08-25-2016, 12:01 AM
I'm glad you have a heart and are learning to use it. I feel weird trying to give advice about love or how the heart should be used as there's no "right" way, but there are "better" ways. I think many people make the mistake of trying to use love to fill the voids in others. Self-love is one of better forms of love you can give others because it means you're not trying to fill them with yourself. Like I wouldn't try to fill your void for inadequate self-love because I can't fill that void--only you can fill that void. The reverse is true too, so I don't expect you to love me to fill the void I may have. It's useless to think we can change others or fix them; but we certainly can influence them, and that's a gentler touch than forcing people. Gentler, yet more powerful because you give the other person the option to say "No, I don't want to be better." Respecting self-destructive choices are the larger challenges I've faced. We can support and offer guidance, but the work is up to the other person. They must make that investment.
Love can be a powerful force, but it doesn't mean you must disown the negative or ugly parts of yourself either. Those parts are there for a reason, they're things you're processing and exploring. It would be a shame to try and kick those aspects out. Think of the ugly side like a kid in a classroom, raising their hand. If you kick them out for being disruptive then you never find out what they had to say, whether it was a question, statement, suggestion, feedback. The ugly stuff is just an adolescent which needs help growing into adulthood and sure, you can kick the kid out but at what cost?
Love, particularly self-love, isn't the stereotypical angels and harps. Bringing all aspects of the self together requires self-acceptance, compassion, and a sense of humor. Don't push away the negative just because it's "bad". It's you. That's who you are and it's okay. If it's something you want to change, then change it. Just don't disown parts of you simply because they're ugly. Develop those ugly spots, don't shun them. Some ugly spots take longer to clear up than others. I know I've still got some gray spots
Love can be a powerful force, but it doesn't mean you must disown the negative or ugly parts of yourself either. Those parts are there for a reason, they're things you're processing and exploring. It would be a shame to try and kick those aspects out. Think of the ugly side like a kid in a classroom, raising their hand. If you kick them out for being disruptive then you never find out what they had to say, whether it was a question, statement, suggestion, feedback. The ugly stuff is just an adolescent which needs help growing into adulthood and sure, you can kick the kid out but at what cost?
Love, particularly self-love, isn't the stereotypical angels and harps. Bringing all aspects of the self together requires self-acceptance, compassion, and a sense of humor. Don't push away the negative just because it's "bad". It's you. That's who you are and it's okay. If it's something you want to change, then change it. Just don't disown parts of you simply because they're ugly. Develop those ugly spots, don't shun them. Some ugly spots take longer to clear up than others. I know I've still got some gray spots