11-20-2015, 12:06 AM
I described my first intimacy with the peace of emptiness prior; that peace was surrounded by wildly fluctuating emotions of all sorts, such that the only sensible thing was to sink into the accessible underlying quiet. I feel myself very close to the source of emptiness now. I am not talking of mysticism here. I am a very 'normal' person. What I mean to describe is the extension of those wildly fluctuating and varied emotions that are becoming tame even as they are rampant.
I automatically recognize any self-reflective interpretation of words and worldly stimuli as being contantly in flux, and I may choose (or allow) whatever number of infinite shades of meaning to momentarily prevail. So for example, if you were to tell me I was an ****, I would recognize that the comment took on all the possible sentiments.. you are being derisive, you are being funny, you are being chummy, you are being hostile, you are being camp, you are being truthful, you are being mean, you are being ignorant, you are being insecure, and a gazillion mixtures of these. AND THEN, even choosing that one's words are meant as one over others, there are the gazillion responses and their mixtures I may bring into the equation. I am hurt, I am laughing, I am confused, I am angry, I am wary, I am game, I am humbled, I am stout, etc. Being self-reflective (as I am/lol) I would surely go insane seeing all these possibilities arise in real time. Excepting, I DO SEE all these possibilities arising; and, because I do so, I am forced to move from the meaning of words, worldly stimuli, and events, etc. into my quietude/my emptiness. I then SEE (I mean really SEE) that I can attribute whatever feelings, responses, degrees of import, and so on freely/genuinely/authentically as I care to do so > which is the definition of controlled folly. I get hurt, I get serious (for real), but know it is not real. I PLAY any parts of the play; I sometimes get temporarily lost in parts; but I always get back to the source.
Oh yes, if I accentuate this ability (as serloco often does), the sometimes daunting aspect of this meaningless charade dawns. I believe I happen to like that aspect of existential 'despair' much more than serloco. I think it makes him jealous (I am laughing heartily).
Any way, when death comes around me, it tells me the things I allude to here. Death is becoming a very close friend. AND this brings me to a point I'd like to make:
Persons use death incorrectly. They leverage the idea of looming death as some sort of juxtaposition to feel more alive, but that only empowers death over the persons. All that exists needs to be penetrated by want of seeing (for lack of better words) the TRUTH. Persons use death to spawn illusions that life has meaning, or at least put off knowing the profound opposite.
I will tell you with stupendous certainty that life has no meaning, and that the failure to meet the responsibility of coming face to face with the meaninglessness void {emptiness} prevents persons from knowing death as (form of) enlightenment/wholeness.
Wholeness can create meaning also, but not without inclusion of the futility which is part of it.
Is this painful?
No, certainly not as much as before embracing emptiness.
I automatically recognize any self-reflective interpretation of words and worldly stimuli as being contantly in flux, and I may choose (or allow) whatever number of infinite shades of meaning to momentarily prevail. So for example, if you were to tell me I was an ****, I would recognize that the comment took on all the possible sentiments.. you are being derisive, you are being funny, you are being chummy, you are being hostile, you are being camp, you are being truthful, you are being mean, you are being ignorant, you are being insecure, and a gazillion mixtures of these. AND THEN, even choosing that one's words are meant as one over others, there are the gazillion responses and their mixtures I may bring into the equation. I am hurt, I am laughing, I am confused, I am angry, I am wary, I am game, I am humbled, I am stout, etc. Being self-reflective (as I am/lol) I would surely go insane seeing all these possibilities arise in real time. Excepting, I DO SEE all these possibilities arising; and, because I do so, I am forced to move from the meaning of words, worldly stimuli, and events, etc. into my quietude/my emptiness. I then SEE (I mean really SEE) that I can attribute whatever feelings, responses, degrees of import, and so on freely/genuinely/authentically as I care to do so > which is the definition of controlled folly. I get hurt, I get serious (for real), but know it is not real. I PLAY any parts of the play; I sometimes get temporarily lost in parts; but I always get back to the source.
Oh yes, if I accentuate this ability (as serloco often does), the sometimes daunting aspect of this meaningless charade dawns. I believe I happen to like that aspect of existential 'despair' much more than serloco. I think it makes him jealous (I am laughing heartily).
Any way, when death comes around me, it tells me the things I allude to here. Death is becoming a very close friend. AND this brings me to a point I'd like to make:
Persons use death incorrectly. They leverage the idea of looming death as some sort of juxtaposition to feel more alive, but that only empowers death over the persons. All that exists needs to be penetrated by want of seeing (for lack of better words) the TRUTH. Persons use death to spawn illusions that life has meaning, or at least put off knowing the profound opposite.
I will tell you with stupendous certainty that life has no meaning, and that the failure to meet the responsibility of coming face to face with the meaninglessness void {emptiness} prevents persons from knowing death as (form of) enlightenment/wholeness.
Wholeness can create meaning also, but not without inclusion of the futility which is part of it.
Is this painful?
No, certainly not as much as before embracing emptiness.