08-23-2015, 12:02 AM
Hope you like this:
"Turn thine eyes back upon thyself, and see thou judge not the doings of others." (Imitation of Christ)
I married a tyrant. My wife in earlier years had the most stunning figure. Her 37" 23" 36" was with feminine, slender shoulders that were adorned with firm, generous tits. She was beautiful. She was precociously intelligent, witty, poised, and graceful. AND OMG, she was voluptuous and sexy. Men she allowed within her purview fawned all over her. I am NOT exaggerating how gorgeous; and she loved sex.
Susan just dominated me. {She did allow me autonomy to do as I wished if it did not involve her.}
Truly, she ruled in EVERY facet (and, oh do I have juicy stuff respecting the sexual arena.)
Anyway, after recapitulation that followed a marital 'war' many decades later, I began to find perverse joy in our long established dynamics. I created fantasies of her cuckolding me, and even went so far as to assimilate obedience to her in submissive fashion for a couple months. This brought absurdly strange instability in how we related. I worked through most fluctuations with persistent detachment practice. After coming to this forum, (having serloco as a mirror at the right time), I began using my detachment acumen to project the world differently, and act out of attentions new to me. Two things have happened in regard to my marital status: I now OWN Susan absolutely. My detachment is nearly impeccable within the marriage.
So, I'm telling you now because I have recently been cutting up Susan with razor-sharp incisions.
{you know: being ruthless, cunning, patient and sweet (while shredding her pride and inflicting pain where there are core nerves).}
This morning I figuaratively pulled the knife from out of Susan, and applied salve with perfect control; then I laughed and laughed at her for the perfect measure of benign insult.
Then just by chance, I read the Imitation of Christ quote that starts this post.
I had the clear insight of enjoying myself and knowing that my laughter was my laughter at myself. I took this another step and reclaimed the shame I brought to Susan's image of herself. Oh my God, was it ever a sacred, TASTY sensation to sink into myself emptied of all the **** that ties me to useless images.
Anyhow, what I mean to convey most, is that I find the power of 'being who I am' in this controlled folly when I return inward to humbleness. For me this is not about being philanthropic, moralistic, timid, or saintly. This is about adjoining the infinite void {the place of indifference} to work with.
Also, I want to say that my wife took care of herself and is very beautiful and sexy, but just not a 37" 23" 36". Maybe too much info here. I probably will erase this post in a few days.
"Turn thine eyes back upon thyself, and see thou judge not the doings of others." (Imitation of Christ)
I married a tyrant. My wife in earlier years had the most stunning figure. Her 37" 23" 36" was with feminine, slender shoulders that were adorned with firm, generous tits. She was beautiful. She was precociously intelligent, witty, poised, and graceful. AND OMG, she was voluptuous and sexy. Men she allowed within her purview fawned all over her. I am NOT exaggerating how gorgeous; and she loved sex.
Susan just dominated me. {She did allow me autonomy to do as I wished if it did not involve her.}
Truly, she ruled in EVERY facet (and, oh do I have juicy stuff respecting the sexual arena.)
Anyway, after recapitulation that followed a marital 'war' many decades later, I began to find perverse joy in our long established dynamics. I created fantasies of her cuckolding me, and even went so far as to assimilate obedience to her in submissive fashion for a couple months. This brought absurdly strange instability in how we related. I worked through most fluctuations with persistent detachment practice. After coming to this forum, (having serloco as a mirror at the right time), I began using my detachment acumen to project the world differently, and act out of attentions new to me. Two things have happened in regard to my marital status: I now OWN Susan absolutely. My detachment is nearly impeccable within the marriage.
So, I'm telling you now because I have recently been cutting up Susan with razor-sharp incisions.
{you know: being ruthless, cunning, patient and sweet (while shredding her pride and inflicting pain where there are core nerves).}
This morning I figuaratively pulled the knife from out of Susan, and applied salve with perfect control; then I laughed and laughed at her for the perfect measure of benign insult.
Then just by chance, I read the Imitation of Christ quote that starts this post.
I had the clear insight of enjoying myself and knowing that my laughter was my laughter at myself. I took this another step and reclaimed the shame I brought to Susan's image of herself. Oh my God, was it ever a sacred, TASTY sensation to sink into myself emptied of all the **** that ties me to useless images.
Anyhow, what I mean to convey most, is that I find the power of 'being who I am' in this controlled folly when I return inward to humbleness. For me this is not about being philanthropic, moralistic, timid, or saintly. This is about adjoining the infinite void {the place of indifference} to work with.
Also, I want to say that my wife took care of herself and is very beautiful and sexy, but just not a 37" 23" 36". Maybe too much info here. I probably will erase this post in a few days.