new year we can all throw out the old concept that one can get rid of all attachments and still function in this world?

[Guest]

A warriors album works for me, as does a dream journal, so I keep both. My warriors album actually came about as a result of being at this forum, the act of posting gave me a way to reflect on my tales of power I might not have considered doing in such a precise way otherwise. This helped me see more than I previously saw from those experiences. It has made a huge difference in my life, as its emphasized the nagual throughout my life. I have specific purpose and goals, and so such links serve as a useful reference to assess progress, identify skills, and also make changes/improvements. I guess you could say I see the nagual as my unpaid profession, and my day job just pays the rent so I can keep doing what really matters to me.

[Guest]