I need advice

[Tryingclown]

So since I read the books some 6/7 years ago I've been doing the Not-doing of writing (and in drawing). Meaning that I simply use my finger on a page that is blank. Therefore i've trained my second attention. What is happening now is that I am very uncontrolled again. psychiatry on the scene as always, because mom concerns. I just hear my inner dialogue talking and I am very agitated. I feel I should do something about this because it seems to be an issue that now again is happening and it will go on on for days, me thinks.
So I am assuming that i've trained the second attention and now something is up. how can I remain tranquil? the warrior in me is more present since I turned 27 years. Life much more intense. But I'm just crazy!

[Pixie Dust]

Not everyone is ready for Carlos.  If you're struggling then you should step away from this by grounding yourself in tonal reality until you're ready to try again.  Work with your psychiatrist and consider a psychologist to help you with navigating your emotions.

[serloco]

Bleh.. They will just put you on meds that will destroy your brain and make you another consumer on the market. I do recommend taking a break tho, and stepping away form practices when they get too much. Its inevitable. Its what I do. I am on a break right now. I am itching to get back involved but the mind requires healing and so I have to put my best interests first.

[Pixie Dust]

Yeah, but if he's already on meds it's irresponsible to tell him to stop those.

Maybe if we knew Alone we could offer better suggestions, but he's another newbie popping up on the radar. The safe answer is "Sorry, but talk to your doctor."

What he chooses to research and do is entirely up to him. We hope he takes an educated approach to healthcare.

Consider too that being on meds requires help from a medical doctor to get off them safely. We don't know him or his situation. For him, the meds may be beneficial. Abruptly stopping certain meds is dangerous and something we encourage be done under medical supervision.

[serloco]

The first step to silencing the internal dialogue is the nutritional uptake of specialised knowledge. Indeed the mind is carefully formed into pathways, and these pathways dictate the formation of a healthy mind. For example close observation of the mind, the consciousness itself, will reveal that thoughts and ideas happen first, then the ideas, the realisations, are translated into dialogue. The problem is we talk to much. Why do we need to talk about our ideas, and need to translate them at all? We can see the ideas and understand them perfectly without translation into language. So the first step is realising this, then the second step is careful observation of the thought process. Examine your ideas, the sparks of neurons forming ideas, and awareness itself. Focus on the spark and not the dialogue. Intend to remove the dialogue. It all start with intent, and focus. 

If you need help with agitation I recommend lemon balm and lavender oils. The inhalation of these chemicals calms the mind, along with the deep breath you take.

[Tryingclown]

I woke up today and remembered I have unlocked the power of my imagination. I kind of can see the world in 2Dimensions. and then I can have ideas/images created by me in 3D in my imagination. that feels like a step foward.

[Tryingclown]

You have to remember I am a very trained painter who has been painting with the power of the not-doing of drawing and writing

[Pixie Dust]

The symptoms you report can fall into many categories.  One of which is brain damage.  No amount of lemon balm, lavender, or peppermint will fix brain damage.  That is why we are not going to recommend medical advice to someone with those types of concerns.  Case in point:

[Tryingclown]

Pixie Dust wrote:
The symptoms you report can fall into many categories.  One of which is brain damage.  No amount of lemon balm, lavender, or peppermint will fix brain damage.  That is why we are not going to recommend medical advice to someone with those types of concerns.  Case in point:



yeah I did drugs, one of which was a legal one in those years. That l remember. First time I did Lsd I mixed with a joint. It was crazy and I almost tripped badly because I felt kind of a mask guliing of me. Today is a bad day too. But I managed to get concentration to watch the video. And look at the turned-off tv and draw. I just think I have 2 sides and the fight is gooing badly now but I have good stories too.

[serloco]

Smart nutrition—eating foods that nourish brain cells and boost cell repair and the production of neurotransmitters—can help reverse brain damage from drug and alcohol abuse. 

These foods include, brocolli, berries, celery, garbonzo beans, turmeric root, red meat, nuts and seeds, and coconut oil. 

https://www.beachhouserehabcenter.com/l ... d-alcohol/

[Tryingclown]

serloco wrote:
Smart nutrition—eating foods that nourish brain cells and boost cell repair and the production of neurotransmitters—can help reverse brain damage from drug and alcohol abuse. 

These foods include, brocolli, berries, celery, garbonzo beans, turmeric root, red meat, nuts and seeds, and coconut oil. 

https://www.beachhouserehabcenter.com/l ... d-alcohol/

ok WE GOT A LEAD HERE.
6/7 years ago was when my mom had her stomach removed.
Cancer...
So she has to take B12 injections every month.!
I'm the only member of the family that lived and lives constantly with mom.
So I wonder what is the effect of my connection with a person who has no stomach, the effect on me!
My psychiatric history and my mom losing her stomach history go hand-in-hand; they have the same timeline.

[watergaze]

If you are training in a good way, you do not become dangerously unstable. Certain aspects of CC's teachings are meant to help the AP shift and loosen up its habitual grip - not doings are among there. It frees up energy.  Other aspects of the teachings have theeffectt of balancing and grounding - stabilizing.
It is good to not have too much free roaming energy if you are not stable enough - if you have not worked on your balance and stability. Balance and stability link to having done important recap (which ofc also frees up energy but also balances), self-stalking, straightening out some bends and unhealthy emotional responses, etc. If you have not done enough in this department and you have a lot of freed up energy, it might put pressure on parts of you that are weaker - hence causing unhealthy states and emotions. Parts that are weaker are usually parts where you had trouble before.
No one aspect of teaching is to be done to a big degree on its own. The teachings offer more things that should be practiced in unison. Self-stalking is terribly important. You need to know yourself and your weak points (and find strategies to help heal those) as well as strong points. We are, of course, learning these things about ourselves all the time. 

How is this uncontrolled state/behavior of yours manifesting?
I started writing a response to you right after you posted this post, but sadly did not finish in the time I had and could not post it. One of the things I advised you to do right away in that, if you are taking any kind of 'natural' drugs to stop taking them right away: alcohol, weed, tobacco... and such. Each of these also has the effect of destabilizing the AP. You do not need that right now. 

Have you been going to a psychiatrist before? or would this be a first visit? Though you do say the anxiety is happening again, so the state has been repeating and you are familiar with it. How did you approach / deal with it in the past?

Inner dialogue talking is nothing that much out of the ordinary - if I imagine correctly what you mean by that.... (which I might not be doing correctly). I suggest you do breathing exercises - look in The Tonal - Word Today at the breathing thread. I would have maybe said to try surface (as in not very deep) meditation to quite down the ID, but with your instability I'd rather not because meditation is quite a deep rabbit hole sometimes and I wouldn't want you to by some accident fall into it when you are already unstable . So be careful /cautios with that.
(if you look at the breathing videos you will learn that these techniques have been greatly successful for, for example, was veterans with PTSD - and they had some serios 'agitation'. You can do some more research to find details about this)

Bear in mind... fear is the first enemy of man. In general, fear needs to be faced by a warrior. Not medicated. If it is just too much then it is on you to decide, it is your responsibility to know yourself and to not damage your body/mind, live to fight another day - but no one can tell you when to back off because no one knows you that well (doctor knows some general information of who things work but they do not know your specific body and mind either). This is of course the warrior way and should be used by people who are into a warrior's way of living. A warrior is, throughout his life, learning how to withstand various kinds of pressure.  It is preparation for being able to withstand the pressure of the unknown. 

What I would recommend to you... and bear in mind you gave too little description of your case and not enough detail... stop doing exercises that destabilize /loosen the AP. Instead, start doing things that stabilize and heal: recap, self-stalking, connecting to nature (possibly also a soul retrieval or a shamanic extraction - cause if you have done psychadelic drugs and/or medicated yourself it might make sense to check that you did not do some damage to yourself without intending to).

---

since I have been writing this response on the side, I see there are a couple of responses now. I am totally behind what Pixie says here: "If you're struggling then you should step away from this by grounding yourself in tonal reality until you're ready to try again." 

Bear in mind the inner dialigue might have become a bit stronger as a natural strategy of your being to ground yourself in the here reality. ID is a greatly useful tool. In that sense it might be helping you even if it is a bit distracting. Of course if your ID is such that it talks about stuff that gets you anxios then it's another matter altogether. Your description of your case keeps a lot to be desired . If your ID is detrimental, you can try to steer it a bit - like with breathing, or say you can read a book (the ID will be reading the words and not going on about something that makes you anxios), etc. Play some music, sing some songs... do a sport that helps silence your mind...

And, ofc, serloco mentions the nutrients and such. Eat healthy food too

It seems your awareness/attention has a hard time to focus, this is a typical symptom of not being grounded enough.

[watergaze]

Alone wrote:My psychiatric history and my mom losing her stomach history go hand-in-hand; they have the same timeline.
I would say you have not processed your mother's illness well enough. It surely is a shock on us if our parents get seriously ill / in danger of dying. 
It is quite typical (basing this on what I have read and seen) that one can develop anxiety after their loved one dies or is in danger of dying. (the few people I know personally that have anxiety and panic attacks... the triggers were that members of their family died or were in danger of dying and with others the triggers were drugs - weed, LSD, mushrooms and the like. You had both of these triggers in your life...).

If you were an empath then living with your mom might affect you, but in a similar way like she is affected. So you'd have same symptoms as her (though you could, I guess, be anxious about having there hm). But if you were an empath you'd probably have noticed by now .

[Tryingclown]

watergaze wrote:
Alone wrote:My psychiatric history and my mom losing her stomach history go hand-in-hand; they have the same timeline.
I would say you have not processed your mother's illness well enough. It surely is a shock on us if our parents get seriously ill / in danger of dying. 
It is quite typical (basing this on what I have read and seen) that one can develop anxiety after their loved one dies or is in danger of dying. (the few people I know personally that have anxiety and panic attacks... the triggers were that members of their family died or were in danger of dying and with others the triggers were drugs - weed, LSD, mushrooms and the like. You had both of these triggers in your life...).

If you were an empath then living with your mom might affect you, but in a similar way like she is affected. So you'd have same symptoms as her (though you could, I guess, be anxious about having there hm). But if you were an empath you'd probably have noticed by now .

Today I feel good because I simply asked myself the question: how do I feel? It was that the missing point. Lots of word knowledge and not remembering to feel about everything

[serloco]

Mindful meditation can often help people like yourself. Just taking the time to feel the moment, and notice the things around you, whats going on inside of your head leads to expanding awareness. Another technique is to dwell more on the positive things in our day to day routines, and take the time to fully experience and appreciate them. Usually, as instinctive humans, we tend to dwell on the negative things in our lives and give them more attention then they should have. It really helps to expand the positive things in our lives, the positive feelings and emotions we experience and take the time to enjoy and love the good aspects of our day.

[Tryingclown]

serloco wrote:
Mindful meditation can often help people like yourself. Just taking the time to feel the moment, and notice the things around you, whats going on inside of your head leads to expanding awareness. Another technique is to dwell more on the positive things in our day to day routines, and take the time to fully experience and appreciate them. Usually, as instinctive humans, we tend to dwell on the negative things in our lives and give them more attention then they should have. It really helps to expand the positive things in our lives, the positive feelings and emotions we experience and take the time to enjoy and love the good aspects of our day. 

I think it's true what you say. I just tried again meditation - I almost fall asleep! The one time about 2 weeks ago I had a boner.

[Le_Regard]

Pixie Dust wrote:
Yeah, but if he's already on meds it's irresponsible to tell him to stop those.  

Maybe if we knew Alone we could offer better suggestions, but he's another newbie popping up on the radar.  The safe answer is "Sorry, but talk to your doctor."  

What he chooses to research and do is entirely up to him.  We hope he takes an educated approach to healthcare.  

Consider too that being on meds requires help from a medical doctor to get off them safely.  We don't know him or his situation.  For him, the meds may be beneficial.  Abruptly stopping certain meds is dangerous and something we encourage be done under medical supervision.

First, this is absolutely not credible medical advice.

Second, consider for a moment that if this guy was HAPPY taking the safe path he probably wouldn't be crazy.

[Le_Regard]

Alone wrote:
So since I read the books some 6/7 years ago I've been doing the Not-doing of writing (and in drawing). Meaning that I simply use my finger on a page that is blank. Therefore i've trained my second attention. What is happening now is that I am very uncontrolled again. psychiatry on the scene as always, because mom concerns. I just hear my inner dialogue talking and I am very agitated. I feel I should do something about this because it seems to be an issue that now again is happening and it will go on on for days, me thinks.
So I am assuming that i've trained the second attention and now something is up. how can I remain tranquil? the warrior in me is more present since I turned 27 years. Life much more intense. But I'm just crazy!

This is some solid and practical advice:

Change your fucking name.  Right now.  Because obviously you're not alone.

[Le_Regard]

watergaze wrote:
If you are training in a good way, you do not become dangerously unstable. Certain aspects of CC's teachings are meant to help the AP shift and loosen up its habitual grip - not doings are among there. It frees up energy.  Other aspects of the teachings have theeffectt of balancing and grounding - stabilizing.
It is good to not have too much free roaming energy if you are not stable enough - if you have not worked on your balance and stability. Balance and stability link to having done important recap (which ofc also frees up energy but also balances), self-stalking, straightening out some bends and unhealthy emotional responses, etc. If you have not done enough in this department and you have a lot of freed up energy, it might put pressure on parts of you that are weaker - hence causing unhealthy states and emotions. Parts that are weaker are usually parts where you had trouble before.
No one aspect of teaching is to be done to a big degree on its own. The teachings offer more things that should be practiced in unison. Self-stalking is terribly important. You need to know yourself and your weak points (and find strategies to help heal those) as well as strong points. We are, of course, learning these things about ourselves all the time. 

How is this uncontrolled state/behavior of yours manifesting?
I started writing a response to you right after you posted this post, but sadly did not finish in the time I had and could not post it. One of the things I advised you to do right away in that, if you are taking any kind of 'natural' drugs to stop taking them right away: alcohol, weed, tobacco... and such. Each of these also has the effect of destabilizing the AP. You do not need that right now. 

Have you been going to a psychiatrist before? or would this be a first visit? Though you do say the anxiety is happening again, so the state has been repeating and you are familiar with it. How did you approach / deal with it in the past?

Inner dialogue talking is nothing that much out of the ordinary - if I imagine correctly what you mean by that.... (which I might not be doing correctly). I suggest you do breathing exercises - look in The Tonal - Word Today at the breathing thread. I would have maybe said to try surface (as in not very deep) meditation to quite down the ID, but with your instability I'd rather not because meditation is quite a deep rabbit hole sometimes and I wouldn't want you to by some accident fall into it when you are already unstable . So be careful /cautios with that.
(if you look at the breathing videos you will learn that these techniques have been greatly successful for, for example, was veterans with PTSD - and they had some serios 'agitation'. You can do some more research to find details about this)

Bear in mind... fear is the first enemy of man. In general, fear needs to be faced by a warrior. Not medicated. If it is just too much then it is on you to decide, it is your responsibility to know yourself and to not damage your body/mind, live to fight another day - but no one can tell you when to back off because no one knows you that well (doctor knows some general information of who things work but they do not know your specific body and mind either). This is of course the warrior way and should be used by people who are into a warrior's way of living. A warrior is, throughout his life, learning how to withstand various kinds of pressure.  It is preparation for being able to withstand the pressure of the unknown. 

What I would recommend to you... and bear in mind you gave too little description of your case and not enough detail... stop doing exercises that destabilize /loosen the AP. Instead, start doing things that stabilize and heal: recap, self-stalking, connecting to nature (possibly also a soul retrieval or a shamanic extraction - cause if you have done psychadelic drugs and/or medicated yourself it might make sense to check that you did not do some damage to yourself without intending to).

---

since I have been writing this response on the side, I see there are a couple of responses now. I am totally behind what Pixie says here: "If you're struggling then you should step away from this by grounding yourself in tonal reality until you're ready to try again." 

Bear in mind the inner dialigue might have become a bit stronger as a natural strategy of your being to ground yourself in the here reality. ID is a greatly useful tool. In that sense it might be helping you even if it is a bit distracting. Of course if your ID is such that it talks about stuff that gets you anxios then it's another matter altogether. Your description of your case keeps a lot to be desired . If your ID is detrimental, you can try to steer it a bit - like with breathing, or say you can read a book (the ID will be reading the words and not going on about something that makes you anxios), etc. Play some music, sing some songs... do a sport that helps silence your mind...

And, ofc, serloco mentions the nutrients and such. Eat healthy food too

It seems your awareness/attention has a hard time to focus, this is a typical symptom of not being grounded enough. 

I'm trying very hard to get the tone of this right and not just sound like a jerk...  but I'm probably still just going to sound like a jerk.

A lot of these suggestions assume he has plenty of money and free time.  He may have no control at all over the kinds of food he gets to eat.

[Pixie Dust]

In addition to those things we assume he has healthcare.

I also assume he suffers from some type of brain damage.

[Le_Regard]

Pixie Dust wrote:
In addition to those things we assume he has healthcare.

I also assume he suffers from some type of brain damage.

I don't assume he has brain damage, because that would be medical advice.

But yes, your first point is extremely valid.  Do you mean healthcare or health insurance?  He clearly has healthcare if "psychiatry is on the scene", but maybe his mother is paying a million dollars for it, we don't know that.

[Le_Regard]

Le_Regard wrote:
Pixie Dust wrote:
In addition to those things we assume he has healthcare.

I also assume he suffers from some type of brain damage.

I don't assume he has brain damage, because that would be medical advice.

But yes, your first point is extremely valid.  Do you mean healthcare or health insurance?  He clearly has healthcare if "psychiatry is on the scene", but maybe his mother is paying a million dollars for it, we don't know that.

I don't know, I don't have a medical degree and I'm not a psychiatrist, but I keep an eye on these things and just try to be honest, and it seems to me like in the world right now A LOT of people who get labeled as mentally ill or unstable are actually just poor and forced to live in conditions where I'd be freaking out and having panic attacks and running from reality too.

I'm not saying that applies here, I'm just saying...

[Pixie Dust]

Le_Regard wrote:
Pixie Dust wrote:
In addition to those things we assume he has healthcare.

I also assume he suffers from some type of brain damage.

I don't assume he has brain damage, because that would be medical advice.

But yes, your first point is extremely valid.  Do you mean healthcare or health insurance?  He clearly has healthcare if "psychiatry is on the scene", but maybe his mother is paying a million dollars for it, we don't know that.

Medical advice would be suggesting he do or not do something.  An assumption is judgment in motion.  I may or may not be correct, it's just my assumption that Alone could have brain damage given what he's shared (and then some).  

Medical advice would be telling him to seek the guidance of his medical provider.  That's about the extent of my interest in Alone's issues.

[Pixie Dust]

Le_Regard wrote:
Le_Regard wrote:
Pixie Dust wrote:
In addition to those things we assume he has healthcare.

I also assume he suffers from some type of brain damage.

I don't assume he has brain damage, because that would be medical advice.

But yes, your first point is extremely valid.  Do you mean healthcare or health insurance?  He clearly has healthcare if "psychiatry is on the scene", but maybe his mother is paying a million dollars for it, we don't know that.

I don't know, I don't have a medical degree and I'm not a psychiatrist, but I keep an eye on these things and just try to be honest, and it seems to me like in the world right now A LOT of people who get labeled as mentally ill or unstable are actually just poor and forced to live in conditions where I'd be freaking out and having panic attacks and running from reality too.

I'm not saying that applies here, I'm just saying...

The number of people medicating themselves with substance use, either over-the-counter or prescribed by their doctor is huge.  We're a world full of suffering--the haves, the have-nots, everyone is exposed and only those with high coping skills steer clear from the booby-traps.  Coping skills are learned from a great support group or educating oneself (from people or books).  The fortunate have both.  

If you have stats and research to discuss to support your opinions on mental health that would be enjoyable.  Until then, you can share your opinions with Mr. Lemon Balm while I excuse myself from an unsupported and opinionated discussion.  All I cared about was pointing Alone back to his doctor.  Did that.  Nothing left to discuss unless there's research involved in the discussion.

[serloco]

Rar!!! Here me roar!