Only You

[Kaomea]

Life is weird. This video is weird. It's sad. A human can't be with a mermaid. But they tried. In the end the human had to carry the mermaid back home. A home where the human can't live.

There needs to be a follow up video where they turn the human into a mermaid. Or something. This unease is unsettling.

[Kaomea]

One commenter took the words right out of my mouth:

Make a movie. I can't accept this ending.

[Kaomea]

To be clear, I'm not a fan of people fixing people. I'm a fan of people fixing themselves. Sometimes people can help people fix themselves and I feel like that's acceptable.

It's a struggle letting go of authentic people. Fake is easy to forget. Authentic people leave a mark. We love them. That's ok. They might leave us. That's ok too. It's still ok to love them. Unconditional love works like that. It's ok to give love to people who are hard to love. Our love doesn't make them a better person, but it makes us a better person. Giving love heals ourselves because we are vibrating that energy. Forgiveness works that way too. One doesn't forgive as a gift for the wrong doer. One forgives to release the inner tension.

Loving and forgiving idiots doesn't mean we let them abuse or manipulate us. I still whack them away when necessary. It just means you do you. You don't do them.

Maybe you agree with their vegetarian ways, but you hate the fact that they don't wash their butt. It means you could learn some good recipes from them but you probably don't want to share clothes with them. People are complex. Use what's beneficial and steer clear of what's not.

Life tips I guess.

And mermaids. Interspecies romance. Girl with girl. Is it still potential beastiality or am I doing sexuality wrong? Why does this make sense to me? Why am I moved by this? I'm reacting to something in the emotions brought up in this. I relate.

So I share. Because it matters to me. Because why not. It's ok to have emotions. To feel sadness and regret. To feel loss.

Because that's how I feel and I'm glad I can feel. I also feel joy and excitement for other reasons. Like whew, so glad the mermaid didn't die. That would've sucked. So glad the human was kind enough to carry the fish girl.

I also feel curious. If the tail were to be cut open does the mermaid taste like legit sushi? How did she become a magical fish of the sea? Can that process be repeated so that the human can be like her?

If so, is that ethical?

The Shape of Water touches on this. Amazing film too.

Is it too much to ask of someone to be like them when they are a different species? Weird curiosity since it's all fictional, but ... hypothetically, what's the appropriate behavior?

The Shape of Water did turn the woman into a fish. Because she was dying. Sorry, spoiler alert.

The music video doesn't. Because it's a music video. It would be weird with such a short build up.

So. Yeah.

Unconditional love is ok. Feel it. Share it if you want. Don't regret loving. I've never regretted loving any of the weirdos in my life. The love is still there. I just hide the really meaningful love behind my heart of stone when I don't want anyone to touch it xP

[Julio Juliopolis]

I understand there's a follow-up video being created to this one. In it, a man falls in love with a donkey but denies his true feelings until he watches the original video. From the video, he gets the idea to turn himself into a donkey which is possible because the story is set in the future and medical science can do that then. His strict Jewish parents object however, and they forbid him from having the surgery. But the man doesn't give up so easily. He tries reasoning with his parents, showing him a list of pros and cons to his plan which has many more pros on it. He tries pleading with them. His parents won't budge. Finally, he brings the donkey over and shows them the original video. When it ends, his pa looks from the TV to the donkey's sad eyes and finally over to his wife. 

"Well Martha?" he asks, his tone no longer sounding so stubborn.
"Oi! If he wants to make an ass of himself, let him!" Martha replies. And it ends with everyone celebrating.

[Julio Juliopolis]

To truly understand unconditional love I think it's easiest to start by looking at it's opposite. That is conditional love. Most, if not all of us were raised to love others conditionally. We've been taught to only love people who are following a certain set of rules.
It's kind of interesting how the real point of this is to put restrictions on other's behavior, (because this assumes they want our love and will follow the rules to get it), but in effect we're only restricting ourselves. I think Michael Jackson makes for a good example here.

Just in case anyone doesn't know who he was... Michael Jackson was a beloved singing sensation who was admired as much if not more for his amazing break dancing moves as he was for his music. Also, he was known as a philanthropist who gave a lot to children's charities and encouraged others to do so as well. Then he was accused of pedophilia by several different families. The way the story was reported made him look guilty to much of the public. Worst of all were Michael's statements in his own defense where he would admit having slept in the same bed with other people's children but repeatedly said "it was loving" and just called people who didn't think so "ignorant".

This situation was a big deal for a lot of people. Many stopped listening to his music altogether, wanting nothing to do with a man whom although never convicted in court was clearly guilty of pedophilia in their own minds. Others refused to believe he'd done it. The man they loved so much couldn't be guilty of such a crime, and they were going to believe that no matter what.

Oddly enough, it seems the majority of the public actually got it right. It's fine to love him for his music, dancing, charity work, or whatever else while still not approving of the crimes he probably did commit.

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The other weird thing about conditional love is that sometimes there's a question of whether or not the conditions have been or will be met. What happens during that time? For example, if Shirley loves Ramone provided he doesn't eat all the cocoa puffs before she wakes up.... how does she know how to feel about him during the night? She doesn't yet know if he'll do that. He promised he won't, but he's done it before. He did apologize but still! So... before Ramone gets up and goes into the kitchen to pick a box of cereal to make for himself, how does she feel?

This reminds me a bit of something I observed in people who place too much emphasis on winning. They can be watching a baseball game between their favorite team and some other team, it can be 12 to 12 going into the 9th inning, and 10 minutes later they'll be declaring it as either the best or worst game of the season depending on what happens next. Well what about now? Are you enjoying the game now? I suspect the slightly more aware ones, if they were honest, would answer "I don't know. I have to find out how the game ends before I'll know how much I'm enjoying it now."

So my solution, (which may or may not be the bestest one for anyone else), is to avoid putting conditions like that on me and just check how I feel about stuff. If I feel an emotion towards someone or something than I'll freely feel that emotion to them/that. I'm not going to try to create rules for when I should/shouldn't feel whatever and then try to force myself to follow them. If it's a particularly strong or unusual emotion I'll likely try to learn from it, but I'm not going to be condemning or praising myself for when my emotions occur. It's less restricting for me to use this approach than the conditional emotions I/we were taught growing up.

[Kaomea]

Yeah.  Pining for a mermaid and and adding the desire to be a donkey really complicates things.  Why not just transform into a merman? Unless you like the human.  Then I would question what about this human pulled in both a mermaid and a donkey wannabe.  What a human!  Was it the human or the fish that the donkey likes?  Details matter.  I have to picture this in the right way lol.  The way you intend.  

With love.  Yeah.  Conditional love is what we're taught.  Follow the arbitrary rules or you're bad.  Bad people don't get love.  Because they are bad.

It's stupid logic.  

Yet people use it.  

It's fcking annoying.

Why do I need to fit into the different boxes before people love me?  I never fit I violate boxes and people don't like that.  

But I digress.  I'm not here to be put in a box.  In a corner.  Or on a display shelf.  Neither should other people have to work to earn my love.  I toss that sht out like confetti.  It is easier to just throw it out to anyone than it is to micromanage who has done enough or is good enough to attain the status of being lovable.  

It's draining to assess and judge people on that level.  So I skip all that extra stuff.  I have so much more free time for gaming xD

MJ is a tough situation for many.  Do you know what they do to pedophiles in prison?  They're likely the most judged and hated population.  One thing that alarms me is many of them were victims of the same thing.  It doesn't pardon the behavior, but it should serve as a reminder that we should build a better system to prevent child abuse.  If we continue to fail children in the way we have, we'll wind up in a world where child abuse becomes a norm and damaged children grow into teens who commit heinous crimes against their peers.

Oh wait.  I think we're already there.

We fcked up.  We haven't fixed it.  Because apparently saving children isn't profitable.  Neither is saving the planet.  

Oh well.  What do I know.  I'm just a tiny mouse in a big corn field trying not to be eaten by an eagle.  If I could change things I would.  But as mighty as I am, there is always someone mightier.  I think.  I haven't checked lately, but I'm sure there must be.  

Jesus was pretty epic but the people really nailed him didn't they.  People are notoriously misinformed and ignorant.  Eh, but not my problem.  Not my circus, those aren't my monkeys.  

It's still weird to watch people be idiots.

[Kaomea]

We're all on this sinking ship trying to stop it from sinking.  Except some people are racists and don't want to work with people who were born a different shade from them.  Others don't want to help women because women are evil.  Some whine about the paint chipping and ignore the cannon sized holes in the side of the ship.  The ship is a hot mess.  People are patching it, but it's complicated.  The people make it complicated.  If people would work together and mend the ship, maybe we don't have to blame the other side for why we're all eventually shipless.  Instead, we could be on a functional ship thanking one another for their assistance.  I don't know.  That seems like a far out fantasy story.  A fairytale even.

But no.  Instead of saving ourselves, let's argue over who's at fault.  Because that's inevitably what us humans wind up doing anyway.  

I still don't understand politics.  Red vs blue vs gray.  I get that they're factions.  I just don't get why that's such a big deal.  Again.  I like both red, blue, and gray.  Why do I have to choose a side?  Why can't I pick them all.  They each have great ideas.  One color may not wash their butt but hey, I bet they have some killer vegetarian recipes.  

Building tolerance in society is difficult when we're still punishing people for not fitting into our box.  Because somehow our box is the bestest and most righteous and everyone else is wrong.  Infidels!

Mass ignorance is seen in religion too.  My God is real, yours isn't, so I'm right, you're wrong and going to hell.  You believe in your imaginary friend in a different way than me so that makes me right and you wrong.  

This obsession for telling people they're wrong, is wrong!  

*giggles*

I'm exhausted by my own species.  I wish I was a mermaid. In which case I wouldn't require a ship at all.

[Julio Juliopolis]

Kaomea wrote:
MJ is a tough situation for many.  Do you know what they do to pedophiles in prison?  They're likely the most judged and hated population.  One thing that alarms me is many of them were victims of the same thing.
Lately I've been using an easy model that for me explains why people do bizarre or highly-disapproved-of-by-their-society things. And that's that the energy they're holding in the desire to do them has become greater than the energy they keep in the desire to not do them. I think this might work to explain why everyone does everything but I haven't tested it that far yet.
Using this model, I note where the energy comes from that goes into each category. I see 4 main sources...
1. One's Thoughts - By thinking of something we can rouse ourselves to do it; indeed often people rehearse how to do it in their thoughts.
2. Our Bodies - Just don't eat for 2 weeks and you'll see how the body can influence desire. I once read about some woman who was stranded in the ocean for some time and fortune eventually delivered her a fish. She talked about eating the fish alive, and how weird she thought it was that she actually craved it's eyeballs. When eating it, she found it delicious, especially the eyes. Turns out that there was some vitamin or something like that in the fish's eye, (might be in all fish's eyes, I don't recall that detail), which her body was short on.
3. Our attachments to other people - Mom would be so mad if she saw me do this...
4. Our experiences - This category can be tricky. People often don't understand their experiences and in order to make sense of them, reflect on them. During this reflecting, we'll change and modify the events to see them from other perspectives. I think this is partly why abused children often become abusing adults. As they reflect on their trauma, they sometimes look at it from the perspective of the abuser. They play that role in their heads while trying to understand, and eventually they are adults with children and now are influenced to behave as they think the role of adult dictates.

It's a little easier not to judge when I see things this way. People got the desire to do X, (whatever it is I don't like), from some combination of the above in a way that they were almost definitely completely oblivious to. Eventually this desire overpowered their desire not to do X. If my desire to do X had more energy than my desire not to I'd have ended up doing it too.

On a related note... When I was 20ish I knew someone who was an admitted pedophile. He actually told everyone he knew about it. He said he had the urges but never acted on them. I think part of why he told everyone was so that we would be watchful of him and keep him from ever actually doing anything like that. Another odd fact about him was that he was a hemophiliac. Many years later I happened to see a study online showing a strong correlation between hemophilia and pedophiles. I don't have any guesses as to why that's the case, but it makes me wonder a little bit if some of that energy that goes into their desire on that actually comes directly from their bodies. Again, that makes it a little easier not to judge them.

[Kaomea]

It seems natural there are multiple variables involved for both populations. I know for serial killers the brain chemistry is impacted prior to an event where they murder someone. There's strong evidence of biological features at play for both populations. I think nutritional deficiencies can impact those biological features too. Children without access to adequate nutrition are at a higher risk because they're still developing. This means low income or no income families are at a greater risk for these things. Less access to healthcare, nutrition, and less opportunity with regard to education. Those are key features that can build resiliency against those issues.

It's sad that we can't be better caretakers of one another.

[Kaomea]

It's important to mention too, abused children have shown to develop changes in the brain as a result of abuse (any form of it). The topology of the brain actually changes shape. The brain forms a heightened sensitivity and response to fear and maladaptive emotional responses. The more severe the abuse the greater the consequences. From the limited research I've done on it, there doesn't appear much to do about it to fix it back to it's original state. That's just how the brain is now... and psychotropics have attempted to figure it out but they're mostly just pinning the tail on the donkey. It's going to be awhile until the medical field figures it out.

So. Yeah. I'm sorry for people who are suffering in their own bodies. I think that would really suck.

[Guest]