What’s in the Bag?

[bluedreamer]

Nasreddin, carrying a brown
paper bag, goes into a coffee shop and orders
a coffee. The owner of the shop smiles,
gives him the coffee and then, unable to
contain his curiosity, says, “So,
what’s in the bag?”

Nasreddin gives a little laugh
and says: “You wanna see? Sure, you
can see what’s in the bag”,
and he reaches in and pulls out a tiny piano,
no more than six inches tall.

“What’s that?”
asks the owner of the shop. Nasreddin doesn’t
say anything; he just reaches into the bag
a second time and pulls out a tiny man,
about a foot tall, and sits him down next
to the piano.

“Wow,” says the
owner of the coffee shop, absolutely astonished.
“I have never in my life seen anything
like that”. The little man begins
to play Chopin. “Holy cow,”
says the owner of the shop, “where
did you ever get him?”

Nasreddin sighs and says: “Well,
you see, I found this magic lamp and it
has a genie in it. He can grant you anything
you want, but only gives one wish”.

The shopowner scowls, “Oh,
yeah, sure you do. Who are you trying to
kid?”

“You don’t believe
me?” says Nasreddin, somewhat offended.
He reaches into his coat pocket and pulls
out a silver lamp with an ornate curved
handle. “Here it is. Here’s
the lamp with the genie in it. Go ahead
and rub it if you don’t believe me”.

So the owner of the shop pulls
the lamp over to his side of the counter
and, looking at the man sceptically, rubs
the lamp. And then POOF, a genie appears
over the counter, bows to the bartender
and says: “Sire, your wish is my command.
I shall grant thee one wish and one wish
only”.

The owner gasps but quickly
gains his composure and says, “Okay,
okay, give me a million bucks!” The
genie waves his wand and all of a sudden
the room is filled with tens of thousands
of quacking ducks. They’re all over
the place, making a terrible noise: Quack,
quack, quack! The owner of the coffee shops
turns to Nasreddin and says: “Hey!
What’s the matter with this genie?
I asked for a million bucks and I get a
million ducks. Is he deaf or something?”

Nasreddin looks at him
and replies, “Well, do you really
think that I asked for a twelve-inch pianist?”


-- a sufi tale

[Guest]

Hey Blue,
what a good story ! Since I am in this marvelous forum , I got the impression, that this warriors,  seers and naguals are taking themselfes maybe a little bit to serious.  In the Warrior Way there is a place for fun and laughing.  Don Juan and Don Genaro were often joking, laughing  and had a lot of fun with C.C.
One of my Afghan Friends told me once , that there is a tradition , that says, if you contemplate over 7  Nasruddin stories, it would be enough, to prepare the ground for enlightment.
Lets revive this Tradition :
How much ?
Nasrudin saved a lot of money.
Someone asked him to go to a mannequin parade.
Afterwards he was asked how he liked it.
"Its a complete swindle!"
"Why?"
"They show you the women- and then try to sell you
the clothes!"
Don Isnobad

[bluedreamer]

Here is one my neighbor told me after I told him the "what's in the bag?" one; I think it fits here:



&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&





A man laying in bed with one eye open watches his wife standing in front of the mirror. She says, "Mirror, mirror on the door make mine 44" and wallawalla bliss bam boom baby. He is impressed, has to catch his breath and his eyeball popping out.



She off to wherever and he his brain brewing in his balls--bingo bulb!.



He comes out of the covers and stands there just like she did, "Mirror, mirror on the door make mine touch the floor."  Then just a grin later--timble, tamble, tumble,stumblebumble, without two tall legs he touches the floor.





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[Guest]

Nasruddin and his two friends Miguel  and Pancho Villa  die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven.
They are all asked : " When you are in your casket and friends and friends and family are mourning you,
what would you like to hear them say about you ? "
Miguel says," I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time , and a great family man.`"
Pancho Villa says " I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a
 huge difference in our children of tomorrow".
" And you , Nasrudin ? What would you like to hear the mourners say ? "
"What would I like to hear ?" respond Nasrudin : " LOOK,
HE´s MOVING!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1loyjm4SOa0

[bluedreamer]

Hehehehe

[bluedreamer]

Mulla Nasruddin and Three Wise Men



One day some wise men, who were going about the country trying to find answers to some of the great questions of their time, came to Mulla Nasruddin's district and asked to see the wisest man in the place. Mulla Nasruddin was brought forward, and a big crowd gathered to listen.

The first wise man began by asking, "Where is the exact center of the world?"

"It is under my right heel," answered Mulla Nasruddin.

"How can you prove that?" asked the first wise man.

"If you don't believe me," answered Mulla Nasruddin, "measure and see."

The first wise man had nothing to answer to that, so the second wise man asked his question. "How many stars are there in the sky?" he said. "As many as there are hairs on my donkey," answered Mulla Nasruddin.

"What proof have you got of that?" asked the second wise man.

"If you don't believe me," answered Mulla Nasruddin, "count the hairs on my donkey and you will see."

"That's foolish talk," said the other. "How can one count the hairs on a donkey?"

"Well," answered Mulla Nasruddin, "How can one count the stars in the sky? If one is foolish talk, so is the other." The second wise man was silent.

The third wise man was becoming annoyed with Mulla Nasruddin and his answers, so he said, "You seem to know a lot about your donkey, so can you tell me how many hairs there are in its tail?"

"Yes," answered Mulla Nasruddin. "There are exactly as many hairs in its tail as there are in your beard."

"How can you prove that?" said the other.

"I can prove it very easily," answered Mulla Nasruddin. "You can pull one hair out of my donkey's tail for every one I pull out of your beard. If the hairs on my donkey's tail do not come to an end at exactly the same time as the hairs in your beard, I will admit that I was wrong."

Of course, the third wise man was not willing to do this, so the crowd declared Mulla Nasruddin the winner of the day's arguments.

[Guest]

"The Big Chief is in his tepee one morning, clutching his tummy, " Nasrudin explains, clutching his own tummy and pulling and making appropiate sounds.
 " He´s in excruciating pain from trapped winds, you see."
One of his squaws sees the agony is in and calls out : " Send for the Medicine Man, " she hollers: " Big Chief No Fart!"
So the old medicine man comes running up and after checking out the Big Chief he gives him some small tablets. " Take one of these twice a day, "
he advises, " and you´ll soon be as right as rain."
So the Big Chief does as he´s advised and takes the tablets.
The next morning , though , there he is , rolling in agony with trapped wind and straining intil he´s as red as a beetroot, but to no avail.
" Send for the Medicine Man , " one of the squaws hollers: " Big Chief No Fart!"
So the old medicine man comes running up again and after checking out the Big Chief he gives him some medium sized tablets.
" Take two of these three times a day," he advises , " and you´ll soon be as right as rain."
So the big Chief does as he´s advised and takes the tablets.
The next morning , though , there he is again , rolling in agony with trapped wind and straining until he´s as red as a beetroot, but to no avail.
" Send for Medicine Man, " one of the squaws hollers: " Big Chief No Fart!"
So the old medicine man comes up again and after checking out the Big Chief, he gives him some ginormous tablets, the ones they usually reserve for their horses.
So the Big Chief does as he´s advised and takes the tablets.
The next morning, though, there he is again , rolling in agony with trapped wind and straining until he´s as red as a beetroot, when there´s thes almighty explosion.
One of his squaws puts her head inside the flap of the tepee.
"Send for Medicine Man," she screams: " Big Fart, no Chief !"

PS: Why talk when you can fart ?
Don Isnobad

[bluedreamer]

The Sweetest Strawberry The World Has Ever Known (Retold by Nasruddin)



Good day! My name is Nasruddin. I was born in Amritsar in the Punjab, in India. Or...it was so long ago... it may have been in Cairo, in Egypt. In fact, I think it was Newark, New Jersey, though my uncle claims it was Turkey, and my birth certificate says Balkh, in what is now Afghanistan.

Anyway, I was born, and I stand here as proof. I would like to tell you about the time I went to see my friend Tekka. I met Tekka when he was a young man, but that is another story altogether. So I was here, and Tekka was in his home village, and all that lay between us was a desert and a jungle.

The desert was easy. Twelve days under the burning sun...no sweat. Well, not exactly, but to return to the story, I came to the jungle. If you have ever seen a jungle, you know that it is big, and dark, and very green. The trees are tall, the bushes are thick, and there are lots of little animals moving about, making you think they are big animals!

Well, the path was narrow, and the jungle on either side was thick and noisy, and closed over the path in a way that made me a little nervous. But I love my friend Tekka, so I said to myself, "Nasruddin, you are a stalwart soul, and you must go through this jungle in order to see Tekka. Just think of it as taking a walk through the jungle!" I tried to argue with myself, but it was no use. I had to go.

So I started off through the jungle, and the path was not so bad when my eyes got used to the gloom. I was walking happily along, when I heard a noise behind me: "hhahh... hhahh... hhahh." I looked over my shoulder, and saw, to my surprise, a tiger was also taking a walk through the jungle!

"Ah," I said to myself, which was the best I could do in the circumstances. Then I had a thought, which was fortunate. "It is never too late to begin an exercise regimen. Why not start with jogging, for your health, that is." I agreed, and began at once. There I was, jogging through the jungle, enjoying what remained to me of my health, when I heard a sound behind me: "hhahh...hhahh...hhahh." I looked over my shoulder, and – what do you know!– the tiger had also taken up jogging! Although I think the tiger was less interested in excersise, and more interested in nutrition!

Due to the beneficial effects of exercise, my brain was functioning more efficiently. "If you can jog, surely you can run," I told myself. "Why not try for a world record?" It's amazing how quickly you can come to an agreement with yourself. I began immediately to see if I could set a new world record for land speed running. I tore through that jungle as if the path were a highway.

I am certain a world record was within my grasp, if only a judge with a stopwatch had been there. And when I heard a familiar sound behind me, which I probably don't have to explain sounded like "hhahh-hhahh-hhahh," I didn't even have to stop and look to know the tiger was also bent on setting a world record.

So there we were, the two athletes running like the wind through the jungle! It was thrilling! It was exciting! It was terrifying! Suddenly, there was no jungle!

There was no path either, only the blue sky, and a cliff, and me, Nasruddin, falling down it. I said to myself, "Aaauughh!!" but it did no good. So I grabbed onto a bush.

(Did you ever notice, every single time you fall down a cliff, there's a bush to grab onto. Check it out for yourself!)

So I grabbed this bush, and held on for dear life. I clung to it with all my strength, which I needed, because there was the tiger looking down at me, saying "hhahh...hhahh...hhahh." "Don't you know any other words?" I said. Apparently not, because the tiger continued to say the same thing over and over. I looked desperately about me for a way out, and could find none. Then I noticed the roots of the bush begin to pull out of the cliff, one by one.

"Nasruddin," I said, and I have a little song I sing to myself when I am in trouble, which seems to be more and more often these days, "Nasruddin, you have been/ in better sit-u-a-tions." It's a nice little song, very comforting. It certainly helped at that moment.

Then I heard a sound behind and below me that sounded strangely familiar: "hhahh...hhahh...hhahh."

"Wait!" I said to myself, "I thought I left that sound safely up above!" I looked down, and saw that the bad always comes with the good. Why is that, do you think? The good was that the cliff was not very high, and I would not be hurt if I fell. The bad was the other tiger standing below me, looking up!

There I was, hanging on the face of a cliff from a bush whose roots were pulling out, with a tiger above me and a tiger below me. I thought it was a good moment for my little song, so I sang again, "Nasruddin, you have been/ in better sit-u-a-tions." It had its effect – my head was clear, and I cast about desperately for a way out of my predicament. I assure you I didn't think of the word predicament at the time.

I looked on both sides, and suddenly spied a little green bush, with a single red berry. It was a wild strawberry! Now, my philosophy is always to enjoy yourself to the fullest, wherever you are. So I got a good grip with my toes, which are considerable, and held the bush with one hand, and reached out, risking all, and picked that strawberry.

And did I eat it? Oh, yes, my beloveds, I did. And I am here to tell you that if you are hanging on a cliff from a bush that is pulling out by the roots, and there is a tiger above you and a tiger below you, and you find a strawberry and you eat it, that will be the sweetest strawberry the world has ever known!

* * *

But wait...what about the tigers, and the cliff? How am I here to tell the tale? Well, here it is: they were nearsighted tigers, and when they got a close look at me, they lost their appetites.

[bluedreamer]

Certainty



"Let us toss a coin and see who is right?" "Certainly," said Nasrudin, "heads I win, tails you lose."







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A good day for more from Mullah Nasrudin

[Guest]