absolution

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From Iron Flute
3. Nan-ch‘üan’s Stone Buddha

Upasaka Liu-kêng said to Nan-ch‘üan, “In my house there is a stone which sits up or lies down. I intend to carve it as a Buddha. Can I do it?” Nan-ch‘üan answered, “Yes, you can.” Upasaka Liu-kêng asked again, “Can I not do it?” Nan-ch‘üan answered, “No, you cannot do it.”

GENRŌ: I see one stone which the layman carried to the monastery.
I also see another stone which Nan-ch‘üan kept in his
meditation hall. All the hammers in China cannot crush
these two stones.

Whenever i feel down Zen koans are useful as they direct my attention to reality, to experience reality directly. I have been bound by my mental contructions recently, and have found myself following old patterns. I have always found freedom in the words that mental contructions can never be reality, thank God that whatever I think I am not bound to. Whatever my ideas about reality, about myself are, they are not real and are like phantoms of the mind. They can affect me, as they have done in the past, and yet I am able to transcend this through seeing reality unbiased.

My old ways of thinking, my old limiting beliefs held me back. To me sorcery is like the koan above, in its simplicity the message is very powerful, the comment by Genro is beautiful and adds depth to the koan.

Becoming a teacher as I said before, I had to remodel my entire life, I had to step into the teacher's shoes and walk the walk. I feel i have only just reached this point.

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throughout my life i have experienced setbacks, blockages. yes, sometimes things have gone well, yet i could probably count those times on one hand. I know that this is not self pity, i didnt intend to have all of these problems when i was a kid, i know i could have run away or something, but that wasnt my path, and i guess that wouldnt have worked. i left home as soon as i could and moved away when i was 18. the problems continued and i experienced many things that no one should ever have to go through, and i have faced situations that have tested me, and I have had to find the strength to deal with these things, and i have never given up. where i am now, i know that i am just beginning to overcome the negative experiences in my life, and i know that self-pity would be to claim that i am somehow worse off than other people. i know this is definitely not the case. im sure that there are plenty of people worse off. all im trying to say here is that i dont know that i have ever been truly happy, i dont remember a time when i havent felt like there was something wrong. this lead me to intend failure and misery, i lost nearly all my friends in the process and im ashamed by this. depression took over my life many times, and i didnt trust medication to help me at all, i knew that this was not the answer, and i didnt know what to do.

meeting serloco here was a turning point in my life, im sure he was aware of the pain and suffering i have endured and overcome, he helped me to realise that there is hope, that i can find a way out, that my life can change. you see that i didnt think this before i met him. i had figured it was my destiny to end up a victim of my circumstances, no matter how hard i tried i could not get over the problems in my life, altho i never will give up, i know that i was fighting a losing battle against depression.

i found it difficult to trust in the unknown, as i was intending misery, and this is what i found. serloco has shown me that the unknown is perfect, and that i can "trust that things will work out". i know that thanks to his help i have found the strength to overcome depression, at least that when it hits me that it doesnt affect me at all in the same way it used to, i know i can change my life, set my dreams and be what i always wanted to be, do what i always wanted to do. i know that im getting old and i may have made a mess of my life so far, yet i know that my persistance, my reluctance to give up has paid off eventually. i may have been slow to get this, yet i know that now things are very different.

i am so thankful for this site, serloco and everyone else here.

[serloco]

Thank you my friend. YOu are very right not to trust the negativity of your mind. To remove and name thing you do not want to accept as truths to be delusions, or lies. But keep in mind also that the mind is miraculous and powerful. You can set your mind and your consciousness in many ways that are unknown to you as of yet. Your mind can be reality and it can also be dismissed at will. You must learn to control and shape your mind and remove the enslavery of habitual programming. It is not difficult to do. Just state your intent. Plan and tell yourself how you are going to be, and exactly which thoughts hold power and which ones do not. With practice you can train your mind to focus on any solution, and the best solutions at that, and train your mind to never succumb to negative influence. Its quite easy but takes a little work and intending. You really have made great progress and so take this progress you have truly made and take the power in it to add to new steps. Thanks for sharing, and thanks for coming back.

[Billy]

I want to make the general observation to all, that many people never become aware that the challenges facing themselves, are very much part of the universal condition of what it is to be human.  I know of not one person who is immune.  Whatever you feel, you can safely assume I (ALL) know that as part of empirical reality too.

transitions.. the mind/body/spirit moves such that it is a prominent observable concern (as you seem to be aware of).  I never had a natural stable constitution to slow down and objectify such 'spiritual events.'  They moved me, and however wonderful, I was not their master.  Nothing should be omitted from artful detachment, not even the GRACE of GOD. 

  I have slowly practiced to even out experiential effect.  That is, I have learned enough separation not to overly identify with the distinction between what goes right or wrong, high or low in mind/body/spirit states.  In this way, the absence of personal metaphysical impact (depersonalization >detachment) leaves me in open space.  As the normal human scope of emotions and whatever emanations impinge on me, another level of depersonalization resumes.  Detachment is become like breathing (I do not vacate). 
   What happens?  Well for starters I recognize that this space becomes more and more a pronounced emptiness, and the emanations of being alive are tossed about herein without sanity.  {If I was not grounded in wisdom, I would be personally and clinically insane} {AND, I want to acknowledge that what serloco does is marvelous because he goes where there are no safety nets, no lifeguards, no distinct boundaries, no ordained directions.. and that is why I love him (not because he is powerful, as he is.. please do not stop writing)}

  Continuing..  So now all emanations, excepting those determined by the auspices of reason for purpose, are nothing more than random objects- however perceived.  But going further, existential feeling without objects are now filling the void as common emanations disintegrate.  These 'feelings' can alternate from serenity of ALL being in its right place to the panic of being lost and fearfully consumed.
   A more or less raw awareness becomes pervasive.  LAUGH.  Do you think there is no pain in that? ?

[transitions4]

Thank you my friend. YOu are very right not to trust the negativity of your mind. To remove and name thing you do not want to accept as truths to be delusions, or lies. But keep in mind also that the mind is miraculous and powerful. You can set your mind and your consciousness in many ways that are unknown to you as of yet. Your mind can be reality and it can also be dismissed at will. You must learn to control and shape your mind and remove the enslavery of habitual programming. It is not difficult to do. Just state your intent. Plan and tell yourself how you are going to be, and exactly which thoughts hold power and which ones do not. With practice you can train your mind to focus on any solution, and the best solutions at that, and train your mind to never succumb to negative influence. Its quite easy but takes a little work and intending. You really have made great progress and so take this progress you have truly made and take the power in it to add to new steps. Thanks for sharing, and thanks for coming back.
I'm happy to be back. i am working well and i see the progress i have made. i have had to work very hard to trust, this was my weakness. i feel that the circumstances of my life would always show me how it was impossible to trust anyone, and this took me to a very dark place. you showed me that trust is very powerful, in fact, without trust i was giving my power away, i was fueling my negative states even more in a downward spiral. no surprise that no trust lead me to depression, anxiety, panic attacks, horrendous states of being that i dont even know how i dealt with or overcame, but i did, and maybe it was persistance alone that was the only thing that kept me going. i knew that i would not give up, even at my worst, even when i thought all hope was gone, somehow i knew that if carried on being as 'positive' as i could, that i would be make it out alive. 

when i met you i was somehow managing to pull myself together, and your words showed me that i could do even better, that i could achieve anything, not just scrape by as i have done in the past.

[transitions4]

I want to make the general observation to all, that many people never become aware that the challenges facing themselves, are very much part of the universal condition of what it is to be human.  I know of not one person who is immune.  Whatever you feel, you can safely assume I (ALL) know that as part of empirical reality too.

transitions.. the mind/body/spirit moves such that it is a prominent observable concern (as you seem to be aware of).  I never had a natural stable constitution to slow down and objectify such 'spiritual events.'  They moved me, and however wonderful, I was not their master.  Nothing should be omitted from artful detachment, not even the GRACE of GOD. 

  I have slowly practiced to even out experiential effect.  That is, I have learned enough separation not to overly identify with the distinction between what goes right or wrong, high or low in mind/body/spirit states.  In this way, the absence of personal metaphysical impact (depersonalization >detachment) leaves me in open space.  As the normal human scope of emotions and whatever emanations impinge on me, another level of depersonalization resumes.  Detachment is become like breathing (I do not vacate). 
   What happens?  Well for starters I recognize that this space becomes more and more a pronounced emptiness, and the emanations of being alive are tossed about herein without sanity.  {If I was not grounded in wisdom, I would be personally and clinically insane} {AND, I want to acknowledge that what serloco does is marvelous because he goes where there are no safety nets, no lifeguards, no distinct boundaries, no ordained directions.. and that is why I love him (not because he is powerful, as he is.. please do not stop writing)}

  Continuing..  So now all emanations, excepting those determined by the auspices of reason for purpose, are nothing more than random objects- however perceived.  But going further, existential feeling without objects are now filling the void as common emanations disintegrate.  These 'feelings' can alternate from serenity of ALL being in its right place to the panic of being lost and fearfully consumed.
   A more or less raw awareness becomes pervasive.  LAUGH.  Do you think there is no pain in that? ? 

Thank you billy i was writing that last post at a particularly low point yesterday, something happened that triggered some bad memories, i thought i was done with all of that, and through writing that piece i was able to mediate myself and i saw how everything is equal, and of course i felt much better after writing, i saw that these things weren't 'coming back', and that i was able to be detached and at peace even though i felt like it was all going wrong.

having said that i know of very few people who had a childhood as bleak as mine, whilst there was moments of real happiness and togetherness, things were mostly really bad. i know that it is self-pity to go into detail and try and convince that i was fucked up from a very early age, that i had to grow up a lot quicker than all my friends, forced into situations that were so painful/emotionally crippling that they would haunt me, that i felt mostly alienated as no-one i knew had anything even close going on. it seemed like every time things were going ok, something would go very very wrong. i say as little as possible to show my position.

i found myself accustomed to negativity, that was all i could see, and through my spiritual experiences i managed to move my ap and see that this world is not a really bad place as i thought it was - i got a taste of the void, detachment, yet i would always return to my habitual responses of negativity. most of my life i couldnt understand why everything was so bad, and this tainted my experience to the point where i found myself alone, despite rallying eventually and becoming a very positive person, i had by then driven away most of the people i ever loved.

obviously this rallying was over compensating, and i would fall into even worse negative states when reality would show me what happens when you're too positive (ie to the point of ignoring whats really going on).

i wanted to carry on writing, but life calls. i probably missed the point of what you were saying there billy as my concentration isnt so good right now, i think i just ended up doing more recap, oops.

[transitions4]

From Iron Flute 
10. Yüeh-shan Holds It

The governor of a state asked Yüeh-shan, “I understand that all Buddhists must possess Shila (precepts), Dhyana (meditation) and Prajna (wisdom). Do you keep the precepts? Do you practice meditation? Have you attained wisdom?” “This poor monk has no such junk around here,” Yüeh-shan replied. “You must have a profound teaching,” the governor said, “but I do not understand it.” “If you want to hold it,” Yüeh-shan continued, “you must climb the highest mountain and sit on the summit or dive into the deepest sea and walk on the bottom. Since you cannot enter even your own bed without a burden on your mind, how can you grasp and hold my Zen?”

GENRŌ: Yüeh-shan uses the mountain and the sea as an
illustration. If you cling to summit or bottom, you will
create delusion. How can he hold “it” on the summit or the
bottom? The highest summit must not have a top to sit on,
and the greatest depth no place to set foot. Even this
statement is not expressing the truth. What do you do then?
(He turns to the monks.) Go out and work in the garden or
chop wood.

FŪGAI: Stop! Stop! Don’t try to pull an unwilling cat over the
carpet. She will scratch and make the matter worse.

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Serloco helped me to find my center, to level myself, and achieve a state of detachment from the highs and lows, and billy's detachment practice thread also helped me a great deal to hold this. My states were significantly negative for most of my life as i've said, and my habitual reaction is to see the negative aspects, when i find myself struggling, it is this reaction that is the catalyst for my fall. 
From Journey to Ixtlan

Before I could say anything else he told me I should relax, but not fall asleep, and be in a state
of awareness for as long as I could. He said that the "bed of strings" was made exclusively to
allow a warrior to arrive at a certain state of peace and well-being.
In a dramatic tone don Juan stated that well-being was a condition one had to groom, a
condition one had to become acquainted with in order to seek it.
"You don't know what well-being is, because you have never experienced it," he said.
I disagreed with him. But he continued arguing that well-being was an achievement one had to
deliberately seek. He said that the only thing I knew how to seek was a sense of disorientation,
ill-being, and confusion.
He laughed mockingly and assured me that in order to accomplish the feat of making myself
miserable I had to work in a most intense fashion, and that it was absurd I had never realized I
could work just the same in making myself complete and strong.
"The trick is in what one emphasizes," he said. "We either make ourselves miserable, or we
make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same."
This quote has often inspired me, after a few years reading Castaneda, and aiming to become a warrior, Serloco helped me to find this condition of well-being.

Now that I know this, I have still found it difficult to hold. This state of well-being (which i see as neither negative or positive, the 'strength' DJ speaks of, i see it as the middle way) is all that I have wanted from life, as I see that it is the state from where it is possible to achieve the many amazing things that Don Juan described, and Serloco later expanded on. I am not on the path of high adventure, I am on the path of heart, and I feel that humbleness is my predilection. I hope to achieve this state of well-being as a constant in my life, and I feel that I am very close. I know that there is pleasure and pain, yet there is a middle ground. I know that following the path of heart I have aimed at an end to suffering, which i see as the engagement of those negative states that i have fallen into in the past. I have seen that this 'suffering' has decreased in my life since i have been talking to Serloco, and as I say, the condition of well-being is starting to take over.

[Billy]

If you can understand and post those zen precepts about well-being and not pulling an unwilling cat over the carpet, what else is there to know about what is said?  "The trick is in what one emphasizes.. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same."

[Guest]