12-23-2015, 12:00 AM
I want to make the general observation to all, that many people never become aware that the challenges facing themselves, are very much part of the universal condition of what it is to be human. I know of not one person who is immune. Whatever you feel, you can safely assume I (ALL) know that as part of empirical reality too.
transitions.. the mind/body/spirit moves such that it is a prominent observable concern (as you seem to be aware of). I never had a natural stable constitution to slow down and objectify such 'spiritual events.' They moved me, and however wonderful, I was not their master. Nothing should be omitted from artful detachment, not even the GRACE of GOD.
I have slowly practiced to even out experiential effect. That is, I have learned enough separation not to overly identify with the distinction between what goes right or wrong, high or low in mind/body/spirit states. In this way, the absence of personal metaphysical impact (depersonalization >detachment) leaves me in open space. As the normal human scope of emotions and whatever emanations impinge on me, another level of depersonalization resumes. Detachment is become like breathing (I do not vacate).
What happens? Well for starters I recognize that this space becomes more and more a pronounced emptiness, and the emanations of being alive are tossed about herein without sanity. {If I was not grounded in wisdom, I would be personally and clinically insane} {AND, I want to acknowledge that what serloco does is marvelous because he goes where there are no safety nets, no lifeguards, no distinct boundaries, no ordained directions.. and that is why I love him (not because he is powerful, as he is.. please do not stop writing)}
Continuing.. So now all emanations, excepting those determined by the auspices of reason for purpose, are nothing more than random objects- however perceived. But going further, existential feeling without objects are now filling the void as common emanations disintegrate. These 'feelings' can alternate from serenity of ALL being in its right place to the panic of being lost and fearfully consumed.
A more or less raw awareness becomes pervasive. LAUGH. Do you think there is no pain in that? ?
Thank you billy i was writing that last post at a particularly low point yesterday, something happened that triggered some bad memories, i thought i was done with all of that, and through writing that piece i was able to mediate myself and i saw how everything is equal, and of course i felt much better after writing, i saw that these things weren't 'coming back', and that i was able to be detached and at peace even though i felt like it was all going wrong.
having said that i know of very few people who had a childhood as bleak as mine, whilst there was moments of real happiness and togetherness, things were mostly really bad. i know that it is self-pity to go into detail and try and convince that i was fucked up from a very early age, that i had to grow up a lot quicker than all my friends, forced into situations that were so painful/emotionally crippling that they would haunt me, that i felt mostly alienated as no-one i knew had anything even close going on. it seemed like every time things were going ok, something would go very very wrong. i say as little as possible to show my position.
i found myself accustomed to negativity, that was all i could see, and through my spiritual experiences i managed to move my ap and see that this world is not a really bad place as i thought it was - i got a taste of the void, detachment, yet i would always return to my habitual responses of negativity. most of my life i couldnt understand why everything was so bad, and this tainted my experience to the point where i found myself alone, despite rallying eventually and becoming a very positive person, i had by then driven away most of the people i ever loved.
obviously this rallying was over compensating, and i would fall into even worse negative states when reality would show me what happens when you're too positive (ie to the point of ignoring whats really going on).
i wanted to carry on writing, but life calls. i probably missed the point of what you were saying there billy as my concentration isnt so good right now, i think i just ended up doing more recap, oops.
transitions.. the mind/body/spirit moves such that it is a prominent observable concern (as you seem to be aware of). I never had a natural stable constitution to slow down and objectify such 'spiritual events.' They moved me, and however wonderful, I was not their master. Nothing should be omitted from artful detachment, not even the GRACE of GOD.
I have slowly practiced to even out experiential effect. That is, I have learned enough separation not to overly identify with the distinction between what goes right or wrong, high or low in mind/body/spirit states. In this way, the absence of personal metaphysical impact (depersonalization >detachment) leaves me in open space. As the normal human scope of emotions and whatever emanations impinge on me, another level of depersonalization resumes. Detachment is become like breathing (I do not vacate).
What happens? Well for starters I recognize that this space becomes more and more a pronounced emptiness, and the emanations of being alive are tossed about herein without sanity. {If I was not grounded in wisdom, I would be personally and clinically insane} {AND, I want to acknowledge that what serloco does is marvelous because he goes where there are no safety nets, no lifeguards, no distinct boundaries, no ordained directions.. and that is why I love him (not because he is powerful, as he is.. please do not stop writing)}
Continuing.. So now all emanations, excepting those determined by the auspices of reason for purpose, are nothing more than random objects- however perceived. But going further, existential feeling without objects are now filling the void as common emanations disintegrate. These 'feelings' can alternate from serenity of ALL being in its right place to the panic of being lost and fearfully consumed.
A more or less raw awareness becomes pervasive. LAUGH. Do you think there is no pain in that? ?
Thank you billy i was writing that last post at a particularly low point yesterday, something happened that triggered some bad memories, i thought i was done with all of that, and through writing that piece i was able to mediate myself and i saw how everything is equal, and of course i felt much better after writing, i saw that these things weren't 'coming back', and that i was able to be detached and at peace even though i felt like it was all going wrong.
having said that i know of very few people who had a childhood as bleak as mine, whilst there was moments of real happiness and togetherness, things were mostly really bad. i know that it is self-pity to go into detail and try and convince that i was fucked up from a very early age, that i had to grow up a lot quicker than all my friends, forced into situations that were so painful/emotionally crippling that they would haunt me, that i felt mostly alienated as no-one i knew had anything even close going on. it seemed like every time things were going ok, something would go very very wrong. i say as little as possible to show my position.
i found myself accustomed to negativity, that was all i could see, and through my spiritual experiences i managed to move my ap and see that this world is not a really bad place as i thought it was - i got a taste of the void, detachment, yet i would always return to my habitual responses of negativity. most of my life i couldnt understand why everything was so bad, and this tainted my experience to the point where i found myself alone, despite rallying eventually and becoming a very positive person, i had by then driven away most of the people i ever loved.
obviously this rallying was over compensating, and i would fall into even worse negative states when reality would show me what happens when you're too positive (ie to the point of ignoring whats really going on).
i wanted to carry on writing, but life calls. i probably missed the point of what you were saying there billy as my concentration isnt so good right now, i think i just ended up doing more recap, oops.