09-06-2005, 12:00 AM
It is a very interesting process to recapitulate my conversations with J now. Looking back, I see an interesting mixture of the surface issues I thought were important to address with J at the time, and the deeper trajectory that really brought us together. My object in our conversations was often to impress J with what I knew after all my years of occult study, so he would take me seriously. I was to be constantly frustrated in this effort as J revealed his superior practical understanding of such subjects as well as a frankness to call me directly on such antics. He also pointed out my need to impress actually betrayed my inner lack of self-confidence.
I also found myself trying to recruit him for my perceived activist missions to save the world. In this regard, he let me know that he was very much a free agent that would come and go and motivate from his own center. He also helped me start to question my fitness to help others, at the moment, when I was so clueless about how to help myself. As I previously explained, these moments of humility 101 were neither welcome nor received well by me, at first, but in hindsight, they were a necessary service J rendered to serve the higher purpose of our conversations. Although he was at times brutally frank, He was also very tolerant and instantly forgiving of what he labeled as my egos temper tantrums. At the same time, he also emphasized his respect and admiration for my essence or what was truly me and pointed out that there was no need to impress him with strengths he already perceived.
I can now begin to uncover the deeper aspects of my motivations. My own higher self had neatly arranged my meeting with someone who had first-hand knowledge of the issues I was intuitively onto. I was ripe for a more detailed expose of a picture I had been developing for awhile now. J was indeed a rare find in this respect.
It is a bit startling to look back now and see that J spent no time at all beating around the bush with me and getting right to the point of the exact nature of these world tyrants or the fanatics of control as he had originally referred to them in our first landmark conversation outlined previously. Part of me was very much on the right track with it all. Another part intimately connected with the ego that J constantly had on the ropes was very busy diverting my attention away from the punch line. My first conversations with J had been started with regards the people and plot lines behind world conspiracies. I began realizing that despite such facts regarding the existence of certain elites who pull many of the invisible strings that make society jump, that the apex of the food chain ultimately didn't stop there.
We continued engaging in more esoteric dialogs about the art of seeing things as they really are and the true nature of the human soul as the seat of being and awareness, or as J coined the phrase our essence. We agreed on many pointsof the absolute freedom of the true self and of its independence as a field of pure awareness from that of the body, energetic sphere of perception and mind. How the brain is not the mind, but an interface between mind and body. But then as I began to make further observations about the mind, J surprised me by saying:
Do I have news for you! For 99% of all humans, that which they call their mind at this moment isnt theirs at all. Its not even the interface between their essence and their organic vehicle, but a despotic and merciless tyrant who acts as a barrier between the two. It keeps them under its fierce and powerful control, all the while making them believe unquestionably, that it is their true mind. I don't care what so called expert psychologists or psychiatrists say or postulate. I have something none of them havefirst hand experience. But then again, Ive never been an expert on anything either, but merely a fool who has devoted his whole life to search for and discover himself and his own essence. For thats what always concerns me - *essences*.
I kind of ignored his exact points here. I had been used to the occult notion that we had a lower mind that was a vehicle constituted of angelic or devic consciousness, therefore not really our own, and a higher mind that was truly ours and told him so. He responded by saying:
Mind?...what a ****. And what a bitchy issue (later on Js favorite name for referring to the Foreign Installation became your ****). Your mind is *not* yours. It just makes you believe it is. Therefore, the obvious question I must ask you is this - how can you distinguish the true mind from whatever else, if the mind you take as being yours, doesn't even allow you to be aware that it isn't yours? In fact, its so terrified you may find out, that it will go to whatever length necessary to prevent you from even digging into the issue.
His persistence and frankness jolted me. The question he framed made me look inside and I realized that this was not the first time Ive heard of this nor speculated its existence. I asked him if he could, elaborate more on the exact nature of this "despot". He said:
Its an individuality like you and me, which thrives by parasiting us. To infect us, it resorts to powerful, highly intelligent and extremely efficient predatorial tactics.
I had to admit that I was inclined to agree with him except that this seemed to contradict the notion that we are all part of the One Self, or Primary Unity. He said:
There is no contradiction here, but only seems to be one. This is one of those clever tactics the previously mentioned individuality uses in order to hide its presence in us from our conscious awareness, as well as reinforce its cuffs of control over us.
Not only are we part of the Unity, we *are* the Unity itself. I'm well aware of how difficult and tricky this is to pass along, as well as to grasp initially, but this is the best I can do for the moment. We are entering the realm of essences, where man-made conceptualizations simply don't allow for clear understanding, for they are based upon wrong assumptions and false foundations.
That is the prison in which we are all kept at this moment in our collective history as a species and a civilization. Mind prison. Not easy to break free from, but not impossible or terribly difficult either. But patience and determination are two good allies or tools to help us achieve such.
For a while, I was getting the message, but then my mind began to travel in a familiar groove of esoteric physiological positivism. I found myself telling him that what he was referring to must be a type of false self and that as one achieves greater self-awareness, one must be able to transform or dissolve this antagonistic relationship. It either must perish in the greater reality or become a servant rather than master in relationship to the enlightened soul. He answered:
You are doing your best to negotiate this issue with the tools and information you have at this moment; those of psychology and its relatives. This is the road the mind wants us all to walk, for while you do so, that despot will be safely hidden and inaccessible to you.
Im talking about as real an entity as you and me. It hunted us down, enslaved us and keeps us this way because it needs us as we need food for our bellies. We are its food. It feeds off us, just like we feed off fish, chicken, vegetables or whatever.
You can't try to tackle the task of finding and studying it, through any human science. You have to approach it as the true, individualized entity, it is. Its not an abstraction, or a mental construct, nor a dysfunctional aspect of human personality. It is a real creature, a life form. Its an Alien, but not in the hollywoodized or ufologist sense. This might come as shock to you, but we, humans, are ourselves aliens by our own definition of the concept. We are dealing with a life form of an IQ, which we can only hope to achieve a few centuries from now. Ironically enough, the higher our IQ, the easier for this entity to enslave us.
We, humans, are far from being closest to the pinnacle of evolved, intelligent and self-aware life forms. And yet, this sounds more confusing and contradictory, the more I insist that we are all individualized portions of the one same awareness. But remember, in Life, nothing is what it seems. It only seems confusing and contradictory, because we are kept closed, jailed within the confines of the descriptions, which we have all been given since the cradle. We have been indoctrinated and fiercely brain washed to drive our thought processes along very specific lines. This is how we all create, sustain and share the same reality.
A knot of uncontrollable panic tightened in my stomach with every word he uttered. At this point J became aware of my incredulous, confused and obviously agitated demeanor.
No, my dear fellow walker, I'm not fantasizing a bit, nor am I falling prey to an overexcited imagination. I'm lucid and well aware of what I'm talking about. So, go easy on me, please, if its difficult for you to make sense of what I'm saying, without feeling tempted to consider me nuts, arrogant or whatever, consider that its no easier for me to describe issues for which human languages are highly unsuitable and incomplete for expression.
- Toltechie
I also found myself trying to recruit him for my perceived activist missions to save the world. In this regard, he let me know that he was very much a free agent that would come and go and motivate from his own center. He also helped me start to question my fitness to help others, at the moment, when I was so clueless about how to help myself. As I previously explained, these moments of humility 101 were neither welcome nor received well by me, at first, but in hindsight, they were a necessary service J rendered to serve the higher purpose of our conversations. Although he was at times brutally frank, He was also very tolerant and instantly forgiving of what he labeled as my egos temper tantrums. At the same time, he also emphasized his respect and admiration for my essence or what was truly me and pointed out that there was no need to impress him with strengths he already perceived.
I can now begin to uncover the deeper aspects of my motivations. My own higher self had neatly arranged my meeting with someone who had first-hand knowledge of the issues I was intuitively onto. I was ripe for a more detailed expose of a picture I had been developing for awhile now. J was indeed a rare find in this respect.
It is a bit startling to look back now and see that J spent no time at all beating around the bush with me and getting right to the point of the exact nature of these world tyrants or the fanatics of control as he had originally referred to them in our first landmark conversation outlined previously. Part of me was very much on the right track with it all. Another part intimately connected with the ego that J constantly had on the ropes was very busy diverting my attention away from the punch line. My first conversations with J had been started with regards the people and plot lines behind world conspiracies. I began realizing that despite such facts regarding the existence of certain elites who pull many of the invisible strings that make society jump, that the apex of the food chain ultimately didn't stop there.
We continued engaging in more esoteric dialogs about the art of seeing things as they really are and the true nature of the human soul as the seat of being and awareness, or as J coined the phrase our essence. We agreed on many pointsof the absolute freedom of the true self and of its independence as a field of pure awareness from that of the body, energetic sphere of perception and mind. How the brain is not the mind, but an interface between mind and body. But then as I began to make further observations about the mind, J surprised me by saying:
Do I have news for you! For 99% of all humans, that which they call their mind at this moment isnt theirs at all. Its not even the interface between their essence and their organic vehicle, but a despotic and merciless tyrant who acts as a barrier between the two. It keeps them under its fierce and powerful control, all the while making them believe unquestionably, that it is their true mind. I don't care what so called expert psychologists or psychiatrists say or postulate. I have something none of them havefirst hand experience. But then again, Ive never been an expert on anything either, but merely a fool who has devoted his whole life to search for and discover himself and his own essence. For thats what always concerns me - *essences*.
I kind of ignored his exact points here. I had been used to the occult notion that we had a lower mind that was a vehicle constituted of angelic or devic consciousness, therefore not really our own, and a higher mind that was truly ours and told him so. He responded by saying:
Mind?...what a ****. And what a bitchy issue (later on Js favorite name for referring to the Foreign Installation became your ****). Your mind is *not* yours. It just makes you believe it is. Therefore, the obvious question I must ask you is this - how can you distinguish the true mind from whatever else, if the mind you take as being yours, doesn't even allow you to be aware that it isn't yours? In fact, its so terrified you may find out, that it will go to whatever length necessary to prevent you from even digging into the issue.
His persistence and frankness jolted me. The question he framed made me look inside and I realized that this was not the first time Ive heard of this nor speculated its existence. I asked him if he could, elaborate more on the exact nature of this "despot". He said:
Its an individuality like you and me, which thrives by parasiting us. To infect us, it resorts to powerful, highly intelligent and extremely efficient predatorial tactics.
I had to admit that I was inclined to agree with him except that this seemed to contradict the notion that we are all part of the One Self, or Primary Unity. He said:
There is no contradiction here, but only seems to be one. This is one of those clever tactics the previously mentioned individuality uses in order to hide its presence in us from our conscious awareness, as well as reinforce its cuffs of control over us.
Not only are we part of the Unity, we *are* the Unity itself. I'm well aware of how difficult and tricky this is to pass along, as well as to grasp initially, but this is the best I can do for the moment. We are entering the realm of essences, where man-made conceptualizations simply don't allow for clear understanding, for they are based upon wrong assumptions and false foundations.
That is the prison in which we are all kept at this moment in our collective history as a species and a civilization. Mind prison. Not easy to break free from, but not impossible or terribly difficult either. But patience and determination are two good allies or tools to help us achieve such.
For a while, I was getting the message, but then my mind began to travel in a familiar groove of esoteric physiological positivism. I found myself telling him that what he was referring to must be a type of false self and that as one achieves greater self-awareness, one must be able to transform or dissolve this antagonistic relationship. It either must perish in the greater reality or become a servant rather than master in relationship to the enlightened soul. He answered:
You are doing your best to negotiate this issue with the tools and information you have at this moment; those of psychology and its relatives. This is the road the mind wants us all to walk, for while you do so, that despot will be safely hidden and inaccessible to you.
Im talking about as real an entity as you and me. It hunted us down, enslaved us and keeps us this way because it needs us as we need food for our bellies. We are its food. It feeds off us, just like we feed off fish, chicken, vegetables or whatever.
You can't try to tackle the task of finding and studying it, through any human science. You have to approach it as the true, individualized entity, it is. Its not an abstraction, or a mental construct, nor a dysfunctional aspect of human personality. It is a real creature, a life form. Its an Alien, but not in the hollywoodized or ufologist sense. This might come as shock to you, but we, humans, are ourselves aliens by our own definition of the concept. We are dealing with a life form of an IQ, which we can only hope to achieve a few centuries from now. Ironically enough, the higher our IQ, the easier for this entity to enslave us.
We, humans, are far from being closest to the pinnacle of evolved, intelligent and self-aware life forms. And yet, this sounds more confusing and contradictory, the more I insist that we are all individualized portions of the one same awareness. But remember, in Life, nothing is what it seems. It only seems confusing and contradictory, because we are kept closed, jailed within the confines of the descriptions, which we have all been given since the cradle. We have been indoctrinated and fiercely brain washed to drive our thought processes along very specific lines. This is how we all create, sustain and share the same reality.
A knot of uncontrollable panic tightened in my stomach with every word he uttered. At this point J became aware of my incredulous, confused and obviously agitated demeanor.
No, my dear fellow walker, I'm not fantasizing a bit, nor am I falling prey to an overexcited imagination. I'm lucid and well aware of what I'm talking about. So, go easy on me, please, if its difficult for you to make sense of what I'm saying, without feeling tempted to consider me nuts, arrogant or whatever, consider that its no easier for me to describe issues for which human languages are highly unsuitable and incomplete for expression.
- Toltechie