billy's basic detachment practice

[Billy]

I obviously find energy in the type of debasing retreat that nullifies value.   I've made comprehension of my meaningless an art.  AND, to be clear, I KNOW my meaninglessness.


    Look, I tell you this here because I get it.  Don Juan personifies the gist too.    {note*  most view such depersonalization as insane}

   How else, but by negating my self-importance, do I unlearn the conditioned seriousness to PERFORM tonal duties of job, family, and 'goals' for esteem?   

    Yet, such functionality and esteem in tonal doings is an integral part of my actualizing freedom.. 

    Problem is, when do I effectively escape the weightiness of this preliminary and necessary staged act?

     On stage, I am reinforced by a societal audience.  I have sober concerns of performing with/for others.  When do I transcend this?  Answer)  When I don't care one iota what anyone else thinks of me.  I only do that when I don't care what I think of me.  I'm not joking here.

     I pull back into myself, into my realization of my meaninglessness.  *** > this is a beautiful, truthy (LAUGH), trustworthy abandonment (a very deep rabbit hole, where the sensation of failure as a living entity is not only acceptable, it is requisite for admission to my figurative coma.  When I come to, I don't incline to preconception.  I judge you now.  I'm telling you to piss off somewhere else.

Somehow I DO remember myself.  Geez, I always like myself.