11-22-2015, 12:06 AM
Someday I'm going to put forth a comprehensive and cogent piece, but not now. I'm going to talk sh*t. Not that I am being insincere, but I am scattered. I'm drawn to perform a reverse self-pity thing. Ya all know self-pity..... imagine though, if ya SAW ya don't deserve 'better conditions/feelings.' Imagine ya feel so humble, ya want to defer to everyone else, and ya even adopt a sense of being obliged to the ones closest, perhaps adopting even a comportment of obedience to them. And, this 'I don't matter thing' is truly without weight of any self-pity.
Let me say something first, Ive been meaning to say: My life is easy and insulated right now; maybe it was my doing to put the tonal in proper order, but who knows what is possibly to come in the way of challenges? There are people who have nothing, and slim to none chances for happiness. I never forget that.
That being said....
Now when I do this reverse self-pity thing (as i am lightly fooling with now), the first thing noticed is the sinking inward feel that can be maintained. I am not worthy.. there is not even formal surrender; i am nothing enough to assume such a meaning. I am left to the world as an object to be discarded. {I don't put myself out there for the world, so ALL of this is of sentiment in privacy (the possible exception is that I filter this into my marital life, and...... (smiles, lots and lots of smiles ... I never know exactly what is to happen there > but kinda like this >
{...this enters a power and sexual arena--while everything isn't what it seems--and who is in control? Understand?}
The first time i've done this, the story was preeeetty wild with fantastic swings. I don't really want to display here the low point (led to some unseemly theatrics I won't mention). The high preceding (a couple weeks earlier), involved filthy, lusty, deliciously 'sick' intercourse. {oh yeah, passionate, yes it was}.
I've honed self-control a lot since the last time I've played with this fire; but to do this optimally requires the trust to completely relinquish power and control (conferred to my wife to do with as pleases her).
I won't do this again, because I don't have the courage.
What I wanted you to see, is that this movement inward is... (shaking my head) POTENT.
maybe more to cum..
Let me say something first, Ive been meaning to say: My life is easy and insulated right now; maybe it was my doing to put the tonal in proper order, but who knows what is possibly to come in the way of challenges? There are people who have nothing, and slim to none chances for happiness. I never forget that.
That being said....
Now when I do this reverse self-pity thing (as i am lightly fooling with now), the first thing noticed is the sinking inward feel that can be maintained. I am not worthy.. there is not even formal surrender; i am nothing enough to assume such a meaning. I am left to the world as an object to be discarded. {I don't put myself out there for the world, so ALL of this is of sentiment in privacy (the possible exception is that I filter this into my marital life, and...... (smiles, lots and lots of smiles ... I never know exactly what is to happen there > but kinda like this >
{...this enters a power and sexual arena--while everything isn't what it seems--and who is in control? Understand?}
The first time i've done this, the story was preeeetty wild with fantastic swings. I don't really want to display here the low point (led to some unseemly theatrics I won't mention). The high preceding (a couple weeks earlier), involved filthy, lusty, deliciously 'sick' intercourse. {oh yeah, passionate, yes it was}.
I've honed self-control a lot since the last time I've played with this fire; but to do this optimally requires the trust to completely relinquish power and control (conferred to my wife to do with as pleases her).
I won't do this again, because I don't have the courage.
What I wanted you to see, is that this movement inward is... (shaking my head) POTENT.
maybe more to cum..