12-22-2015, 12:00 AM
While I am at self-appraisal.. I'll say that there is no possible overestimation for the nirvana I experienced. Some phenomenal experiences have dotted my life. But then too, I have experienced much that is accentuated by lack of personal maturity by any standard. Even now, I am prone to occassional pettiness and act more like a baby than a grown man.
I have done much better at being more consistently aware, but the normal mundanity and the fall-off within the vast leisure I am afforded makes me pretty unspecial. I do have a nice sense of how most things are as I would want them to be personally, but how does one calibrate the pathetic conditions most humans suffer. I did have a goodly realization that I should be happy, because this dea of making better for offspring and a future generation has always been a failed myth. SOMEBODY has to start being happy now. I presume I am doing 'happy' rather well comparative to others. Even wealthy people I know bring upon themselves much misery in their lack of awareness and lack of honesty to face life. IMO, there is so little illumination, and the cycle of resentment is a way of life for most people.
There are persons that have grasped principles for a peaceful happy way, but then I must be frank. Look at the models. What I understand is that Buddha suffered excruciatingly his last two weeks on earth from food poisoning and Muhammad the same excepting a much slower death; Christ died nailed to a wooden cross; my friend Joe had an prolonged, incapacitating desistance from a failing heart. My mother begged my father to stop breathing for want to end his pain in terminal cancer; and, Castaneda died from cancer also.
I would say death is nearer to ignonimy than anything remotely noble and graceful. Piss on that (shaking my head/a smile as well).
I like to be candid about what this thing is > existence.
For too many years I was unable to express what I thought. When I did, I raised eyebrows and it was awkward. That has changed because I am comfortably authentic.
I was very lucky to find this forum. It is especially helping me process the shift in cultivating freedom and the idea of immortality. It is not that I wish to live eternally, as opposed to dying; it is that I want to blow the doors off limitation. And I want to do that because I am here, and I intend to be true and sensationally present to myself in this dark, barren, empty, and meaningless existence. I want to be aware.
I have done much better at being more consistently aware, but the normal mundanity and the fall-off within the vast leisure I am afforded makes me pretty unspecial. I do have a nice sense of how most things are as I would want them to be personally, but how does one calibrate the pathetic conditions most humans suffer. I did have a goodly realization that I should be happy, because this dea of making better for offspring and a future generation has always been a failed myth. SOMEBODY has to start being happy now. I presume I am doing 'happy' rather well comparative to others. Even wealthy people I know bring upon themselves much misery in their lack of awareness and lack of honesty to face life. IMO, there is so little illumination, and the cycle of resentment is a way of life for most people.
There are persons that have grasped principles for a peaceful happy way, but then I must be frank. Look at the models. What I understand is that Buddha suffered excruciatingly his last two weeks on earth from food poisoning and Muhammad the same excepting a much slower death; Christ died nailed to a wooden cross; my friend Joe had an prolonged, incapacitating desistance from a failing heart. My mother begged my father to stop breathing for want to end his pain in terminal cancer; and, Castaneda died from cancer also.
I would say death is nearer to ignonimy than anything remotely noble and graceful. Piss on that (shaking my head/a smile as well).
I like to be candid about what this thing is > existence.
For too many years I was unable to express what I thought. When I did, I raised eyebrows and it was awkward. That has changed because I am comfortably authentic.
I was very lucky to find this forum. It is especially helping me process the shift in cultivating freedom and the idea of immortality. It is not that I wish to live eternally, as opposed to dying; it is that I want to blow the doors off limitation. And I want to do that because I am here, and I intend to be true and sensationally present to myself in this dark, barren, empty, and meaningless existence. I want to be aware.