billy's basic detachment practice

[Billy]

I am getting to the down and dirty-- the real stuff (wall) of conditions arising and the naturally (often unsavory) connected emotions.  When my daughter was ten, I had the most petrifying moments of my life; what arose led me to believe my daughter had been abducted.  I knew that pretty little girls that get taken were never found, and that such girls faced nightmarish rape or/and brutal, horrific torture.  I would also have to live not knowing if she were dead or alive (with each scenario seemingly worse than the other).

    I'm happy to tell you she graduated Summa Cum Luade with special honors, and is already an accomplished achiever....

    It is undeniable I cannot be psychologically blind to conditions.  (with seeming contradiction to previous words) What is it then I have been saying?  Why not move on without the heavy self observance and such machinations of attempted shameful self-obliteration?

     I will have somthing with more clarity later, but I know NOW within, that 'rational' self-destruction in concert with objective detachment underlies freedom.  Everything you do (especially of conscious detachment) must prepare you for the time you face your own suffering without retreating or even flinching.  You must desire (intend) this happening, having only the faint trust you will survive in good stead.
The willingness of a rational surrender to one's own negating abasement will bring the foundation to reconstruct the warrior's way in deep manifestation instead of fairly shallow words.  Ideas will not be ideas only, they will become life in action.