08-20-2014, 12:00 AM
I can't help monopolizing a little. Serloco--explaining about 'unsustainable', what I SEE is your initiative in these matters of energy. When you start having access to energy that is 220 on a 110 line, you find all there is to do is acquisce to what comes your way. The shame angle and the emptiness is very recent. What is a nice characteristic of the two, is that there is no going OUT. Everything comes to you---this is the way you dream it up. You feel presence first and foremost very often, and you wait. This is not practice; this is a result.
I'll go back just before shame and emptiness 2 years ago. I really was mastering detachment already. A story: Marriage was being tested, and one day my instincts had me look for dissolution of marriage papers that were signed and ready to go to the courthouse from months earlier. They weren't where I put them. I look and see my wife has them in hand, and she is taking them to an attorney. (25 years married and a dozen years before that together) I am feeling rejected and yes afraid littlepaw. That night I have an existential nightmare-- my subconscious condemns me with a single word "LOSER". The next morning I am shook and in crisis. Not only do I feel the rejection of my wife, but I feel the rejection by my 'essential' SELF. I have no clue. I know I need detachment more than ever in my life at this point, and when I try to focus, knowing that the representative descriptor is REJECTION, I am getting adrenalin flooding my mind and body. I had to talk to myself about my practice in the past; tell myself that it worked. In the end, I had that moment of absorbing the REJECTION inward into everything that was ever possibly 'me'. In a single moment I turned that--- I became 'superman of peace and serenity'. It really was profound even to myself. The dynamics of relating to my wife was that she was no longer a threat no matter what she did-- it changed things immediately and I attracted her.
Now I have story after story after story of satori, awakening, nirvana, bizarre intersection with fate, and even one out of body experience. It all breaks down to objectivity and then detachment.
Why I am hot to tell you this, is because I knew immediately I had uncovered and objectified a technique by going back into boyhood shame. Most people would be glad to hide what I was exposing to myself, (and then writing a book, would seem insane--it was not a pretty picture of myself. But I was way past that point anyway. I only ever want the truth. I will sell and did sell my soul in vernacular. Emptiness was kind of horrid and unrelenting-- and had VERY CLOSE ties to a sense of morbid death. You KNOW that existentially you have met the bottom. Figure for yourself how freeing this becomes.
I don't have a 'real self' like other people. If I talk to you, I know you have image and reputation. l have no such thing. I wear identities okay, but am aware in the very same moment. I have NOTHING to defend. I will die like you, and it does not really matter if you listen to me or not. We both die. NOW, I AM FREE--- I have a heart with laughter, the sadness in my life is rich with joy. I know you want THAT.
How few will ever have that chance. This site made sense.
Flyers---OH Castaneda, how simpleton. Serloco, you have to use reason and logic, but then the actual experience (whatever that is) has to supersede. Do yo want to be discussing shamanism in the same vein ten years from now? Authenticity is that you are finally complete-- NOT TOMORROW.
Look, if I outlive my welcome here, someone tell me. I am trying to find an agent for my book. Maybe even before that gets done, I might send someone here the complete book in a pdf attachment. No, I'm not hawking my book. I do apologize for austentation. Still, there is NOTHING right now that doesn't have clarity. I JUST KNOW--Excuse me.
I'll go back just before shame and emptiness 2 years ago. I really was mastering detachment already. A story: Marriage was being tested, and one day my instincts had me look for dissolution of marriage papers that were signed and ready to go to the courthouse from months earlier. They weren't where I put them. I look and see my wife has them in hand, and she is taking them to an attorney. (25 years married and a dozen years before that together) I am feeling rejected and yes afraid littlepaw. That night I have an existential nightmare-- my subconscious condemns me with a single word "LOSER". The next morning I am shook and in crisis. Not only do I feel the rejection of my wife, but I feel the rejection by my 'essential' SELF. I have no clue. I know I need detachment more than ever in my life at this point, and when I try to focus, knowing that the representative descriptor is REJECTION, I am getting adrenalin flooding my mind and body. I had to talk to myself about my practice in the past; tell myself that it worked. In the end, I had that moment of absorbing the REJECTION inward into everything that was ever possibly 'me'. In a single moment I turned that--- I became 'superman of peace and serenity'. It really was profound even to myself. The dynamics of relating to my wife was that she was no longer a threat no matter what she did-- it changed things immediately and I attracted her.
Now I have story after story after story of satori, awakening, nirvana, bizarre intersection with fate, and even one out of body experience. It all breaks down to objectivity and then detachment.
Why I am hot to tell you this, is because I knew immediately I had uncovered and objectified a technique by going back into boyhood shame. Most people would be glad to hide what I was exposing to myself, (and then writing a book, would seem insane--it was not a pretty picture of myself. But I was way past that point anyway. I only ever want the truth. I will sell and did sell my soul in vernacular. Emptiness was kind of horrid and unrelenting-- and had VERY CLOSE ties to a sense of morbid death. You KNOW that existentially you have met the bottom. Figure for yourself how freeing this becomes.
I don't have a 'real self' like other people. If I talk to you, I know you have image and reputation. l have no such thing. I wear identities okay, but am aware in the very same moment. I have NOTHING to defend. I will die like you, and it does not really matter if you listen to me or not. We both die. NOW, I AM FREE--- I have a heart with laughter, the sadness in my life is rich with joy. I know you want THAT.
How few will ever have that chance. This site made sense.
Flyers---OH Castaneda, how simpleton. Serloco, you have to use reason and logic, but then the actual experience (whatever that is) has to supersede. Do yo want to be discussing shamanism in the same vein ten years from now? Authenticity is that you are finally complete-- NOT TOMORROW.
Look, if I outlive my welcome here, someone tell me. I am trying to find an agent for my book. Maybe even before that gets done, I might send someone here the complete book in a pdf attachment. No, I'm not hawking my book. I do apologize for austentation. Still, there is NOTHING right now that doesn't have clarity. I JUST KNOW--Excuse me.