On Friendship and Love

[Pixie Dust]

The Starfish Story
-Adapted from the original by Loren Eiseley 

An old man was walking on the beach 
one morning after a storm.  In the distance, he
could see someone moving like a dancer.
As he came closer, he saw that it was a young 
woman picking up starfish and gently throwing
them in the ocean.  "Young lady, why are you
throwing starfish into the ocean?"
"The sun is up, and the tide is going out, and if
I do not throw them in they will die," she said.
"But young lady, do you not realize that there 
are many miles of beach and thousands of starfish?
You cannot possibly make a difference."
The young woman listened politely, then bent down,
picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea.
"It made a difference for that one."



---------


During the passing of a lifetime, there are pockets of good people in the world.  If we're lucky enough we bump into others who are also tossing back starfish.  Sometimes we, ourselves, become the starfish and are tossed back into the water by a kind hand (or few).  As a starfish helper, sometimes we don't have the opportunity to speak with a fellow starfish helper on the beach; but we can witness them helping the starfish, from the shadows of a treeline.  There are times my heart aches because I cannot express it fully, in the way I prefer, due to reasons.  Still, it brings me peace to see people on the shoreline throwing back starfish.  A reminder that I am not alone in this world.  That there is always someone trying to make a difference in whatever small way they can.  This makes my heart full.  To fellow starfish throwers, thank you for being the kindness this world needs.  The world sees your efforts, you are important and immensely cherished--even if we can't say it to you directly or all of the time.  Know that there's a very deep and heartfelt appreciation for the spiritual work you do for yourself and for others.  Thank you for being a beautiful soul, I needed you.  When I saw the divine in you, I was reminded of the divine in me.

[funnyguy]

That reminded me of a story that I red not long ago. It was about a couple living on a deserted island they were working the land and building their home constantly improving as well as caring and providing for each other. In time the man fell in love with the woman and even though it was insanely hard for him to express his feelings towards her one day he managed to man up and tell her that he loves her deeply and more than she could imagine. She told him that she could not respond in the same manner though. 

The man got angry and went through incredible agony from the inside for a long time. He stopped working the land and providing for his loved one who he no longer thought he loved because of her response. He was depressed and did not go out of the house for a long time cutting all sorts of communication with the woman.

She never stopped doing what they used to do together though and went on caring for him providing food and improving their home even though she was excluded from his world all that remained was his own angst shame and anger. 

One late night both of them were sitting in the same room in complete silence. But the man decided to break the silence and quietly mumbled.
You could have at least given me a reason.
The young girl smiled with a lovely expression and told him.
You told me that you loved me waiting to hear the same, yet I told you "I cannot respond in the same manner". You barely bothered doing anything after that. Why is that?
The man was still not happy and responded to the girl with the following.
As you said that you couldn't love me, I decided to return the notion, hence I stopped loving you.
The girl giggled, afterward bursting into laughter.
Oh, my... my.... you are so wrong.
When you loved me you took care of me, but when you stopped you came to the decision of not caring for me and yourself in that manner.
The man stood in silence and had nothing to say. So the girl continued.
Then let me ask you one thing. Why did I never stop caring for both of us?
So there's your reason.

Oh **** hit the fan there eh? I find it fascinating how full of oneself one can get over his emotions maybe a little bit of sorcery lessons on detachment could have helped the poor fellow. Beautiful post Pixie Dust.

Now on another point.
What's the story about? Is there one lesson to be learned from it or numerous I'm just curious what do you people find in there except "actions speak louder than words"?

[Pixie Dust]

funnyguy wrote:
That reminded me of a story that I red not long ago.

Now on another point.
What's the story about? Is there one lesson to be learned from it or numerous I'm just curious what do you people find in there except "actions speak louder than words"?

Your story is a reminder of how important it is to communicate well with those you care about. Openly (as one can reasonably) and with authenticity.

My story, when I first experienced it, reminded me to do what's right (care for others) even when it may feel very insignificant. The smallest act for me may have a tremendous impact for another. Also, life is precious and when we have the opportunity to be kind, we should take it. People will see whatever they choose to see in the story. That's the beauty of words, it's a subjective experience every reader arrives at in their own way.

[watergaze]

starfish story wrote:You cannot possibly make a difference."
The young woman listened politely, then bent down,
picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea.
"It made a difference for that one."
it is a beautiful story. And a true one too. 
I wish all the stranded starfish find a kind person to help them out .

funnyguy, I read the story you shared not so much as a failure to communicate that the woman also loved the guy romantically (cause I mean really what a fail if she did and said "I cannot respond in the same manner" - like that almost does not have a double meaning), but as an example of different kinds of love.

[funnyguy]

Let's throw in the idea that the reader is a bit of a manipulative character and likes to test people. Don't you women like to test guys? 
If that is the readers interpretation of her reply what would the lesson be then?

I would say in that case what one should be learning is to never give up on love as it is the most worthwhile pursuit. No matter how ****d the scenario may seem when there is a will there is a way. If there is something or someone you truly want are you going to go weep your ass off and bathe in self pity? F*ck no! You go and you get what you want no matter what. A no will never stop you if you are determined enough it will only encourage you. If the man who supposedly loves you gets rid of you after your rejection it seems like a sign of weakness to me not true love.

Now that is why I posted that story and don't forget it's just a story because of that and the general ability to set quality and meaning to words it's open to numerous ways of interpretation. It's good to have a cool imagination you can play games with it. Let's see who else will join with their different lesson from the same story.

I like how everything can be bent and twisted.

[Pixie Dust]

funnyguy wrote:
Let's throw in the idea that the reader is a bit of a manipulative character and likes to test people. Don't you women like to test guys? 
If that is the readers interpretation of her reply what would the lesson be then?

If there is something or someone you truly want are you going to go weep your ass off and bathe in self pity? F*ck no! 
I think most people test people.  We test intelligence, compassion, and patience.  This may occur consciously or subconsciously.  Only by testing (whether formal or informal) can we pinpoint the level of communication necessary to be understood and to understand the other person.  I don't know what the interpretation of her reply would be in terms of the lesson because I don't understand your question (you are being too vague for me to formulate a precise reply).  You're welcome to rephrase your question so that I better understand your inquiry.

Love (of the non-romantic variety) is something everyone should pursue as it leads to really neat places.  Romance is something that should be consensual or it's a waste of time for the person pursuing someone who is not interested.

[funnyguy]

I have history with a person whom I wanted to be with but did not respond in the same manner. She was older than me and liked playing games she was having fun. After some time and even a few rejections I actually got the tables turned around and put her in my position.

By saying this I do not mean that forcing love is the way to go nor that I did this and I sure as hell do not support any behaviour like that. I'm saying this because if as you say love is not consensual I do agree that it is a waste of time but if you don't work for love there is no way in hell you're going to receive it. And if someone is initially not interested there is this chance that you can get their attention enough to make what was previously impossible into reality.

It is not about the interpretation of her reply in terms of the lesson but rather what the lesson would be if the interpretation of her reply changed is what I tried to point out. And below my question where I put in the idea of the reply being interpreted more as a test then a simple rejection due to non-mutual interest I wrote the hypothetical lesson.

[Pixie Dust]

funnyguy wrote:
By saying this I do not mean that forcing love is the way to go nor that I did this and I sure as hell do not support any behaviour like that. I'm saying this because if as you say love is not consensual I do agree that it is a waste of time but if you don't work for love there is no way in hell you're going to receive it. And if someone is initially not interested there is this chance that you can get their attention enough to make what was previously impossible into reality.
Yeah, I suppose one can pine for another.  That doesn't seem the healthiest of choices but to each their own.

[funnyguy]

What I am talking about is quite the opposite actually not letting the sadness take over you or negative feelings, of course one can feel them they can even have positive effects at times. Instead of all that becoming more flexible and remaining consistent with your choice to pursue your desire. All I'm saying is one shouldn't give up on his dream be it a certain woman or achievement of any sort. 

If however outcomes of those pursuits take on a negative side that can't be tolerated by the other one must surely know that it's time to go away and it's not his place to try and stay.

[Pixie Dust]

funnyguy wrote:
 All I'm saying is one shouldn't give up on his dream be it a certain woman or achievement of any sort. 
I get that.  If it's not a negative situation, one could pursue something that is not yet manifest.  That is how dream building occurs and goes with the saying: aim for the moon if you miss then you'll land among the stars.  

The scientist in me says that it's a waste of time to use that approach for romance.  An achievement goal seems more worthy of such attention.  It's not bad to pursue someone outside of one's league.  It's merely foolish.  That time and energy can be better spent elsewhere.

[funnyguy]

I've succeeded before in that manner and not once but I do like putting the plug on the scientist and following my heart.

"Do you know why The Fool is the most powerful card in the Tarot? Not because the person who draws it is a fool. He's a fool because he's a clean slate. And therefore, can become anything."

[Pixie Dust]

One can woo their way to the top of many ladders.  It's certainly not a novel idea.  God speed to your ladder climbing efforts.

[funnyguy]

It is certainly possible which was precisely my point and some of my past experiences. I was the one who fucked up those relationships in the end so I ain't really proud of it at all, was just sharing

[Pixie Dust]

And my point was that there are some ladders that can't be climbed by manipulating emotions. Some ladders can't be climbed by intelligence alone. Many ladders can be conquered by emotions or intelligence. You weren't wrong. You did screw yourself a fair bit. You also came out ahead. As ridiculous as you are, you still were invited for high tea. Some humility may do you well.

There are some things beyond emotion and intelligence that take more skill to master. You're invited to try a new skill set. The way I see it is simple. Change nothing and continue to play with muggles. Evolve and you might find yourself in a larger pond with BIG fish, but more opportunity. Play the game of life however you want.

[funnyguy]

I appreciate it. I've seen how life can change in the blink of an eye it would be foolish on my part if I were to resist change it is natural and leads to knowledge and experience.

I am open to learning sitting on a thorn is not something I would like to do for the rest of my life. I've gone a long way it will just keep on expanding. Care to elaborate on the things taking more skill to master?

[Pixie Dust]

funnyguy wrote:
Care to elaborate on the things taking more skill to master?

No but maybe just a lil? The mind is such a powerful organ. Many use it to exert power over others. It is most powerful when directed toward the self. Self mastery opens many opportunities. There are secrets of the spirit that have yet to be known.

Emotional mastery (not elimination) first, intellectual mastery (you've achieved), then self mastery over the spirit (alignment of purpose between your tonal and spirit).

My honest opinion? Write your tales. Any tale. You have a brilliant mind. Let it make you the money, power, and fame you've always dreamed. You've been the key to your success the entire time.

Should you want success of a different flavor, you would still need some mastery of the spirit (self mastery) as a prereq.

[Pixie Dust]

But I agree, you don't want to be sitting on a thorn for longer than you want to be. You have the knowledge necessary to be the person you always envisioned for yourself. You have the freedom to dream big. You are loved and supported by one of the most spectacular women in history

Do whatever you want. Find your passion and do that. You were never being punished, only you hold that power. You were only being freed. I know. It feels really weird. But believe me, you can go and be anyone you want. Now you know there's a muggles version of reality and a world of witchcraft and wizardry knowledge is power. Go and be a badass with all that knowledge you earned.

[funnyguy]

Truth is I've never dreamt of power or fame however financial freedom certainly. Lately, I've been dreaming of fears for a very long time now and I'm honestly broken. Thank you for the kind words it does mean a lot.

[Pixie Dust]

funnyguy wrote:
I'm honestly broken.

We all are.

[Guest]