02-12-2015, 12:00 AM
hello bill, yes and i will try to make this as concise as possible
the arena im starting from is this. i am currently living in a sort of self-created limbo, perhaps between two worlds. i see that i stopped the world in the sense that i was trying to live a conventional life, job, gf, and all the permutations of that. i was possessed by depression/self pity for many years and failed many times, until i was completely sick of my life the way it was and i ended the relationship i was in. this was the catalyst, the day i walked out of that house i stopped the world. since then i have been in this limbo where i am unsure what im even doing with my life, why i am even living in the city i am in, dont know why im working this job other than i need the money. everything changed around me since that day and ive only just caught up to that. thanks to serloco i was able to realise this and many other things. he showed me this technique and it is not right to say that it is 'mine', i was just sharing the techniques im using.so my life as it is is now very magical and im starting to see better, since i have been using this technique.
in my old world i couldnt cast spells, see, etc, all the magical powers were explained away rationally and nothing workedin this magical world i am entering using this technique i am developing my powers on the fly so to speak. seeing the world magically for me means that i am silent and listening and acting when i decide to, i am not at the whim of my mind as i used to be and i am in control and free to work magic and anything is possible.
it was difficult to point to a specific technique as i am doing stuff intuitively, on the fly, acting in the moment, and most of what i am doing is so subtle that my rational mind doesnt realise what im doing.
in fact its difficult to talk at all about anything magical as i am quite new to having things work and need to write more so that i get better at explaining myself i guess.
im not sure that what i describe above is what anyone else calls stopping the world. i just see that on that day the old world stopped, my life changed completely, fundamentally, i was free to create a new world and yet i created a weird limbo instead. its not quite a new world as i still fall into the old position, i still get stuck.
in this limbo i see the world as magical sometimes, but sometimes fall into a position which is similar to the old world i came from - assembling the world in this old way is very dangerous, i get depressed really quickly, get ill, and sometimes i feel like there is no point in anything at all, it is difficult to describe
the problem is that i dont know what is triggering the changes in my ap, it is possible that i am just not adept at moving and acheiveing cohesion in the new position yet, as i see it the more i shift the better i'll get at it until i dont assemble the old depressive thing any more.
i guess that to me stopping the world was moving from the habitual position my ap had adopted. i see that i keep going back to that habitual position (mundane, boring world).
billy wrote:I would like to subsume the world as a magical dream (controlled a la
solopsist/serloco-like) then negate or annihilate my magical dream
(return to nothing but the empty void). I would arise again with
purified awareness. Is this a concept you understand personally? Do
you have a sense of obtaining to that?
---
yes i see this in the only way i know which is from having read CC and DJ's description of pitting the one descriptions against each other, the ordinary world and the sorcerers world to arrive at the totality of yourself - yes i am working toward this goal doggedly without really knowing what i am hoping to achieve.
for me first things first i need to learn to assemble the world of sorcerers, learn dreaming, enter this other description more 'in a total sense'
im determined to learn everything i can, and to be hurled into 'inconceivable new worlds'
the arena im starting from is this. i am currently living in a sort of self-created limbo, perhaps between two worlds. i see that i stopped the world in the sense that i was trying to live a conventional life, job, gf, and all the permutations of that. i was possessed by depression/self pity for many years and failed many times, until i was completely sick of my life the way it was and i ended the relationship i was in. this was the catalyst, the day i walked out of that house i stopped the world. since then i have been in this limbo where i am unsure what im even doing with my life, why i am even living in the city i am in, dont know why im working this job other than i need the money. everything changed around me since that day and ive only just caught up to that. thanks to serloco i was able to realise this and many other things. he showed me this technique and it is not right to say that it is 'mine', i was just sharing the techniques im using.so my life as it is is now very magical and im starting to see better, since i have been using this technique.
in my old world i couldnt cast spells, see, etc, all the magical powers were explained away rationally and nothing workedin this magical world i am entering using this technique i am developing my powers on the fly so to speak. seeing the world magically for me means that i am silent and listening and acting when i decide to, i am not at the whim of my mind as i used to be and i am in control and free to work magic and anything is possible.
it was difficult to point to a specific technique as i am doing stuff intuitively, on the fly, acting in the moment, and most of what i am doing is so subtle that my rational mind doesnt realise what im doing.
in fact its difficult to talk at all about anything magical as i am quite new to having things work and need to write more so that i get better at explaining myself i guess.
im not sure that what i describe above is what anyone else calls stopping the world. i just see that on that day the old world stopped, my life changed completely, fundamentally, i was free to create a new world and yet i created a weird limbo instead. its not quite a new world as i still fall into the old position, i still get stuck.
in this limbo i see the world as magical sometimes, but sometimes fall into a position which is similar to the old world i came from - assembling the world in this old way is very dangerous, i get depressed really quickly, get ill, and sometimes i feel like there is no point in anything at all, it is difficult to describe
the problem is that i dont know what is triggering the changes in my ap, it is possible that i am just not adept at moving and acheiveing cohesion in the new position yet, as i see it the more i shift the better i'll get at it until i dont assemble the old depressive thing any more.
i guess that to me stopping the world was moving from the habitual position my ap had adopted. i see that i keep going back to that habitual position (mundane, boring world).
billy wrote:I would like to subsume the world as a magical dream (controlled a la
solopsist/serloco-like) then negate or annihilate my magical dream
(return to nothing but the empty void). I would arise again with
purified awareness. Is this a concept you understand personally? Do
you have a sense of obtaining to that?
---
yes i see this in the only way i know which is from having read CC and DJ's description of pitting the one descriptions against each other, the ordinary world and the sorcerers world to arrive at the totality of yourself - yes i am working toward this goal doggedly without really knowing what i am hoping to achieve.
for me first things first i need to learn to assemble the world of sorcerers, learn dreaming, enter this other description more 'in a total sense'
im determined to learn everything i can, and to be hurled into 'inconceivable new worlds'