09-15-2015, 12:03 AM
I'm briefly going to describe my deportment in the beginnings and then jump way ahead and describe my world today. As a 1st grader, I was an incessant daydreamer. The habit of being in my own thoughts was prevalent even in college, which was a very positive environment and experience. Rather than intelligent connectivity to my surroundings, I was often in a fog. My awareness (paying attention in a wholesome manner) slowly improved after college when I met my first mirror ('friend/teacher'). He was only one of two people I've known eyeball to eyeball that had unwavering awareness. The presence of these two persons rose above any conditions. The second did not make himself readily accessible to others, but the first was very accessible, and he brought a sense of dynamic life to the moment. One would feel very alive in his company (I could observe this, and people wanted to gravitate towards him). Anyway, both made an effort on my behalf to share the knowledge of becoming aware. OHHH THANK YOU (to these two).. I am actually having a teardrop, as I get it right now how profoundly fortunate I was.
Now, Don Juan talked about the value of a petty tyrant for one's benefit. My wife certainly fit the bill (billy); she was gracious to all others, but she could be so psychologically and verbally abusive to me. I was on a one-way street for almost forty years. She dominantly ruled me if it was anyway in her self-oriented purview, yet otherwise (thankfully) she did not concern herself with my doings. Resistance on my part became a figurative death-knoll, and she otherwise leveraged and manipulated through sexual grants and denials. The hostile denials were fucking inhumane.
That ultimately was the catalyst for my recapitulation that ensued. Now, this recap, and the resulting idea and willingness to negate 'self'..... the detachments, the emptiness, the folly of being and acting..... ALL of this reduces to perception as formed and unformed energy. So, as I am empirically getting this, lo and behold--Jesus fucking serloco enters the picture to show me infinity.
It is so ridiculously unbelievable, only excepting it is true, that EVERYTHING is now doable. My body has become agile, arthritis and health issues have disappeared, my wife has become comparatively docile and manageable, and happier-- and I 'ruthlessly, kindly 'dominate' her. I am forming the world around me (I relate to others with a genuine authority) and I am authentic at all times. I dictate the dynamics of relationships, yet I have helped others in the process. Also, serloco was the influence for me to return to the racetrack as a 'vocational pursuit.' I hadn't done this in over two decades. It is a perfect canvas for learning about attentions, challenges, actions, and the acute nature of controlled folly. I have gained much pleasure here.
Maybe as effective as anything else in all this, is the obtaining to the belief that I am immortal; that energy cannot be destroyed. It isn't so much that I care whether or not I live eternally, but that this perception has huge awareness benefit. I am able to slow down and not be in hurry. I have a sense I can do anything without worry... I will be able to try it over and over again in other ways > eternity is a long time, ya know. This makes pressure TASTY pie.
etc.etc. etc.
Now, Don Juan talked about the value of a petty tyrant for one's benefit. My wife certainly fit the bill (billy); she was gracious to all others, but she could be so psychologically and verbally abusive to me. I was on a one-way street for almost forty years. She dominantly ruled me if it was anyway in her self-oriented purview, yet otherwise (thankfully) she did not concern herself with my doings. Resistance on my part became a figurative death-knoll, and she otherwise leveraged and manipulated through sexual grants and denials. The hostile denials were fucking inhumane.
That ultimately was the catalyst for my recapitulation that ensued. Now, this recap, and the resulting idea and willingness to negate 'self'..... the detachments, the emptiness, the folly of being and acting..... ALL of this reduces to perception as formed and unformed energy. So, as I am empirically getting this, lo and behold--Jesus fucking serloco enters the picture to show me infinity.
It is so ridiculously unbelievable, only excepting it is true, that EVERYTHING is now doable. My body has become agile, arthritis and health issues have disappeared, my wife has become comparatively docile and manageable, and happier-- and I 'ruthlessly, kindly 'dominate' her. I am forming the world around me (I relate to others with a genuine authority) and I am authentic at all times. I dictate the dynamics of relationships, yet I have helped others in the process. Also, serloco was the influence for me to return to the racetrack as a 'vocational pursuit.' I hadn't done this in over two decades. It is a perfect canvas for learning about attentions, challenges, actions, and the acute nature of controlled folly. I have gained much pleasure here.
Maybe as effective as anything else in all this, is the obtaining to the belief that I am immortal; that energy cannot be destroyed. It isn't so much that I care whether or not I live eternally, but that this perception has huge awareness benefit. I am able to slow down and not be in hurry. I have a sense I can do anything without worry... I will be able to try it over and over again in other ways > eternity is a long time, ya know. This makes pressure TASTY pie.
etc.etc. etc.