Indulgences

[Billy]

Off hand, if I were teaching something, I would say tip the balance from pragmatic objective survival to pleasuring in existential acquiescence.  That is, bring more awareness to getting off on what actually is (what actualizes now, and which can include the self-view of broader circumstance).

   The conventional manner is to change whatever; I am saying pay attention to getting high on the experience as is (and this too extenuates to the self-view of broader experience, and enjoying THAT.

I am turning everything around in perceptual origin.  Objectivity of existential circumstance for survival is still forceful, but I am accentuating the reality of being in this situation in the first place.  {That I am}

Rooted at the phenomenology of being, I make the ultimate judgement.  If at the base, my existence is flawed (I say it is), then it is best accepted that way.. but, NOW I make the next step in truth > I turn (choose to 'pervert') the phenomenology of existence from a negative to a positive by relishing its manifestation even as a negative formation.  It is the only reasonable way I know to be thoroughly happy (though I now at least consider the masteries of serloco's ideas in which he rewrites phenomenolgy itself).

   I still cannot quite understand his reasoning even if he (I) could perform every miracle.  That is a lot of work to comprehend.  I'd rather uselessly masturbate.

[Mornings Son]

I love the last two paragrafs ))

[Billy]

"Rooted at the phenomenology of being, I make the ultimate judgement.  If at the base, my existence is flawed (I say it is), then it is best accepted that way.. but, NOW I make the next step in truth > I turn (choose to 'pervert') the phenomenology of existence from a negative to a positive by relishing its manifestation even as a negative formation.  It is the only reasonable way I know to be thoroughly happy (though I now at least consider the masteries of serloco's ideas in which he rewrites phenomenolgy itself).

   I still cannot quite understand his reasoning even if he (I) could perform every miracle. That is a lot of work to comprehend."

Now I understand perfectly.  The two concepts are complimentary to each other, they are not exclusive of each other whatsoever.  The masteries of 'miracles' is the reasonable course of performing turned phenomenology.  I am (I think serloco is) interested in remastering the world as the stage for learning/living ownership of the pain/pleasure medium.

   I was a pig greedily eating up, now I've become a reptile, a slithery snake.

[serloco]

billy, hear now I say unto thee, that perfection is a mastery of the consciousness. You focus to and accept that your are flawed. Thus you give and assign power to the very nature of flawed. What is flawed but a belief and a definition of what is flawed. The base of knowledge that you apply to perfection is that which you experience. Thus you are living your own values of perception. WHen you sa I am flawed you become that direction which you assign to your being. When you believe in a knowledge of self and the universe that is perfection then you begin to see this perfection is everything. If you believe in a universe and a self that is flawed then you walk in the very shoes that you have put on and down the very road that your attention is focused to travel. If anything place yourself on the path to perfection which the sights that see and believe that this is attainable. Think for a moment of your solutions, and perhaps nothing is flawed at all. Perhaps everything is perfect. What if the only flaw is that you do not believe in our own perfection? Stalking is a art form that proves that one person of one essence may shift into another form, merely by setting his sights and naming himself something anew. One you set your attention and intent to a goal you become that path, you become that goal. The universe aligns to your intent. Tell me this, is the universe able? Are you able? Or are you flawed? Can you do it? Can the universe do it? Can it do it perfectly or can it do it flawed ? What is your intent? What is your knowledge? What do you call yourself in this moment? What will you be? Can or can't? Can is perfect, can't is flawed.

[Billy]

serlocobilly, hear now ... Can or can't? Can is perfect, can't is flawed.


serloco, I own the perfect c*n't             just ask her       


slither,slither, slither

[Billy]

serloco wrote:"billy, hear now... Can is perfect, can't is flawed."

serloco, I own the perfect c*n't                  just ask her



slither, slither, slither
pain to pleasure

[Billy]

Merry Christmas seems a little more appropriate than what is erased.  Merry Christmas

[Billy]

"billy, hear now I say unto thee, that perfection is a mastery of the consciousness. You focus to and accept that your are flawed. Thus you give and assign power to the very nature of flawed. What is flawed but a belief and a definition of what is flawed. The base of knowledge that you apply to perfection is that which you experience. Thus you are living your own values of perception."   

TRUE!

   I manifested little of the things you speak of a year ago.  Now I get occassional sharp stabs of how daunting having brought the concepts to life.

   Attention on my eternal life evens things out some.

[Billy]

"Can is perfect, can't is flawed."  Think about this duality in this moment of existence.  The negative here is is acknowledged. 

My life has been characterized by the unusual circumstance of having proximal negative and positive experience throughout. 

In childhood I participated with good esteem in family and broad neighborhood kinship.  At Catholic elementary school I was mercilessly, relentlessly denigrated for eight years.  I was subjected to two completely opposite experiences.

   What I tried to explain in writing was how someone with a consistently negative atmosphere withdraws and becomes relatively oblivious to the light of normalcy.  I was almost always in a life situation where my very worst was seen in glaring contrast to my adjacent world.  In other words, the pain could not be repressed (which is probably a good thing).  My pain was magnified, and the the fear of the negative intersecting the positive caused petrifying adrenal episodes.

    My entire life has followed the same pattern having adjacent extremes in all facets of failing and succeeding. 

    I am lucky to have a very clear picture, especially as I learn detachment.  I had a point here.  Hmm.  Can't remember.

    Oh yeah.  "Can is perfect, can't is flawed."  There is no reason for recapitulation if not for the flaws, failure and inadequacy.  Regardless, I discovered more joyous richness in the flaws, failure, and inadequacy than in adequacy and success.  That's just me; perhaps, it's because I am rooted in being conditioned so.

   Anyway, as detachment got profiicient I found I could really get off on the not so positive.  HOWEVER, I could afford to indulge negative states because I learned solid tonal grounding, and have put everything there in perfect order.  I mean really, there is nothing to significantly modify.  {too, things are manifest positively with no effort}
 
    What I have learned about objectifying and going into (doing) negative emotions, states, and manifestations is that it makes me feel unafraid.

    I really do want to bring it s., but I have a proclivity to express a prurient and perverse existential view.  Not that this predominates my wholeness, just that it would be fun for me to tell you what I really think when I go into the exquisite 'deplorable' self-negation mode.  My love for this part of me is very, very deep.  {I pay attention; much of this is as tactic and ploy; a great medium}

   What balance.  You create.. I negate (lol)  I'm am obviously become willingly indifferent more and more as my way.  Opens all possibilities.

   If I ever expounded on negation, I would have to write a hundred posts beginning with phenomenolgy and evolution {sex}.  I would likely be banned before I was finished.

[Billy]

I have an appetite for an empty 'empty' or listless indifference that I've touched lately (after a period of scattered stimuli).  A more austere and general objectivity should arise.  I can sharpen up.

[serloco]

*Buzzer* "wrong answer let me tell you hat you didnt win, you didnt win a recapitulation that involvs reason that you didn't see. In fact ith further study ad examination you could see that the recap is not just about flaws and mistakes but taking back energy and awarenss that has locked us in our current positions. We have built our awareness for many years and we get stuck in it. Not to say this is flawed awareness whoever I do say that it is trapped and locked awareness. Cohesively bonded awareness. Reca helps to see our position of the past and how our past choices, acceptances, knowledge, and decisions, effect our current state of being, and allow us to reposses our free energy and replace it into new ways, free of the past. Recap can be done in many ways,not just the ways that you think you know. there are many reasons to recap the first being freedom and power.

[Billy]

Yes, you are right; mine is incorrectly stated.  I should have said that recap of flaws, failure, and inadequacy is the most fertile area to reclaim power/energy and to put a light on buried conditioning.

The need to do expansive recap in all areas of time and experience is especially important to bring out what will remain hidden otherwise.  The negative is generally hidden deeply by the conscious and subconscious mind.

[transitions4]

recap aids dreaming and dreaming aids recap, the 'bakcwards' recap, starting at where you are, if done at the end of the day, before entering dreams and working backwards thru the day and further - seeing the points that have been highlighted and tracing origins, releases a massive amount of energy to be redeployed for dreams, dreams that teach, or dreams that you learn from, the learning highlights other areas that can be recapped the next day if you keep a dream diary, or even if you can just remember your dreams well, in turn this releases more nergy. there is also a natural recap which happens randomly even in a seemingly unrelated moment, by itself

[Billy]

transitions4 says: ..there is also a natural recap which happens randomly even in a seemingly unrelated moment, by itself

That's the only one I can do.  I have no patience for formal disciplines.  The only steady practice is that I try to be vaguely aware to pay attention (body/mind/world sensation/>detachment)

Truthfully, I think what helps me is that I clearly know everywhichway.. this is the sensible disposition. 

That came from simple practice of neutralizing poisonous emotions by gaining separation, and evolved from that.

Taking on the normally nasty states of being is part of that evolution.  My eccentric fascination therewith is temporary.  I realize there are stages.




ADD: I must be open to subconscious suggestion.  transitions4, your talk of dreaming led to a slew of memorable dreams last night (highly unusual), so thanks for the cue.  serloco, anything you convey directly to me I absorb immediately.  In a way (no question) you are the master (correct or advise me anytime the spirit moves you).


NOTE TO Mornings Son..  I do not 'ignore' your imput {exact opposite}  It comes back to me again and again, and I want to respond from a spirit I know you understand.. even if I (you) have to wait.

[Billy]

I am playing my part up, but am doing some great things.  Others shared words with me, so until it's a chore I'll write.  I do hone my own intent by words too, so ideas become intent.

RIGHT NOW (don't know about tomorrow) I can disgard any rules and become involved in activity, interests, thinking etc.   I mean, I am free.

   I am trying to make a distinction between those efforts to meditate, shift attention, pray, recap etc. and learning to pay attention to the bottom end of being a perceiver.  I mean, I go to the first phenomenolgy >  that perception IS.  I like to include history.. evolution, my birth, world, and otherness.  serloco omits virtually everything save the root perception, which I TOTALLY like also.

I would have to say that RIGHT NOW I am moving his direction.  So at the beginning, I practiced detachment and learned not to compound negative emotions.  Later, I learned the value of the space to feel my body and act in a mode of separation.  As the detachment became more habitual I understood that every state of being (even despair, lonliness, anger, shame, and hopelessness) could be approached and objectified.  Having those experiences lead to indifference by degrees, because there was less fear attached to whatever state of existence.  I am noticing the negative existential angst lessen to the point of its disappearance altogether.  This is why I mentioned in an erased post about a listless emptiness.  As I am not threatened by how I feel, feeling is no longer an issue in life.  That is, I am fairly aware to ignore whatever the perception as an issue of judgement.  I can even out almost any reflection, sensation, or experience, and even savor it.

   I will assess that serloco empirically knows that root perception confers absolute nothing (of meaning) accept whatever he believes.  And as Don Juan said adroitly, "A warrior HAS to believe."
serloco believes in words, relation, love in the face of stark emptiness?  What will billy believe in a few thousand years?
 

ADD NOTE   A tangible example as to existential angst disappearing:  I think one normally exhales a long 'fhewww' in sighing after entangling invested energy (stress), and feels a release of negative tension.
I often have the sigh now as an easy (stress) release of air that often is more of a 'haaaaah'- no negativity attribute.  Honestly, I picked up the 'haaaaah' from the girl in her 'Pidgin' video ('"ha" is the breath of life, she notes). 
  I recommend you catch a sigh to release it as 'haaaaah.'  I noticed the difference; and, if you can get one to come out that way spontaneously, it will amaze you how different the mental state.  Kind of like, lead the body (& its function here) and the mind will follow.

[Billy]

Analogy of mind state in moving from what's above to what's below through detachment.



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[Billy]

Analogous quality of moving being and mind state through detachment.  SEE above, then SEE below.


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[Billy]

Analogous quality of moving being and mind state through detachment.  SEE above, then SEE below.

[Billy]

[Billy]

Questions ARE allowed..

   I very much get the impression people are unwilling to go deep in self-reflecting their sensitive 'negative' characteristics and emotions in order to objectify them.  AND I am referring to doing this in COMPLETE SECRECY.  Why do I continually dwell here?

   Surely you must understand that there is little benefit to being defensive and having resentment.  So why do you continue allowing that in yourself?  YOU MUST BEGIN TO SEE that intersecting moment of resistance mode with others is your best opportunity early on in detachment exercise.  You need to choose to remove yourself from imagery protection, even if only long enough to observe you've done so.    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!     Do you understand? 

   ***Still, it is not the goal of detachment to moderate your behavior as regards others.  The goal of detachment is to free your SELF.  You are a prisoner of your own making.

   When I am out in the world I KNOW that most people are vulnerable because they cannot be real.  They are tied to images.. PERIOD!  I am not.   Further on, I am not afraid of anything billy. 

    How does it make sense, that if something is known to yourself about yourself, it can make you uncomfortable ?  ?  ?     

   I hear this talk of not having self-importance and getting rid of personal history and I'll tell you that's a crock of ****.  I HAVE SELF-importance and a personal history..  and, a BEVY of useful identities.
   You talk of no self-importance, but are afraid of your deeply hidden feelings?   Why is it your mind is not free to explore the 'nasty ****' about yourself, if adhering to no self import? 

      Why are you afraid of what emotions can be self-discovered and leave you raw?  Why be threatened if it is part of you?   How is that free?

      I can say without contradiction that there is nothing of billy that billy is afraid of.   NOTHING.  I love and embrace the 'worst of me.'  ONLY through detachment could that happen for me.  I don't know that there might be other ways to be enlightened, but I do know you cannot be free if something inside of you must remain subdued.  You want freedom? 



      If you want freedom, do the detachment exercises that deal with resentment of others first.  If you are doing them without self-pity tagging along the backside, you will be able to see their value.  THEN,
detach from the resentments of your own being.  You will then open the door to  genuine recapitulation.   You will expose your inadequacy as a human and find the requisite objectivity there.  THIS will begin to free you.
 
    At this stage, detachment is become a compelling, circularly reinforcing quality.  You will pay attention easily.  You will know the truth of your WHOLENESS by feeling your own body and returning deep within often.  Yes, you will retain personal history and have SELF importance.. just as there is a world and people to retain; yet, nothing will hold you down.


   Oh Jesus, now I'll have to hear it from serloco.  Smiles, smiles.

[Billy]

Questions ARE allowed..

   I very much get the impression people are unwilling to go deep in self-reflecting their sensitive 'negative' characteristics and emotions in order to objectify them.  AND I am referring to doing this in COMPLETE SECRECY.  Why do I continually dwell here?

   Surely you must understand that there is little benefit to being defensive and having resentment.  So why do you continue allowing that in yourself?  YOU MUST BEGIN TO SEE that intersecting moment of resistance mode with others is your best opportunity early on in detachment exercise.  You need to choose to remove yourself from imagery protection, even if only long enough to observe you've done so.    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!     Do you understand? 

   ***Still, it is not the goal of detachment to moderate your behavior as regards others.  The goal of detachment is to free your SELF.  You are a prisoner of your own making.

   When I am out in the world I KNOW that most people are vulnerable because they cannot be real.  They are tied to images.. PERIOD!  I am not.   Further on, I am not afraid of anything billy. 

    How does it make sense, that if something is known to yourself about yourself, it can make you uncomfortable ?  ?  ?     

   I hear this talk of not having self-importance and getting rid of personal history and I'll tell you that's a crock of ****.  I HAVE SELF-importance and a personal history..  and, a BEVY of useful identities.
   You talk of no self-importance, but are afraid of your deeply hidden feelings?   Why is it your mind is not free to explore the 'nasty ****' about yourself, if adhering to no self import? 

      Why are you afraid of what emotions can be self-discovered and leave you raw?  Why be threatened if it is part of you?   How is that free?

      I can say without contradiction that there is nothing of billy that billy is afraid of.   NOTHING.  I love and embrace the 'worst of me.'  ONLY through detachment could that happen for me.  I don't know that there might be other ways to be enlightened, but I do know you cannot be free if something inside of you must remain subdued.  You want freedom? 



      If you want freedom, do the detachment exercises that deal with resentment of others first.  If you are doing them without self-pity tagging along the backside, you will be able to see their value.  THEN,
detach from the resentments of your own being.  You will then open the door to  genuine recapitulation.   You will expose your inadequacy as a human and find the requisite objectivity there.  THIS will begin to free you.
 
    At this stage, detachment is become a compelling, circularly reinforcing quality.  You will pay attention easily.  You will know the truth of your WHOLENESS by feeling your own body and returning deep within often.  Yes, you will retain personal history and have SELF importance.. just as there is a world and people to retain; yet, nothing will hold you down.


   Oh Jesus, now I'll have to hear it from serloco.  Smiles, smiles.


   Excepting there be questions to answer, I've indulged enough for a while.  (I was not really admonishing anyone here by the way; I'm pretty loose is all.)

[Billy]

I hesitated about posting this morning, but thought about bringing truthful balance. 

I woke up with the worst case of a painful dead zone; I mean, this was a leaden anchor of not wanting life to go on..  not feeling of blah or identifiable bleakness, but pure concentration of NO.

   I had a knowing impulse to observe (observe what?)  I told myself that everything (tonal) was fine, and got up to groom.  I did that, but got back on the lazy-boy recliner I was sleeping on, and I pulled covers over my head to disappear from awareness.  {I virtually never before went back to sleep as I did here}

   I convey here that my range of experience is broad; that enlightenment has little to do with conditional change.  This is about having rediscovered the focal bottom, the basis as an entity alive.

[Billy]

I had moved off that 'NO' experience the day before yesterday easily, especially given I got extra good sleep.  I had nice sex yesterday with my wife, but felt a slightly uncomfortable hurry most of the day.  TV made me edgy too..  Middle East in shambles; a teenager throws a dog off a cliff into a river, and the dog manages to survive and get back to point of origin, only to be thrown back over the cliff again fatally.  The boy is only charged with two misdemeanors.   A college basketball game between the 1st and 2nd ranked team goes into three overtimes.  I watch parts of a program with heroin addicts telling their story.  I have a sense of needing to be wary to have an even keel, and not get too high (or too low).  I keep writing because I think I am saying something. 

   I read a few things I've written and I think I am arrogant.  Controlled folly is full of newness, and today had an edge to it.  I have no interest in fixing any world problems, or anything.  I only want to tend to what is immediately in my narrow sight.  I am feeling a rash of stronger feelings though.  I will erase this ****, but I actually believe if someone see this, it might give comfort if they have a similar experience. 

   Too, I probably am talking to myself except it does not feel like that.  Actually, it does not feel like anything I have known.  I am fluid and open.  I can get rather easily deep into the primal existential 'ooze.'  That is nice (nice? smile).  It is very sensual; I feel fantastic as I am writing now and the primal sensations rise up.  (must write a book-smile)

No one is here anymore, and I wondered if I rather like writing without observers more than with them.  DON'T ya know how alone feels soooo wicked {pure}  ?

You're spoiling my fun by my perceiving I am talking to someone- lol.

[Billy]

Hypocricy.......  hmmm....  At the pulpit- a minister?? 

   I wake up and think what is THIS world phenomena?  I don't want 20,000 more years of this craziness (I'll do 19,999.99999 and that's it).

  I indulge this line of thought.  Why does anyone make words to talk of such things.. AND GOD ? ?  Life conveys for itself what a crock is being served up.  Philosophers, thinkers, reverends ?

Look how many fucking words I've written already.  To say WHAT?

[url=

[Billy]

I don't want to confuse ya.  billy is on a loooong natural high.  My 'lows' are decidedly some sort of highs. 
Detachment


  serloco..  I don't think you'll see this now (maybe someday); I want to say not one day passes without my rememberance of what balance (and miracles) you've brought my way.  I'll say here to others, the lumens of serloco's wisdom is brilliant in comparison to whatever light I may afford.