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(personally) I am practically all about emptiness; yet it's true everything is brimming over; OMG how is there so much potency in this meaningless? Tensions to attentions. I hold (tension); I objectify (pay attention enough to detach from the tension).
I will say this no matter which story I tell: existence (energy) is impotent. rein that in billy mother fucker.
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Rising Sun
Rusted Root
I know you don't like it butcha
Fit in like the rising sun
On the holy holy road
Out there on that line
I know I dreamt of you
But I'm starting to unwind
Cause I'm in transit here
I'm coming out to that line
Elevate my life, my prayer
I'm a gonna
demonstrate this love
And when I get down
in this love affair
I'm a gonna
demonstrate this love
It was such a long day
And it ended about an hour ago
I got us some milkshakes
Now let's head off
and see the show
I know you don't like it butcha
Fit in like the rising sun
With many more miles to go
Many more miles to go.
Ele-elevate my life
my prayer
I'm a gonna
demonstrate this love
And when I get down
in this love affair
I'm a gonna
demonstrate this love
The devil's been tailgating me
From the dark side of town
But he's just a little guy
Can hardly see
over the dashboard - he says
I know you don't like it butcha
Fit in like the rising sun
With many more miles to go
Many more miles to go
All in a day
You got yours and I got mine
But they don't care to see
That our love
is a fortune bright
Ele-elevate my life
my prayer
I'm a gonna
demonstrate this love
And when I get down
in this love affair
I'm a gonna
demonstrate this love
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Such is part of my cockiness.
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The second person of high awareness in my life was a black man (Alonzo) who was in the hire of a rich woman for care of her horses. There is much I could talk about concerning how a black man of superior qualities bends to condescending white people imbued with authoritative attitudes. Alonzo was soley responsible for teaching me to flip pain into pleasure and work into play. He was rather direct about raising my awareness, and there is one thing here I will pass on that was of magnitude for those of you here. You need to intend that you utilyze the mechanics of awareness the way you would use a ratchet. That is, you must understand that it is unnecessary to reset the engagement; there are no awkward steps backwards. Ratcheting forward is a rhthymic qualatitve trust to do what it is you intend.
The effort of enlightenment is continuous. Being consciousness of the work of enlightenment, is not the work. You must be grounded in the tonal activiness (activity). I NEVER sought to learn a 'future state of enlightenment.' My 'teachers' focused on the common tasks. They knew 'spirituality' is in the ongoing simplicity of living.
I may be able to elucidate further at another time. It may be helpful to replace the word spirituality with the 'warrior's way.' As to enlightnment, I mean having obtained to wholeness and ease in living.
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The second person of high awareness in my life was a black man (Alonzo) who was in the hire of a rich woman for care of her horses. There is much I could talk about concerning how a black man of superior qualities bends to condescending white people imbued with authoritative attitudes. Alonzo was soley responsible for teaching me to flip pain into pleasure and work into play. He was rather direct about raising my awareness, and there is one thing here I will pass on that was of magnitude for those of you here. You need to intend that you utilyze the mechanics of awareness the way you would use a ratchet. That is, you must understand that it is unnecessary to reset the engagement; there are no awkward steps backwards. Ratcheting forward is a rhthymic qualatitve trust to do what it is you intend.
The effort of enlightenment is continuous. Being consciousness of the work of enlightenment, is not the work. You must be grounded in the tonal activiness (activity). I NEVER sought to learn a 'future state of enlightenment.' My 'teachers' focused on the common tasks. They knew 'spirituality' is in the ongoing simplicity of living.
I may be able to elucidate further at another time. It may be helpful to replace the word spirituality with the 'warrior's way.' As to enlightnment, I mean having obtained (or obtaining) to wholeness and ease in living.
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The second person of high awareness in my life was a black man (Alonzo) who was in the hire of a rich woman for care of her horses. There is much I could talk about concerning how a black man of superior qualities bends to condescending white people imbued with authoritative attitudes. Alonzo was soley responsible for teaching me to flip pain into pleasure and work into play. He was rather direct about raising my awareness, and there is one thing here I will pass on that was of magnitude for those of you here. You need to intend that you utilyze the mechanics of awareness the way you would use a ratchet. That is, you must understand that it is unnecessary to reset the engagement; there are no awkward steps backwards. Ratcheting forward is a rhthymic qualatitve trust to do what it is you intend.
The effort of enlightenment is continuous. Being conscious of the work of enlightenment, is not the work. You must be grounded in the tonal activeness (activity). I NEVER sought to learn a 'future state of enlightenment.' My 'teachers' focused on the common tasks. They knew 'spirituality' is in the ongoing simplicity of living.
I may be able to elucidate further at another time. It may be helpful to replace the word spirituality with the 'warrior's way.' As to enlightnment, I mean having obtained (or obtaining) to wholeness and ease in living.
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ADDITION: Alonzo used the analogy of a ratchet, and I could never quite grasp the concept as clearly as everything else he showed me. I guess, I mean the reasoning out of the path you take has to give way to fluidity and letting your intent take over. I was not good at this. I reflected and analyzed to extremes, and if it were not for serloco forcing my attention to move I'd be stuck where I was. What helps me the most now is that serloco granted me his knowledge of death defying, and so frankly my sense that I have eternity to do the things I do makes everything more naturally/fluidly evolve.
Recently, I am noticing that the working knowledge of my indifference is now continual and consistent, and the world moves with me. Where experience was more akin to certain amounts of awareness of interactivity in whatever environment or event, now it is akin to being directive causational awareness more often. Don't get me wrong, I am a mundane dolt with little going on most of the time; there is nothing special about me. What experiences of yore, are pretty much the same now, excepting now I often feel myself emanate bodily within my immediate space. Too, the same repetitive experiences arise having newness a lot most probably because I am not in the way.
Something remarkable happened the other day having sex with my wife. Our intercourse is ordinarily run of the mill stuff, though not always. This other day, nothing was that remarkable concerning passion, fetish, love, intensity, joy, etc. Only lately, I have had a keen sense of my detachment from everything; and so, as I orgasm I am experiencing this moreso as an effect on the spatial body than local to my groin.
The contractions are long and many, and the pleasure is acute. The pleasure is so acutely great that I can no longer stand it. I pull out in a manner as if to save my life before several remaining imminent contractions. I have never experienced pleasure so overwhelming and intense that it became too much pleasure to absorb. Understand however, there may be commensurate tribulations and challenges.
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"I will say this no matter which story I tell: existence (energy) is impotent."
That statement is an unnecessary stretch to be ignored. It was personal notation based on specific empiricism which I could never sufficiently translate for you to understand.
existence/energy is impotent is an idea of self-truth derived from dreams, and which I have continued to philosophically 'endorse.' It is premised on belief that existence was unnecessary, that all notions of ethics or oughtness that follow are not essentially rational, and that whether or not considering intention (or lack thereof), it was doomed to 'illness' (to mean it cannot be expressive of adequacy on any terms invented or of its own phenomenology.
The 'proper' relation of my consciousness to awareness is to know irreverance (if not disdain) for that which IS.
Many times will you hear me say, "existence is meaningless." Overriding social conditioning, I obtain to the 'warriors way' (so to speak) to know controlled folly. All else (concerning phenomenological purpose) amounts to hypocritical self-pity.
Okay, I am wrong (YOU are very important)
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NOW, in spite of everything counter, I am going to come in here hard hittting on what is structurally IMPORTANT!
As I do, I'll give some scant historical context first: From birth, I think I wanted to crawl back into the security of mommy's womb. I believe life was more intimidating to me than to others, and I became accustomed early on retreating into a world of daydreams. I HATED the structure of learning. The gravity of this kept me down as a dummy to be ridiculed in elementary. My mother had to beg, and prod, and pull me to understand and complete school homework assignments.
I was pushed along by others at various stages of life. I had quit tryouts for wrestling after only a couple days as a freshman in high school, when a date for my older sister made it seem I was the most pathetic loser in the world for having done so. He convinced me to go back, though now I was now two more weeks further behind the others. Somehow I persisted. By junior year, I was formally awarded outstanding wrestler of my high school class, and moved on collegiately with a scholarship.
Yet when it came learning in Physiology and Biology courses, which were part of a Bachelor of Arts in Physical Education/lol, I could only pass by breaking into the professor's office (3:00 A.M.) and stealing the final exam tests. When I graduated and became a high school substitute teacher, I was very much a person unwilling to expand. Then came along Joe (aware person #1) who pushed me along to become more aware. My God, before this stage of my life my head was totally up my ass. I had NO awareness. Decades later, Alonzo (aware person #2) pushed further the boundaries of my awareness, and he did so dynamically; but after he left, I retreated as I am want to do, and let myself languish. Eventually, marital turmoil resulted, and it was only by recapitulation through writing that I revived energetic awareness. Then derek (serloco/aware person?#3) came along and expanded the possibillities.
So, now (maybe) I am going to talk about certain disciplines. Also, anytime soon I will stop writing temporarily.
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NOW, in spite of everything counter, I am going to come in here hard hittting on what is structurally IMPORTANT!
As I do, I'll give some scant historical context first: From birth, I think I wanted to crawl back into the security of mommy's womb. I believe life was more intimidating to me than to others, and I became accustomed early on retreating into a world of daydreams. I HATED the structure of learning. The gravity of this kept me down as a dummy to be ridiculed in elementary. My mother had to beg, and prod, and pull me to understand and complete school homework assignments.
I was pushed along by others at various stages of life. I had quit tryouts for wrestling after only a couple days as a freshman in high school, when a date for my older sister made it seem I was the most pathetic loser in the world for having done so. He convinced me to go back, though now I was now two more weeks further behind the others. Somehow I persisted. By junior year, I was formally awarded outstanding wrestler of my high school class, and moved on collegiately with a scholarship.
Yet when it came learning in Physiology and Biology courses, which were part of a Bachelor of Arts in Physical Education/lol, I could only pass by breaking into the professor's office (3:00 A.M.) and stealing the final exam tests. When I graduated and became a high school substitute teacher, I was very much a person unwilling to expand. Then came along Joe (aware person #1) who pushed me along to become more aware. My God, before this stage of my life my head was totally up my ass. I had NO awareness. Decades later, Alonzo (aware person #2) pushed further the boundaries of my awareness, and he did so dynamically; but after he left, I retreated as I am want to do, and let myself languish. Eventually, marital turmoil resulted, and it was only by recapitulation through writing that I revived energetic awareness. Then derek (serloco/aware person?#3) came along and expanded the possibillities.
So, now (maybe) I am going to talk about certain disciplines. Also, anytime soon I will stop writing (probably temporarily).
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I just realized via the impact of serloco that I was embarking on the wrong course. That is resolved. I was taking this (my knowledge) a little too seriously.
serloco, how about some help with my getting younger and shapeshifting?
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billy billy, whats up? done talking? i want to hear those disciplines...
NOW!! Stop with the boring life and do some magics.. hey you said it not me.. its time billy.. time to grow and move. time to develop your power..
incoming... focus on your allies as dark beings, and tell them hat you are learning.. invite their awareness into your on and get ready...
hold on to your seat!! They are/can be anything and everything billy.. time to up the pace..
i killed a bunch of bad asses last week... well i dont know how many exactly but a couple at least.. they thought they were immortal.. like me.
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Look s. BECAUSE of my actions prior, I have slipped away from being held. Now everything (stimuli/feeling) that runs the gamut of human experience, appears and disappears quickly. My clarity brings many moments as vivid, MAGNIFIED occurences, this while my energy is seemingly minimal.
I'm not being a baby (maybe I just am one), I simply have no appetite for work. I am lazy. I'll quit the bullshit humility. I know I have been given experiences and knowledge that few would fathom.
I always preferred to crawl into my own fantasy world, then something or someone would move me from that comfort when I was ready for that.
Look everybody, the discipline reduces to being decisional to examine habitual self-reflections that are all about self-pity, and becoming determined {INTENDING} to replace them with ever increasing self-awareness that manifests a real* connection to yourself, and THAT will necessarily reflect a real and dynamic connection to your world.
real* meant here as unmitigated trust in the sanctity of your own WHOLE perception.
DONE! now gimmee, gimmee, gimmee. laugh
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serloco said: "Stop indulging in your pity and your complaints, start redirecting your thoughts and your feelings to the point where you can enjoy any act you are carrying out without feeling pity or importance."
Jesus! on post #524 sorcery experience.
Thank you for that. You KNEW I would get it. OMG THANK YOU
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I am going to do some things that bring focus to principles I've learned.
Let me start by giving an example of the compartmental approach (which has its time and place). Say I am in this relation with my wife where I've continually forfeited power because this was the way of least resistance for decades. Finally, I have no say, no self-respect, no happiness. I recap and obtain to some lost energy, and I am going to use concerted effort to change well established marital dynamics. I commence by taking on whatever issue's with my wife with direct focus.
I am certain I will not just be hanging over a clothesline, but more at 'from one.' Then, just before the noose is loosened, my wife will put on me a dog collar.. the kind with behavioral electric shocks for when I ever think to think for myself again.
Now, when I first met Joe (awareness 'guru'), I was a professional horseplayer 'wannabe.' He showed me I was complete ****, but not because of aspiring to such, but because he knew that no one could be complete and happy (forgetting about money) with lack of maturity and grounding. Typically, if one is to be successful in anything, the person must begin with principles at the bottom of things- the foundation.
Joe unwaveringly demonstrated that even if one could excell in a specific compartment, if success there could not be brought to bear upon the whole person, the person would have accomplished next to nothing. He showed how one matures by decisions that ultimately will ground one in death.
I was unreceptive to learning most of my life. I had to turn on a conscious 'switch' the times I wanted to be receptive to knowledge. I want to accentuate the sense of openess for learning new ideas the few times I had it, and how I essentially trusted to abondon my own set ways to create a blank 'mind' to be filled.
When I obtained to this personal canvas, there were those concepts that when received I them, were effective empirically; I mean, they sat deeply, or were grounded in my essential beingness. Somehow, someway these ideas are recognized as important to maturity.
The second time I saw Joe, he put the first lesson about being a decisional person quite succinctly. He asked me if I wanted to join him to NY to see a particular horse race. Now, I did what most people would usually do.. I either said. "I'd think about it;" or, "Oh yeah, sure" knowing I could change my mind. Joe, said he had no patience for indecision, that if I was to go he needed receipt of $150 the next day (towards reservation/travel). I somehow had the wherewithal to respond right on the spot by giving him the money immediately (totally unlike me). That would be one of the distinct acts that become a resource for empirically understanding and developing 'conscious' choice after.
After the second day (NY is very sensational), I am becoming mentally worn. As we are walking the streets, Joe stops. He takes note that I am retreating inward and losing focus. He explains to me how persons habitually concede to the neurotic mind, that if I was simply aware enough, I could decide to overcome the tiredness; that instead of narrow self-reflection (self-pity), I could continue to enjoy the sights and what NY has to offer. You just cannot buy experiential seeds like that. Can you understand what a gem that was to draw value from, and how many similar conditions in my life where that empirical event was relevant?
A light bulb went on that very moment he addressed me in that NY momment. The magnitude of what he was saying prevailed, and I was no longer tired. I think this was the first time in my life I realized I had a choice about the state of consciousness I was experiencing.
I became conscious of worthless self-reflections and began to look for the seeds that were worth growing. Though I admit, I was lucky to have those that pushed me along. It was work to be conscious of even whether or not I was aware or not, so it was really easy for a person like me to want to retreat back to undirected self-reflection (which amounts to self-pity).
Too, if I respond enthusiastically to something s. writes, it is because I know from experience that there is an intrinsically valuable seed there. It may take time before it (an idea) matures, but I know now absolutely it will.
Energy you expend to grow (something/SELF) will usually bear the most fruit if that energy is focused on (used on) underlying principles and letting spirit of intent do the work. I certainly use energy for narrow/compartmental matters in the tonal, but even with this, I have taught myself to use work in these matters to hone my understanding of broader principles. Tonal occupation is an integral part of the warrior's way.
I'm not really into this writing right now........ ....
PS. By the way, it was when I worked with my emptiness and formed things principally and with principles, that I figuratively changed who wears a collar. (smiles)
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I am going to do some things that bring focus to principles I've learned.
Let me start by giving an example of the compartmental approach (which has its time and place). Say I am in this relation with my wife where I've continually forfeited power because this was the way of least resistance for decades. Finally, I have no say, no self-respect, no happiness. I recap and obtain to some lost energy, and I am going to use concerted effort to change well established marital dynamics. I commence by taking on whatever issue's with my wife with direct focus.
I am certain I will not just be hanging over a clothesline, but more at 'from one.' Then, just before the noose is loosened, my wife will put on me a dog collar.. the kind with behavioral electric shocks for when I ever think to think for myself again.
Now, when I first met Joe (awareness 'guru'), I was a professional horseplayer 'wannabe.' He showed me I was complete ****, but not because of aspiring to such, but because he knew that no one could be complete and happy (forgetting about money) with lack of maturity and grounding. Typically, if one is to be successful in anything, the person must begin with principles at the bottom of things- the foundation.
Joe unwaveringly demonstrated that even if one could excell in a specific compartment, if success there could not be brought to bear upon the whole person, the person would have accomplished next to nothing. He showed how one matures by decisions that ultimately will ground one in death.
I was unreceptive to learning most of my life. I had to turn on a conscious 'switch' the times I wanted to be receptive to knowledge. I want to accentuate the sense of openess for learning new ideas the few times I had it, and how I essentially trusted to abondon my own set ways to create a blank 'mind' to be filled.
When I obtained to this personal canvas, there were those concepts that when received I them, were effective empirically; I mean, they sat deeply, or were grounded in my essential beingness. Somehow, someway these ideas are recognized as important to maturity.
The second time I saw Joe, he put the first lesson about being a decisional person quite succinctly. He asked me if I wanted to join him to NY to see a particular horse race. Now, I did what most people would usually do.. I either said. "I'd think about it;" or, "Oh yeah, sure" knowing I could change my mind. Joe, said he had no patience for indecision, that if I was to go he needed receipt of $150 the next day (towards reservation/travel). I somehow had the wherewithal to respond right on the spot by giving him the money immediately (totally unlike me). That would be one of the distinct acts that become a resource for empirically understanding and developing 'conscious' choice after.
After the second day (NY is very sensational), I am becoming mentally worn. As we are walking the streets, Joe stops. He takes note that I am retreating inward and losing focus. He explains to me how persons habitually concede to the neurotic mind, that if I was simply aware enough, I could decide to overcome the tiredness; that instead of narrow self-reflection (self-pity), I could continue to enjoy the sights and what NY has to offer. You just cannot buy experiential seeds like that. Can you understand what a gem that was to draw value from, and how many similar conditions in my life where that empirical event was relevant?
A light bulb went on that very moment he addressed me in that NY momment. The magnitude of what he was saying prevailed, and I was no longer tired. I think this was the first time in my life I realized I had a choice about the state of consciousness I was experiencing.
I became conscious of worthless self-reflections and began to look for the seeds that were worth growing. Though I admit, I was lucky to have those that pushed me along. It was work to be conscious of even whether or not I was aware or not, so it was really easy for a person like me to want to retreat back to undirected self-reflection (which amounts to self-pity).
Too, if I respond enthusiastically to something s. writes, it is because I know from experience that there is an intrinsically valuable seed there. It may take time before it (an idea) matures, but I know now absolutely it will.
Energy you expend to grow (something/SELF) will usually bear the most fruit if that energy is focused on (used on) underlying principles and letting spirit of intent do the work. I certainly use energy for narrow/compartmental matters in the tonal, but even with this, I have taught myself to use work in these matters to hone my understanding of broader principles. Tonal occupation is an integral part of the warrior's way.
I'm not really into this writing right now........ ....
PS. By the way, it was when I worked with my emptiness and formed things principally and with principles, that I figuratively changed who wears a collar. (smiles)
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The reference to a collar is light jest, and not disrespectful. Nevertheless, having awareness that my awareness activates the world, it is unmistakeably clear that my wife responds to the script I 'command/ expect.' I have no allies to 'black out' and feed commands (as s. recommends) other than Susan really. I really am a loner, with no interest in relations. Though I did lots of people stalking when at the racetrack. Racing resumes in the Springtime.
I imagine it should be a mind-boggling onus to understand I am directly responsible for what happens on a person to person level, and that this may extend further to many (maybe all) manifestation in the created world per serloco's concept of suchness.
Again, as I use first person 'I' in writing, I expect the reader to assume being 1st person to best comprehend the work. I will say this again, if you can't take words and make their potent meaning as if they were your own, you really have not learned much. And too, when writing do not be so quick to summarily quote others; this proves contrary to a sense of your authenticity. Start with something, anything you believe in as yours and move from that.
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Anticipation (accleration of mind towards 'future') is an element that I am aware to divest from, because it is completely at odds with being the creative power (authentic SELF/freedom).
There, the anticipation versus existential grounding in reality, is where a battle of energetic tension is centered.
What is the existential grounding? LAUGH There is no tangible grounding, other than its absence as experienced in emptiness. You want that something is going to happen tomorrow, but that is not real. Nothing is going to happen tomorrow, or even as you perceive the moment.
Nothing can happen the way you want (meaningfully), but you fight that. Maybe, you believe the idea to be true as I say it is, but the idea is what?
This battle, where the tension is centered, is of, for, on, against, and with the empirical experience of the truth. You hold the tension of existing in isolation > your energy, your meaning, your failure to bring order.
Now, I don't believe I could ever choose or not choose this (akin to destiny), but I have learned to love this.
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I don't know.. is this the battle you engage to realize your wholeness/freedom/authenticity?
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well well well.. you need not a physical entity to be your ally, they can be a watcher that is invisible to you.. a entity that follos you around and helps you.. sure they can take physical forms. but they do not need them.. they can be any form... it is your idea of reality.. shift that idea to suit your needs, that is the ally.. it will teach you..
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Thank you there. These are monster pieces of good knowledge. Seriously. I get these ideas empirically as they are said. They are not wasted.
I should use many exclamation points; but I suspect you already know of what value they are to me.
I get notions lately that I am sustaining something by writing here. I don't want that, so if I back off then I do. I will put my name up on the board though to maintain a presence here; I want that.
I also believe others could possibly be more inclined to share ideas. I'm not bashful; if I should be moved to post, I will definitely do that as I am moved.
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Light existential self-humoring a la billy to billy:
You have everything; a life of perfect balance, and just every desire fulfilled-- AND, the capacity to enjoy.. AND, this too realized to the full. I SEE self-pity come to visit. It shows me stark, spooky doom and gloom.
"I know who you are," says billy. Self-pity answers, "YES.. you know me so certainly and with nice clarity." "I know you are getting my message to WANT more....... ... Your wholeness is perpetual DESIRE.
"I don't want more," answers billy. Nonetheless, self-pity is revealing, and not just in words. So billy takes a glimpse. "I often want MORE.. I get jolts, pangs, and a variety of cues to tell myself to hurry on after MORE. I DO WANT MORE!"
The truth itself tries to take my freedom.
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billy LAUGHS... (SMILES)
self-pity says to billy, "The joke is on you billy. You are left to true self-awareness of WANTING MORE, but more what? More of nothing is nothing."
billy is happy for self-pity to visit. It brings acute awareness of how profoundly inadequate his meaningless existence. What is more fulfilling? billy tries on the shackles of truth, knows the futility (LOVES IT).
Next......... ....
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"Great piece there billy."
"yes, I know that too."
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