11-22-2010, 12:00 AM
~
Lunoor: "tell us your true grit and then maybe someone else will reveal theirs".
I’m finally getting it...when, in the midst of all my fears and insanity, I’m stopping dead in my tracks and somewhere the voice inside my head cried out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, my sobs begin to subside, I shuddered once or twice, I blinked back my tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is The First Step, the awakening.
I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’m not don Juan or Jed McKenna and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with me and in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
I’m awakening to the fact that I’m not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what I-am...and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And I’m learning the importance of loving and championing myself...and in the process a sense of new-found confidence is born of self-approval.
I’m beginning to stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to me (or didn't do for me) and I’m learning that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for me.
So, I’m learning to stand on my own and to take care of myself and in the process, a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. I stop judging and pointing fingers and I begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties...and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
I’m realizing that much of the way I view myself, and the world around me, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into my psyche. And I begin to sift through all the junk I’ve been fed about how I should behave, how I should look, how much I should weigh, what I should wear, what I should do for a living, how much money I should make, what I should drive, how and where I should live, whom I should marry, the importance of who I love, and what I owe my family, and friends. I’m learning to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And I begin reassessing and redefining who I-am and what I really stand for.
I’m learning the difference between wanting and needing, and I begin to discard the doctrines and values I've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process, I’m learning to go with my instincts.
I’m learning that it is truly in giving that I receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing, and I stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for my next fix. I’m learning that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which I must build life.
I’m learning that I don't know everything, it's not my job to save the world and I can't teach a pig to sing. I’m learning to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. I’m learning that the only cross to bear is the one I choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
I’m also learning about love: How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. I’m learning to look at relationships as they really are and not as I would have them be. I stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. And I’m learning that alone does not mean lonely. I also stop working so hard at putting my feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring my needs. I come to the realization that I deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and I won't settle for less.
I’m learning that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so I take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels my soul. So I take more time to laugh and play. I’m learning that, for the most part, I get in life what I believe I deserve...and that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I’m learning that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, I’m learning that in order to achieve success I need direction, discipline and perseverance. I also learn that no one can do it all alone...and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
I’m learning the only thing I must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR itself. I’m learning to step right into and through my fears because I know that whatever happens, I can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on my own terms. And I’m learning to fight for my life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
I’m learning that life isn't always fair, I don't get what I think I deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. I’m learning to see and not only look as Juan did upon viewing his Grandson crushed under rocks. On these occasions I’m learning not to personalize things. I’m learning that The Spirit isn't punishing me or failing to answer my calls. It's just life happening.
And I’m learning to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. I’m learning that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of me and poison the Universe that surrounds me.
I’m learning to admit when I’m wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. I’m learning to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things I take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft bed, a long hot shower...and real friends.
Slowly, I begin to take responsibility for myself by myself and I make myself a promise to never betray myself and to never, ever settle for less than my heart's desire. And I hang a wind chime outside my window so I can listen to the wind. And I make a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in my heart and faith by my side I take a stand, I take a deep breath, and I begin to design the life I want to live as best I can.
This is The First Step.
SHM
Lunoor: "tell us your true grit and then maybe someone else will reveal theirs".
I’m finally getting it...when, in the midst of all my fears and insanity, I’m stopping dead in my tracks and somewhere the voice inside my head cried out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, my sobs begin to subside, I shuddered once or twice, I blinked back my tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is The First Step, the awakening.
I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’m not don Juan or Jed McKenna and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with me and in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
I’m awakening to the fact that I’m not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what I-am...and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And I’m learning the importance of loving and championing myself...and in the process a sense of new-found confidence is born of self-approval.
I’m beginning to stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to me (or didn't do for me) and I’m learning that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for me.
So, I’m learning to stand on my own and to take care of myself and in the process, a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. I stop judging and pointing fingers and I begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties...and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
I’m realizing that much of the way I view myself, and the world around me, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into my psyche. And I begin to sift through all the junk I’ve been fed about how I should behave, how I should look, how much I should weigh, what I should wear, what I should do for a living, how much money I should make, what I should drive, how and where I should live, whom I should marry, the importance of who I love, and what I owe my family, and friends. I’m learning to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And I begin reassessing and redefining who I-am and what I really stand for.
I’m learning the difference between wanting and needing, and I begin to discard the doctrines and values I've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process, I’m learning to go with my instincts.
I’m learning that it is truly in giving that I receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing, and I stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for my next fix. I’m learning that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which I must build life.
I’m learning that I don't know everything, it's not my job to save the world and I can't teach a pig to sing. I’m learning to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. I’m learning that the only cross to bear is the one I choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
I’m also learning about love: How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. I’m learning to look at relationships as they really are and not as I would have them be. I stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. And I’m learning that alone does not mean lonely. I also stop working so hard at putting my feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring my needs. I come to the realization that I deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and I won't settle for less.
I’m learning that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so I take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels my soul. So I take more time to laugh and play. I’m learning that, for the most part, I get in life what I believe I deserve...and that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I’m learning that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, I’m learning that in order to achieve success I need direction, discipline and perseverance. I also learn that no one can do it all alone...and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
I’m learning the only thing I must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR itself. I’m learning to step right into and through my fears because I know that whatever happens, I can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on my own terms. And I’m learning to fight for my life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
I’m learning that life isn't always fair, I don't get what I think I deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. I’m learning to see and not only look as Juan did upon viewing his Grandson crushed under rocks. On these occasions I’m learning not to personalize things. I’m learning that The Spirit isn't punishing me or failing to answer my calls. It's just life happening.
And I’m learning to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. I’m learning that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of me and poison the Universe that surrounds me.
I’m learning to admit when I’m wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. I’m learning to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things I take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft bed, a long hot shower...and real friends.
Slowly, I begin to take responsibility for myself by myself and I make myself a promise to never betray myself and to never, ever settle for less than my heart's desire. And I hang a wind chime outside my window so I can listen to the wind. And I make a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in my heart and faith by my side I take a stand, I take a deep breath, and I begin to design the life I want to live as best I can.
This is The First Step.
SHM