billy's basic detachment practice

[Billy]

I am having the experience of seemingly profound enclosure by my own expression of emptiness.  Even in dreams, the wallls (figuratively/even literally) are compressing so as to leave no spiritual or bodily space.  This is not anything like a literal sense of suffocation, rather it is that my professed meaninglessness is actualizing > it is TERRIBLE, TROUBLING.. and yet I am sooo hungry for more.. 

(I know somehow) It is only showing me the surface (on some levels, I have reason to be afraid).  This meaningless is likely to rape me, and take away the comfort of my controlled folly.  I will be naked to real emptiness, and PLAY will take on different 'meanings.'