06-22-2015, 12:00 AM
....continue billy's detachment practice (piece from book written years ago):
Through practice (IN REASON), you can and will detach without identifying specific
emotions. For example, I don't even care to know what CAUSE is bothering me
anymore. Just awareness to know something is bothering me is enough to give
absolution.
What the *** do I care if it's jealousy, or anger, or resentment? I KNOW all
of whatever it is to be complete junk. I simply take the weight, recognize it, and eat it
up like a feathery potato chip , and retain the weight's energy.
OMG, because I can do this! Not always, but most often.
I don't have to deal with states of mind anyway, because with detachment practice,
not many of them carry weight after a while.
So for you, perceptual extensions from ego and self-reflection continue, but without
as much weight. (IN REASON) You know that most phenomena are silly and useless, by
simply telling yourself. Yes, TELLING YOURSELF...
Telling yourself may not be much, but when you understand the empirical change
after doing it enough, this has clout. The problem is you don't want to believe the stuff
in your head is garbage; you can even say I get billy's idea that life is silly nonsense, but
won't accede to the reality, because there is no empiricism within you to say it is true.
AND, this is why you need the empiricism of objectified shame; it cuts any illusion that
you and your thoughts are important down to size. {How can you play freely if you
always respond to your self-flattering image? (Believe me, that image has unwanted
import.)}
SO, you use reason for the practice of detachment in the emotion of shame. You
detach from other emotions well enough, if you know a little about detachment, but
never from shame because you don't even go there. Society taught you not to. What
the *** does society know about your shame?
... it is THE premier selfconscious emotion. Period.
And yet, you can't even access your shame willingly, because you have buried its
capacity in any conscious form.
It can be so adrenal--such a rush and almost addictive.
This is GOOD. In order to get the same... (I am laughing so hard, but not because it
isn't true; I'm laughing because I know I will blow your mind, that what I am saying IS
TRUE.) > In order to get the same adrenal rush (high from being low and truly the most
worthless piece of ****), EVENTUALLY you have to go deeper into your soul, where the
outside world disappears completely.
You're convinced of being so vile that your own life-force tries to leave you, and your
'Soul' becomes the last affirmation.
Your own soul, a consuming phenomenological judgment of your existence, is totally an
abomination. {You need to, want to go here!} There aren't the right adjectives for this
horrid appraisal of your being alive. (Yet, you will lick your chops to go there again,
because this phenomenon can be transferred to masturbatory sex--holy Jesus--
you cannot find a better way to PLAY with yourself.)
Anyway, now detachment practices take on a whole new quality. You draw from the
phenomenon of an emptied soul. When you detach, you really are detached. What
people strive for in meditation, but seldom realize, is realized. And the bottom line is
that you become sort of omniscient, you know, because there is nothing to know. Your
energy is not wasted, and you begin to feel the presence of your own body more often.
You have boundless amounts of energy.
There is a fundamental gradual shift in demeanor. Just as shame is self-conscious
and has a quality of going inward, you lose interest going out to the world, and the
world comes to you. This brings 'advantages' physically, psychologically, and spiritually,
sexually and in every respect of having a quality state of living.
(IN REASON) You trust yourself, and hold to the clarity of the qualitative state that is
wholeness--Sense of BEING YOUR WORLD/feeling/body. Really, the body at times of
this awareness has a perceptible radiance. Everything else is nought, and you are alive.
Even moments of ego activity has the quality of presence. My writing is almost ALL
ego. Ego is good in the capacity of SELF understood. Ego is PLAY. You trust to use ego
freely, because you ARE free.
I have kept (REASON) in parentheses much of the time, because whatever YOU do in
detachment is done by LOGIC. No emotions are to be involved in detachment.
Understand?
I love emotions; they just aren't to be part of the detachment practice.
Playing a basketball game can be filled with emotions. When you step to the free throw
line, you need to focus without them.
Moreover, you want to view judgment this way. You begin cultivating that there are
no 'negative' and 'positive' emotions, no negative and positive conditions, 'just' YOUR
rich, prurient world in detachment. Yes, sexy. (Okay, that's my world.) (Seriously, life
reduces to attraction, arousal, approach; and, that IS sexy.)
I think once you are adept from empiricism, and taste the richness of all experiences,
you will want to go to the 'bad' places. This is going to to sound brash. A decade ago,
when the 'opportunity' for despair presented itself I acquiesced to "Go for it." When
the 'opportunity' of 'dark night of the soul' was upon me, I welcomed it.
When I wrote this book, I was determined to see my shame, my self-hatred. No, that
isn't worded right. I began writing to be ashamed and self-hateful as my sole purpose.
Believe me, the book was not titled SHAME OMG DELICIOUS when I started (laughing)
{The idea of a book early on was vague; I just wrote.} And, I went to fucking horrible
places.
SELF confidence is an amazing thing. You get that from detachment practice. It is
ALWAYS a logically objective process, and you want to get down and dirty. You don't
grow up wanting to stay in little league; you want to play hardball at the highest level.
That is why I went to different challenging states of mind. I wanted to objectify them,
and I fucking did.
It is hard for me to leave comfort zones, and I don't; but REASON itself will 'let go' of
cerebral ****. Energy then teaches without words or confusion. Energy becomes the
mover of actions without ambition. Energy speaks of crucifixion and honor on the same
terms.
When you are ready, energy will move you; you just need to store the idea it
will. This is intent. Trust that these ideas are my gifts to you, as they were to me.
I am giving you an idea of what can be realized.
Through practice (IN REASON), you can and will detach without identifying specific
emotions. For example, I don't even care to know what CAUSE is bothering me
anymore. Just awareness to know something is bothering me is enough to give
absolution.
What the *** do I care if it's jealousy, or anger, or resentment? I KNOW all
of whatever it is to be complete junk. I simply take the weight, recognize it, and eat it
up like a feathery potato chip , and retain the weight's energy.
OMG, because I can do this! Not always, but most often.
I don't have to deal with states of mind anyway, because with detachment practice,
not many of them carry weight after a while.
So for you, perceptual extensions from ego and self-reflection continue, but without
as much weight. (IN REASON) You know that most phenomena are silly and useless, by
simply telling yourself. Yes, TELLING YOURSELF...
Telling yourself may not be much, but when you understand the empirical change
after doing it enough, this has clout. The problem is you don't want to believe the stuff
in your head is garbage; you can even say I get billy's idea that life is silly nonsense, but
won't accede to the reality, because there is no empiricism within you to say it is true.
AND, this is why you need the empiricism of objectified shame; it cuts any illusion that
you and your thoughts are important down to size. {How can you play freely if you
always respond to your self-flattering image? (Believe me, that image has unwanted
import.)}
SO, you use reason for the practice of detachment in the emotion of shame. You
detach from other emotions well enough, if you know a little about detachment, but
never from shame because you don't even go there. Society taught you not to. What
the *** does society know about your shame?
... it is THE premier selfconscious emotion. Period.
And yet, you can't even access your shame willingly, because you have buried its
capacity in any conscious form.
It can be so adrenal--such a rush and almost addictive.
This is GOOD. In order to get the same... (I am laughing so hard, but not because it
isn't true; I'm laughing because I know I will blow your mind, that what I am saying IS
TRUE.) > In order to get the same adrenal rush (high from being low and truly the most
worthless piece of ****), EVENTUALLY you have to go deeper into your soul, where the
outside world disappears completely.
You're convinced of being so vile that your own life-force tries to leave you, and your
'Soul' becomes the last affirmation.
Your own soul, a consuming phenomenological judgment of your existence, is totally an
abomination. {You need to, want to go here!} There aren't the right adjectives for this
horrid appraisal of your being alive. (Yet, you will lick your chops to go there again,
because this phenomenon can be transferred to masturbatory sex--holy Jesus--
you cannot find a better way to PLAY with yourself.)
Anyway, now detachment practices take on a whole new quality. You draw from the
phenomenon of an emptied soul. When you detach, you really are detached. What
people strive for in meditation, but seldom realize, is realized. And the bottom line is
that you become sort of omniscient, you know, because there is nothing to know. Your
energy is not wasted, and you begin to feel the presence of your own body more often.
You have boundless amounts of energy.
There is a fundamental gradual shift in demeanor. Just as shame is self-conscious
and has a quality of going inward, you lose interest going out to the world, and the
world comes to you. This brings 'advantages' physically, psychologically, and spiritually,
sexually and in every respect of having a quality state of living.
(IN REASON) You trust yourself, and hold to the clarity of the qualitative state that is
wholeness--Sense of BEING YOUR WORLD/feeling/body. Really, the body at times of
this awareness has a perceptible radiance. Everything else is nought, and you are alive.
Even moments of ego activity has the quality of presence. My writing is almost ALL
ego. Ego is good in the capacity of SELF understood. Ego is PLAY. You trust to use ego
freely, because you ARE free.
I have kept (REASON) in parentheses much of the time, because whatever YOU do in
detachment is done by LOGIC. No emotions are to be involved in detachment.
Understand?
I love emotions; they just aren't to be part of the detachment practice.
Playing a basketball game can be filled with emotions. When you step to the free throw
line, you need to focus without them.
Moreover, you want to view judgment this way. You begin cultivating that there are
no 'negative' and 'positive' emotions, no negative and positive conditions, 'just' YOUR
rich, prurient world in detachment. Yes, sexy. (Okay, that's my world.) (Seriously, life
reduces to attraction, arousal, approach; and, that IS sexy.)
I think once you are adept from empiricism, and taste the richness of all experiences,
you will want to go to the 'bad' places. This is going to to sound brash. A decade ago,
when the 'opportunity' for despair presented itself I acquiesced to "Go for it." When
the 'opportunity' of 'dark night of the soul' was upon me, I welcomed it.
When I wrote this book, I was determined to see my shame, my self-hatred. No, that
isn't worded right. I began writing to be ashamed and self-hateful as my sole purpose.
Believe me, the book was not titled SHAME OMG DELICIOUS when I started (laughing)
{The idea of a book early on was vague; I just wrote.} And, I went to fucking horrible
places.
SELF confidence is an amazing thing. You get that from detachment practice. It is
ALWAYS a logically objective process, and you want to get down and dirty. You don't
grow up wanting to stay in little league; you want to play hardball at the highest level.
That is why I went to different challenging states of mind. I wanted to objectify them,
and I fucking did.
It is hard for me to leave comfort zones, and I don't; but REASON itself will 'let go' of
cerebral ****. Energy then teaches without words or confusion. Energy becomes the
mover of actions without ambition. Energy speaks of crucifixion and honor on the same
terms.
When you are ready, energy will move you; you just need to store the idea it
will. This is intent. Trust that these ideas are my gifts to you, as they were to me.
I am giving you an idea of what can be realized.