Helena's topic

[Helena]

I will use this thread to write my thouhgts and learnings.
Take good care.
Helena
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[Helena]

I stepped outside to catch som air. Light was fading and so as I moved my hands I could see the energy, they made in the air like a dim shining cloud that followed a little bit behind.

[Helena]

At risk of sounding utterly childish and naive I am doing my best to deal with a problem that have occured, other people...
I am leraning to deal with people close to me better and better by improving my behaviour, being honest and telling other people when when I think they are no god. Works quite well even if not perfect.
The other problem is my will to make a perfect world out there. Surely if I am all loving and light everyone I meet will be as well... :-o ...hmmm, maybe they are not...look for faults in your self...hmmmm, there sure are some but not that bad...faults in thought patterns...I live in a big city and I would very much like to be invisible every now and then, how does one do that?
By the way, in my refelting window the (third) tbird held the commuincation fire within...was quite pretty.

[Nagual LoneWolf]

Being invisible? ..stalk.

[Helena]

Bein is indeed invisible nowadays. Don't know why, I used to see much more often but I prefer shutting my seeing down as long as I have fears...it is going better though. I have indeed lost my ways. That was probably a good thing. There have been so many changes in my life this past year I don't really know where to begin, continue or possibly end although that would indeed be death.
But not just yet.
Saw a movie yesterday, old, "City of angels" or so...Meg Ryan and Nicolas Cage...have one just like that, don't know what to do with him every now and then. Just a friend? Life with no end. Basics (sheit, doctor is gonna ask me what i have been smoking) mostly, Orange refelction in my window, fire within and just another girl I just heard.
MAke it so
Shake it until you're old
I dreamt once that LoneWolf had died and I had to eat him up within 24 hours. Ironic. He was much nicer dead, an innocent thoughform of blue light, a ghost sitting by my side not particularily bothered by his ending. Where's Nick? John the bold indian and doc. Where's Nick, the indian with the strong shoulders and the reading man with glasses and a black coat. Where's the asian, juanita and karen? Where's the asian (i forgot youe name emma), indian woman and myself?
Now a nice meal that was not, he force fed me (not that he would) a piece later, called it energyfood. Bl...solomly swear you're up to no god.
Holding my sholder you are, nice means you're up and ready. Anyway, think I am shewing and spitting my friend ten times over. Lay it in the oven bake it and see if it tastes better. Hardly since I am mostly a vegetarian nowadays.
Safe. No horror. Just the usual amount of trouble but freer and with good faith, I just need to get this leaf out of my mouth and stay. MAke it a good day. Are you? Yes!
(shh not ready yet)
That was for you-nothing you do-make a home-with what-it's all new.

[Nagual LoneWolf]

City of Angels...is there such a thing?
I, too saw that movie..like a art form.
My death will come and you will know it.
As we change and grow out of what we were we feel that we haven't but we do and did.
I look in the mirror and wonder who is that man looking back at me for in my body my eyes see differently then what is reflected back at me.
In my eyes I have no fear but today when I saw my eyes reflected back I saw fear, meaning I fear myself.

[Helena]

Yeh, I am sure Ill know when you're dead Lone. You'll probably sculk around my house all day ... or maybe just stop.

[Helena]

That I am...was...felt weird and no god. lost myangel i did :-( so this old man came by today that i don't know. had a foreign woman with him with dark hair and god smile. they were very happy, had been in the woods found gold they had and were very eager to show me (due to happiness i supposed). my daughter had her third crash on her bike as they turned their backs.
hmmm...yoda folds his ears down...
Pissed me off at the time but yoda said to fold ears so i do.
Stav. you can dance around it i suppose but its still same thing or maybe not.
back on "director"

[Nagual LoneWolf]

The spirit that is me comes to all of you that is my intent.

[Helena]

I am trying to figure out the connection between dreaming when asleep (and not lucid but vaguely aware), dreaming when sleeping and lucid (atleast somewhat) and what I would call visualisation/meditation AND THE EFFECT IT HAS ON MY LIFE.
It is very odd...my inner life as mirrored in the real world proves again and again to be related to things I've visualised in meditation. I would say about a year after maybe or so it appears. At one point one just recognizes eventhough rarely exactly the same.
Then there is the teacher check up dreams or something like that which are sort of aware I suppose to check growth when one can't pretend. Good thing I am so nice (though still a little bit to violent for my own ego to feel pleased).
I wonder if I alter or create things through dreaming or just see things alittlebit in advance.
I am also thinking a bit about future as in when I was married all I could see was a dark tunnel for future but if we parted I could see light in the tunnel that way. (This was perhaps four years ago.) Hence should have known it was a dead end...and that something would happen. Perhaps though it is hard to see things in future when I don't want to (as for example a divorce). And should settle for the black.
(My hands smell Kasper who is now two, small, fury and black. And likes people eventhough he is just a dog.)
I went riding the other day, on a vulcano horse appearently cause named Hekla. There was a whole party and was interesting ride because ther is three ways.
1. Ordinary pleasures of riding in nature.
2. In the woods, sort of although flying above head. What is happening, what is that about.
3. Short glimpes of elvenlike party like Tolkien travel. Beautiful and light, tail to tail like beeds on a string.
The woman who owns the stable is a healer, very nice. I am making a homepage for her. Turning out quite well.
I saw the most beautiful moon today, so large and almost orange with the misty glow of amazing breathing and wispering august black night. Hardly any stars yet, just this godgiven gift.
I am looking into christianity this fall. Read about the crusifixtion the other day, change two small words at one point and the story is actually about a woman shaman's development. How absurd...could be off course. The Jesus story doen's really make sense if not looked at symbolically but then it is rather interesting. Well, it will be interesting to see where this road leads. I found a nice saint of mine, who guides the road to Santiago de Compostella. Important, should think so. Felt light when took it.
Basically it is another day and no lover flown away. I don't need "you" to end this for me, or perhaps I do should say it, perhaps but really for you Hejd will name it.
Thought my bike was stolen today, after an inner conversation about a sneaky visit to collect loose ends. It wasn't really, I just forgot where I put it on my last journey. So now I have to go and collect it tomorrow, bother :-). Is not god for my reputation as is already doomed with bad memory after electricution and head failure.
I just wanted to file a complaint about hitting my house with lightning, blew the wires it did and I thought my modem and TV was broke but wasn't really my fault as I had to explain. They fixed though and fast too but it is indeed sureal when seeing clearly in a flah and then being hit by lightening for real in the same moment. Sheeeeesh you are such a bother.

[Helena]

Well hello fellow workers,
Am quite pissed off actually. Was tending to my own stuff today when someone suddenly started telling me how my physics are like dark choclate, now this might have been a joke since I eat a lot of that, but as it sounded I would say that was not exactly it. Especially since the same voice has called me hore on the right side and - what was it again, i forgot, but something very similar - on the left side on a later date while also finding it perfectly alright to suprise me as I come out of the shower and commenting on my lovely breasts on odd occasions out of nowhere. Anyone want to hit the Jackass, please feel free to do so. An by the way, piss off!

[Helena]

I saw a man today at the end of my meditation. He was quite tall, not skinny, blond sholderlength hair and round glasses. Gave the impression of being a real jerk (jerkoff).

[Helena]

Behind my left sholder is very often what appears as a very light man, white.
Behind my right sholder and maybe moving more is a man I would refer to as earthy, smoky grey.
Over my head is my mother and my father.

[Helena]

I have found this excellent point in my middle, sort of in the middle of the body from all angles perhaps. Its like a star created from two triangles meeting. I think me it can be used for many things. I read an author who described something he did as spinning a white flower behind his third eye and letting it drop a line down his body which met the rising tale of a snake with head pointed downwords. I think he is describing the same thing ah, hm, then I may have known this before, but...I feel it much better now).
I also think that my left side is light, green, my right side is light, blue (which makes turqoise(?) which is interesting on a personal level as it shows on all my paintings). The bottom half is perhaps dark, redish and the top half is light (maybe's yellowish but very unsure right now its been a while). Tried figureing out how these hang together and if they would connect in "the point" as being in middle it might perhaps also connect the two sides but ...not done there. They are supposedly connected in all the organs that we have that are centered (?) and only one so I fgured that could also be a point. but outer connection is easier, hands for eample. Its odd cause these are four different things that don't really hang together, yet they do, is the top/botten the physical and the left/right the energetic (in lack of better word or understanding) cause think it is right now maybe a dm from my face.
My hand are growing quite good, I feel alot and do energetic massage on me every now and then to feel well and help me in my daily life, to improve. My right foot is apperantly a bit tricky and my back is strained a lot. Hands feel very different from time to time and I am not sure whether or not they are all my intent. I surely do get help with this and that.
So please, no more yelling, leave me be.

[Nagual LoneWolf]

Ah Helena heals herself and watches the watchers.

[Helena]

I bought me a turkose ring. the funny thing is it fits both sides. Great ha, wonder if i'll grow to like it.
As I was having my modest supper a rainbow appeared outside my window, full halfcircle just over my house ;-) very pretty it was.
This is the funniest little house I've ever seen...the snow piles three times as high as the neighbors houses, I've been struck by lightning as someone tried to make a point come through and there seams to be rainbows of importance.

[Helena]

I am sort of looking into the chain of events and contracts made on a different level. I do believe there is always a choice in the situation through which you decide who you are so the agreed meating may mean it comes to nothing or it comes to something for the future depending upon the parties involved actual choises in the real world. Hence who you really are.

[HerbaMatey]

interesting colors you found
in yoga science there are two nerve channels going up the spine
the one on the right is red for fire and the one on the left is blue for water
one is cool/relaxed/receptive and the other is hot/energetic/expressive
then there is the central channel which moves clear light energy
but i can see how you could see so many colors
at the base of the spine is the gross colors, low vibration, and at the top is the subtle refined high vibratory colors, and the blue and red nerve channels spiral around the central channel making either energy a possibility
try it out though
if you close off your right nostril and breathe powerfully through the left it is relaxing
if you close off the left and breathe powerfully trhough the right it is energizing
each nostil corresponds to one of the nerve channels
throughout the day and night one nostril is dominant and it affects all aspects of our mood but the dominance can be consciouslly altered

[Helena]

Thanks Herba that proved kind of useful.

[Helena]

Now I am shitty tired of all stupid sorcerer books and dum writnings on these boards. All inducing fear-telling terrible tales of attack from this or that realm and contiunig wHOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this terrible thing was an act of an ancient evil sorcerer so superior you'll never be a fraction of it.
It is really such that I must assume that the only purpose is to spread fear all the while saying no fear or you're done for.
Hm,hm, Mr Lone always telling terrible sightings of this nagual hunter or that witch and this board all blackish seeing threats everywhere. allthough offcourse, no fear and brave we are.
I just really wanted to spread vent some anger and also I am quite tired of the whole thing. Such as it is.
Make up.
I think perhaps I burnt my left arm, its been hurting all day but its better now. I lost my emerald today, which was sad, i liked it alot but there'll be something else I am sure. I still haven't gotten over my loss of my rainbow stone though. I miss it terribly. Here's the tale:
I was swimming in the sea this summer with a not physically present man. I wore my rainbow stone around my neck since it is in shape of a pendulum with dolphin. I showered that man with water drops in different directions. And a rainbow man in the west is not all too fine. When I cam home my pendulum broke and for a long time now also the rainbowstone has been missing so I think it is now lost forever.

[Nagual LoneWolf]

Ah well then relax and remember that life is a gift but to make something more out of the gift is to be noble.

[Helena]

Like Alschemrto sya "why take things so seriously" although dalai lama (or someone else) said life is very serious and he seams the happiest fellow.
i tend to see many of these lightpoints like shing dusts in the air.
Oh and I read the nagulista serie lesson: I really don't get schmidt so ill just accept i'm not up for it. Nice and humlbe huh ;-)

[Nagual LoneWolf]

If you close your eye lids then still see, you will after awhile realize that your eyes are still seeing and that there are things they can see, like myself for example. You may see me looking at you.

[Helena]

Yesterday as I was at beginning of series of classes in st Jacobs church I sat in front of a little candle and eventhough I held my hand very close it didn't burn neither in feel nor in actual evidence on skin afterwards. I asked why and was shown a bit of energy in front of my hand. Amazing...makes you wonder about all them storys about saints that lived through all kinds of things without a scratch.

[Helena]

I met a cat this afternoon. It suprised me jumping out of the bushes, and my reaction probably scared it a little. I sat down and it came up to me and was all cuddly the all of a sudden out of nowwhere it bit my right leg and jumped away. Not hard, didn't leave any marks...just wanted to make a point I suppose. Guess it likes biting things it likes ;-) although someone said it wanted to tell me not to use that trick as i had suprised it.
Reminds me of when my little icelandic friend Hekla bit my foot when riding for no reason except pushing her a bit more than she liked (which was not that much. Likes to do as she wants she does that horse, than she's very nice and perky off course. Not jumpy, wise and calm and eager, but with a lousy rider she is slightly vulcano like so not suprising really.)
Now Hekla was one thing but the funny thing about this cat is that it behaved very irrational for a cat and smelled weird it did. Hmmm, a visitor, perhaps.