Casual Conversation

[Finwe]

Freedom

[serloco]

Yes it is very free to be detached from women..

[Billy]

I have the weird blessing of staying married to the ultimate petty tyrant.  Talk about **** slapping: 1st the year I met she wanted me to leave--she could not come to throw me out.  So she got on top with me inside and methodically slapped me and slammed my head on the floor if my mouth reached for her nipples.  Towards the end I was reduced to an infant.  Still, she would then graze a nipple over my mouth and pull it from me.  When I was hysterical for her maternal reward she finally would nurture me and soothe her little baby Shhh, Shhhh, Shhh while stroking the top of my head.  She would get her body in rhythm.  Shhh would get faster & more intense and she fucked me to death while I teethed and suckled.

Both of us were gone into another world of primal eroticism, and ALWAYS we came together, and pretty violently.  This became a habit (8-9 times) until it got too crazy, and she actually made me leave.  I had a near fatal car crash within a month (drunk & fleeing the police).  After the hospital and many stitches I was taken to a jail cell.  I called her to bail me out, she took me to my parents in miserable shape and head mostly bandaged, but had a change of heart--she took me home with her.

Oh, you have no idea what she could do to me.  I HAD to learn detachment.

[Billy]

I have power over her and myself.  BUT I love reverting.  The last major detachment I had was via my daughter.  My daughter wasn't the relationship to be detached from; no matter how she treated me, it was about my wife.  The night of my shifted attention was a show for myself and a major shift in dynamics.

[Billy]

S. freed me that night bigtime.

[Finwe]

I dont want to stir exasperation, yet sexual boundaries, rules everything round it and the sexual games, that are in allsocieta played everywhere and almost under every intention are present, is the cause of the humanity imprisonment and animal-like behavior. It gives sorrow to my eye how high and far we gone and deem ourselves, yet are unwilling/unable rather in comfort indulgence deluding with this primitive instinct and ephemereal joy that cannot be eternaly satisfied and only serves to perpetuate the human race on the scale of physical evolution, which we by numbers already exceeded by far and so the neccesity of it logically and on individual level, loop of indulgence and binding, that if we are to evolve into luminous being we truly are, is to be given up and if ever-used then only under impeccable intent. Creating life is one of the greatest responsibilities one can decide to take and care of and what does people do, fucking like rabbits and having it for the essence of life, in comparement to other goals. When I look on this and the glory of infinity, tears outburst from my eyes, for all that pain and blindness, inability to be free, when that's all we want or need, uniquelly personally of course.

[Billy]

I don't know--it lends itself to my purpose.  I want both negation and awareness at the same time.  Truth for me, is a purified heart.  There I TASTE a base withdrawal and condemnation that is wholesome.  THAT is what I move from.  It is not emotion.  I am complete and sensational.

[Finwe]

It is like infinity from my heart tearing me apart, ushering me into infinity as I stop to be in feeling of that endlessness that fullfills, me awareness

[Billy]

AH HA, YES!  That is it Finwe.  More pragmatically, the world condemns me and glorifies me, but I condemn and glorify myself so much better.

[Billy]

yours was masterful

[Finwe]

just how i feel

[Billy]

Then, THAT is masterful (smile)

[Finwe]

Yes, some does not learn it even over whole life.

[serloco]

Yeah billy, i *** everythng, and i *** God up the ass too.. I made God a Goddess for me tho many times.. Lets me make Him/Her into anything, any form imaginable. I call it fucking up the ass or giving head cuz really you are giving head.. Bible says give Glory and Power and I found I can give it any form of power and whatever I name it it becomes.. So I have had many different forms of God and Goddesses, I like it that way, but in truth the best form of God I have found is the perfect nagual, the unknown perfection, the mystery beyond me giving it head. What can i name it that is beyond myself, well it knows everything and how to do anything and everything, and so I name it that. That is giving power and Glory, but whenever my Gods and Goddesses got out of hand I cut off their power and gave them nothing, then presto allakazam they have nothing.. no power.. It really is quite amazing..

[Billy]

You touched my paradigm.  I told Susan (wife) just hours ago, i would ask  how I could transmit some of my good energy to her.  I'm smiling what she would do to me after listening.

Susan is shy and gentle, and won't act physically even if I begged her now.  The first times were an anomaly.  But her psychological abuse of power was overwhelming until I grew.  She has presence too.

So, do I transmit some power to her? and regardless, how if I want to?

[Billy]

serloco wrote:Yeah billy,...best form of God I have found is the perfect nagual, the unknown perfection, the mystery beyond me giving it head. What can i name it that is beyond myself, well it knows everything and how to do anything and everything, and so I name it that. That is giving power and Glory, but whenever my Gods and Goddesses got out of hand I cut off their power and gave them nothing, then presto allakazam they have nothing.. no power.. It really is quite amazing..

 This is for me if you will it.  I SEE that I if I want from you (which I confuse (?) as part of my world (rather than part of myself-- I would depart a bit from my spirit.  However, I CAN want without attachment. And, I DO love to think of you as myself, unlike how I objectify the world as separate.

Your mushy hugs are being returned and I hug myself too.

Too many words.  Push me.

[Billy]

The Dayton Flyers won again last night by the way for seven in a row.  Will be ranked nationally this coming week.  I will intervene a bit next week too by intending in one game.

[Billy]

S., what happens to beings when they die?

Yo touched upon 'singularity' once, (that is the point where computers/machines begin irreversible process of infringing on humans).  Some credible persons say that begins in about twenty years.  You SEE.

Omni would be better--(laughing and serious too), I wouldn't have to ask so many fucking questions.

[Billy]

Can I be a nagual?  Unformed yearn & beautiful ghastly emptiness.

[Billy]

My sentiment though pertaining to abstracted ideas, is very empirically real--I'm breathing it, living it.  What you give to me I eat, and I am hungry without clinging to my appetite.

[serloco]

billy wrote:You touched my paradigm.  I told Susan (wife) just hours ago, i would ask  how I could transmit some of my good energy to her.  I'm smiling what she would do to me after listening.

Susan is shy and gentle, and won't act physically even if I begged her now.  The first times were an anomaly.  But her psychological abuse of power was overwhelming until I grew.  She has presence too.

So, do I transmit some power to her? and regardless, how if I want to?Well billy anyone can be a nagual despite don Juan's teachings. However not everyone is a nagual. It is quite easy to alter your energetic cofiguration in many ways.. It's up to you.. You define your existence.. FOr myself I would merely have to intend to send energy to your wife. HOwever for myself it is easy to engage energies through the act of connection and not merely a name, but all that is truly needed for myself is a reference.. However it makes it harder. You can do the same if you so intend it.. It's up to you..

[serloco]

billy wrote:S., what happens to beings when they die?

Yo touched upon 'singularity' once, (that is the point where computers/machines begin irreversible process of infringing on humans).  Some credible persons say that begins in about twenty years.  You SEE.

Omni would be better--(laughing and serious too), I wouldn't have to ask so many fucking questions.Well billy it is as you say. Definitive again, death is personal. You intend to die and so you do.. Life can make any arrangment and eperience. For my it is omni.. It is everything and nothing, it is freedom.. I have intended this and seen it before, as well as after journies to the source to see it again and again.. However only once did I have the complete experience but saw there that i can intend it again. It was/is the most intence experience i ever had and so am a bit resistent to having it full effect again. However if I die then that would be where I go.. It is where death is activated in our awareness and all things die bily, and so al things are simultaneously dead, and alive.. Everythign occurs and happens and everythig dies. It is omni.

[Billy]

Your talk of leaving affected me as you know. @)%!@*%$@@!!!   Too many words, you know what I can DO/NOT DO---PUSH me.

Reparate the unecessary divide bs

[Billy]

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[Billy]

Finwe wrote:It is like infinity from my heart tearing me apart, ushering me into infinity as I stop to be in feeling of that endlessness that fullfills, me awareness

love, billy