12-22-2015, 12:00 AM
As I inquire about my words, "I want to blow the doors off limitation," I can only think of recurrring fantastic sleeping dreams of deprecation and utter abasement as a little boy; these came back to light in recap. The endless besiege of disrespect in elementary school was too much.
My shrunken self-esteem let me sink me low enough to become fully enveloped in my own worthlessness. My subconscious coped by presenting the lure of perverse pleasure in my deprecation and abasement. There was so much angst and pain in the dreams that I craved enactment of my disrespect as the only way out. The popular and pretty girls of my class entered my dreams, and I was to be treated by their intimate and ultimate negative appraisal. This would release me into a rapturous self awareness in my shame and I would experience euphoria.
The rapture was so compelling that when I awoke I did everything I could to remember, and I sometimes daydreamed in search of the same effects. When I did recap and uncovered all this, it was quite an amazing thing. OMG, did I ever want for the euphoria.
So, when I say, "I want to blow the doors off limitation," I must mean that I want euphoria to supercede the common existential conditioning.. SMILES, SMILES, SMILES
Thank GOD for serloco who has profoundly ellucidated freedom for me with his words, ideas, and actions. {Though serloco, I would much rather thank you and relegate GOD to second fiddle}
My shrunken self-esteem let me sink me low enough to become fully enveloped in my own worthlessness. My subconscious coped by presenting the lure of perverse pleasure in my deprecation and abasement. There was so much angst and pain in the dreams that I craved enactment of my disrespect as the only way out. The popular and pretty girls of my class entered my dreams, and I was to be treated by their intimate and ultimate negative appraisal. This would release me into a rapturous self awareness in my shame and I would experience euphoria.
The rapture was so compelling that when I awoke I did everything I could to remember, and I sometimes daydreamed in search of the same effects. When I did recap and uncovered all this, it was quite an amazing thing. OMG, did I ever want for the euphoria.
So, when I say, "I want to blow the doors off limitation," I must mean that I want euphoria to supercede the common existential conditioning.. SMILES, SMILES, SMILES
Thank GOD for serloco who has profoundly ellucidated freedom for me with his words, ideas, and actions. {Though serloco, I would much rather thank you and relegate GOD to second fiddle}