07-24-2018, 12:00 AM
A woman I know shared a tale of power with me today, and I thought it only fitting to share with you all here.
Although I won't be writing her name in here I will describe her a bit. She works with me as a "para", (I don't know why they're called that), as I've been driving a special needs bus for kids in summer school the last 6 weeks. She's 73, black, and has a strong belief in God. Due to our schedule, there have been a number of hours we've been parked out at a mall between tiers of our routes where we've not much to do but chat with each other. She has a very persistent style of conversing. Normally when chatting with people out in society I've been in the habit of keeping everyone at arms length. When they ask me any questions about myself I tend to give short, socially acceptable answers, often accompanied by a humorous story and then shift the subject away. In truth I rarely tell people much of anything; keeping dialogues as short and meaningless as possible. Occasionally someone might press a question a little and I've got several habitual ways of deflecting. She however proved more persistent and skilled at getting to know people than I've been at preventing that, and so we've gotten to know each other pretty well over the last 6 weeks.
As it turns out, she's actually trained in that area, having worked for a number of years in a rehabilitation clinic. I'm glad it worked out the way it has, because we've had some pretty interesting conversations that I normally would never have with people. She's like that with everyone, and I've watched her tell people things I wouldn't think to tell them. For example, she came to the door to tell one woman whose son we drop off in front of her house how pretty she thought she was. In another case she told the parents of one of the boys that she knew how loving they were because of how their son acts, saying that a kid that loving must see it a lot around the house. Very nice things to say, but not something I'd normally say to someone I'd never spoken to before who was just picking their kid up at the bus stop. I can see that allowing yourself to say those kinds of things is to act with more freedom than the way I and most everyone else seems to act. In both examples the person she talked to thought it was a bit weird initially but quickly warmed up to her, realizing it was a sincere compliment and that she wasn't trying to get something from them or anything like that. Being the student of human behavior that I am, I pay a lot of attention to how she does this and I've noticed as people start to tell her things she can pick up on a lot more than they say or even hint at. I started to suspect early on that she's got some psychic ability.
Anyway, because of her ability to get beyond just surface level stuff in conversations we've discussed a range of very interesting stories. She's told me about growing up poor, as the oldest of 20 (yes, 20!) children. Usually, they ate one tiny meal a day but sometimes they didn't get anything. When I asked her why her mom had so many kids she replied almost shouting "Because they didn't have birth control back then!", as if this were the most obvious thing in the world. She's told me about how she felt growing up in the days of "separate but equal" and how she learned the value of work from her father. She worked closely with him growing up, but when she became pregnant at age 14 he got mad and then he started to berate her, saying she'd never grow up to amount to anything and that's why she was so determined to make a success of herself. She did, first getting a nursing degree and then investing in real estate. For a while she lived in a mansion and owned another house which she was renting out.
There's a lot of details I'm leaving out in this short summary of her life. One that isn't relevant but does reveal a bit of the flavor of these conversations that these details would come out of over time was when she told me about her second husband. She only stayed married to him for 21 days. What was wrong? His penis was too big! When I laughed she objected, saying this was serious. She told me she was built small in that area and it really hurt. She spent quite some time explaining to me how much pain he left her in every time they had sex. If the bed was bumped an hour after he was done and she was still laying there it hurt. By the end of the 21 days she could barely walk. I assured her that I wasn't laughing at her pain but that the story was funny. I asked her if she said in court that the reason for the divorce was his penis was too big and she said no. I should've reminded her that she was under oath. xD Ah well, I got a smile out of her anyway and then she relaxed and told me "a lot of black women complain about how much it hurts to have sex with black men because their penises are too big". She implied this was why she prefers white men.
Anyhow, so why isn't she rich today? Well, one of her boyfriends introduced her to some small white rocks. At the time she didn't know what they were even called, and the public at large had yet to hear of crack, so she really didn't know what she might be getting herself into. Soon, she was an addict, and she sold everything she had to feed that addiction. Eventually she overcame it, (I'm sure she would say "with God's help"), and went on to work in a rehab clinic helping other addicts overcome their issues. Today, she lives with some of her kids and a grandchild in one of the poorer neighborhoods of Minneapolis. She has told me that she "thanks God she isn't rich anymore". When I asked why, she told me that she became so arrogant during that time and looked down on everyone and she didn't want to be like that ever again.
Of the many things she's done in her life, one of her skills that we've been talking about lately is "scrapping". This amounts to finding stuff that she can bring to a recycling center and getting paid for it. She's told me that she can make $150 to $200 a day on average scrapping. Today I asked her where she finds the stuff. She told me she goes out early in the morning and looks down the streets. If there's an alley behind the houses, she checks there, if not she checks the streets in the front. She's just looking for old refrigerators, ovens, broken air conditioners, or basically anything metal that people have left out for others to take. She also knows a lot of people in the neighborhoods she goes to and if they're throwing anything out or if they've seen something down the street they'll run right up to her and tell her. Also, she said when she goes out she knows which streets will be good that way and which ones not to bother with. This was when I first let her know I'd suspected she was somewhat psychic and said that must help her in finding stuff. She smiled at me, but said that no, that wasn't how she thought of it. "I just ask God when I go and he guides me where to look."
Of course, now I see that this is how she's been operating the whole time I've known her. If she wants scrap, she asks God and he shows her where to go. If she wants the new driver she's with to open up so they can have better exchanges than typical ones, she asks God and he directs her how. And she surrenders and follows those directions with unquestioning faith. I actually find it beautiful that she chooses to live like that.
Although I won't be writing her name in here I will describe her a bit. She works with me as a "para", (I don't know why they're called that), as I've been driving a special needs bus for kids in summer school the last 6 weeks. She's 73, black, and has a strong belief in God. Due to our schedule, there have been a number of hours we've been parked out at a mall between tiers of our routes where we've not much to do but chat with each other. She has a very persistent style of conversing. Normally when chatting with people out in society I've been in the habit of keeping everyone at arms length. When they ask me any questions about myself I tend to give short, socially acceptable answers, often accompanied by a humorous story and then shift the subject away. In truth I rarely tell people much of anything; keeping dialogues as short and meaningless as possible. Occasionally someone might press a question a little and I've got several habitual ways of deflecting. She however proved more persistent and skilled at getting to know people than I've been at preventing that, and so we've gotten to know each other pretty well over the last 6 weeks.
As it turns out, she's actually trained in that area, having worked for a number of years in a rehabilitation clinic. I'm glad it worked out the way it has, because we've had some pretty interesting conversations that I normally would never have with people. She's like that with everyone, and I've watched her tell people things I wouldn't think to tell them. For example, she came to the door to tell one woman whose son we drop off in front of her house how pretty she thought she was. In another case she told the parents of one of the boys that she knew how loving they were because of how their son acts, saying that a kid that loving must see it a lot around the house. Very nice things to say, but not something I'd normally say to someone I'd never spoken to before who was just picking their kid up at the bus stop. I can see that allowing yourself to say those kinds of things is to act with more freedom than the way I and most everyone else seems to act. In both examples the person she talked to thought it was a bit weird initially but quickly warmed up to her, realizing it was a sincere compliment and that she wasn't trying to get something from them or anything like that. Being the student of human behavior that I am, I pay a lot of attention to how she does this and I've noticed as people start to tell her things she can pick up on a lot more than they say or even hint at. I started to suspect early on that she's got some psychic ability.
Anyway, because of her ability to get beyond just surface level stuff in conversations we've discussed a range of very interesting stories. She's told me about growing up poor, as the oldest of 20 (yes, 20!) children. Usually, they ate one tiny meal a day but sometimes they didn't get anything. When I asked her why her mom had so many kids she replied almost shouting "Because they didn't have birth control back then!", as if this were the most obvious thing in the world. She's told me about how she felt growing up in the days of "separate but equal" and how she learned the value of work from her father. She worked closely with him growing up, but when she became pregnant at age 14 he got mad and then he started to berate her, saying she'd never grow up to amount to anything and that's why she was so determined to make a success of herself. She did, first getting a nursing degree and then investing in real estate. For a while she lived in a mansion and owned another house which she was renting out.
There's a lot of details I'm leaving out in this short summary of her life. One that isn't relevant but does reveal a bit of the flavor of these conversations that these details would come out of over time was when she told me about her second husband. She only stayed married to him for 21 days. What was wrong? His penis was too big! When I laughed she objected, saying this was serious. She told me she was built small in that area and it really hurt. She spent quite some time explaining to me how much pain he left her in every time they had sex. If the bed was bumped an hour after he was done and she was still laying there it hurt. By the end of the 21 days she could barely walk. I assured her that I wasn't laughing at her pain but that the story was funny. I asked her if she said in court that the reason for the divorce was his penis was too big and she said no. I should've reminded her that she was under oath. xD Ah well, I got a smile out of her anyway and then she relaxed and told me "a lot of black women complain about how much it hurts to have sex with black men because their penises are too big". She implied this was why she prefers white men.
Anyhow, so why isn't she rich today? Well, one of her boyfriends introduced her to some small white rocks. At the time she didn't know what they were even called, and the public at large had yet to hear of crack, so she really didn't know what she might be getting herself into. Soon, she was an addict, and she sold everything she had to feed that addiction. Eventually she overcame it, (I'm sure she would say "with God's help"), and went on to work in a rehab clinic helping other addicts overcome their issues. Today, she lives with some of her kids and a grandchild in one of the poorer neighborhoods of Minneapolis. She has told me that she "thanks God she isn't rich anymore". When I asked why, she told me that she became so arrogant during that time and looked down on everyone and she didn't want to be like that ever again.
Of the many things she's done in her life, one of her skills that we've been talking about lately is "scrapping". This amounts to finding stuff that she can bring to a recycling center and getting paid for it. She's told me that she can make $150 to $200 a day on average scrapping. Today I asked her where she finds the stuff. She told me she goes out early in the morning and looks down the streets. If there's an alley behind the houses, she checks there, if not she checks the streets in the front. She's just looking for old refrigerators, ovens, broken air conditioners, or basically anything metal that people have left out for others to take. She also knows a lot of people in the neighborhoods she goes to and if they're throwing anything out or if they've seen something down the street they'll run right up to her and tell her. Also, she said when she goes out she knows which streets will be good that way and which ones not to bother with. This was when I first let her know I'd suspected she was somewhat psychic and said that must help her in finding stuff. She smiled at me, but said that no, that wasn't how she thought of it. "I just ask God when I go and he guides me where to look."
Of course, now I see that this is how she's been operating the whole time I've known her. If she wants scrap, she asks God and he shows her where to go. If she wants the new driver she's with to open up so they can have better exchanges than typical ones, she asks God and he directs her how. And she surrenders and follows those directions with unquestioning faith. I actually find it beautiful that she chooses to live like that.
but it might often sound like I am. I often like to repeat things in a dumb-it-down way for my mind to process better. 