07-30-2011, 12:00 AM
I have decided to share an experience I had 8 months ago. A little background before I get into the actual experience though.
I had taken a trip to the area I grew up, a 19 hour drive. On the way back we heard a loud banging noise where the back right tire was thinking not much of it we continued our drive home. When we got back we got the car checked out and the mechanic was amazed that we had driven so far on it, he said we all should have been dead, the back axle was almost completely cracked.
So after returning back is when the experience begins... it is hard for me to articulate and organize what took place over the span of a week after returning... the details of what was said during that week won't make sense to anyone but over all I would explain my over all demeanor during this time to what felt like waking reality was a daydream and fever.
Everyone in the house faced our deepest darkest fears and secrets... we came face to face with our shadow selves. Whenever a shadow self manifested I remember channeling these shadow selves while in a bath of ice cold water. When my stepson would fall asleep his shadow self would manifest itself in the house... there would instantly be a thickness in the air, the lights would flicker... and we over heard the screams of our neighbors the most horrific screams any of us had ever heard. So that is a brief description of the precursors to the core experience..
And a general explanation of my internal self up to the point of the core experience is as followed...
~ well basically my whole life up until that point i have always never understood people. Why people don't t just say what they mean.. mean what they say. Why peoples actions don't follow their words... ever since i could remember i wondered why there was so much suffering... i internalized the suffering i saw in the world, especially the suffering of the innocent... i told myself i could carry some of that suffering to ease the suffering of others.. so for most of my life i carried this suffering and didn't let anyone see it.. it ate away at me it was always there. I constantly hoped for death to end it.... ~
The experience..
On that day that everything changed i was with my gf and i was pretty jacked up... i couldn't physically speak, she knew something was wrong with me i couldn't put it into words.. i couldn't express the pain inside.. then she put her hand to her head and in the second she did this feeling i felt most my life was completely gone. and that same second she was uncontrollably sobbing.. i could speak i asked what the *** just happened..? she asked, this is what you have been feeling??? i said give it back, i didn't want her to have ever felt that way...
she said no she wouldn't do that... but what can she do? she expressed that which i couldn't for hours and then went outside and grounded herself... since then i haven't felt that sadness. Also since then we all have changed for the positive.
I had taken a trip to the area I grew up, a 19 hour drive. On the way back we heard a loud banging noise where the back right tire was thinking not much of it we continued our drive home. When we got back we got the car checked out and the mechanic was amazed that we had driven so far on it, he said we all should have been dead, the back axle was almost completely cracked.
So after returning back is when the experience begins... it is hard for me to articulate and organize what took place over the span of a week after returning... the details of what was said during that week won't make sense to anyone but over all I would explain my over all demeanor during this time to what felt like waking reality was a daydream and fever.
Everyone in the house faced our deepest darkest fears and secrets... we came face to face with our shadow selves. Whenever a shadow self manifested I remember channeling these shadow selves while in a bath of ice cold water. When my stepson would fall asleep his shadow self would manifest itself in the house... there would instantly be a thickness in the air, the lights would flicker... and we over heard the screams of our neighbors the most horrific screams any of us had ever heard. So that is a brief description of the precursors to the core experience..
And a general explanation of my internal self up to the point of the core experience is as followed...
~ well basically my whole life up until that point i have always never understood people. Why people don't t just say what they mean.. mean what they say. Why peoples actions don't follow their words... ever since i could remember i wondered why there was so much suffering... i internalized the suffering i saw in the world, especially the suffering of the innocent... i told myself i could carry some of that suffering to ease the suffering of others.. so for most of my life i carried this suffering and didn't let anyone see it.. it ate away at me it was always there. I constantly hoped for death to end it.... ~
The experience..
On that day that everything changed i was with my gf and i was pretty jacked up... i couldn't physically speak, she knew something was wrong with me i couldn't put it into words.. i couldn't express the pain inside.. then she put her hand to her head and in the second she did this feeling i felt most my life was completely gone. and that same second she was uncontrollably sobbing.. i could speak i asked what the *** just happened..? she asked, this is what you have been feeling??? i said give it back, i didn't want her to have ever felt that way...
she said no she wouldn't do that... but what can she do? she expressed that which i couldn't for hours and then went outside and grounded herself... since then i haven't felt that sadness. Also since then we all have changed for the positive.