09-06-2015, 12:02 AM
I am going to bring some here through the dense fog. I certainly understand reluctance to touch shame, for it is a downright shameful thing.. shame is like that. So, I will start to talk more about the warrior's way and coming through to the other side.
I have not told you that I read virtually all of the Castaneda books decades ago, and some many times over. I came back persistently to the ideas (especially through the Wheel of Time) a half dozen years ago. I was already practicing components of detachment, but without the comprehension to propel me to move my assemblage point. Recapitulation changed that.
Even when I 'accidentally' engaged recapitulation and attained its power, I could not cogently tell you what happened. I can now.
So here I discovered the stupid little boy billy. At one point there is a true story of how he tried to disappear. He looked in a mirror and saw he was too despicable to be alive. One leaves that sort of shameful experience in the past. In recap it is relived in painstaking detail.
What stands out, of course, is the acute sadness of seeing one's self utterly destroyed. The difference though, is the intent of awareness to embrace this experience and one's own degradation in a meaningful way. Detachment here is temporarily put off to the side to focus fully on the gist of being profoundly unhappy. The sadness is so powerful that one weeps. When one weeps as a warrior, it is not just cathartic release that prevails. Rather, one becomes deeply, energetically, joyously sad. The only possibility in such an essential contradiction of feelings is laughter. I LAUGHED!!
My point here is that such recapitulation gives basis to eternal happiness. I WANT to laugh at all the things that previously brought me down. It is the naturally evolving work of being a warrior. Yes, I would prefer to win over losing. I would prefer an abundance of spirit over impoverishment. YET!! I can SEE RICHNESS in ANY condition, impoverishment of spirit included. Slowly but surely, ALL becomes the domain of my own awareness. ALL is outside the reach of the negative effect of perceptual time. I MEAN.. 'time for what? ..to do what?' I am the sole agency. I can move my assemblage point.
Do what ever it takes to be a warrior and break down limiting self-descriptions so as to freely reap from awareness of energy and energetic formation at the life/death source.
Am I doing better s? LAUGH, SMILE
For the record. I want you to know I have no intention to surpass you until after a few thousand years.. and, AS YOU WOULD WANT THAT TO BE SO. Thank you for everything you do. I promise I do not underestimate you-- no way. love billy/derek
I have not told you that I read virtually all of the Castaneda books decades ago, and some many times over. I came back persistently to the ideas (especially through the Wheel of Time) a half dozen years ago. I was already practicing components of detachment, but without the comprehension to propel me to move my assemblage point. Recapitulation changed that.
Even when I 'accidentally' engaged recapitulation and attained its power, I could not cogently tell you what happened. I can now.
So here I discovered the stupid little boy billy. At one point there is a true story of how he tried to disappear. He looked in a mirror and saw he was too despicable to be alive. One leaves that sort of shameful experience in the past. In recap it is relived in painstaking detail.
What stands out, of course, is the acute sadness of seeing one's self utterly destroyed. The difference though, is the intent of awareness to embrace this experience and one's own degradation in a meaningful way. Detachment here is temporarily put off to the side to focus fully on the gist of being profoundly unhappy. The sadness is so powerful that one weeps. When one weeps as a warrior, it is not just cathartic release that prevails. Rather, one becomes deeply, energetically, joyously sad. The only possibility in such an essential contradiction of feelings is laughter. I LAUGHED!!
My point here is that such recapitulation gives basis to eternal happiness. I WANT to laugh at all the things that previously brought me down. It is the naturally evolving work of being a warrior. Yes, I would prefer to win over losing. I would prefer an abundance of spirit over impoverishment. YET!! I can SEE RICHNESS in ANY condition, impoverishment of spirit included. Slowly but surely, ALL becomes the domain of my own awareness. ALL is outside the reach of the negative effect of perceptual time. I MEAN.. 'time for what? ..to do what?' I am the sole agency. I can move my assemblage point.
Do what ever it takes to be a warrior and break down limiting self-descriptions so as to freely reap from awareness of energy and energetic formation at the life/death source.
Am I doing better s? LAUGH, SMILE
For the record. I want you to know I have no intention to surpass you until after a few thousand years.. and, AS YOU WOULD WANT THAT TO BE SO. Thank you for everything you do. I promise I do not underestimate you-- no way. love billy/derek