09-05-2014, 12:00 AM
The key, now...for me...is wrapping around......what? Nothing. A hollow core through which awareness streams. An eddy. But it's not about me coming up with analogies, right now...drawing your attention to me in terms of my capacity to be noticed. It's about silently becoming aware of the reality of it...or unreality of it. So, again, my silence is the key, for me. I was being cute, before...with the whole ISU motif...trying to make it "fun". There's nothing wrong with me having fun, don't get me wrong. As long as the fun is grounded in my silent awareness. And i don't try to cling to these feelings that strangely come and go as I simply perpetuate my silence....because that's what they do....they come and go....for god-knows-why...its the strangest thing. One minute I'm happy....with this surge of energy...and the next, I feel something akin to doom. There doesn't seem to be any assurance of happy-ness, although I like it when it appears. But it doesn't stay. My silence seems to also bring this unnerving sensation...that is not very pleasant at all. Like I'm sinking into a hole...and there is no one there to lend a hand. There's no on there at all.