06-04-2017, 12:00 AM
"I've learned so much from my mistakes, I'm thinking of making a few more."
"Someday I'm going to eye roll myself into another dimension."
"I'm a ninja."
"No, you're not."
"Did you see me do that?"
"Do what?"
"Exactly."
"I don't have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination."
"Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you're drunk."
"I came. I saw. I made it awkward."
"Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip."
" 'Be yourself' is about the worst advice you can give to some people."
"Stop petting my peeves."
"We looked at each other a little too long to be just friends."
"When life hands you lemons make grape juice. Then sit back and watch as the world wonders how you did it."
"Are we having some drinks, or are we having some dranks? Need to dress accordingly."
"Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane."
"Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it. Sincerely, the opportunist."
"Sometimes life will *** you and you'll just have to change position and enjoy it somehow."
"Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Yours sincerely, Chocolate Cake."
"I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed." -William Shakespeare
"Some people just need a sympathetic pat... on the head... with a hammer."
"Here's all you have to know about men and women. Women are crazy, men are stupid, & the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." -George Carlin
"I'm a feminist. I've been a female for a long time now. It'd be stupid not to be on my own side."
"I am responsible for what I say. I am not responsible for what you understand."
"I stepped on a cornflake, now I'm a cereal killer."
"The idea is to die young as late as possible."
"Humble with just a hint of Kanye."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get." -Mark Twain
"I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn't a selfie."
"If everyday is a gift then today was socks."
"The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense."
"Revenge is beneath me. But accidents happen!"
"When people ask, "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it."
(It's okay, we're mind readers and know the whole story.)
"Break often--not like porcelain, but like waves."
"I love you with all my boobs. I would say heart, but my boobs are bigger."
"Procrastinate now, don't put it off."
"Shout out to girls who smile at and compliment other girls."
"Life is like a penis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard."
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
"If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk."
"God gives us only what we can handle. Apparently God thinks I'm a bad-ass."
"A literary academic can no more pass a bookstore than an alcoholic can pass a bar." -Carolyn Gold Heilbrun
"There are three kinds of people in the world. People who make things happen. People who watch things happen and people who say 'what happened?'"
"If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. Believe in what you are doing."
"I love you with all my butt, I would say my boobs, but my butt is bigger."
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." -Napoleon Bonaparte
"Someday I'm going to eye roll myself into another dimension."
"I'm a ninja."
"No, you're not."
"Did you see me do that?"
"Do what?"
"Exactly."
"I don't have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination."
"Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you're drunk."
"I came. I saw. I made it awkward."
"Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip."
" 'Be yourself' is about the worst advice you can give to some people."
"Stop petting my peeves."
"We looked at each other a little too long to be just friends."
"When life hands you lemons make grape juice. Then sit back and watch as the world wonders how you did it."
"Are we having some drinks, or are we having some dranks? Need to dress accordingly."
"Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane."
"Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it. Sincerely, the opportunist."
"Sometimes life will *** you and you'll just have to change position and enjoy it somehow."
"Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Yours sincerely, Chocolate Cake."
"I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed." -William Shakespeare
"Some people just need a sympathetic pat... on the head... with a hammer."
"Here's all you have to know about men and women. Women are crazy, men are stupid, & the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." -George Carlin
"I'm a feminist. I've been a female for a long time now. It'd be stupid not to be on my own side."
"I am responsible for what I say. I am not responsible for what you understand."
"I stepped on a cornflake, now I'm a cereal killer."
"The idea is to die young as late as possible."
"Humble with just a hint of Kanye."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get." -Mark Twain
"I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn't a selfie."
"If everyday is a gift then today was socks."
"The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense."
"Revenge is beneath me. But accidents happen!"
"When people ask, "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it."
(It's okay, we're mind readers and know the whole story.)"Break often--not like porcelain, but like waves."
"I love you with all my boobs. I would say heart, but my boobs are bigger."
"Procrastinate now, don't put it off."
"Shout out to girls who smile at and compliment other girls."
"Life is like a penis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard."
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
"If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk."
"God gives us only what we can handle. Apparently God thinks I'm a bad-ass."
"A literary academic can no more pass a bookstore than an alcoholic can pass a bar." -Carolyn Gold Heilbrun
"There are three kinds of people in the world. People who make things happen. People who watch things happen and people who say 'what happened?'"
"If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. Believe in what you are doing."
"I love you with all my butt, I would say my boobs, but my butt is bigger."
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." -Napoleon Bonaparte