Split (The Musical)

[Nagual Menagerie]

Multiple personalities are a really cool thing.  Split, the movie, showcased exactly how this may present.  There are moments where a person appears as a sane and normal human.  Then a flip switches (they become triggered) and suddenly they become a different person.  Like myself, I have multiple personality disorder and when I'm not frustrated I appear as a normal person.  Once I'm frustrated I become a completely different person.  I become angry, resentful, and I almost always seek out revenge.  I can't play the fool because my ego never allows that.  The closer I'm pushed to playing the fool, the more controlling I become.

If you watch me very closely, you'll see me as I attempt to hide my anger.  

Who am I? 

Answer: The psycho from the movie.

[watergaze]

in some sense every human is a conglomerate of beings... but let's not go into that deep stuff... rather instead of thinking about split, the movie, why not look at it as: Inside Outin general, the EQ of people is so terrible they shift so easily into different 'characters' it is tragic. 

Just because one acts differently does not mean one has a different personality. 
It is usually just an aspect of one's personality not a different one. Calling it other might help one deal or avoid taking responsibility but the way to heal is to sit down at the table with all of the aspects of oneself and look them in the eye and ... well... do something about it.

[find dharma girl]

To dear watergaze on the prowl.. Please, do NOT ban me!

I use polite liberty to quote dearest respected shamanka's Mar 27, 2017 response to, "Yes, I am permanently banned.  I stalked with a bit of vulgar edge" (Billy)


shamanka :  "it seems they are trying to revamp the place with a few tonal rules to clean up nagualism..i wont laugh too hard. the pressure must be hard to bear.
stalking ruthlessly..how very dare you.
..it stops the talk talk talk but it doesnt stop the walk...
i cannot explore connections in such a place ...the constant fitting freedom into a box, does not suit my style.. and those with flyers would defend to the death what they believe to be 'right'
but hey ho, here we are.. for now i shall just lurk about x"


[dear watergaze, I should like to stalk you and discover what it is you are hiding]
("administration?" Huh???---> geez, there are like four people who openly post here, plus a few intermittents, and a yuku stray now and then.  It was like that when I arrived here three years ago)   {please, I will confine stalking to a couple of my own threads (+ possibly Kaos').. and I will make an effort now and then to thoughtfully add to other topics}

For your info, Nagual Menagerie (Kaos) was seeking pity and forgiveness at the time she authored this thread.  Her manipulation has no bounds, and I see through every layer and tactic.  It is a shame I can't say what I think right now - lol, but real too.

 Nagual Menagerie said:  "Make things right by empowering everyone or don't.  If you don't, we're getting an ugly and very transparent divorce."

  I AM still smiling on this line of thinking.  I bite my tongue refraining given 'official moderation.'

   Your choice as to our solvency is slim and none, and slim left on the last train out.  I decide. [Laughing, because I'm having fun doing you by being base but true]  You beg that you want to be torn down.. AGAIN and MORE extreme.  Your need that I publicly stalk you harder is being heard.  Given the stuffy climate, I will do that by pulling away from you (for now), though I won't vacate excepting I should want to.  I will PLAY on your woeful need.

    The truth has served me well.  I no longer care about you.

[Julio Juliopolis]

Watergaze, what is it about multiple ways of being that frightens you? Why do you find more limited methods of self-expression "healthier"? If the right switches get flipped you too will have a different personality.

While the one calling herself Nagual Menagerie was talking the universe was also speaking to me through the same throat. And she told me it was time to split. Time to adopt a new way of being. Time to learn and grow in different ways. Time to act outside the bounds of the rational personality belonging to my other avatar here which you all know as Julio Juliopolis. As the space formerly occupied clears and that which was silenced becomes expressed you shall all witness the birth of Warrior Julio as the universe smiles in approval.

I have heard the call, and I have come.
Warrior Julio

[watergaze]

Have you seen the movie?

You seem to be making quite a few assumptions in your reply. I don't want to bother responding to them, since it is not linked to what I was saying. You seem to have missed my point.

May your splitting be all that you wish for .

[Billy]

Julio, I like what you are doing.  Most important, is that you like what you are doing.

   I was figuratively hit on my head by this guy (Joe), everytime I stopped admitting I disliked the narrowly imprisoned self.  I wanted to tell him I was fine, and I did tell him that.  It was nasty always having someone who would refute this and point out with such clarity what an **** I was.   Yet, as much as I disliked myself, I had to admit (as I was being told) I would always remain the same ****.  Even now, I cringe having to know this, but then I laugh. Opening up as you are (NOT FOR ME OR ANYONE), is...  well..... I expect you are finding out

[watergaze]

My wish for this place is that personal judgments of others, so-called stalks, and other idiocies are left at the door before one enters here.
I will always choose quality over quantity.

JJ wanted to say something, cool, he can express himself. But what he is saying can very well stand on its own, can't it? Why drag me into it as an imagined springboard to set off from? Is that what we want to have here? More judgment and bias?
Not to mention, where did he get the idea I am frightened or even not open to other expressions of myself? Is the point I am making in the above post about that? I would think my point is pretty clear and that is to not jump to identify something as a different personality just because one acts differently and has a lame EQ. Nowhere am I going into actual multiple personalities. I am talking about posers. Moreover, can I not be open to other expressions of myself without getting a multiple personality disorder?

If he actually did feel I am frightened and have a personal issue with this that can be to my disadvantage, then he can talk to me about that in a venue where it could actually be helpful. As me and him have a good line of communication open and do not mind working on issues. In that sense, his post here looks to me like posing, being insincere and inconsiderate. And, billy, if you like this part of what JJ is doing then I have nothing much to say to you either. I am hoping your comment on liking what JJ is doing is about him growing in different ways. Too bad you are not precise enough / you do not specify.

I go through threads and try to edit out personal bs thrown at others when I have time and energy for it ... and it just keeps piling up. I guess I am loosing hope, given the general mod just judges away. Hence my reaction is somewhat different than usual. People need to have more forbearance, awareness and integrity in dealing with others and themselves. I want more from myself and my environment.

JJ, I do not find limited ways of self-expression healthy. A sorcerer needs to expand their AP collection and not be rigid or limited. It is such common sense and something I have written about before (that you have read), so you writing to me sth like "Why do you find more limited methods of self-expression "healthier"?" cannot be seen from my side as anything else than wtf, who am I talking to again?
In terms of personality, we would have to define what it is to have 'a different' or 'split personality' - this is why I asked if you have seen the movie (because it seemed our definition differs). Is it an illness or not? When would it not be and when would it be, etc. In the typical way it is normally defined in a mental institution it is clearly not what a sorcerer should aim for (imo).
I accept the split as double and me as being a healthy and desirable one. One I find magical. And I accept the shifts I experience. I do not need different personalities in myself in my default usual life in the sense of the movie, it is pretty f-ed up imo, I would not consider it practical for what I want to achieve. But to each their own. And bringing fear into it is totally off the point.

[Billy]

watergaze, what you are doing here is more than fair.  To say I like it is an understatement.  You have reminded me (again) that I lack focus.  Maybe you'll excuse my response to rosygyro in Seers - Impeccable Recapitulation, as I mistook vanity for Power.  Okay, okay .. I'll exhibit my intelligent sobriety in chat        .. and more in the open forum.

This is going to get good.

"The problem is normal people dont know how to deal with pressure. And even for sorcerers it’s a challenge." 
[Not currently having this challenge.. it is ALL relatively easy..  your persistence is attractive.. I SAW something]

[watergaze]

I'm kinda unsatisfied not just because of the reason I wrote about but also because JJ actually said some nice things and my focus is on the one or two lines that I did not find nice. I want to support JJ and whatever it is he is reaching out to for himself. Hence: "May your splitting be all that you wish for ."

I understand he said 'more' as in 'more limited ways of self-expression healthier'... the problem is: more limited than what? a psychic breakdown? Well, gee, I wonder why someone might find more 'limited' ways better .
The part of his post addressed to me just does not make much sense to me. On more levels. Hence I declined to answer. Me and him, we are fine with that. I'd say he understood what my issue was. So the previous post was not very necessary for JJ. But with billy saying he likes what JJ is doing... that felt to me like something I should respond to because I do not want any misconceptions about the part I dislike that JJ is doing. Plus the problem with a public place you never know what people understand in the end, it's best to be clear.

Billy, I do not know if I am fair to JJ. There is one aspect in which I am less fair. But I can say this to JJ because he is closer to me and because my demand on him is higher than on most people (as he seems to have a better grip on himself rationally than most people and works on himself) and because he should represent the site here. Plus his previous behavior and comments have shown and indicated he is OK to have things pointed out. I wish for all of the people working on things in private to be as impeccable and aware as possible. It would be detrimental for the group to go through stuff like this in the private areas where we are dealing with much finer material and where it would be quite a bump on the road and detrimental to our intents (it was already a bump here, there it would be more like a giant boulder). I want people to be more aware of what they affect with their words and actions. In general, I do not think it is my place to educate people. Nor do I want to do that here. I will, however, push for the place outlined in our Rules and Guidelines. I am looking forward to seeing your intelligent sobriety around here.

[Julio Juliopolis]

Watergaze,
Are you the springboard which launches the flight of the Warrior Julio?
I have not chosen you to be such,
But the choice is not up to me,
And if the universe does indeed choose you for that role know that I consider you worthy of that honor,

Watergaze,
Your intent is wavering here,
You claim you do not wish to respond to me,
Yet without further provocation from me you then do so and at length,
And then again, trying to undo what you feel you may have done before.

Watergaze,
Ask yourself why are you conflicted?
Are you here to challenge my existence or aren't you?
Am I the Warrior Julio or am I just JJ being insincere, a poser?
Is it that you "do not find limited means of self expression healthy",
or is going so far as to operate from another personality a mental illness?

When I operate from the place of the Warrior Julio,
And turn to face the challenges that come before me,
Would you have me limit myself to a place within the domain of JJ,
Just to reassure others of my stability?
As I look into the gaping maw of death,
Would you have among my concerns how I'm "representing the site"?

Cease asking for such things from me,
I shall not grant them,
Not for my sake alone,
But also because I know that our minor conflict here,
Is just the reflection of a greater battle within you,
And when you deny the right of Warrior Julio to exist,
You also deny the right to exist for Warrior Watergaze.

Warrior Julio

[watergaze]

JJ, I don't challenge your existence... Where did that come from? Please, warrior JJ do exist! . Breathe, procreate and erm evolve .

I do not mind showing my conflicted stance, as seen above. And I have already asked and answered for myself the question of why I was conflicted. I also explained why I responded again and that it was not (for the most part) a response to you. I do not think you needed much more than what you read before you went to bed .
I think you were not very attentive when you wrote that question to me. And I know (or assume?) that warrior JJ wants to have proper attention and awareness.

Yes, I would have among your concerns to behave in a decent, respectful manner etc. (and thus represent the site . Ideally not for the sake of representing the site but for reaching to better yourself. However, this choice is always up to you, whether you want to go in that direction. So far it seemed you do. If you shift gears, as you can decide to, then things will change.)

Anyways, I still go for the theory that what you are doing is not a split or different personality...

[Julio Juliopolis]

Watergaze spoke,

JJ I don't challenge your existence 
When you see the right justified text,
And your body courses with electricity as you read the words,
You will know well before you get to the end,
Where you will see my signature,
What it is that I should be called,
For you will feel my power.

Warrior Julio

[watergaze]

lol, is The Warrior capable of making his response in alignment?
I believe in you, you can do it! How did it even happen that it got out of alignment? yuku is weird indeed...

[Julio Juliopolis]

watergaze wrote:lol, is The Warrior capable of making his response in alignment?
I believe in you, you can do it! How did it even happen that it got out of alignment? yuku is weird indeed...
The Warrior is an acceptable nickname,
The Warrior Julio has met the challenge,
Things are aligned as they should be.

Warrior Julio

[Guest]