05-27-2015, 12:00 AM
Mr. billy Tonal-- so, when detachment became habit (detachment 102), one by one I allowed 'horrible' states to take root just so as to become invulnerable to the conditional. Here reason did abandon > and relegate detachment and self-trust to obscurity (despair and 'dark night of the soul' were two of such states I refer to here).
And then still, it was the unconcocted 'reality' of my wife with divorce papers in hand rejecting me that brought to bear the value of detachment. Amazingly, my own consciousness followed suit that night and screamed contemptuously at me "LOSER!!!!"
The next morning, with my own deep-seated self-condemnation and wife's abandonment strikingly poignant, I shook with fear. Each moment I approached my need of detachment, the adrenalin overwhelmed any attempt to gather confidence. THIS was REJECTION big-time. I gained a couple strands of rememberance that detachment works, understood that SELF-composure was not possible because THAT SELF was rejected or was rejecting me. I had no idea WHAT I was, and the body shook, and all of EVERYTHING became subsumed under REJECTION STATE. Reason SAW THAT, and in a miraculous moment my body took in a momentus hit (especially to the gut) in what was an automated detachment.
I was instantaneously PROFOUNDLY transformed to a super-state of energetic WHOLENESS. {Oh, and it affected everything--instead of marital dissolution my wife..... > use imagination lol}
Born out of recap, my favorite and most 'productive' effort was a hard hitting 'try' at self-hatred and shame, and total negation. I did not find any self-hatred or shame (my shame is shameless), {GXXXD knows I fucking beat the **** out of myself until emanations from emptiness arrived to finish the job} The underlying foundation and peace from emptiness experience allows me to engage Mr. sorcerer XXXXXXX with impunity, though he has untold power, Ha Ha Ha.
(someday, I will disclose the wonderous manifestations derived from s)
something fairly unique--I write ostentateously not when life's conditions are optimum, but oppositely. I make it a point to advise others when 'conventionally' deficient. Don't tell me about doing things from the 'top.' Tell me about such when you are in the sewer. (also, transitions/others > I much prefer wisdom from heart in own heart's words....yes, sometimes a quote conveys > but please SEE if your heart own's it now)
I read an autobiography (Waking) about a boy in adolescence who has an accident and rendered parplegic. People who write self-help advice should ask if they could offer to this person with a straight face.
Hey, what do you call a quadriplegic thrown in the lake?
Bob
And then still, it was the unconcocted 'reality' of my wife with divorce papers in hand rejecting me that brought to bear the value of detachment. Amazingly, my own consciousness followed suit that night and screamed contemptuously at me "LOSER!!!!"
The next morning, with my own deep-seated self-condemnation and wife's abandonment strikingly poignant, I shook with fear. Each moment I approached my need of detachment, the adrenalin overwhelmed any attempt to gather confidence. THIS was REJECTION big-time. I gained a couple strands of rememberance that detachment works, understood that SELF-composure was not possible because THAT SELF was rejected or was rejecting me. I had no idea WHAT I was, and the body shook, and all of EVERYTHING became subsumed under REJECTION STATE. Reason SAW THAT, and in a miraculous moment my body took in a momentus hit (especially to the gut) in what was an automated detachment.
I was instantaneously PROFOUNDLY transformed to a super-state of energetic WHOLENESS. {Oh, and it affected everything--instead of marital dissolution my wife..... > use imagination lol}
Born out of recap, my favorite and most 'productive' effort was a hard hitting 'try' at self-hatred and shame, and total negation. I did not find any self-hatred or shame (my shame is shameless), {GXXXD knows I fucking beat the **** out of myself until emanations from emptiness arrived to finish the job} The underlying foundation and peace from emptiness experience allows me to engage Mr. sorcerer XXXXXXX with impunity, though he has untold power, Ha Ha Ha.
(someday, I will disclose the wonderous manifestations derived from s)
something fairly unique--I write ostentateously not when life's conditions are optimum, but oppositely. I make it a point to advise others when 'conventionally' deficient. Don't tell me about doing things from the 'top.' Tell me about such when you are in the sewer. (also, transitions/others > I much prefer wisdom from heart in own heart's words....yes, sometimes a quote conveys > but please SEE if your heart own's it now)
I read an autobiography (Waking) about a boy in adolescence who has an accident and rendered parplegic. People who write self-help advice should ask if they could offer to this person with a straight face.
Hey, what do you call a quadriplegic thrown in the lake?
Bob