Senear's Dreaming & Discussion Thread.

[Senear]

Ill post dreaming here. And welcome discussion or comments.

[Senear]

10/23-24/13 Notes

Really wasnt into recording anything last night...i woke once after a few hours of sleep to write, but as i did so partly awake...i said "ehhhhh let it go" and didnt even finish lol. Funnily enough I actually wrote "ehhhhh forget it" on my notepad the second time i woke i didnt realise i had it was pretty funny lol. So my brief notes.

1. Team Solves problems. I was part of a team of dreamers, and we were solving problems, not big problems like world hunger or saving the wild naga's (You know from being made into Naugahyde heh) but little problems...like "why the heck cant i get motivated to mow the lawn". Shifting the ap of the self, in all its banal ways...no epic tales of power here...we need to pick up some milk for the cheerios. Good stuff.


2. The Ambasador of dreams. Meet with him/her/it. Its not the "dream Narrator". I meet with him, but appropriately enough, i fall asleep when we are talking, and sleep on a couch in its office (Made of Naugahyde good link/touch) and then i sheepishly leave. Seems it happens to everyone the energy is real "dreamy".

3. I eat and make Groat porridge, its really a pain to prepare it. I take the bowl with me into my bed, and want it in another level of dreaming for power. I figure it will last all night...the carbs. And i go back to the dream i left (which i dont recall much of). Back to dream! Was my enthusiastic sigh...brave face. Groats taste like **** without sweetener...i forgot that, so had to eat some plain "grits". How ghetto!

4. A force orders us to attack. The team...we say...ehh...still got to pick up drycleaning. So we flee the house instead. But when we do, we take a huge missile like an ICBM... Mostly for leverage. Its warm and cheerfull, the ICBM and we rather like him. We had named him "Bubba" and would be sad to shoot him off to blow up.

[NagualHuman]

Well I dont know if I can interpret dreams of someone else, but well a dont care.
The first of all is that its all about energy and getting the best possible synchronisation of the that is you and the on that is surroudings a.ka. the others and the world, for the best possible energetic exchange - which means essencialy to do things that bring positive and heartfiring energy.
1.Perfect example of that, some dream interpreteur of dreams would tell you that in real life you have to too solve your problems...
2."What is not possible, cannot exist" alias when someone hears on see something unimaginable or unbelievable, most people open their mouths and eyes and moments after they doesnt remember anything.
3. Sometime when people get a ghetto food instead of luxury food(not just food), they got disgusted or bored by that fact. In reality it doesnt matter whats matter is the point of view/assemblage point must be fluid enough to get the most out of any situation, so next time you get plan grits, you better believe its much better food of power...just an advice
4.I do not understand that one.
There is certain chain that connects these dreams its seems to me, for the first you got you got energized by working on some goal, on the second you because of your higher energy(could be said awareness) state gained enough energy to meet that person. From which you got energized even more, but it was so much - or betterly said that it compromited some of your accepted beliefs that you forgot it, and the other mind told you rather to do something completely. So now comes the part - because you gained so much energy, which powered up your intention, it of some of our personal reason transported into "food problem", The Problem is that some people when they gain certain amount of energy/money they think that they can immidiately waste it all and dont care of the future, but the true way is to remain given to the force and still acquire energy.
Like "aaaahhh, today was enough of it all" I can now just sit and do nothing. The thing is that infinity never ends, its expands every-now. Everything must be done with purpose of acquiring more and more.
I do not know if I understood it correctly - Some Force ordered you to attack, if its meant like army force, then I think that if you are soldier the disobeying of orders is non-acceptable and destructive for the soldier, so the fact that you didnt want to blow the rocket off means, that you still linger with your emotions on desultory and cheap activities and things, or more precisely said that you have important emotions stucked on unmiportant things and activities. or betterly said you stucked yourself giving unimportant importance, to things and activities that cant give you the value you are looking for.
As I doesnt know how the *** some rocket (if that is the ICBM) can be joyful and cheerfull ?

[NagualHuman]

I also want to point that, the rocket in your dream is just a tool for accomplishing a goal (to be unleashed to somewhere) but your team gained a certain personal attractions to that rocket, which means that you started to give it a human personality, which is not good for a sorcerer that wish to accomplish his goal of infinity. Its like when some people start to love their cars, give them names and act with them like with humans, yet the car of its only material nature cannot give them what they want from a person, this is a classic example obssesive techniques of the old seers, which started to build altars etc. The goal is to use the tools which we have as tools not giving them too much personal-importance, which maintains our solidity and blocks our progress of getting into 3rd attention. Its like having items of power, of recreating believes into something that has not the value, because we gave to that item to value, and the task of the sorcerer is to believe only in his power, because he gives the value to that items, and by aknowledging that he is able to use this power which he sustained upon that item - he is able to use this power for his goal/task and purpose of infinity. "To create/get, to sustain, to acknowledge and to move elsewhere with the power you were able to sustain. To move fluidly with the power, the spirit and the intent which same as infinity expands into eternity.

[Senear]

Good interpretations, particularly on the food. It started with tasks i found boring, but were needed, in order to shift the AP. then i made the energy food, but found it boring and plain so it was not fun to eat it, but i still did but it wasnt "fun". And then shooting the missile, yea, thats a correct interp of that, not wanting to do what power said. On the other hand, if it was just some authority one wouldnt just act without consideration. And lol ye aon the missile, it had an energy field, which made it alive. And like most weapons, their energy is kinda lazy...it sits and waits to be used but doesnt act...for that reason a weapon that has never been used has an almost "friendly" "passive" vibe, and the older it gets, the more alive its energy feels...particularly nuclear ones i guess. heh.

[NagualHuman]

The Solid matter in essence has no conscioussness, but can have conscioussness if we are willing to give it some, by our attraction to it and our willigness to share a living dream with it.
The Old Seers were masters of this as they had items of power and other things. Which the today society also mastered by the need for "material gain", the conscioussness of things has in essence no conscioussness its energy matrix is only as you said lazy and non-moving same as any other technology which human created, it is not able to act on its own only on the conscioussness/ the energy we gave into it - The Computers even though they are able to do huge amount of calculations there still needs to be a human that will create it or plug in into eletricity. In the current society, humans created an item of power that they in same way as the old seers started to worship and and most of human even take it as a god which name is "Money", also technology will never will be able to overcome the abilities of human beign, because it is only a tool that a greater beign the human created, and with the oppening possibilites of humans , the possibilites grows to... but if sorcerer wants to fly on to infinity he cant take any items of power or computer with him, because what only matters and what gives energy and feelings to the things around us is only ourselves, we have the point of view on the things. and the task of sorcerer is to create such a strong will-power,intent that is able to create from anything he comes across or any situation that is given to him a best possible energy gain, that is true sorcery, to get energized by everything, without giving personal-importance of it. because through sorcerer knows that the only thing that for him will prevail in the infinity is himself, so he is able to channel his energy to any possible item, if he needs to, but is by same amount of energy able to disconnect from that item and fluidly by same amount and even bigger attach his energy to something else or some ability. to for the task of flying through infinity this is only viable source of energy that is available to sorcers and that source of energy is himself -and by acknowledging that fact he is able to gather energy exponencially and for accomplishing his task of evolucionating from the luminous egg into an infinite biegn - literally and practically putting of his old/human form for beign able to withstand the eye of the eagle, and to be able to pass him, which is only a beging of the journey/adventure that same as infinity never ends. The things and the task we have on earth - the accumulation of enough energy to pass through eagle is just a playground a training ground and testing ground for the beign, if they are strong and willing enough to be infinite.

I before some years, was of so nihilistic/depressed nature that I wished only one thing - to die, and I was really about to die, I lied on the ground in freezing weather and intented dead with my whole beign, after few hours I blacked out and I appeared in the old-school fashion by which the Don Juan talks of it, before the eagle, just a single human- one luminous egg, but when I saw the eagle in all its enormouss hugeness and rawness it little scared me at first and I knew that I am going on certain death, and started to be pulled to the beak of that eagle, and when I was a few meter before that huge beak and that all-penetrating eyes, and then the beak started to open, There was something in me that started to burn with will a core a heart of my beign - that said "No!" and I woken up from the certain death, just by willing to not be eaten, and my life started a new, I knew that there is more I can do than just to be eaten, I knew that my beign is in core strong enough to against all odds, against everything to fight and become, what I truly am - an Infinite beign, that is going to penetrate the world, same as the eagle by its eyes. and is going even against all against whole world fight and say "Yes I am!, I will and I believe in myself, I wont get eaten by the death, I will be infinite!"

[Senear]

Good points, and its true, we cant take it with us, energy, objects...even ideas and self concepts. thsoe thing sbecome our anchors to the tonal, and in that way, as the tonal generally ends in death...we become chained to death and limitations by these enrgies, ideas, concepts, and become bird food. Bu tlike you said, the thing, is to find and allighn with powe,r endless, and then use that intent to go farther...the story that come sot mind...is the conquistedors and their fleeing the aztec capital. they got so greedy, and half of them drowned burdened with the gifts of cold and jewels the aztecs gave them. the only ones who survived that "enocunter with the old seers" were the one swho by luck or misfortune, either dropped thir cold in the lake, or never had so many gifts loots to start with.

[NagualHuman]

Thats it we as new sorcerers must be enjoying the power that matter(tonal) provides but most importantly we must be able to use our nagual to get anything we want, because as Don Juan said "Tonal is just a small table in enourmouss valley of nagual". and in the nagual is our true power. and as Don Juan told me recently in dream "That he found himself(could be said tonal) after many and many journeys across the unknown."
I dunno know itf it was really the aztecs and cortes but i heard this story in school or somewhere.
I also find funny that so great empire was completely dissolved and destroyed by one gunshot, I dunno who it waas but the conquistadors was invited into their city and met with their kings, and the Cortes or who was it took pistol a put bullet through the kings head, and all of the people because they thought that their king is god of everything was so mentally destroyed by that fact that the whole kingdom was destroyed. Its funny how one small thing(bullet) from absolutely other universe can destroy absolutely whole universe (the aztec kingdom). Its only show how its easy to manipulate with people and how fragile and in same time powerful the tonal is.
I find the ways of how the humanity evolves very funny, in fact the conquistadors were completely the same as the old seers the difference was that these idiots were eaten by their material possesions - and by the tonal - the order, and the old seers was possesed by fearlessness and power of second attention, and because of that in reality they were both same idiots, they started to massacre themselves and the material "demons" won, but same as the tao has ying and yang which both has component of each other, it was not total annihilation, only those who were willing to fly into infinity, were able to maintain their teachings, and moved unseen by their stalking abilities, and as I already said, now the people are becoming to understand the value of the tonal(ego,material possesions etc...) and the value of nagual (silence,nonmaterial/nonreasonable possessions and spirituality), and because the assemblage point is now on the point of total reason, its has the best circumstances to be able to jump into total naguality, and than it becomes fluid as one was before thousand of ages, and what will become now when the assemblage point of earth will be moved directly from reason to the naguality that drives freezing feeling up my spine, what will that mean for whole world, and what wonders will occur every day... One can only imagine...

[NagualHuman]

Also when the ships of conquistadors first appeared on the horizons and at coast no indian could see them at first, because it was so much out of bounds so much unknown for the indians, that they had no ability to see the ships at first, and the old seers were killed mainly by the fact, that most of lower seers of normal persons was so much scarred of them and believed in their superior power, that they by that belief gave them that power. and so when some conquistadors appeared in the forest look for some indian to kill and encountered a old seer, the old seers for example started to mumble with some old language which was his ritual for example spell like "adava kedabra" (from harry potter), and it was really a spell if the old seer would use it on some other indian he would surelly fall dead on the ground. but not in this case, when there stands man with a physical killing tool-musket and his tonal knows that what he is staring at is some mumbling obviously retarded indian, and so by this act of believe or in this case properly said non-believe, the normal young conquistador won over old seer with a hundreds of spells in sleeve and with age maybe even of 1000years.... and that seems to me very funny. I always say that the Universe/Infinity is a great trickster and joker.
And for new seers the magic and the adventure of unknown must work on another principle - on the principle of wonderfullnes and magic, fun and enjoyability, that is able to prevail against all odds. That is not dependant on the fear of other but rather than that on the love of others and will to believe only in your own powers against all odds against the thoughts of all, same as passing of one little human, alongside of the ennourmous eagle. The Fire of Will, Fire of the core, the fire that is able to burn all boundaries, same as the one that is one picture on the board behind this text. That same as of the sun, the fire is the true power of light and of light we as luminous eggs are made of.

[NagualHuman]

Dont take me wrong, Iam not one of those unconditionedallloving people like jesus.
but the humanity must move from the fear to love, switch the polarites
and mainly the love I mean in way of accessing the unknown by instead as old seers did - fear and fearlessness
the new seers must love the unknown, as I love those faires that dance in forest nearby in the moonlight, its pleasant meeting to to smile and fun with these girls
and to any man - I can only recommend finding them as their passion, love - physical and unphysical is hardly by words described

[Senear]

heh

[Senear]

10/24-15/13 2 Crude dudes, Broadcast, coats.

Lots of dreaming, energy for recall was so-so. Bit fragmentary, also i wrote over myself in several places im not sure ill be able to recover all of it.

1. Barely remembered now and barely noted. A city, forming on and out of layers of dream energy. A central lake...or pond. Remember a story of a town named pond with no pond. But this one does. The city swirls around it, like its the center of a vortex...a large well...barell sided...more like a wood hot tub. A (Candle? is Chosen?) the lake well spills out, and soon its not a hottub well in a town, the town is flooded and gone...now its a vast lake. A cat. A cat Spirit rises from the center of the lake, wearing a shimmering dress. I go into the lake.

Ocean far away
You and I will fight the wind
All the storms at sea
We shall lead the way

Sailing through the waves
Mermaids sing their deadly songs
Pull away our souls
in the darkness sea

2. School, another travel to a school or place of learning, but it was different the the usual setting. It was a stone manor in the countryside, and it felt less oppressive somehow. I was excited to travel, i had gotten my passport finally, albeit only in dreaming...and really, when have i needed one? But that was besides the point, it was like getting something done for myself and that set my mood/tone. the sky, line sin the sky...Sky...opens. Is means of travel and recieving information. It is a boarding school, there is a Dorm wing for students, but not indivivule rooms, its like they have for young students. But here, we are adults. There are " 2 Crude Dudes" i think of their...well, juvanile ignorance in the mold of "rocksteady and Bee-bop" Which were two bone head villians from the teenage mutant ninja turtles cartoon lol. Its more then an association, one has a spirit totem like a Rhino, and the other a Warthog...thats why i deem them as such. I think they must be bad, at first, but they are just DENSE. Like their energy is DENSE and thick headed. On the other hand, they play their role...for the rest of dreaming, in human form, they fill in for "the 2 bad guys". But they arent bad, they are good, and its ok to extend them love...the unconcerned beneficial kind not even the sort of love called friendship. this established a few references in dreaming. Rocksteady and Bee-bop, and then from that, i sorta had a perception of "teenage mutant ninja turtles". To be clear, i never dreamed of those characters as such, not was it at all like that....asilly cartoon. It was the way i fixed awareness on certain energies, as a trick for recall, but also, as a way to hold onto them...this perception, on another level outside the dream. And the dream helped me in that, by providing subtle cues on that theme...as the dreaming progressed.

3. Some time latter, a specific class. I was trying...and showing, how to open walls of energy and pull other dreamers...aware energies, through. Like a wall, but pulling through by seeing the threads that make it up underneath. Startlingly lucid, and real. I pulled one, who saw how it did, and then she tried to pull another. there was a bit of a problem...she pulled someone halfway...they got stuck in the wall. Whats worse, the walls do not want to let go of their "structure" and they like to trap awareness like...water in a stone sponge. So i need to help...but because the being is REALLY Stuck, i have to SHOW too much power to do it, and when i do, i get seen. And the "2 bad guys" chase me to see what they can get out of me. But it ends alright they get bored and it was really a "find the power and grab it" game like tag but with energy.

"More Than A Feeling"

I looked out this morning and the sun was gone
Turned on some music to start my day
I lost myself in a familiar song
I closed my eyes and I slipped away

It's more than a feeling, when I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)
'Till I see Marianne walk away
I see my Marianne walkin' away

So many people have come and gone
Their faces fade as the years go by
Yet I still recall as I wander on
As clear as the sun in the summer sky

It's more than a feeling, when I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)
'Till I see Marianne walk away
I see my Marianne walkin' away

When I'm tired and thinking cold
I hide in my music, forget the day
And dream of a girl I used to know
I closed my eyes and she slipped away
She slipped away
It's more than a feeling, when I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)
'Till I see Marianne walk away
4. the best dream, or the start. Sitting on a patio having a conversation with several people, it was international, which is why i needed the passport. the setting was in dreams, but lucid or semi lucid dreamers needed the tonal item "passport" to "travel". they didnt really, but this was to circumvent the worries of the mind. So nice, having tea on a terrace/patio, white wrought iron garden furniture. And a good but non specific conversation about interests and perception, awareness. The cat in the lake part also happened here, but it really happened before. I saw how the dreams, like the city that swirled, were attatched to that pool of water center of the vortex. This time, i was not in the center, it was the cat woman. This was deeply significant as to the working of energy/power around a focal point and group awareness, and we discussed this at great leangth since we had the seeing of it in action.

5. Sometime after this, more people came. a man. I wrap him. He is very "slow" in the dream not quite in sync with energy yet too...tonal focuss. So his dream bubble is very...i think he was the one that got caught in the wall because of that energy quality. So i wrap him in a cloth made of dew or moonlight dream energy. this helps but hes still a heavy spot somehow. No matter, it takes time to dissolve the heavy energy...He comes with us. He brings a big bundle of flora...flower plant energy as a gift. He "loves" a woman. It is for her, almost like he wanted to knock on the door and present her with flowers but it was gathered oddly. He is dressed and acts like "forest Gump" interacting with Jenny...kinda shy and sweet but also...its the dense energy of his current setting, not him. I like him, and am in a scense his advocate in power. He comes with us...we go elsewhere in the area, but then he turns us to the woman i was talking to on the patio...one of thems...house. So we go in. Its the red haired woman i was speaking too mainly on the patio, and others. they are...uneasy that he just showed up like this with a bundle of flowers like this. But i and another are with him so they let us all in. Its very uneasy, at first, all of us sitting on chairs and the red haired lady on the couch. The man with the flowers offers them, but his energy is jumping right at the woman on the couch but her sis not jumping back its...akward. But i say, show... (becasue hes not on that level to communicate like that) and its seen. He does not know this is inapropriate, and destructive...not on the levels that matter, he doesnt know its like...a scripted...action reaction. Like a film...like our lives when they take a trajectory that is unaware. So when i show this, everyone relaxes somewhat. Again, i am his advocate, almost a lawyer in some scense. sinc ehe does not know...i move positions. I go from sitting next to him, and switch spots with a black haired woman who was also on the couch. So now i sit on the couch next to red haired woman, and the black haired one takes my spot next to him. this shifts the line sof energy, and the whole thing...rotates...like a clock face, one quarter turn to the right. I did this to give the woman some support, but also, so i could directly at the man who brought the floral gift incase the energy came too strong i could gently meet it so it did not push too hard. there was also a woman, on the other side of the guy...and she was ther eprotectiv eof his closeness...so she had her own thing going on. and an older woman. and then two people i had not seen before, a couple. When it was reset, the man spoke...and really, he was just making nice small talk, there was no foce or intent to harm in it. the people in this section, and some before and some to come are ( ). when its done some tension is out, and the "clock face diagram" is starting to form again between them all.


6. Altogether, more people. a man with a bright orange beard is a new one. A group, four men, i think of us as "teenage mutant ninja turtles" to myself as i saw many of them in that first part, well two at least. We are brought into something like a small radio station, but it also desighns things to sell...like books, etc. computers for working. Its not that large, and it has a broadcast and webcam area behind some glass walls like a little sound studio for recording in one corner. It snot for airwaves radio, its for net radio...the dream equivalent. A man, like the boss, or owner, is talking to another man. We all sit and it becomes a group conversation. the odd thing, is i see the mouths move, but there is like a shimmering...waterlike layer of colors...like psychadelic water screen, the words and moods shift the colors, and this is over everything...like i stare at the mouth and this forms in my tunell vision. Some acrimony? Or the owner is seeing who will get the studio? It sets up a challenge. then this strange part passes. I am sitting behind the desk, working on the computer a bit composing my stuff. a man comes in sweating, nervous...even upset. It was the man who before had the floral energy. I look at his leg, this time he brought a bomb, strapped to his right leg, enough to blow the whole room up. He doesnt eman to do this, hes just upset. He thinks one person will get rid of him, and he will loose this AND that and have nothing. Its a bit of a mess. So i calmly talk to him, we talk, and he stops sweating...which means the bomb wont suddenly go off. I stand and look around the room, say "none of this matters, i dont care...screw the man, and worry. And we all stand say Yea! He had worried he was in last in some race? something was slipping away and yet another thing out of reach. So we say...hey we will all win by smashing this place up and then going out to the pub...its what Jesus would do. lol. We dont actually smash anything we just leave. We go walking outside, on a city street, its been raining, but its now clear moon puts off allot of light. As we walk along he becomes a baby...a dragon baby...flames in him. As i cradle him, and walk with the other guys, because he is a baby smiling with no worries, i can tell him a story, i tell him a story of why its all "fixed" why its all "ok" and he listens cause what else can a baby do but listen...well, other then poo in his nappy. But im glad that doesnt happen. ( ) speaks to me. But a bit down a street, a small fat lady i screaming at me that its all not ok quite angry. fuming. Shes rude to me, but i just walk on we think its funny. I sing "im a little teapot short and stout" becasue thats what she reminded me of and the baby laughs.

7. Now im with some other people, some are women not all men, and we are off to the forest. something is strange, a smell in the air. It is a "chemical forest". Not artificial...or polluted...its just that i can smell the clorophyl in the plants, and lime in soil, its not overpowering, but it is distinct. We are there to do something with the plants. Red haired lay is here now as well. Im just going along learning. Then i am alone, we go off to do our own things. I follow a trail, that is spooky, to "Face Death". Also...to see deaths face. Also, to get a mask of death. All of the above are all the same thing. this part is long and hard to explain and not "Easy". after it is done, dreams disolv einto fog, then clear void, then a window in perception. A giant, like a giant robot. It is an ancestor spirit, or spirits, but its also "metatron" manfestation...all i can see is a huge leg higher then a tree. Its always a giant robot because "metatron" sounds like "megatron" from transformers one of my visual puns i use to, like ninja turtles to help me recall and place things in comprehensible perspective. He steps, and rock steady and bee-bop, those two, are caught half under the edge of the foot, pinned...i see them as totem animals...a rhino and a warthog man, giant, but small compared to this, looking up, crying, begging. they arent looking at me, they are speaking to me though. They say they are sorry, if they are spared they will serve me faithfully etc. I feel bad for them they arent bad and i did extend unconcerned love...but it grows to sympathy...im about to speak, but the giant leg shifts and they go under. Did i accept? not sure...but i do know, regardless, they are out of this dream continuim for the night, and this is more then a bit of a relief actually...i was waiting for them to keep jump out of the bushes to grab what iw as doing and run off again, and as a result, was limiting my doings. But now...smooth sailing. the drema window shifts, to a strange scene. A man on a podium, a big grassy field...or inside of a stadium. thousands of...all women! filling in, piles and lines of "coates" and "cloths...luminous sheathes" that had been gathered. Im there, and this man. so the game is...they leave what they bring, and then can select new ones, or just keep the ones they are wearing but leave the awarenesses on the field. the man is...a sorter. So how it works, is they put the value they want for what they leave, a credit, handwritten he looks at and judges if its fair. And what they take, if they take, is a debit on the account. Many of them do dressup. I do dress up! I somehow get to wearing a kilt. and then a japanese blue silk like schoolgrils top with a thin tie...ove rthis i put ona vest/jacked, short like to midriff. But the most esquisite thing i find, is...a wrap...coat. overcoat. such fine material, light brown. I wrap this around myself...and then put on a scotish cap. I know i look good, i feel good, like a million bucks. Which was about correct! I put them down, and look at the values for the shawl and overcoat somebody had written on it. It was k for me to take some, find some new clothes. but these, the man on podium came down to look. He said. "you should leave those, because they are worth allot to the ones who left them...they need the energy, and its so much, if i let you take them, id be at a loss for this year...and you dont want that knd of debt...as your not a harvester...would cut into your margins and mine". So i agree, i leave the wonderfull coat, and the half jacket. But the kilt, blue shirt, and some snow boots (fur lined) he lets me keep. but hes chuckling...and i look...lol...with the shirt i had breasts! how funny. But we fix it so its a mans shirt, royal blue, and tie...also i get the hat so i look quite stylish. So its cool. this was all about extracting divedends from the transaction with the being on the podium.


8. From there, and with new clothes, i continue. I make an excursion to the Azure song. thsi is very hard to explain. I sing, the song, and go into the song as i sing, and this is a world, and i make this excursion for as long as i sing this song. Its no tonal song i know, its energy song in that language...or rather, energy. In a forest, in this world, i see a being in a bear suite, fighting a being in a badger suite, and its quiet energetic, like the music, and sureal, in the forest glade. I continue, and it shifts to the mountains. I no longer need to sing the song of azure. Now i hear a song, from a game trailer, "dragons Prophets". I go up the mountain, and im glad for the azure shirt the color of the sky and the snow boots...they are what i needed to make this trip. Up on the mountain is another class, or circle. We have to make a choice, what to do about dragons. We decide to free the little dagons on the mountain, to have freedom, not to ride them (if i had ridden them thats why i needed the kilt for some reason). Because we did this, it stops an invasion by the sky heaven dragons to free their children. And opens the door for the "surfing dragons". who are very nice and gold hued, they like surfing the skies and leave bounty, not ash, in their wake. Good dragons. Good choice, because they came for a time instead of dragons to fight by riding their children against them. It ends like a silly comic book, we pass around, not a action movie we have to endure. We laugh. the surfer dragons in the pages laugh too its nice.


9. Back to the city, and the broadcast place. Me and the four guys. We wonder who would win, get the studio. We left it open and it got trashed a bit. the boss comes back and is stupefied. He picks up the phone to call HIS boss. He wanted us all to fail, so none got it, he would get it by default from his boss. But now he was fired. And so we decided to run it like we were before, as partners. Got it for nothing from the overboss. the middleboss was playing a game, becasue all the work we did to prove outselves, he was getting the energy to buy it fro the big boss. But all trashed, the ownber wrote of the investment and we still had all out "work" inside us undone...to do for our own benefit now. So...much better outcome. So i wlak outside, still in my strang emountain clothes. I go back to the communal place here...its like a big tent, but made of stone slabs...like a yurt made of stone sheets. A central pillar open to the sky. Its raining again, but we got a fire in the center there is a little box to keep it from getting int he fireplace. I go out, to get food tons of people here. People from before parts, and new parts. Outside, somehow, i am wearing only a wrap around my body, similar to the one i found in the piles but more durable...like made of fine wool that was soft not itchy. Im holding it closed with one hand. ( and ) come up to me. They each have a pizza box they give me. their pizzas are heavy, they brought them to add to the party/food. ( ) looks good. ( ) is strange! Its all white, like cream sause not pizza sauce, and there are vegitable son it and of cource cheese underneath. the boxes dip to the ground...and they slide out a bit...just touch the water in the street the tip of the crust. I slide them back and learn to balance them both. they dont seem at all bothered, so holding the two pizzas on one hand, and keeping my wrap closed with the other (i think why dont I have a braoch or pin to do this lol) we go back inside by the fire to eat and drink and sleep. I wake for what i think is last time, but i am tired so i write and snooze a bit longer...i assume im done dreaming. but no, one little scene. Me fashioning energy into things like sushi slices, but not food, soft objects. O arrange them and make them very flat neutral colors...soothing and light, and then stack them like a came of jenga or legos into patterns. I look over, and next to me is a woman taking the same energy, and making sushi from it. I see all the dishes she made. she has to pause...no more cream colored energy...so i disasemble some of my blocks i relasie i had used it all so i give her half back. then i bump one of her sushi creations...like hallibut on a bed of rice with white lettuce inbetween. I fix it from bumping it but she doesnt mind. I cant wait to eat it. Well, she cant wait to color with or build with my construction blocks, so its going to be fun. Before i wake, three messages, from three people in dremas about posts i left...why did i say this, do that etc. So with that i knew i needed to rise then i wake for the day. Fin.

[Senear]

10/26-17/13 A flock of Angels + notes Birth of Universe

Had a surprising dream experience, and figured after that unless something was epic id let it go. i mostly did, but what was nice is i was comfortably working and learning/exploring with a group of people...from here mostly, the rest of my dreaming and it was mostly the same people the whole way through and in all the dream realities which was nice. Im still sorta recovering from lots of turmoil inside...nothing bad as such just upheaval. Ive been worn out flat like when one has a cold the last few days, but its not a cold, just being tired. the first part of the dream was about that inner...turmoil/sick.

1. I am at the school, but its not the university. As the day goes on, the morning, we are in a class about music/energy/the tones waves of creation. the objects on the podium SHIFT and what one BEHOLDS and FORMS is what one is attempting to play. But the group has a DEFINITION of RESONANCE...the group AWARENESS, at first it was individule, different perceptions created a different INSTRUMENT, but after much shifting, it settled on a Grand Piano. Nobody approaches it, like they are scared of playing it, but i have no such fear, so i smile and sit down and play a song by Cole Porter. Lets call it "anything Goes". I did ot play by knowing how to play, i played with awareness, and it translated into the song. thi had special meaning in context, what and how i was playing. You see, my ancestor, Buster Langenadi, Was an interior desighner in Hollywood at the turn of the century through the roaring 20's. I had seen parts of his life, before i knew he existed, and told I was he. He was also bisexual, and one of his funny secrets (that i learned form my grandmother 5 years ago when i asked my mom of this person and then my grandmother) that he was rumred to have been "intimate" with Cole porter and others, even while he was married. So the song reflected that, and I and him are not that similar, but we are in some way. Also, buster was one of Yoganda's inner circle, and the one who connected him to the Hollywood elite and helped him build his SRF in Los Angeles...the first of the hollywood eastern gurus. In a way, he was in yogandas warrior party (lol my grandma said he probably shagged him too they are all kinda funny that way). When i saw much of his life, gave a tour of it in a dream, long ago, and times before, the last time i was shown his grave that it was "MY" grave...where "One" of my bodies "sleeps". He is buried in Forest Lawn in the celebrity mausoliem next to Yoganda. I lived in a little hosue on mount Washington Los angeles, right next to that center (by accident) And then my mom shared how odd it was that lot sof the monks would stop on their walks to visit me and they said a few "strange" things to her about me. So my playing was from that awareness. Funny, Ironic, and powerfull. It was a good song and spinning of awareness.


Writer(s) : PORTER, COLE
Artist: Cole Porter Lyrics
Times have changed
And we've often rewound the clock
Since the Puritans got a shock
When they landed on Plymouth Rock.
If today
Any shock they should try to stem
'Stead of landing on Plymouth Rock,
Plymouth Rock would land on them.

In olden days, a glimpse of stocking
Was looked on as something shocking.
But now, God knows,
Anything goes.
Good authors too who once knew better words
Now only use four-letter words
Writing prose.
Anything goes.
If driving fast cars you like,
If low bars you like,
If old hymns you like,
If bare limbs you like,
If Mae West you like,
Or me undressed you like,
Why, nobody will oppose.
When ev'ry night the set that's smart is in-
Truding in nudist parties in
Studios.
Anything goes.

When Missus Ned McLean (God bless her)
Can get Russian reds to "yes" her,
Then I suppose
Anything goes.
When Rockefeller still can hoard en-
Ough money to let Max Gordon
Produce his shows,
Anything goes.

2. After, something in me is not...correct. I cant really hold what i was playing, so well. I have illness in me, usually its docile, but its springing out, creeping, making me tired. Internal not external. But the others with me, they are...like animals. An animal scenses a sick animal and avoids shuns them...i was feeling more isolated, even as i was in a state when i could use some support, but isnt that always the way of it? Seems to be for me heh. I wander away, to find a place to release empty myself...lets call it "poop". But it wasnt this, but its the closest form to give it so i gave it that form in dream. With a GOAL, ie, find restroom and relieve myself, i regained some awareness, enough to do what i set out for myself. In a quiet corner of the campus, where there are few students like around admin buildings, i find restrooms that arent heavily used...old college tricks...if one must go, take the elevator to the teacher floor of offices use the one there not the one thousands of nasty students use. Survival skills 101. heh. I find an isolated building, and go in. Its all wrong...no dremaer was supposed to come in here, theres nothing but blank energy, that quickly forms into lines of strange Urinals. Not what i need, i figure "wrong gender" Its not, just i dont need to do that and the dream was sluggish didnt know what i needed. So i voiced my intent as i went out, and went in the other one. this one was all stalls, so i found one clean and locked it...but i could see the bathroom change to a gym around me...and eventually the stall melted i was exposed. Two people were making a bee line for me, and her ei am, sick, weak, and now attatched to the toilet so in a way "non mobile" and because of this, the challenge aspect of dream could focuss on me. Sigh. So her ethey come. And as im trying to "relieve" myself...i feel my whole ap strianing like to crack its all wrong. So the dream wasnt me using the bathroom. the drema was my inners...under the dream form, trying to expell something into energy, the toilet, that would transmute it in the "water" and then i thought id "drink" from the faucet and get it back. I never explain this stuff, i know, i think ill say the bathroom in context and people will somehow get it or care...they dont. so this was my task, release the pain, flush it, drink back in the cleansed water. So i could go back to learning...the energy i held played, made my weak part...hurt. I assumed because im the opposite of "anything goes". So the bullies come. they comment on my process, laughing cause m going poop. One use afinge rand makes the back of the toilet spray water...foul sewage all over me, but im still stuck. then the water is clear, like its flooding. Im reaching for tp, straining, and one stands next to me says "poor poo baby" and knocks the toilet paper roll into the water so its ruined...i grab it to use it but its wet and soggy and disolves. I have to sigh and keep working. Im thinking i could use some help in birthing.releasing this from inside. In response, a woman, and her adult daughter, come to my aid. "angels" i call them in my awareness... In the bathroom lol. The mother and daughter who were one angel, and then three more i see standing farther away.

3. She gives me small pills, like tylenol to start. It doesnt seem to help but i feel a shift, the pressure in me seems more maneagable (i was afraid if i let go my insides would rip out...energy, remember, not the tonal equivalent in form). After about ten minutes, just holding my middle, next came some huge horse sized pills filled with some plant material. Ok.... ask what each one will do before takeing it. this one will allow energy to disengage, the undigested mass. I take that. then the next one after ten more minutes...its like sand in a plastic bag colored...she says to swallow it, some of it...it will scout and break the energetic connections...the hooks, this cancer like mass (I heard this word whispered when i was being shunned) had in my intestines, and it would fall out...like a big poo tumor baby to be turned to water. But i pause...i ask...i will bleed wont i....i will die? She says i WILL bleed, and this body in drema might die yes, as it is holding the sick in second attention, to clense the tonal...i have plenty of others...but the song energy centered it here, so this one dies yea. Now i pause. I whisper to her, i dont want to leave an inert body like this, attatched to the toilet (i could not move) for them to poke at and make use off...dont want this coat or awareness "harvested" in the sorceric scense. Can she help me to ge tto somewhere safer to die? she considers and says yes. So we detatch me from the toilet thing. And i make myself aware to walk out to "car". I pause when i leave hte building. A "cousin" came this "far" in my awareness...i dont want to abandon them here in second attention. Can she find them and bring them back, im still weak. Ok, the lady and the daughter go. And i can follow them with my eyes, and i see they find the "cousin". But then, something bad. A wall of fog...energy, dream fog, and then i somehow loose sight of those 3. and i despair, because i am going to "DIE" here soon regardless due to what i started with the song. Now i do something strange...and wonderfull, different, i find my voice, and SPEAK into the fog, with awareness. "Are their any angels here, who want to help me with this". Angels meant like a quality of awareness, not IBs quite, not other things. Not religious angels i meant something different. Like good Dijin i suppose one could say. A word like "Licht Seberaial" is in me.


4. So many come! So many beings. First the three i saw in the distance, but then more, and more. the fog lifts, they trickle in from all directions. Some look like hindu holy men, others are soldiers, some arent even human, but all have a similar...feel. Men and woman. I marvel at all that come, i think to myself "A flock of angels" I feel a bit...humbled...all these came to help with my inner problem, because i asked...bathroom...its so odd its funny. Very clear and lucid. I spoke to some, but they spoke more ot each other...they were as surprised as me it seems. Many refered to each other as "Paramahamsa" Paramahamsa (परमहंस), also spelled paramahansa or paramhansa, is a Sanskrit religio-theological title of honor applied to Hindu spiritual teachers of lofty status who are regarded as having attained enlightenment. The title literally means "supreme swan," and symbolizes spiritual discrimination. The swan is equally at home on land or water. Similarly, the true sage is equally at home in the realms of matter and of spirit. To be in divine ecstasy and simultaneously to be actively wakeful is the paramahansa state; the 'royal swan' of the soul floats in the cosmic ocean, beholding both its body and the ocean as manifestations of the same Spirit. The word 'Paramahamsa' means One whos is Awakened in all realms. [1] Paramahansa is a sannyasi of the highest level of spiritual development in which union with ultimate reality is attained.[2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paramahamsa What they came to help me birth is the release and purification of that inner turmoil into awareness...i understand because they understand. And yet, the comedy of it. one of them, and i forget the name he gave me, when he sees me looking at him...seeing at him, says to me "Your energy, your dream bubble, is like a reunion for us" I am confused, so he points at one of the Paramahansas. "that one, (name i cant remember) We have not seen in thousands upon thousands of years". We all, like 40 of them/me start walking...i have no problem walking to a place i can be guided to go now...and to leave a mess. the one he pointed at is looking at us, smiling a coy smile and stokes his small well oiled beard and i reflectively touch my own and he winks and smiles turns away...he is silent. the one speaking to me goes on telling me of him im curiose. "he...is one of the oldest. He has indulged till he was bore din EVERY variation of vice and virtue...and many we can not understand, and yet remians in this state. Many dont understand him, and he doesnt speak...he is a mystery to us even, the nature of his being. And yet...he is the one, it is said, who will face the great DIVA (name) and triumph. None of us, all of us could not, and yet...how...is a mystery...". Interesting. We are walking, soon we are at the energy wall in dream space second attention. I thought only to find a safe spot to shed this, but they are walking me elsewhere, directly. I am excited by this! Its mor ehten i hoped when i asked. when i cross, i simply disolve, like fat on the griddle, like a silent sizzle, but im still walking, but the body and all in it is back to energy. After a time, i wake, and record the expereince in that body...the other stuff, i cant explain or even recall.

"Gloria"

Gloria, you're always on the run now.
Running after somebody, you gotta get him somehow.
I think you've got to slow down, before you start to blow it.
I think you're headed for a breakdown, so be careful not to show it

You really don't remember, was it something that he said?
All the voices in your head calling, Gloria?
Gloria, don't you think you're fallin'?
If everybody wants you, why isn't anybody callin'?
You don't have to answer
Leave them hangin' on the line, oh-oh-oh, calling Gloria
Gloria (Gloria), I think they got your number (Gloria)
I think they got the alias (Gloria) that you've been living under (Gloria)
But you really don't remember, was it something that they said?
All the voices in your head calling, Gloria?

A-ha-ha, a-ha-ha, Gloria, how's it gonna go down?
Will you meet him on the main line, or will you catch him on the rebound?
Will you marry for the money, take a lover in the afternoon?
Feel your innocence slipping away, don't believe it's comin' back soon

And you really don't remember, was it something that he said?
All the voices in your head calling, Gloria?
Gloria, don't you think you're fallin'?
If everybody wants you, why isn't anybody callin'?
You don't have to answer
Leave them hangin' on the line, oh-oh-oh, calling Gloria
Gloria (Gloria), I think they got your number (Gloria)
I think they got the alias (Gloria) that you've been living under (Gloria)
But you really don't remember, was it something that they said?
Are the voices in your head calling, Gloria?

(Gloria, Gloria, Gloria, Gloria, Gloria)
(Gloria, Gloria, Gloria, Gloria, Gloria) ...
So enough reading, enough writting for one night/day i think. Spent more time trying to explain what was going on that represented in my dream, but not what it actually is about. Need to work on that or so im told lol. the rest will be a few quick notes.

5. Shifting worlds without moving. Shifting ina group, group from before. Also shifting alone, to see the increase in range from AP's differnet from my own. Angular momentum...slight bend at the stem, and a tree goes in a whole new direction. The group...hold the ap, hold all the potential. this is a CC like sorcert Excersise, done with the larger group. More advanced form of "awareness flagpoles".

6. Stores...for shopping are also stories told. Some stories are brave and true, some are stories of nazis and war. All stories, all shops. People select what story they hold, pattern, and arrange the ap...the subjective reality emeshed in the objective...or group planetary awareness. But they are all sub stories. So we practice. Building correct narratives, but not limited. And then we shine the energy of the collective ap through it, and its like a crystal with beams, and then we can narrow on any one of them and go into it, and like the beam...a reverse pulse, shine out into the unknown. Similar to the part before, but this is about shining and moving, not shifting perception worlds. finding the right angle to pulse from. Personal power spot in the narrative in that scense. Leave stay, here there, beam pulse. on and on and on and on. is infinity.


7. a part where its all about the group. Why it is. the expanded range! when all solitary, even the best of us, its an inward range, sides of the box...old seers/new seers. but thats dumb, its not about seperation. It s arecursive inward, a vortex, and then there is a beam...outward shine. How to do both? flat plane is universe. One side is blakc hole, sucks in. thats the inward. Opposite side is white hole...it expells...a beam. So we suck in, in energy, gathe rpower...hits critical mass...and out the other side, we beam, expell...white hole. We create a new reality from the energy. this is in agregate, not so individule. so start now, or start on the other side. those that start now, create now...are ready. the poor loners, find themself in a space defined by the organized whole. Start lower and dont have tools to access right away. these awarenesses fall out again, and become "me and you" on a world of the "us's" making. So best to go prepared. Penny for the ferryman and all that.


8. Car shopping, most stores closed. need a car for a friend. One place high payments, one is very low and good price for same car. Salesman sees us, directs us to the good deal, because we are good people. Bad people, selfish, mean, pay much more for the same. Its not judgement! they have more ot give up, since they took so much. Fancy that, what you pay is on a sliding scale, so the sharers have less hoarded, pay almost nothing. the hoarders of power pay out the nose. So when both are "in the street" they have an equal amount of power left. different strokes for different folks it seems, but all balanced in end. lol. quick pointer. this was not about cars or a street. Its a principal of awareness movement. I found it funny this way, mad eit easier to see and record, so i dremaed it as such, from the raw energy teaching. See how that works? lol. I do it aware. All about group. 1/2 had 3 sides.


9. An old tv show, made new. Like farscape of babylon five. a lost inbetween series, made real on film. To bridge to us, the actors, through the blackhole, with new cars, to ou next generatipon of the production. Reality her eis one way built on bodies of dreams and energy. In a way its spiraling down...its all been downhill since the big bang. the point was to increase the awareness in the combustion of the structure...more come sout then went in. So on the other side, this woderfull show with us, the "next generation" is a building. Building on a structure. that will not be born from that infinity, into a finity (tonal) till the pattern is laid. the children of here, become the builders of there, and the cycle...like four seperate compartments in sorcery, nagual, spin continues. Grows. sit and spin...lol. this links back to 1. Ap shifting to hold seeing/potential. 2. Reality creating in ones journey...the beam. 3. The other side, laying down the experience, that goes into the flip sid eof the creation. Not sure if its new universe, or building this one, but before in time. Int he end, its a distinction without merit or meaning. lol.

[Senear]

10/27-28/13 Waiting/Seeing eye piece to eye piece + Notes

1. ( ) Sadly, it seems, i have very tenouse energy for recall due to late hour i went to sleep, and inner state, so im coming periodically aware/lucid with a bit of frustration at the state im finding myself in when i do...im not even dreaming, its all fog im floating. But the will is there, even though dreams are not so i keep focussing on my intent. I do this several times, and think it snot going to happen. But then a thought...did it already, before, when i wasnt momentatly aware. So i concentrate, in this state on seeing me, what i was when i was solid, in this foggy mess...and there is something there! Keep in mind, this was in sleep i did this. I see myself, standing aware. I am wearing a loose robe, like a nightrobe, bur there isnt much dreaming. Waiting. An old cut on my arm, like a scar in my energy. Ther eis no outer dream, but there is a strong, a strong song. A song of streangth. the song is/does...Learn. Learn from song singing song...or am i sang the song? Via this i connect! ( ) who i was waiting for. I use my hands. But is not here, is connect? no is here, use hands to another dream...her dream...before? My hands are strange. My hands cut the fog to see. this is what i remember, when i come lucid for the 4 time...iw as standing vigil. Next i decide to wake and write, becaus eim in the fog, and if i dont, the fog will swallow it all away.


2. Reduce the wind, over a small area, try to insert some low level dry wind to sap some streangth from a storm. I cant make a vortex of calm, so i make it a bit less...cant manage perfectly still, like eye of tornado, i dont have very much power atm. this is related to storm in england but i only concentrated on one area...im not sure if i helped not or much and im pretty worried and unhappy with my ability to connect and effect this. Move my awareness, such as it is to a group. I deliberetly shift my ap i suppose. So i can have some dreaming after all this given me expended state from a very low energy start. We look at films...films ar elike bubbles...membrane on soap bubbles, but also movie films becasue light shines through them...these bubbles...and PROJECTS. So i We try again. We chase the wind, tails in atmosphere. Breaks in pressure. Breath. First we chased the wind, and when we caught it, its power, we BREATH. Like a non physical mass of awareness breathing the non physical power of wind in then exhaling it into breaks in pressure to...i think what i tried before. To shift a storm. Doing it the hard way, but we all learn this way not just my doing so its good.

3. Latter, and ive woken twice now so i know its pretty late, like 9:30 am. Finally what i was waiting for. A woman contacts me. ( ) My seeing is between two plugs in the wind. Its no longer the storm wind its something else.Seeing is like layer of bubble, thin, in larger thing. How to make them see each other. Not. here. Im not ehre, shes not here...and yet, on another level, a dream, there she is standing infront of me. this is levels....awareness, dream and energy. So what happens is these things like plugs... or like scopes in a riffle...but made of wood, like parts to a game. A lense is inserted in a slot in the middle...its like out eye, or awareness filter. So we do a strange thing. We put one end of this to one of our eyes, each on our own head, close the other...and then touch the ends of the two tubes together to see eah others...lense? To see...it looks close and yet far away through this strange tube. I relasie these tube sare in energy, are huge...and the figure i saw was not real, it was a stand in to guide my piece towards. Its all getting very strange! We place, see, and see the distance via the tube. So now my awareness, and i take it hers, shifts to the middle lense in the tube...and its closer! not an infinite seeming gap. i can see something distant. then i juo again, the the lense on the edge that is almost touching the second lense...and we are close, its like the size, in perspective, of a mountain and glowing. then something in the other on, or that i send. "remove tube from skull so we can talk". It sunclear what to do. But it seems this tunbe had become an eye for seeing, so i move enrgy to put it down, with awareness still on the tip. And....we are both now in the same spot! Or the awarenes fille dintot he hollow image of a woman, and it looks more correct. And it seems i went into the hollow imag eof a guy that guided her eyepiece. We arent in the same spot anymore. sorcery! ther eis a small house, on an empty street. We go in. Got weird after this. The mathematical symbol for "pi". Lesson. shifts to hot pies cooling on a windowsill. I want to eat, but i know the flavors are strange. Sure enough, we cut one, and it smells like weed (marjiuna) we wont eat that. "hot flavor image is weed dont need that". I eat a small piece. But it snot that pie. But whateve ri ate, it makes me run around the walls like the flash...like a madman. More people are in the house im running around in circles on side of the wall. "Eat pie" "dont eat the pie" I talk like the mad hatter from alice in wonderland. I jump off the wall and look like hans solo. I say "Its a comedy kid...relax" to some uptight person/people. then their is a big Gut fatso squeezed intoa chair witha bib he wants to eat pies. Or us. not sure lol. Both and all of the above. So we fight. Its like the game mike tysons punchout, im a little boxer hitting "king hippo" in the gut but every hit he narfs up something or someone he ate, till hes normal size again.

4. Im at a new school, im me, but not me. Students seem sorta stupid, as do the teachers. Only one i like in the principal. So, i eat my lunch at odd hour, with him in the cafetera alone, and we talk frankly about the state of the school/things. Hes a tall thin black? man oddly enough (he had a very distinct look, but it was superimposed on my mentor when i was an intern with a big company in college...he wasn tliked by the people he ran eithe rworked alone ate alone...aloof but not by choice.. the odd thing is, i saw a guy named Mark Cloudfoot was on the site, and the name was familiar, so i looked him up saw a bit of some youtube vdeo with him...the man i ate with was strange energy like him...but then forced into a form by the dream of a work mentor from college/right after so this is odd) . I go for what i want to eat this day...i think its a stack of say crepes, like one thing, so i try to **** them, they slide. And lunch lady hits my hand with laddle, says, "One entre, one side" not two entress, 4 sides. She has actual ange rin her eyes, like i had been takeing too much. Whats the big deal, lots get thrown out. It snot a big deal, she just doesnt like me and it was her chance to correct me assert her power. I sigh and go sit next to the principal. He has a sad smile, he gets it too from them... for trying to do his job. As we talk, a story form. A tree in my backyard. Dead fruit trees. theve died from dremas before. A new...tropical crazy fast growing tree. Has a fruit like a paw paw. custard like, but not slimy. this is important. the apple, peach, and apricot trees died. but something new and more alien is growing. I bull out of this strang eand poignant side dream, such a strange alive tree growing past dead ones reach. We finish out meal smiling like we always do, and i go out to sit with students...friends. I get accosted by severla students and teachers. they...found my old ecig cartridge, i left it in a dream. ITs not allowed, and the principal will have to dicipline me now. the glee, like the lunchladies at having this power over me. I sigh. Im more tired and disapointed with them then anything else.

I have a modern cell phone, smart phone. A call. I take the call. I am the call and then im gone from there and that charade.

5. A dock in a city, i arrive at a dock, because my awareness "docks" in another space. Another piano, another "plane". I go to a meeting, in an old building...th sort of set up of AA meetings and such, but its about nagualisim and sorcery. But the people, do other things, and now they are simply exploring it. So they have a set hierarchy in seating, etc, and an older woman, tall, thick...a bit familiar but ive never seen her in the tonal, is moving around organizing the start of it. I am directed to a seat in the middle. I take my seat, and look around...no one else is looking around, their all looking straight forward. Im not sur ei like this better then the place i got called from. finally another looking around who smiles when she sees me. Next to me sits the strangest young man. like a young teen. Dresse din expensive clothes, but he seems a bit ADD. fidgeting and as bored as im getting, while they shuffle the chairs up front so they can be ready to start talking. The younf biy has a thing...like a writst thrower for spiderman or something, but very hightech and expensive, and functional not a toy. Hes telling me about it and takes it off so i can look at it. the other animated woman says he is a future author...or am I? Or both...me and the kid are surprised by this. Somehow this is going on too long, and by speaking a bit, somehow, in energy, we expose this as fake...this will have nothing to do with nagual stuff, its like the "flavor of the month" around this lady shes just wanting to organize it to fit that purpose, and she got the idea from another woman she had the nerve to not even invite! So now i stand and start sorta talking to her, and it becomes pretty clear thats the came. she actually withers, some, but the fools staring blankly dont like this being exposed messes up their inner dreams of self (which was why werent looking around). well, tough titties. shouldnt have robo called me for this lol. the kid was cool, and the other lady we learned a bunch from it.

6. Latter shifting dreams i went back to sleep but i decided iw as done with that so no lasting recall.

[Senear]

11/25-26/13 Gramma's House, Broken-Not Broken/Moving Sex/Future Cube

1. Grandmothers house in dreams, her pressance is at this time that of a ghost, she can not be seen, just a bright "shadow". Her house is small, and cramped. Two girls, women in their 20's, are staying in the small house. I give each a room, and sleep on the couch. A workman comes, he tells me he is SeeSaw, although, this may be simple dreaming association on my part as i don't have a good "key" for him yet. this part of the dream gets very lucid. He is removing the kitchen, and replacing it with something like a computer desk area, built into the floor like counter islands, but we keep a sink and small refrigerator. As he works, i set up three workstations, and the work im doing is dreaming in the dream. A forest path, a crossroads, and a mountain. I dream into the computer, instead of type, and the dream on the other side forms, it is like art, but it is not for artistic reasons. When i finish, i am sitting at the now completed work area. something is wrong, the energy is not stable set...like un dried concrete. so when i run my hand over the work area, it pulls up and crumbles. this is distressing. One of the women calls him on the phone, and when he returns there is another. The work they do together this time is solid from the start. Also, there are not two long work tables, so one of us can sit on either side and one between them. now their is enough space for proper working.

When we all get to work, I am specifically contacted, via the dream screen, by an outside investigative agency. They are tracking a virus. The virus is awareness. As i identified myself as the dream name, and the found spores of it in my energy signature, they traced it back to "LoneWolfs Forums". An investigative team arrives at the small converted work room. They way they investigate, is to look at a post on the "dream version" of these forums. When they do, a startling clear window/movie of each posters Tonal/Dream activity around each post plays. Each is exactly a ten minute clip, and a few of them, due to knowing the people or of them in the tonal, are very detailed and accurate. The others i assume are just as accurate, in the dream. That is all i do, SEE, and then they look at my seeing, and gauge it against the images/energy. they seem to have a working theory, and leave satisfied with the results, without telling any details. What i could Glean was that people had "pulled a virus/meme out of the structural fibers" The virus "Sees all done in dreams/tonal". From lone wolf people think, but this does not seem to be the direction the investigation was going, from the hints i picked up from the language and focus of the investigative team. When they left, we got back to work and i lost recall, it faded like a dream.


2. Broken-Unbroken. A Mantra that had siezed my awareness, many hours before sleep, and i to reduced chanting to myself over and over rocking in my chair untill i could remember how to write and wrote it out, and sent it, so i could find peace and sleep. Peace being, relative, mind you. The...energetic meaning of this manifest in dreams as a torn sensation. A dream world, and then its mirror. One side was bright and one dark. A thin line, between, life/death, broken/Unbroken. This was like a narrow space between reflections, and as such, was rich and detailed with the cross currents of energy. This thin line IS me, or rather, awareness, in the tonal and dreaming attentions. ITs a line that is crossed, a ribbon, back and forth. I see what happened, before sleep, was a removal of the "checkpoints and gates" between the two sides, the fortifications in that space. They were empty. this further became a seperate dream space, it looked like a town in Iraq, lets say a pristine version of "FAllUJA". I began consolidating a central checkpoint/strong point, to rebuild the gate or gateway. the first thing that happened was the two women from the earlier segment were dressed in military contractor uniforms. And they picked up sniper riffles. Soon there were six seperate people each taking a geometric point. four on the roof, and two manning the gate made of iron bars on the road. I found these strange trusses, shaped like XXXXXXXXX and begin to arrange them as barricades. The logic of it on the surface defied me, as they would stop no bullets. But all of this was an overlay on energy. In energy, they would catch any projection i was certain. I did as much work as i could, and then others took over. I faded from the dream, but what i did was instead go into the awareness of an eleven year old child, who was leading a donkey from the "broken" to the "Unbroken" side of things to "trade between them".


The child was a friend, he could freely move from broken to unbroken, but the child never could be older then the age of puberty. And he was actually quite old, and a bit strange as a result Of being stuck on the cusp forever. And so, we spent some time, walking together. Then a noise. Around a corner, came a woman in tight leather or spandex body suite, with the top zipped down revealing side boobs. Took of her helmet, and looked at me almost defiantly, with a wry smile. A challenge, it seemed. Will i follow give chase, or keep walking with the kid and his donkeys. Ahh...yea, ill give chase why not do something different. She was seeing if i would follow, and i do. Conveniantly, a second motor bike appears, and i am off. It is difficult to keep up with her, in and out between cars, at one point she does a wheelie and breaks through a vegetable stand, and i am dodging flying leeks and carrots, i get a big bunch of cabbage half covering my face, and she turns her head and laughs. She stays about 2 bike leangths ahead of me the whole time so im really just flying in her energetic wake. A noise from my right, i turn my head, and a thirs motorbike, bright red, and more agressive, joins the chase. this is clearly another woman, and it becomes tricky for the lead rider being chased to maintain her distance from us both, but she manages, but it seems less fun and more an actual race now. After about twenty minutes of this, crazy chase, we come to the edge of the city in dreams, the center band. Its a stone wall. the first rider, stops, and get sof her bike, takes of her helemet, and throws her long hair in a sideways motion. the woman in red finished a bit infront of me. She gets of the bike and starts zipping down her red body suite. the woman on the first bike, brushes that womans cheek, like she will lean in for a deep kiss...then pushed her head away with a laugh. Im not ready for it, she somehow flips me...and my entire bike next to hers. and says "He won". the lady in red looks pretty upset, like toyed with. and shivers with a bit of anger, and then gets back on her bike and speeds away, giving us both the middle finger. Im supposed to touch her now, no, i start to slide of my bike and grab her. The outfit is soaking wet, like with sweat. "slippery when wet". One of my hands falls in the space between the breasts, and her eyes go wide and she laughs, also, her boobs are hanging out now. Im almost blushing. Suddenly, she just starts her bike, and with one hand i start mine, the other stuck in the cleavage, trying to steer, pulled between the two bikes. then it gets dicey as im trying to concentrate. Somehow she had conveniant straps on her outfit, and she hooks mine into them. She does this with her one free hand. When im all hooked in with one leg she kicks my bike out from under me, and im dangling, supported in the air. Somehow when i crash into her, it becomes sexual penetration, so basically, im being supported by my err shaft into her slott, and shes leaning sideways and the bumps in the road are forcing "movement". And shes laughing, groaning insane, and im suspended like this, this high speed ride, for about 10 minutes, till i climax and wake. When i do, im shocked and overjoyed that my body hadnt responded at all...was sorta odd it was so real, so i did not need to change the sheets with a raging stiffy. wheew.


3. A time in the far future, or maybe now. All of humanity that existed, had been plagued by what they thought was a virus. Antidepresents, all sorts of medication. In an arms race against some virus. finally, at some point, they, humanity, discovered the ultimate cure. A shining blue liquid in a vial. All of humanity took the cure. It its only after the took it, that they understood the disease had never been real at all. And then, it was too late. No birth, no death, nothing. No growth. So humanity, all its...potential, was frozen in an eternal moment in time. All of their energy went into building new worlds, dream worlds! I stand on a still, unchanging yet alive, version of earth. I look into the sky...and the sky...the blue, seems to go on and up forever. In it...are a hundred million dreams, worlds. Some are round like the earth, others are vast rings...like the ringworld from the larry niven novells, or the Halo ring from halo. Others are flat worlds, like vast squares in the blue sky. air, clouds, between them all. Where is space? Where is infinity? My awareness zooms, and flies, untill the air thins, and i keep going, going. farther. I stop, and turn around to look. The sun, is blocked, and even if it was not, i was a light year away, it would be just a bright star. But what i see...just...wow. All of these frozen dreams, form a huge cube, and i see veins of light, it seems almost solid this far out. I fly back in, and check many worlds as i return to earth. Each is alive...trees, animals, forests, but all frozen in time. in an instant. No wind, no sound. empty. I return to earth, and stand in a silent meadow. The woman, the bike woman, and the one in red walk up to me. I was seeing all this via their "wake" like how i rode the bike. Now i see others, moving. The girls from grandmothers house, the people who took point in the center, the checkpoint. A few more, people, like a dozen. Someone asks "where all the people, why are the animals still?" The darker bike woman says "the vaccine, it froze them, no loss, no gain. Bit by bit, they built like gods, but without renewal, or flow, they built so much their creations absorbed them...their dreams. Worlds. Living tombs." the other woman, in red says "a vast...fossil hive". "What about us", another person asks. the darker woman laughs. "Lucky for you, your not human...Grow". Space, i think there is so much space, now, worlds. Not infinite, but allot. Enough for a long stretch of eternity, made solid...the future cube. When we make some shift, the sun moves in the sky, the clouds start stirring, and i see a bird fly in the sky. Room, room to grow. In dreams. Song "gravity" played in my perception.


been a long road to follow
been there and gone tomorrow
without saying goodbye to yesterday
are the memories I hold still valid?
or have the tears deluded them?
maybe this time tomorrow
the rain will cease to follow
and the mist will fade into one more today
something somewhere out there keeps calling
am I going home?
will I hear someone singing solace to the silent moon?
zero gravity what's it like?
am I alone?
is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet
still the road keeps on telling me to go on
something is pulling me
I feel the gravity of it all

[Senear]

11/25-26/13 Gramma's House, Broken-Not Broken/Moving Sex/Future Cube

1. Grandmothers house in dreams, her pressance is at this time that of a ghost, she can not be seen, just a bright "shadow". Her house is small, and cramped. Two girls, women in their 20's, are staying in the small house. I give each a room, and sleep on the couch. A workman comes, he tells me he is ( ), although, this may be simple dreaming association on my part as i don't have a good "key" for him yet. this part of the dream gets very lucid. He is removing the kitchen, and replacing it with something like a computer desk area, built into the floor like counter islands, but we keep a sink and small refrigerator. As he works, i set up three workstations, and the work im doing is dreaming in the dream. A forest path, a crossroads, and a mountain. I dream into the computer, instead of type, and the dream on the other side forms, it is like art, but it is not for artistic reasons. When i finish, i am sitting at the now completed work area. something is wrong, the energy is not stable set...like un dried concrete. so when i run my hand over the work area, it pulls up and crumbles. this is distressing. One of the women calls him on the phone, and when he returns there is another. The work they do together this time is solid from the start. Also, there are not two long work tables, so one of us can sit on either side and one between them. now their is enough space for proper working.

When we all get to work, I am specifically contacted, via the dream screen, by an outside investigative agency. They are tracking a virus. The virus is awareness. As i identified myself as the dream name, and the found spores of it in my energy signature, they traced it back to "LoneWolfs Forums". An investigative team arrives at the small converted work room. They way they investigate, is to look at a post on the "dream version" of these forums. When they do, a startling clear window/movie of each posters Tonal/Dream activity around each post plays. Each is exactly a ten minute clip, and a few of them, due to knowing the people or of them in the tonal, are very detailed and accurate. The others i assume are just as accurate, in the dream. That is all i do, SEE, and then they look at my seeing, and gauge it against the images/energy. they seem to have a working theory, and leave satisfied with the results, without telling any details. What i could Glean was that people had "pulled a virus/meme out of the structural fibers" The virus "Sees all done in dreams/tonal". From lone wolf people think, but this does not seem to be the direction the investigation was going, from the hints i picked up from the language and focus of the investigative team. When they left, we got back to work and i lost recall, it faded like a dream.


2. Broken-Unbroken. A Mantra that had siezed my awareness, many hours before sleep, and i to reduced chanting to myself over and over rocking in my chair untill i could remember how to write and wrote it out, and sent it, so i could find peace and sleep. Peace being, relative, mind you. The...energetic meaning of this manifest in dreams as a torn sensation. A dream world, and then its mirror. One side was bright and one dark. A thin line, between, life/death, broken/Unbroken. This was like a narrow space between reflections, and as such, was rich and detailed with the cross currents of energy. This thin line IS me, or rather, awareness, in the tonal and dreaming attentions. ITs a line that is crossed, a ribbon, back and forth. I see what happened, before sleep, was a removal of the "checkpoints and gates" between the two sides, the fortifications in that space. They were empty. this further became a seperate dream space, it looked like a town in Iraq, lets say a pristine version of "FAllUJA". I began consolidating a central checkpoint/strong point, to rebuild the gate or gateway. the first thing that happened was the two women from the earlier segment were dressed in military contractor uniforms. And they picked up sniper riffles. Soon there were six seperate people each taking a geometric point. four on the roof, and two manning the gate made of iron bars on the road. I found these strange trusses, shaped like XXXXXXXXX and begin to arrange them as barricades. The logic of it on the surface defied me, as they would stop no bullets. But all of this was an overlay on energy. In energy, they would catch any projection i was certain. I did as much work as i could, and then others took over. I faded from the dream, but what i did was instead go into the awareness of an eleven year old child, who was leading a donkey from the "broken" to the "Unbroken" side of things to "trade between them".


The child was a friend, he could freely move from broken to unbroken, but the child never could be older then the age of puberty. And he was actually quite old, and a bit strange as a result Of being stuck on the cusp forever. And so, we spent some time, walking together. Then a noise. Around a corner, came a woman in tight leather or spandex body suite, with the top zipped down revealing side boobs. Took of her helmet, and looked at me almost defiantly, with a wry smile. A challenge, it seemed. Will i follow give chase, or keep walking with the kid and his donkeys. Ahh...yea, ill give chase why not do something different. She was seeing if i would follow, and i do. Conveniantly, a second motor bike appears, and i am off. It is difficult to keep up with her, in and out between cars, at one point she does a wheelie and breaks through a vegetable stand, and i am dodging flying leeks and carrots, i get a big bunch of cabbage half covering my face, and she turns her head and laughs. She stays about 2 bike leangths ahead of me the whole time so im really just flying in her energetic wake. A noise from my right, i turn my head, and a thirs motorbike, bright red, and more agressive, joins the chase. this is clearly another woman, and it becomes tricky for the lead rider being chased to maintain her distance from us both, but she manages, but it seems less fun and more an actual race now. After about twenty minutes of this, crazy chase, we come to the edge of the city in dreams, the center band. Its a stone wall. the first rider, stops, and get sof her bike, takes of her helemet, and throws her long hair in a sideways motion. the woman in red finished a bit infront of me. She gets of the bike and starts zipping down her red body suite. the woman on the first bike, brushes that womans cheek, like she will lean in for a deep kiss...then pushed her head away with a laugh. Im not ready for it, she somehow flips me...and my entire bike next to hers. and says "He won". the lady in red looks pretty upset, like toyed with. and shivers with a bit of anger, and then gets back on her bike and speeds away, giving us both the middle finger. Im supposed to touch her now, no, i start to slide of my bike and grab her. The outfit is soaking wet, like with sweat. "slippery when wet". One of my hands falls in the space between the breasts, and her eyes go wide and she laughs, also, her boobs are hanging out now. Im almost blushing. Suddenly, she just starts her bike, and with one hand i start mine, the other stuck in the cleavage, trying to steer, pulled between the two bikes. then it gets dicey as im trying to concentrate. Somehow she had conveniant straps on her outfit, and she hooks mine into them. She does this with her one free hand. When im all hooked in with one leg she kicks my bike out from under me, and im dangling, supported in the air. Somehow when i crash into her, it becomes sexual penetration, so basically, im being supported by my err shaft into her slott, and shes leaning sideways and the bumps in the road are forcing "movement". And shes laughing, groaning insane, and im suspended like this, this high speed ride, for about 10 minutes, till i climax and wake. When i do, im shocked and overjoyed that my body hadnt responded at all...was sorta odd it was so real, so i did not need to change the sheets with a raging stiffy. wheew.


3. A time in the far future, or maybe now. All of humanity that existed, had been plagued by what they thought was a virus. Antidepresents, all sorts of medication. In an arms race against some virus. finally, at some point, they, humanity, discovered the ultimate cure. A shining blue liquid in a vial. All of humanity took the cure. It its only after the took it, that they understood the disease had never been real at all. And then, it was too late. No birth, no death, nothing. No growth. So humanity, all its...potential, was frozen in an eternal moment in time. All of their energy went into building new worlds, dream worlds! I stand on a still, unchanging yet alive, version of earth. I look into the sky...and the sky...the blue, seems to go on and up forever. In it...are a hundred million dreams, worlds. Some are round like the earth, others are vast rings...like the ringworld from the larry niven novells, or the Halo ring from halo. Others are flat worlds, like vast squares in the blue sky. air, clouds, between them all. Where is space? Where is infinity? My awareness zooms, and flies, untill the air thins, and i keep going, going. farther. I stop, and turn around to look. The sun, is blocked, and even if it was not, i was a light year away, it would be just a bright star. But what i see...just...wow. All of these frozen dreams, form a huge cube, and i see veins of light, it seems almost solid this far out. I fly back in, and check many worlds as i return to earth. Each is alive...trees, animals, forests, but all frozen in time. in an instant. No wind, no sound. empty. I return to earth, and stand in a silent meadow. The woman, the bike woman, and the one in red walk up to me. I was seeing all this via their "wake" like how i rode the bike. Now i see others, moving. The girls from grandmothers house, the people who took point in the center, the checkpoint. A few more, people, like a dozen. Someone asks "where all the people, why are the animals still?" The darker bike woman says "the vaccine, it froze them, no loss, no gain. Bit by bit, they built like gods, but without renewal, or flow, they built so much their creations absorbed them...their dreams. Worlds. Living tombs." the other woman, in red says "a vast...fossil hive". "What about us", another person asks. the darker woman laughs. "Lucky for you, your not human...Grow". Space, i think there is so much space, now, worlds. Not infinite, but allot. Enough for a long stretch of eternity, made solid...the future cube. When we make some shift, the sun moves in the sky, the clouds start stirring, and i see a bird fly in the sky. Room, room to grow. In dreams. Song "gravity" played in my perception.


been a long road to follow
been there and gone tomorrow
without saying goodbye to yesterday
are the memories I hold still valid?
or have the tears deluded them?
maybe this time tomorrow
the rain will cease to follow
and the mist will fade into one more today
something somewhere out there keeps calling
am I going home?
will I hear someone singing solace to the silent moon?
zero gravity what's it like?
am I alone?
is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet
still the road keeps on telling me to go on
something is pulling me
I feel the gravity of it all

[Senear]

2/1-2/13 Campwow/mountain lake/Xcor

I went to bed feeling flat and empty, no expectation for anything. And boy howdy, did my socks get blown off in dreaming!

Day 1: Five (6) of us meet, in dreaming. Im not quite sure all who, but i suspect it was as follows. Myself. ( ) We decide to travel, to a special place, a camp, a place of learning and or relaxation, each to their own. It was as soon as my eyes closed, i was pulled, as solid and lucid...more then lucid, energy everywhere, in everything...right to it. We travel by intending to move, as a group! And we are there. A place, on the edge of a forest, near some rocky hills. A vast camp/center. And my god, was it crowded. Arrival day. Again, every moment, every sound, so real, and full of energy. The small details, the woman at the back of the room looking at a map, converations between people...all real dreamers! Buzzing, the sun...and gathering clouds. Just...wow. Awe inspiring. And this was just check in. We check in as a group, and are given a large cabin, because we think more might be coming, so we write down for, on a clipboard, a group of 15-17. We each take a bed, some people unpack...not me, i leave my junk in the suitcase, what do i care about wrinkles?. We talk a bit, and its latter in the afternoon. It has become cloudy, and a moderate rain begins to fall, everything outside gets muddy, so many people stay in the bunks or the common room mingling. Still more people are coming, thousands are here it seems. Something neat, i can see between us, something like a big moving energy snowflake, that connects us all in some strange, energetic way. Not all, or most can, but we are so linked, on some level bellow mind, its...amazing. I stand smokeing, leaning against an awning post, watching the rains pool and run in streams down the now muddy hill. Sand. Walkways are sand. I watch a man...maybe ( )? but more then him, skateing on some strange skates like little skateboards strapped to the feet, but wheels like rollerblades. Its easy to sue them on the concrete pathways, harder to do it on the sand or mud, but some, like him, can, i observe, no i feel through the link, and as i do, i learn exactly how as well, even just standing there. Eventually, i try to do it some too. Latter, its night. rain ha stopped, its like 10pm. There is a room with a big tv, and a bar. People, some people...wild people, not the nature lovers long in bed, gather to go buy drinks and relax. the bartender is so real, the L shaped bar. So i see ( )? I think i do, getting a drink. I say hello and we talk. Her energy line is loose, its connecting to a bigger grouping, like in dreams, but isnt tight atm. but shes here too. Cool. at the bar ofc lol. So then i take my drink, a strange, energetic thing, in a tall glass, and sit in a high stool, that spins, but with a back. against a wall. I watch the tv from a distance. Its like some TV show, a movie, about an investigation, really...lucid, and power. I glance up, and i sip my (Zima lol? cloudy) i dont drink much...and man, im just gone, like almost black out, but i remember in a cloud. When im back to normal...its like 7am? My clothes are just gone, im in my boxers, i got lipstick on me. Im like wtf. I look at my drink...i only drank 1/3! what is this stuff? I take another sip, and begin back to our cabin...then i turn around, and leave the drink on the bar...just one sip im sorta drunk...Hair of the dog that bit me i laugh, and continue on. Outside, nature people. going to exploe the river bed, the lake, look in the woods. And her eim almost naked, and stumbling, looking like i had a wild time. Many people are staring...there are kids here. Like...EWWW. Im chuckling. My boxers are too tight, but i realise thats me groin still engourged. Well who cares. But walking, its all tight and kinda hard. Im afraid MR Winky might peek out, so i keep shifting them. lol. Walkings hard like this. I need to cross a river bed, i walked the long way to cabin. Its full of rocks, and hundreds of people looking at insects etc. I say *** it im flying. I do, in my almost nude glory...but the riverbed pulls me to the middle. In a group of people. I turn to one woman and wink, say "hope my junk wasnt showing". she is agape. I see a teacher spirit, hes...laughing. I shrug say oh well, head up the other side of the riverbed to the cabin on my feet.


Day 2: I get some sleep, and go party some more. I really dont seem to give a ***. And its weird...all around, me so much power, and learning, everyone really engaged. I party all afternoon, and again loose my clothes. And again the walk back to the cabin. Two women, doing a little demo. Of fish they caught, and then cooked on open wood, little trout squares. No one is coming to look, there is so much subtle power in it. They hold the squares on two sticks. and cook it with intent, a flame of intent. power. No one is relaly paying them attention, they are sorta near the cabin, like demonstrating what they learned. It smells nice, so i walk up. Omg...one of them is ( )...and someone similar. Umm. they look at me with distaste, so rather then speak, i pick up a trout swuare they had thrown away, and put it in my mouth, like a hobo. I say "4 hour rule, right?" and laugh. then...( ) knows its me shes like....Sen? omg... like shes mortified. I say "yep" and walk on, chewing the flakey, magical, trout. Just what i needed. Thanks! Back to the cabin...and all our **** is moved! What the hell. So in my dirty boxers, i go to the reception area. So many important, well dressed people. I just stroll in like that, and go to the front desk say...wheres our ****? The desl lady lets me cut in line. This pisses off. Well. There is a woman, with a younger...beautiful girl. Like a princess, strong but beutiful features. the matron...gasps...and covers her eyes. Seems Mr winky got loose again, and shes looking. Well...to bad lol. They, at the desk, tell me, that we only brought 6 so we got moved to a communal tent. then the desk lady winks and smiles...she says "i dont suppose you want to know were the communal showers are" I smile a big hans solo smile and say "nope i dont suppose i do". I wink at the princess as i walk out, and she blushes. lol. So to find...the tent. I need to put on some god damn clothes. Or not, but i should, to go explore. I find the tent, its really cramped. 2 small beds, and all our stuff piled out...like a six feet by six feet square. Whats cool is each square, is a different dream! so ours is like part of a larger room, next to another, next to another. Like tiles. Wow. I dig through my **** and get changed. ( )? or ( )? comes in. I think ( ). He has a child with him. then the child is like a bratty teen, like the princess. Demanding. Needs constant attention. Then its a child biting again. Hes really rude. You guys ever see frasier, his brother miles? he starts to look like miles. Ms? has glasses. the litle **** grabs them. He get really, mad and just smashed the brats face, twists him, and throws him behind the bed. And then stalks of to get some space. So i change. comb my hair. *** the shower the funks on me and i like it! Im ready to go. A girl maybe ( ) or ( ) im not sure, we start gathering and talking. the little brat, reforms. OMG it is a dreamer here...i swear, it was like a younger ( )! remind sme of him, i dnt know why. He says "that guy is so dead...hes pissed. Then he looks at me, he says not you guys, not you Sen. Although you did stand there and watch. I say "sorry bro, maybe im petty" He stalks of looking for ( )? grumbling. lol. No the people in the square come up to us, men and girls. Omg they are fancy...i mean like...performers. Glitter on bodies, uniforms, these weird smiles. One has a panda mask. They are all perfect in energy and body. real nice...but not, stuck up as hell. I kinda want to shag the girls right there, but i dont. they have musical voices, but its kinda snotty too. Like of your so unique, you really think you can win! We hope you can like us! Whatever. lol. putting on airs. Im dressed, time to go, but i check them all out as i do. Becasue why the hell not right? I say out loud "one of us is one of them, somebodies a spy...discuss" lol. and leave to go party some more i guess.

Day 3. Finally i want to explore. Im a bid tired of partying hard. The skates. I put on the skates i saw, and start racing. I race so fast, that the world becomes two narrow tunells on either side of me, up paths, over water, its all the same. such speed, so exhilerating. I race up, to the lake, a long ways, but so fast. I slow down, and stop, to look around. A tall thin, yet familiar man, with a little boy. My god, its the child that fell out the window, a few dreams ago! He wants to race with me, ride. His caretaker says "ok". but be carefull. So he races along, he makes shoes from energy like mine, i slow down. I do a weird thing, i stay exctly two leangths ahead of him, and our riding becomes motorbikes. the thin man runs on the side, calling to him. He keeps trying to overtake me, and the man smiles, calls out. "Let him split the enrgy, make the path, you ride in the wake...you dont have to win, its not a competition!" the kid grudgincly listens, so we ride like that. Then i feel him getting tired. So i stop, and he stops. I turn the bike into a "big wheel" and slowly pedal backwards. He and the man laugh at this, and he stops i pull besides him. and we get up and the bikes are gone. The dad? Wants to look at the lake up here, it was so far few came out. Sounds great to me. So i follow him, we walk up a hill..and there we are! So strange. Mily, yet clear water. Light...i SEE into the water...great glowing crystals, energy, giving light. Ibs? sorcery for sure...but not the same feeling. I notice the lake is artificial, it has a lining in the soil, like concrete. Its from here the river full of little fish flows. I see the fish in the water! the being at the lake speaks, points out things. He looks at me and laughs...but you already know. I smile. He tells me "thus ued to be a conferance center, then we dug out the lake moved it" I say really!? He says...no. But he means in the crystals...i know and he knows, so we laugh. I wlak back with the people, and go back to my room. get ready to go out. See the princess, and the matron, back at the bar. We share a drink, and tlak in soft voices then i go back to our square and go to sleep.


Day 4. I wake after a long sleep. i dreamed in the dream, but i let it go...my god, so much if i did not. I let it go in the dream. We all meet, later in the day. something in our mouths..sand. I cough pull it out. But then...more. thousands of small pearls, come up, we all wretch them out. they are from the "oysters" in our "bodies" by being here so long. We know what to do. We save them, they are things of beauty and power. after i do this, i go on my own...and its like im so out of it, its a rush of images. I come too....its the last night, i know, the big party. I come suddenly lucid, like down from a drug! Im...on a dance floor. Techno music, throbbing. alla round me...here are the glitter people, making out having standing sex practically the way they dance. I was dancing with one of them. she smiles moves to another dude. I see myself, and around. Im nude, covered with thin white fglowing paste. Im nude, i just got some bubbles! my flaws are exagerated, like i did it on purpose, in my body. Im earing a spiked leather colar, and there is aleash hanging down from it, for pulling my head up. I look around...like ive come down. i go to the DJ booth, a guy next to it, hold up my hand like i want something small. He hands me a blue glowing vile...energy, a drug. this is what i was on. I peer at it. Like the vacine, but more mellow, milky...not the same. I hold it between two fingers. I hear my name. I look up. I see our room square, and 4 of the people there, sitting tight on the bed talking. Its like i SEE to them, and it, but its not here. ( )? looks up. Everyone does. They are...they say "Oh my god dude". Casue...well loo at me, out there. They see me. I almost feel shame. A inner thought. "*** that, im always the responsible one, and it got me...known and dismissed. Not my problem now. Now is for me" and i look away. I look up. Two women, dressed like me, making out on the wall. Yea i say...yea. and down the liquid. I start to get high, but not right away. I see the princess girl, coming onto the stage. I run up and kneel. Bow and smile, and we just go at it hungry. then the drug kicks in, and im flying, im gone. I spiral its too much, so i wake. I wake laughing, i do a fist pump, and say "Hell Yea". Take my notes look at the clock. 6 am. All that was 2-3 hours, straight from when i closed my eyes, no breaks. Hell yea! i feel so happy and free, unlike when i went to sleep.

112cla502 months ago

you just mindfucked the game


Next dream. Another mountain, another lake. It is winter, the lake is just thawing. there is a forest on the side. A large yet small one. A "hundred acre" woods. So magical. I wander up from the lake, with a woman, it is ( ). We explore the woods, slowly,. Look at the trees, the branches. ( ) might be here too. she shows me a single branch. A butterfly, a small snail. Everwhere i look, life, stirring. And larger things. Like a saber toothed cat, thing si cant explain. this is no normal woods, its so alive, set aside. Its a place for spirit allys! Thats what they are. Even the trees, all aware. So wonder full, and alive. Objects. not sticks, We look, and select..are sticks, are not. I let her choose one for me, it is...divine. the essance of the thing. We go to a lodge, its another seminar, or gathering, but i am just here for a time. A familiar older lady, the "shaman" I dont speak the language, but i dont need too. I can SEE. I leave the group meeting. I take a walk all around, and up and down the wonderfull mountain. Alone, with the stick i was given....thank you, ( ). It has somehow become carved, like runes. I think of a story of 2 jews on a mountain. I resolve to mention that work today. I return to the resort. A feast...in rooms. long narrow rooms. A feast in time, the people, are like a flock, they move along the feast, like its LIFE itself in one direction. Time, you see. I enter it the other direction, but behind them. I work over the leavings of their passing. They leave so much behind. What they take is cheap, or appealing. experiences. Say a pie of "monetary success" they leave the small wafer of "seeing". so much to eat, a moving feast in reverse, then i change at the beginning...birth...and follow them, i find bits even i missed, and i move to catch up to them at the end, death. My clothes have shifted again. Im wearing pants, a vest, a shirt. The pants and vest are like the night sky, the vest is full of silver, shining strands, Its...awe inspiring. Just...wow. I walk wt the stick. I feed and am happy, quiet, in my self. When i am done, i come to the gate..death. I smile. I learned, i jump...through it. I "fuse". its hard to explain, i jump through, and change, get set, and land...in another city.

A city, an old market square, small stalls. Its not the united states. It could be...europe. Spain, no, maybe central...why cant i tell. I dress nicely, in a hotel room. I go to the street, to eat. A small place, i am here to meet one woman and one girl. I do not speak the language. A lady at the lunch counter. A hole int he wall place, yet devine. I listen to the whir of an old soda case, full of bright bottles. The woman working there is so nice. I can show, she can see, what i want with my mind. She brings me "sopa" a brown egg, something like large tripe slices, but not. Devine. I sample, but wait for who i came to see. she comes! omg so beautiful. the woman, and a girl child. "Valencia". am i in spain? no...the name is a city. She sits but does not eat, but bids me to, so i do, and the young child. None of us speak the language, or any language. Mexico. she tells me she is in mexico. But we are not. Language is "Lineage". Did i enjoy the camp, she brought us to. Yes i did. Do i feel better...she says with her eyes, as i eat the egg. Yes, i do, thank you. My slurp says back. We smile.


A final dream. Again, i meet, this time its at the dream university. A friend from college, lyn. I look very well and fit, still in those clothes. We meet in a common room. she is still beautuful, a bit younger then me. we smile. We know each other, but shes not as lucid as me. She reminds me very much of ( ), as always, but not her....i think? She asks me, if i still can argue, and think, see in that way, as i did. I say yes. She is not sure, she says i will need to if so, soon. I smile and nod. We walk together, another mountain/hill we pass many fine and important beings, all smile and nod. We speak to several, some give me an invitation for one more thing, as i am like them now, or seem to be, or...it does not matter. Its an actual invitation, on paper. I agree to go. She can come too...in RL, sometimes we would go to lectures at caltech in pasadena, on science things, rocketry, the Mars society. fun stuff like that. She was also my debate partner and more, or so i imagined, sometimes... turned out to be not really the case but that aside. hehe. We go to a gathering, black tie, in a hangar. A rocket, a mockup. We are here for a launch. It is for Xcor, the rocket is the "lynx". I saw a spirit one of these in the forest! Shhh lyn tells me. A speach. Richard Branson, of Virgin Group, is on the stage, with a scarf. A rousing key note. He is going to go up, in this competitors suborbital rocket, as an act of goodwill, and to help spur the "spaceflight" market. We go outside, the rocket plane is ready. He and one pilot, to go up and back. The invitation was not just for this, but for that flight. It goes up...and away. An odd thing, a small square lands on rockets. I turn tot he president of Xcor, hanging on the side away from fancy people. I begin asking questions. At first he is a bit reserved. But i impress him, we impress him, by knowing our rocket stuff. I say the return piece...was like the craft in the origional Kistler aerospace desighn. Yes he says! but why was it on this two man suborbital...its a first stage return unit. He smiles, i know, he knows, im starting to wake. He tells me, as i wake. Youll get it, you know. Remember, dreams are not what they look like. Ahhhh! yea! i get it i say. As i wake, im speaking it out loud as i wake. I write finall recall, and get up. Its a bit after noon. Fin.

[Senear]

I forgot to mention a detail, at the xcor party, the xcor guy made a point of how they all really hate richard branson, he gets all the glory and they got to work hard to make it to flight with investment money. showboat. lol.

[Senear]

1/6-7/14 Flight/Fight, Observation, Dream Energy.

I slip into dreaming, after a quiet day and night of not doing much, silence and not doings, (save a single pm before bed) and a bit of “recap” for example, I took a bath, and the drained the water, and sat in the tub diffusely staring at my reflected image in the metal fixtures. Sleep came upon me early (for me) before midnight, and I simply settled in bed, hands across my chest, not thinking, feeling my legs, and the silence, blank, and in that state, I must have gone into dreaming.

I spin without being dizzy, around me, it a white cocoon, made of soft silken fibers. I see it from the outside, am it on the inside. It spins in a black void. I see two cocoons I split it, and step out, as does a figure like my brother. For a moment, nothing, then, around us, like from all around, a dream slowly forms, I stay aware, feel/watch it do so, in a manner similar to how I went asleep. Then...a shift. I am in the dreaming. I am the dreaming. We are in a room, laying on our separate beds, talking. Topic seems off, sorcery, awareness, movies...candy. All mixed together in perfect, yet nonsensical, rhythmic flow. A message, someone wants me to visit, a dream window opens, of a cabin covered with snow, in north Dakota. I listen Intently. My lucidity, as soon as the dream formed, had become set to the reality of the setting, it was less, I intermittently forgot I was dreaming. A father figure (who looked nothing like my father, was tall and thin) comes into the room and asks me if I am leaving. I say “No it will cost too much for the ticket, you need your money to provide for your family” He nods in approval, and leaves the room. A twinge, off and on, im rejecting the reality, that’s not my father, or brother, noting the lapses, seeing the dream form around. But on the surface I accept it, I feel like im suffering from facial tics. I lay back down. Two cats come into the room, old, a bit smelly. The two cats I got as a very small child, that I named at two years old. The first one I named “Morris” a orange tabby like from the cat food commercials. The next one, I got from a box in front of a supermarket, a tortoise shell cat. As he was the second cat, In my pre-pre school creativity I had named him “New Cat”. New cat and Morris came, and climbed on each of out chests and we petted them. New cat drooled, and Morris was partially paralyzed I spoke of them to the brother (who looked nothing like my real brother) How impossibly old they are now. I got them when I was 2 and say now I am 48 years old. The facial tic again. In fact I am not 48 I am 37 I say. And also, New cat died when I was 17, from heart failure, and Morris lasted a year longer till I was 18 and died of a stroke. Not only did I get my own age wrong, accept figures who were not family as family, I simply forgot what was real and what was part of this dream. At this point I excuse myself, I am dreaming, and I have many things it seems I need to do, and so I leave. It is not easy to leave, and not wake, or even shift levels of awareness, like exit. No, I simply intend to pass through this dream and out into...non dream, without interruption Like walking through a solid, smoky wall. I am able to do so, and find myself back in the black space, but fully lucid. And then I start to rotate again, and things get compressed for lack of a better term...flashes between dreams. But holding the intent to move, and not fall unaware. I’m annoyed with that, if I can say I had any emotions at all. Flashes, a face, a line like drops of water in the void, movement. No sense of time.

Another dream. I walk out of a small ship or vessel, in a landing/docking area. I have some sort of robe with a high aristocratic collar on. I am fully lucid, and also, lucid in a mind self specific to the setting, I am both at once, and this gives me a great deal of solidity, and I suppose I would say confidence in my being, and being there. I stride down an impossibly long platform/ramp, to meet with people waiting in the distance. The setting reminds me of Earth, as envisioned in Isaac Asimov's robots and foundation series, due to some specific visual clues; that is to say, a vast planet wide subterranean city going to the mantle of the planet. Vast. One could say a vast hive. As I walk, flashes internal A woman, a great teacher, stuck HERE, starving, free but not to leave, a few...followers. Hungry, sad. We speak. What is my status, here? Something like an investigator/arbiter/ienkindler. Its hard to explain. I reach the assembled people, I am told a few things. I hold up a hand, and say, first, to feed the woman, and let her more free to move. The beings move to comply. From the side, unseen before this, another woman, tall and angular, hiss's for them to stop. She strides up to me defiantly. She states “You think your purpose and reason for being here entitles you to that? You will simply do you task, or we will entomb this “teacher/mother” you care so much about even tighter”. The teacher witch woman, (like the tenant?) I see, was the face I saw flashing in the before part, why I came here in the first place. Then...its strange, its like a contest of wills. I take stock of my energy. If I had to weigh it in money, I figure I had about 27.3 million USD, more then enough to “pay” for “food”. This was my next plan, thought. But the strange woman, shes...separating me...flattening my awareness. I stay lucid in the dream self context, but the...part of me that is like my waking self, flees or is removed, distant, so then the reality of the dream takes over. I “shrink”. It becomes fragmented again, jumbled, as my awareness transitions shifts...when I reform, im only aware...awareness...in the context of the place, with little memory of external self. I see this, I see this, yet I can not TELL myself, or link the two...so now me, writing, is an observer of self. But im also still in the other character. Its difficult to explain being split like that. That dream me is no longer...large, confident, its a version of me, linking to the tonal, feelings/situations...but not knowing of that. Its frustrating to half of me.


And then another transition, and the part of me that is frustrated is simply gone. I’m re enmeshed, like in the first dream, in the dream. A vast space, yet circular, a city, a world, but...im in a small space withing it. In my pocket, I have two large seeds, like sunflower seeds. A father and mother figure, are close, like im bound to them, near, observant. I go outside. A field, two fields, made of flat, smooth, half dried mud. Perfectly smooth. I hold each of the seeds, over spots, I can see, like a readout...if the soil, which all seems the same, has the nutrients needed...how much life will grow. I’m distracted by a million forms, people, things all around, and yet, im detached,in my task. Finally I find the best spots I can, and drop the seeds, and the soil just absorbs them...i drop one on each level. I also see in energy, what the structure of the space is. When its done, it seems my task here, why I came was completed. But true the word of the angular mean lady, they aren’t done with me. The dream collapses, the parent like figures are close. I’m being yelled at, and shoved, for my failings/pride by the father. When I speak, the mother says mean things in support of the father. I’m supposed to collapse down and fade, it seems.
But as in the first dream, much is off. This father figure acts nothing like my real father. My real father was gentle and kind, an artist and school teacher...not unlike myself...he was also bi polar, unlike me, and never learned to be aware, his anger and frustration would seize him, and he would change like Dr Jekyll, when things went wrong...and it didn’t take much, once he crossed that line long ago, to go wrong for him to change. But the rest of the time he was kind and gentle and nice. This guy...was shoving me and just being cruel. The mother, Grey skin, shrinking, harsh, was nothing like my real mother, who is none of those things. So they did not fit in the rolls...and the me awareness, that strode into the place, starts to grow. I become more aware, they look nothing like my parents. The man has a thin tie and short sleeved geek shirt, and is tall. My father was a bit round, and I saw him wear a tie twice in my life.
The mother was mocking and harsh, and also looked nothing like my mom. Again, aware, fully.


"Sowing The Seeds Of Love"
High time we made a stand and shook up the views of the common man
And the lovetrain rides from coast to coast
D.J.'s the man we love the most
Could you be, could you be squeaky clean
And smash any hope of democracry ?
As the headline says you're free to choose
There's egg on your face and mud on your shoes
One of these days they're gonna call it the blues
And anything is possible when you're Sowing the Seeds of Love
Anything is possible - Sowing the Seeds of Love
I spy tears in thier eyes
They look to the skies for some kind of divine intervention
Food goes to waste !
So nice to eat, so nice to taste
Politician Grannie with your high ideals
Have you no idea how the Majority feels ?
So without love and a promise land
We're fools to the rules of a Goverment plan
Kick out the style ! Bring back the jam !
Anything...
Sowing the Seeds
The birds and the bees
My girlfriend and me in love
Feel the pain
Talk about it
If you're a worried man - then shout about it
Open hearts - feel about it
Open minds - think about it
Everyone - read about it
Everyone - scream about it !
Everyone
Everyone - read about it, read about it
Read in the books in the crannies and the nooks there are books to read
Chorus !
(Mr. England Sowing the Seeds of Love)
Time to eat all your words
Swallow your pride
Open your eyes
High time we made a stand and shook up the views of the common man
Clearly dreaming. How to handle this? So I spoke tot he father, reached out with apology and understanding. I spoke to him. “I realize I made you upset, and for that I am sorry. But I have to be and do as I see right, but I do respect your opinion and listen........” I was interrupted by a huge wad of spit...spit right in my face. I stop speaking, and touch it, look at it. The mother chimes in “now you have done it”. I say nothing...i walk as far as the edge of the dream will let me, which is about 20 feet, slowly, aware. I turn and look at them. I look at the spit on my hand from my face. And something unthinking in me, with no emotion. Just acts. I look at him, and with a silent command levitate him in the air. Lets see what this, I say to myself. Lets see if its real, part of the setting...what. Let me try to push it out of the dream. And so, I slam it into the now viable walls...over and over, it wont go through. Its bleeding. “part of this dream like the plant” I think. Now im just testing the edges. I look at it, and shoot it into the air...a sensation, like a rocket breaking the sound barrier, leaving a shock-wave. It goes up and up. Ahh...no ceiling! I grab it, and slam it back to the earth. It hits the floor, and breaks into a mass of bone and flesh. “But there is, apparently a floor” I think to myself. Interesting Now I look at the mother, who has gone inert. Breathing silently. With her...i just lift her and throw her into the sky...as high as I can. Lets see if the outside of this circle in a circle is real. I fling it high and at an angle...and wait...it falls, falls...and lands not far from me in the “outside” field. She impacts and buries into the mud...only her feet and waste sticking up, and two stick legs...then a sound, of mud releasing gas, and the legs fall flat. Well, that’s done. Without a second though, I shoot into the sky, higher, joy, high. Clouds. I’m in the wispy clouds, and I see the dream as a symbol on a flat plane far below...i begin to fly for the feeling, before another dream catches me.


"Reach For The Sky"
Well I'm an outlaw
I make my living on the run
My life is lonely
But I was born to need no one
Always on my own

Oh'

My gun is loaded
I'm a six-shot heart attack
I pull the trigger
So you better watch your back

Looking out for #1 so you had better take this piece of advice
Make your move
Stick 'em up or kiss your ass goodbye

[Chorus:]
Reach for the sky
Or I will shoot you down in the blink of an eye
Reach for the sky
There's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
Reach for the sky
I got the drop on you so raise them high
Reach for the sky

Well it's a show down
This is what I do for fun
I got a reputation
Yeah I'm the fastest gun
I'm livin' on the highway
Movin' on from town to town
You better do it my way
Or I will shoot you down

Looking out for #1 so you had better take this piece of advice
Make your move
Stick 'em up or kiss your ass goodbye
But soon enough, one does. I’m still flying. Falling from the sky, space, towards the earth, is a large white spaceship, larger then a city. The...production values remind me of something from the 1970's... original star wars models for filming. I’m flying towards it, it seems, its massive, I skim over it and through canyons in its structure. A voice. Where the seed display was a man. Speaking. Looks like superman’s father, white clothes. I listen. Hes speaking of the code. To do no harm, to help these beings plummeting. Crashing, duty and honor, a speech. I’m not buying it. Then a dub over. A voice mocking it, like mst3k. Saying nah blow it up, make it crash. The two voices in an out. They call me jor el lol. I’m not wearing a S on my chest, or a V for villain. I’m annoyed again. And lucid. So I do neither things, I fly up, and out, into the void. And dreaming ends again, more flashes...faces, energy, loss of sense of time.


Again im in a dream. Again my sense of me is limited back down to being lucid in character. An odd one. I’m going to the “veterinarians” office. Two women on staff. I’m making an appointment to check on an old animal. The woman...are upset. Saying...well, im not a member client, no more walk ins. I have to agree to pay a set amount each month, and office visit fee upfront. I’m taken aback, this is the office of the vet who didn’t even bother charging more then half the time, we were friends...and sometimes I would just leave a few hundred dollars there for future work...so we didn’t really do allot of specific haggling when it was an emergency. I/we were good for it or pre paid. But not now. Arguing, saying I have to pay to be a client. They aren’t telling me something. I ask to see the vet. I am taken to her...no his office. Well, another weird element. The vet is Mr Williams, the old black guy who was my stand in grandfather, longtime family friend. Old. Very old, like he was a few years ago before he died. He explains that, He had given me allot of support, and I never signed any contracts. I’m going to need to, and agree to pay the set amount, he cant afford to keep feeding me for nothing. The office ladies are in the corner, agreeing with him. He told me he has to pay them, for the work etc. So I negotiate. I’m also coming lucid like I was in the other ones, but I don’t reject this one as fast. No need it seems. As we talk, I think of things ive done for him. A dream in the dream inner window. A chicken coop. The chickens are missing limbs, but alive. A fox that got in here did the damage...in a wheelchair from where the farmer shot him/her. I took them all in, the one legged chickens and wheelchair bound fox, for the vet. I say.... I think 50$ a month is fair, and I can not afford more. Its less then they asked, but they seem ready to accept. I say “i need to check with my mother, of course, as she is paying not I”. At this the “Vet” got agitated. “always a reason with you boy, ain’t there?” “Come over here boy, im gonna tan your backside for giving me lip. And like the real man would do, he was removing his belt to tan my backside. For some reason, lucid to the dream, this made me laugh. I said “OK, let me shrink to be a child and ill crawl around avoiding you for old times sake”. And I did. I hid under the desk, and was laughing. He...starts laughing. Its funny. But also to them clearly the gig was up. I walk out, and see the wall of a shopping mall at night...but the dream is ending despite my being lucid...fades, So the dream dissolves.


More of the same in between dreams. Deposited once again in a new setting, but im starting to see the patterns, why when one ends, another begins, the threads in awareness that get picked up, what im led to do or not in them. Its becoming interesting, and its keeping me more aware despite the dreams, and outside of them. Again it fades, but only so much. I am in a busy city, on a bright and sunny afternoon. I live in some apartments. To my left is a huge shopping mall (like the old .. AP) Red granite, curved columns that meet in ornamental arches, four stories tall the facade...a real place. I am coming out of an apartment building. A very busy street, 8 lanes, the size of a highway but with traffic lights. I’m on a side street. I cross the street to my new favorite spot. Its in front of some nondescript three story buildings. I sit on some red lava rocks, that are there instead of lawn. I come here to smoke it seems. I’m just soaking it in. Light a cigar thing. Start puffing, relaxed. I pull out my dream notepad, but somehow, access something else. I’m writing a PM. Its to ( ). I’m telling her I had to move again, to some apartments in the city, but its only in the dream, not real life. I talk about dreaming so far. I mention the mall is cool, its the one from the “free falling” video with tom petty, but im seeing the outside. Guess this is resceda...and no, there is not “a free way running through my yard”... although the street is the size of a highway. Do you know the song? Ill send some links. Hey come to think of it, all the flying and falling forms ive seen, I think this is a specific link/reference. How cool is that? Well, im bored atm, wanted to say hello. What are you dreaming... I kinda ramble on. As I do, somewhere outside the dream, I hear voices, tune in on them. “what is he doing?” “Writing a note it seems” “To who, in the dream...” “No a message to someone in the real world, but in dreams” “interesting”. “Does he not know of all the forms, power, around him?” At this I perk up, and quick send the message. I look around. Its literal, around me...the buildings that all look the same. I pick one where I feel the most...something. There are no door and windows. I jump in the air, and hold my knees, I float in the fetal position, the “egg” as I think of it. I say “Na nu Na nu” (Mork and Mindy reference) and propel myself through the wall of the building. I hover inside.

It's a long day, livin' in Reseda
There's a freeway, runnin' through the yard
And I'm a bad boy, 'cause I don't even miss her
I'm a bad boy for breakin' her heart

And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah I'm free, free fallin'

All the vampires, walkin' through the valley
Move west down, Ventura Blvd.
And all the bad boys, are standing in the shadows
All the good girls, are home with broken hearts
In it are like 18 people...not figments. All silently studying. None of them feel too friendly. All self absorbed in books and papers. I clear my throut and say “hello, im Andrew, who are you guys and gals”. Its like...ahh, farting in a hot tub. They all look up angry. One speaks. “WE are studying infinity, YOU are interrupting”. I say I am? Confused. I look at what they are doing. One is writing, then giving it to the next to read, who writes something, and by the time the version the first wrote makes the writing/reading rounds, the person who started the chain thinks its confirmation...new info!. It so lame. And they are so full of it, wanting to hurt me for interrupting. I say. “Hey I made and egg and flew through the wall...any of you guys want to try?” the first man stand. He tells me “that is impossible, its not in the books...gesturing to their writings” “you are a distraction...be gone! Be dead!” they all start repeating it. What a bunch of assholes. “OK I will be gone, because you all are super fucking lame and rude...bye” and I fly back out in my egg shape. Huh that sucked. Let me check the roof....i levitate up. Nice! Another 18 or so people, these ones are on lawn chairs and talking. Well OK, its a bit better. Same deal, but this time I land. “Hi im Andrew, who are you...” I get told to shut the **** and how did you get here? This Is a place for serious sorcerers to find after a lifetime of study. “no its not” I say. Actually its a setting in the dream of los angeles and its real...well its a dream. I point at the hill, and some apartments on it, where sham and e gave me a book about therun with his symbol a few month ago. “Its just a dream”. “no its infinity he retorts” “No really, its just a dream...my dream I suspect” “your dream, you self important little obstacle!” Begone! Begone...again with the cult chanting. “im going” I say, “ill try downstairs”. Downstairs! they laugh, **** there is only here. “whatever” I say full of whit. So I fly back into the downstairs. Wtf. This is lame. Well this time when I fly in, I don’t get a change to talk, everyone is attacking me with the intent to kill. I uncurl and float above them. Its to far gone. I sigh. The me that knocked the parents around comes out.

Same deal...i lift the most hostile, and these too cant pass put of the room. So I smash them back and forth till they die and let them fall. Nope, they cant float. I hoped this would calm the rest down, but no. So I just lift them all and bash them around like inside a food blender. Some are pesky, pop back up a few times so they take a bit more smashing. When they are all dead or gone from dream forms, I go back out. I mu be covered with blood. I rise up again, warily. The group on the roof jump up to attack. I don’t even bother waiting or thinking. I start flicking them, like one might flick some paper...”can you fly” FLICK...into the sky, see them fall and splat. “nope” how about you...nope. Or you...nope. One by one. Now im just tired of it...so I try something new. With one pinch...i grasp the whole group by their energy strands, and punt them into the sky. I hold them...and then let them drop they still cant/wont fly. Then I kick them again...and again...the sound barrier shock wave thing...higher and higher...and then in the distance, they fall with the impact of bombs. Well...that’s what they wanted, that’s what they got. Now what the hell am I to do?


Oh the other building! This one has a door. I land and walk in. Its a bar...i think. But it looks like a house, bare white gypsum board, A man standing. There are only like 4 glasses, its bright and plain and small. A man and woman and an INVISABLE something pass me. They don’t see me they are leaving. I clearly see shamanka and... some guy called Chris Douglas. Exact features. (I told her today she asked me if he looked a certain way...he did). OK so they left. Only three stools. I sit. I’m thinking to find a friend from college, Ernie here. I’m about to ask. Seems this bar either just opened, or im afraid is about to close. Either way I should get a beer. So I make an order. They are surprised...they didn’t see me. No the guy Ernie isn’t here. I get a beer, and drink. A book Is on the bar. The book is entitled “J. Daniel” Weird title, a name. I look at it. I’m drawn into it. In it, is a void like between dreams. So I make my own dream, and then a man is seen. I dangle him in the sky I made by a leg with intent. I peer at him, ask him WTH is all of this. Test after test after test? He doesn’t say, by but what is ay I see something of the nature of these dreams. I let go of him and leave the book. I find I had opened it, and the words were writing themselves. I close it, thinking I have the final clue, and the dream dissolves. Same in between dream stuff...faces, voices, energy, sense of no time. And then it gets interesting when I form again.


Finally im all me. All one being not two in and out of myself. Solid, not wavering. In, but through seeing, outside of the dream at the same time. How I used to dream, always, no dampened awareness, no lack of lucidity and understanding. Me...me how I was before I agreed to limit awareness for data exchange. Each dream had been waking me up more and more, was less and less a containing reality...and now, here I am. Here WE are, for we all were here, but not dreaming together...but in between...in between, we were. So I sit.

It something like a large “language lab” in a university. One way glass mirrors on one side, rooms of to either edge. In it I find us, people from here. But forms are shifted, and even change. Tired it seems. This space is not a dream, its...second attention, but not the active process of a dream, its energetically real, not a play or unfolding. It just is. One of those spaces. Its not moving on its own, like dreams do to cycles or rhythms. Its...very solid and independent. However, people in it Are dreaming, related, separate dreams. Between, they are fully in this space, awake, aware, but I don’t think any of this gets remembered. Often. Understanding what this, I look off to the sides...through the one way glass, and listen. Beings. Monitoring everything, selecting dreams, scenarios, in ranges of probabilities. But how can they get the same data, when everyone dreams different, and at different levels of awareness? This is soon answered. A figure emerges from a door. Energy...attention, becomes dreams, separate dreams! So for one person, the figure is a tall threatening black man. How will the react? For another a variation, a poor rural black man, thin and old (reminds me a bit of my “grandfather” he was born a sharecropper. For another person...a horrible monster, with dark skin, snarling. I saw this figure get incorporated into twelve or more dreams at once. The figure walked into the room. I had no dream, but for the setting. But I saw all the reactions, and them being watched. So I decided to act. My default was a being like the ones behind the glass, but also it had some monster teeth. I greeted Him. “hello, where are we, and what are you? Would you like a seat friend? My name is Andrew, do you have one?” the figure stopped. And looked at me with peering eyes. Energy...i saw all the dreams shift to this tone, calm down, there wasn’t this surge of dream energy. The figure left the room, and people slowly woke up...some with memory, some not. But it seems in all cases, the fact not to be afraid got through. A few remembered...saw something was off. This made the beings in the other room pause, and start new calculations. I was uneasy to see a big group of them suddenly take an interest in my data. I extended awareness to see it. A line of energy, that picked up other threads, and spun like a turning drill bit, but soft and in energy, swirling. I return myself to the room. We are served food, as we all are so worn out it seems now. I sit across from a woman, looks like my blonde (bleached) cousin from my moms dead twin, who is 16 years older then me. And lived a hard life. Funny though, my favorite cousin. But it snot her, and the form is saying something else, about the current state. Its actually ( ), who looks younger then me and is close to my age. But no matter, I know. We speak. We are telling a joke, a kind of off color one. Another man, again, form shifted,d but knew who it was, hisses. “what are you two thinking, saying such things when they are listening to EVERYTHING and it comes to be in dreams? We say we know, but its no reason to not have a bit of a laugh. After we eat, it fades, same in between thing goes on with faces and energy.


New dream. We are each in a car, the car forms a convoy, we are racing at height speed to get to or away from something on a rural, two lane highway. A hill, then a bend. The beings from before...are ahead. They stand all over the road, in short lines, arms linked. Strangely, they were the pants like highway patrol, and a few have hats and glasses. But no shirts, and their solid, like living rock inhumanity shoes. They are without features, ears, lips etc. As we get closer, i see that they are doing, they space themselves on either side of the convoy, and then one or two stands in the road, in a pattern, to make sure no vehicle does not hit them. Again, I see it is not a convoy, it is linked but separate dreams. Each will have a dream of “running into” a law enforcement officer. Literally or figuratively. That’s the start of each dream. Again, im not dreaming like that. So I watch. Not the dreams, and I do nothing to stop this one, I cant, but what happens next, on this level. A side dream, a park, a picnic like a police day picnic. A banner. For two dreamers a shift. For them the police were also...like KKK, Aryan nation or some similar group. They offered to let some of them come to learn secrets. And two, despite what they saw, the bad stuff accepted the offer. Again this was all noted, and then their dreaming continued. This bugged me, so I deliberately entered that dream reality to watch/learn.

I enter the dream, and im in a small town, rather gentile, in the deep south. I had the air of pre American civil war...idealized, like gone with the wind or something. The two were learning, secrets, I saw a platinum ring with a large star cut emerald as a symbol. But...it was all the same as the other dreams. I saw enough, so I decide to poke around. I see a building like an opera house/theater, so I pop in to look. Small, but very ornate, a single large theater stage. A woman, one of the beings, but I knew female, was standing looking at the stage props. Very beautiful, long hair, but that was the dream. Like a ballerina or dancer. I walk right up to her and stand a few feet back, and clear my throut. I ask her what is all of this, and why a theater when the dream is in the “masons lodge” of this setting? She turns and looks at me appraising, then tells me. Dream might go here, a theater production, might not. Props are set in case its so. I ask about dancing, and putting on the plays (dreams) she is looking at me, I feel feeling my energy behind the form. She smiles. And says she can show me. And gets on stage, and does the nicest dance, and smiles. She says that could be part of their dream. I laugh nah knowing those two it wont get past the emerald ring and cavalry swords and old books. She doesn’t laugh, but she smiles. Then she shows me how to dance a bit on stage, and its really nice...despite being an overlay over the same sort of being, who cares, we all are...well, not human really, are we? That’s what the black man and Klan elements were gauging. Reactions to other, or to people who judge. It was really complicated all the things being measured, but I could see it somehow.



I’m really happy, and the more happy I get, the more energy I pour into things. Soon, to both out our surprise, I create a dream reality in the dream reality, that is just vibrant. A walk along the river under the willows, big wisps of cotton from seed pods blowing in the air. A picnic. Music, so alive, I was feeding it. We both were in it, and enjoying the reality as if it WAS reality. Both me and this being. I was some sort of southern cavalry man. At some point, like a magic film, I got down on one knee and proposed. I knew it was a dream, but it was also real. I asked for her to stay in here with me, to let it become the reality. She smiled. WE were frozen in time. And then, it was back to the playhouse. “no she said with a shake of her head, if we did that, and it was tempting, to be...human, and with me, even if only in a reality like that. But if we did, we both would be caught in a static place, no change, no growth, like frozen in time. Like death. She enjoyed emotions, and thanked me for the first hand data, but...it was not practical. Well of course I knew, so I nodded, and then left this setting. Back to the road. But I was still in it in awareness, and she knew. Three of the same beings came up to her, to ask her what that was, get more information, fascinated. I see I had left the dream, and a me and her, frozen like a living picture, in that space. They were measuring it with instruments. The lady spoke. “He Tripled the density of this reality, energetically, by applying emotions...its SOLID” the others were taken aback. One of them said...hes a cusp player...how many of them are in the game...2, 3 ? That we have found another being said. The third male being asked. “should we remove him?” “whose piece is he, is he ours, another...whose?” Something about the game became clear to me. The game was reality, all 7 billion of us human and everything else alive and not alive in the AP of the tonal. The rules were unknown, always changing. The goals were unknown and changing. The sides were even unknown to these beings, and the pieces in it. The game was simply...like a dance, what emerged at the end...who could shape it, why, what unexpected things might arise. That was the game, like a vast chess set with a trillion pieces, and no known rules, or goal, just being to see what could come! That was reality. Awareness doing that. The female spoke. “No, does it matter whose side? Did you see the reading from before, and then this? Let him...let them play, Enjoy the beauty. They all agreed. I had a joke in me, for her, something funny. In the dream the music was sublime, woven into the willows, the wind, the air. As I left, I switched it around, to an old rock song. Finally she laughed, and the other beings looked stunned and interested in why...a bit of the dream self stays in the non dream second attention after all. And then I woke for the day.

I was born under a bad sign,
Left out in the cold
I'm a lonely man who knows
Just what it means to lose control

But, I took all the heartache
And turned it to shame,
Now I'm moving, moving on,
And I ain't taking the blame

Don't come running to me,
I know I've done all I can
A hard loving woman like you
Just makes a hard loving man

So I can say it to you, babe
I'll be a fool for your loving no more,
A fool for your loving no more
I'm so tired of trying, I always end up crying,
Fool for your loving no more
I'll be a fool for your loving no more

I'm tired of hiding my feelings,
You left me lonely too long
I gave my heart, and you tore it apart,
Oh, baby, you done me wrong

Don't come running to me,
I know I've done all I can
A hard loving woman like you
Just makes a hard loving man

This evening, I looked up cusp. The standard usage is “on the edge” in a negative way. Like “on the cusp of being cut”. But that’s not how they used it. So I pulled the definitions. Full Definition of CUSP
:  point, apex: as
a :  a point of transition (as from one historical period to the next) :  turning point; also :  edge, verge 
b :  either horn of a crescent moon
c :  a fixed point on a mathematical curve at which a point tracing the curve would exactly reverse its direction of motion
d :  an ornamental pointed projection formed by or arising from the intersection of two arcs or foils
e (1) :  a point on the grinding surface of a tooth (2) :  a fold or flap of a cardiac valve
I think what they meant was fluid on the point.

[Senear]

1/12-13/14 White Tigers/Death/Evacuation/( ) space/medals.

I went to sleep around 2am. Almost immediately, im in dreaming thats hard to put form too. Soon, however, it resolves to me being at...Grandmothers house. Patterned after my real grandmother who died in 2004, but it was not her. (As i saw it, it was the grandmother in dreams, the old woman in the cabin, the one that stands behind others...a spirit being) Again, the knowing of this, brought on by my looking at some pictures and asking questions of my mother, increased my lucidity and dragged me up from hazy dreams to dreams, or a level of awareness in them, where i could remember see what was going on. So im in grandmothers house. She is dead. I am sleeping here (It looks like the apartment where i became ( ) double a few months ago...same layout with the rooms, couch, etc. In that dream there was a scary old woman ghost, in this one no presence). I...my "mother" (who is not my mother, if anyone, she reminded me more of ( )...to young to be my mother ) Wanted pancakes. I am going through the fridge, and drawers, looking to see what she left in the empty house. I tell her i can not make them, however, their are frozen waffles, and other things in the freezer...preserved. It was odd to me, that the pressence was gone, and the place had been empty, yet all the energetic things to eat were left in a state of preservation. So first i make her the waffles and syrup and serve it on a plate. I think im done. I want coffee. I am mixing cinnamon into a small bowl of sugar, both for my coffee and to prep to make something else. A man comes. He wants food too. I look in and see two eggs are left, and some old bread. I crack the eggs in a bowl, and let the bread soak it in. I sprinkle it with my sugar cinnamon mixture. For some reason, i place this directly in the toaster. I am afraid ive made a mistake, but laugh its a dream...and soon enough, it starts cooking properly in the toaster. Back to mixing my coffee sugar. Toast is done. I plate it up and sprinkle some powdered sugar on it, and use the last of the syrup. thats done. Can i finish my coffee now? No. I mixed all of the sugar and cinnamon. this was a mistake, the mixing it all together. So then i have to separate it one granual at a time. Takes forever. More people arrive, wanting to eat. They are easier, as all that is left is some shredded wheat and other things. So they serve themselves. Finally, i get to drink my cup of coffee. It has gone cold. And she has no microwave. I stir my finger in it, and gaze at it like a man reading the future in a pool of water. Then i drink it. seems my finger heated it up some, but its still pretty jarring to me. I go outside. Its still dark out, early morning.

I go outside. There is something like a flag poll in a cement area in front of the tiny house. I look at the house. It is a modern place with partially glass walls, very...trendy, as is the space outside. I note this does not at all look like the nondescript apartment building from last time. But it doesnt matter. I go to the flag poll. I sit next to it. I wrap my awareness up and down it, till im in it, all over it, in every molecule...then...i extrude a version of myself back out of the poll, back to where i was sitting next to it (there was a small circular concrete bench around it. But i really am in both things. I see, feel, this means i just "took over" the transmision, or the flag, for the night, for the rest of dreaming...its hard to explain what this means, exactly, but it was work in energy. The sky still has stars, but it is getting a lighter shade of dark...it is pre dawn. As i work, somebody comes next to me and speaks quietly. I recognize the voice. it is ( ). We talk about the pole, but also the stars, and the night. I remove more of myself to the body. She has brought me a cup of tea, and i thank her, it is very hot. I like the feel on my hands, and as i drink it. I did not notice how cold it was, im not sure i am dressed at all. She leaves after a bid, and then the woman i thought was ( ) (mother) comes. She asks me different questions, and i answer. I see she is cold. I make a fire, a small fire, like in a big fire pan/pot. It crackles and dances, and is warm. To warm us both. Now i go all the way into the flag poll, i need to before dawn comes. I ask ( )? to let the fire burn, and burn, till it burns out, for the warmth. I added enough wood to heat the dreams for the appropriate time. I can hear the flame, and feel the heat, but that is all i sense, in the poll. Out the top, like a flag...now a balloon. Now a real sheet, out and out, swirling around the poll. Into the sky...it is almost dawn. I loose cohesion here, and spiral up and away.


When i next am in dreaming, some time has passed already, it seems, but it as if i just arrived. Myself and the people around me, have been coming under attack after attack. there is a darker version of the house i saw before, now empty. It sits alone, And the most recent attack sends us all running into a dry and barren area, stones and dirt, few plants, a vast plane. It is very dark, where as before it was almost dawn. I am seperated from four other people. this time it seemed we tried zig zagging in different directions. It seems we keep dying, and coming back. This is the first time i became lucid, but i have a vague memory. I have been fighting, (in one section i fought and defeated a white wolf with winter breath) not running, this time, we run. I run along a dry gully, and then it becomes a small cliff. I stand on the edge, unsure what to do next. I am not particularly afraid, but i am tired. A darkening in the sky, a presence drawing closer. Then, a sudden burst of movement, i am knocked down, onto my side, by a white blur. I hear a growl, and then movement, as it runs away. I am dazed. I feel around myself. there is a handgun that has come out of my waist band, i feel my legs for damage. I begin to move to stand, but then voices yell out. "Freeze!". I stop. Two police officers, undercover, like miami vice, or starsky and hutch, pick your Tv show...are standing about 20 feet from me, guns drawn. "kick the weapon over slowly" I hesitate, i think i can drop them in one movement. But im tired, so i comply. I am afraid it will go off when i kick it, and harm them, i voice this to them with genuine concern, they seem a bit taken aback, say it will be fine, just do it...slowly. So i comply. "Sit up slowly...hands to the sky". I comply. I am handcuffed. They congratulate each other. this is a change, being taken like this for me, perhaps im tired of dying? I have no fear or animosity towards them, i am actually relieved, whatever they are, is not what had my running, like they are just characters in a play and nice enough. I give a big sigh, as they walk me back to their patrol car (actually it is some sort of sports car) I see helicopters with search lights all around, but feel certain everyone else i bought time to get out of it. I have time to think, to myself, if this is in some way related to ( ) dream i read before sleep. I think it is, also, i wonder about what ( ) response to it will be, its very specific. (her response was very similar, in my minds eye in dreaming, to what she ended up posting). Odd. I mumble to the officers, if they saw the white blur. "I think its a white tiger, it is stalking me". They look at each other, and make a hand motion like "hes been drinking" so i fall silent again.

I am taken to a large city, bright, its day. The two men, they take me to a place like a hospital/police station. Its very strange, modern, multiple levels. Round windows, glass walls, very futuristic. I Sit in the booking area. I am handcuffed to the wall. One of the officers is doing paperwork, the other is sitting keeping an eye on me. I am remarkably relaxed. I am being asked questions, and answering honestly, conversationally. this seems to...challenge these officers ideas of what was happening. One of them is very...shifted. the other hardens the other way about me. I tell them my real name, that i percieve that i am dreaming, not in a solid reality. I tell them about the flag poll, and details about the three fights, including the one with the wolf. They take notes, but are increasingly...mystified, as if they just caught a strange man who is saying, and proving, that the world isnt real. What does that say about them, how do they put it into a report? The more hostile partner, and he is speaking back and forth with the other one finally says. "We just do our job, write what he says. We can explain it all by transfering him to a mental hospital, we will bring him in for a 51/50 and then its not out problem. the other officer says...yes. But.... "I think i saw a white tiger as well". the othe rman goes silent. I feel relief, say see...i commited no crime. The relaity shifts a bit. the reason now i was arrested, was a random bar fight. It seems i was talking to this officer, the white tigers came up and reality, we grew angry, he taunted... i punched him, and he arrested me. the reality shifted just like that, to the dream, the other parts did not happen. I felt it shift. They just had a pang on their face, like...they forgot something. I looked at what they were typing...the notes reflected this new reality. I looked at the one cop. I said "do you remember...the tiger, the chase in the night. The reality just shifted...remember...hold it. He shook his head. Said nothing. They finished the report. they were transfering me to county mental for evaluation, I was not under arrest. I felt relief, actually, i dont mind being in a place to rest. Solid. I made eye contact with the cop one last time, and they left. I loose a bit of detail here.


“Drive” lyrics

Drive!
Push it to the floor till the engine screams.
Drive!
Drivin’ like the demon that drives your beat.

You’re on a hard road, nobody cares
If you hit the breaks.
You gotta think fast, keep it in gear,
One slip is all it takes.
You gotta keep your wheels on the straight and narrow,
If you wanna survive.

Drive!
Push it to the floor till the engine screams.
Drive!
Drivin’ like the demon that drives the beat.
Drive!

Slow motion man, iron and steel in the palm of your hand
High flying heart, betting your life on the state of the art.
Lay down the law, don’t you let ‘em cross the line
Under the hood, got the bad and the good
Everybody’s doing time
Drive!

Next dream scene. I am again handcuffed to a person, we enter a waiting/intake room. It is the mental hospital. I am handcuffed to a woman. It is ( ) i believe, in the dream, but i do not say this. There is a funny part, where we sit in the wrong places and the chains twist, she tells me to "no sit in the chair next to my on the side you are cuffed to, not the opposite one!" i chuckle and say "sorry officer". I look across. There is another woman, i think an officer, again in normal clothes. It seems she has a prisoner as well. This one is ( ). there are two more people, a man and a woman, waiting in here as well. They seem unrelated to whatever is going on. Time passes slowly. At some point, Kao and shamanka talk. shamankas eyes are weird, three segments, three different shades, like a living pie chart, cut into three segments. they talk. One of the unchained people...recognizes her. says "i didnt know you were with the police...undercover ehh?" she looks akward. ( ) says "Dont worry OFFICER ( ), you secret is safe love they wont remember". they both laugh a bit. I laugh. We speak a bit about things. Seeing. three scenes. Becoming reality, in dreams, see the switches? You do, dont you? they look a bit...confused like the cop. "yes sen, i see...i...remember?" was more like a question. At this im satisfied, and slump into my seat, untill i am taken into the mental hospital. In all these parts, i am afraid, a bit, the tiger will come back and kill me. Is all im concerned about it seems.

Brief flashes. As if a montage. I am in a bed, there are cameras on me, I sleep, i wake. I wake to a monitored hospital room. as if im heavily drugged. I go to sleep. In sleep, it is this city, and i am free. I go to sleep in this city, i wake, i am in my tonal room, relieved, in my own bed. A flash like lightening, im back in the bed, in straps. On and on, in and out like this, for days. One night, i come fully lucid. Im in the above the hospital room dream, but below the "real me asleep" one. In that state, the tiger! the tiger! i am afraid. It pounces on me. It climbs up my body...huh? its around my head like a hat, body on me. My fear gives way. A spirit, an ally....I....I love you! i think, was protecting. I bury my head into its fur and cry. Relief, i am safe, it was ok. A second tiger. there were two white tigers. Two...i...something. Pain? I wa safe...what...fall back into the bed i am strapped in. My chest...hurt, heart...slowly...i die, i die. Awareness goes up to the tiger, in the tiger. Awareness goes up, i lay in bed. And yet...i die. I am dead, but still in dreams...dead/not dead. The poem from the dream a few nights ago. I die, blood, drip. Dead. Major shift.

The cop comes into work, it is morning. He had been thinking about the arrest, the shift, the two versions, the chase, and the bar. He could not sleep. He came into the station, the big open room under the circular window to the upper part. The floors are bare concrete, there is a seam in the middle like for water. He looks down at his shoes. In the middle of the room, running out a drain in the floor, is blood. Sticky, a smell. "My blood" he thinks. this confusses him. He walks up to his partner. they speak. My case comes up. this cop, the one im around asks "I was doing allot of thinking on that case, i cant sleep I..." "Well no need" says the other cop. Case is closed, seems he got himself murdered in the psych ward. "what!?" the first cop asks.... "how...why". Look, says his partner, i dont know and i dont care. Got some more info on that guy. He used to be a criminal...run a gang or crew, that did jobs. "but he was...nice" says the cop im around. "sure he was" says his partner. "He got away with it" set up, retired...of cource he was nice, he had allot to loose. Seems it caught up with him". Case closed he laughs. "a crew? what do you..." the first cop gets anoyed. "Case CLOSED hes dead" then he thinks... "A crew". Maybe they found him, maybe the state wanted him dead...was he innocent...it doesnt matter, case closed...dont think on it". the cop im around pauses, in thought. then mischieveosly hi partner said "you could probably run a crew too, thing is, youd get away with it, not like that poor stiff running down the drain". The cop simply nods. He is lost in thought. His oartner says...look, its been a long week, take the day off, grab some food, come back with your mind on work tomorow ok...looking at him with a reserved expression. "yea the cop says, yea...ill do that". Im in him, around him. He is looping, like this whole thing is an episode of the twilight zone. "food, sounds good". and he leaves to go eat at the cafeteria.


"Blow Up The Outside World"

Nothing seem to kill me no matter how hard I try
Nothing is closing my eyes
Nothing can beat me down for your pain or delight
And nothing seems to break me
No matter how hard I fall nothing can break me at all
Not one for giving up though not invincible I know

I've givin' everything I need
I'd give you everything I own
I'd give in if it could at least be ours alone
I've given everything I could
To blow it to hell and gone
Burrow down and
Blow up the outside world

Someone tried to tell me something
Don't let the world bring you down
Nothing will do me in before I do myself
So save it for your own and the ones you can help

Want to make it understood
Wanting though I never would
Trying though I know it's wrong
Blowing it to hell and gone
Wishing though I never could
Blow up the upside world



Hes walking, past halls, past doors. So much motion. A living city, inside a single building, indoors, outdoors. Deep in thought. There...a flash! cant be...a tiger, a reflection in a mirror. Over there! a form...a tiger, two tigers, stalking in a hall. He shakes his head. Starts walking faster. I...sen...speak to him. A voice in his head. But im unclear. I say "its you...its you..." He snaps his head around. Confussed. Im like i was on the flag poll. He is the flag poll. I am int he tigers, in the air. A ghost, no, just aware. "Its you..." i repeat. He begin to run...then stops, out of breath. Knocks over mail lady...mumbles an apology. "copper". Its you, copper" the metal. He smells it, the smell of the blood, he begins to shift to dream, awake, who am i? where am I? he runs again. I am around him, speaking. He looks down halls. "Copper" He sees a room full of copper colored beings. "Copper" he runs past another, they all look like forms made of blood. "Its you...copper" He runs past a room, it is men in copper armour, like nights, a sword. "I am insane!" he thinks. "haunted!". "Its you its you its you...copper....its you its you its you....now it changes. Like a dream. It becomes a song, a musical, upbeat. "Ita you! copper!" Like something from guys and dolls. the people...finally hes at the lunch room. theya re singling the song, moving, improbable, a dream, shifting. The song...more and more. the white tigers, in the air, a song....more and more spin. He has a single thought. "Its me!" For now, i am him, and he is me. Alive.


I'm alive!
And I'm seeing things mighty clear today, I'm alive
I'm alive!
And I'm sitting here yelling and doin my thing, I'm alive

And I'm real!
I can breathe and touch and sing and feel, I'm alive
I'm a man!
Who don't care if my hair's a bit long, I'm a man

Baby, baby, baby, baby, yeah, yeah!

I'm a man!
And I'm red and I'm yellow I'm black and I'm tan I'm a man
I'm alive!
Sitting here yelling and doing my thing, I'm alive
And I'm real!
I can breathe and touch and sing and feel, I'm alive

I'm alive!
And I'm doing my thing and singing my song, I'm alive
I'm a man
I'm red and I'm yellow I'm black and I'm tan, I'm a man

I'm alive!
I'm alive!

For awhile, two memories. Then they merge, and its me, andrew, and all that stuff is just dream self. Ive explained this before, a lucid me me, and a lucid other in dreams. Like a dream, the cafaterea is normal again. So now, i do want to eat. I get in line, looking at what is offered for selection, what looks good, what will sustain me. Already, the two other selves, and all before, is like how i am when i wake with a dream unwritten. Real but not. Like the shifts of awareness. The server/cook in the cafeterea, looks sorta mean/grumpy. I ask her what is good, she says "everything, i made it". I nod and smile. I speak as if to myself "Yes, of cource, but i want something special...let me see. Oh this baklavah, soo flakey, i can see the honey...dripping....I have to have that. And this...chocolate covered eclair...heavinly, devine, the chocolate, so.... Deep breath. And a donought...i am a cop, i need one. thank you....ohhh...this will be wonderfull! When i look up she is beaming, and has put it all in a to go bag for me. How much? "Well she says, we are closing down soon for lunch clearing out breakfast...4$? Just for a conesioure of sweets! I laugh, say thanks. I give her my card. Atm. Has me real name on it. She runs it...machine locks up. Wont take it, some weird...like...warnings come up on her register. "this is odd" she says. I have a pang. I take it back, say "wrong card"...no matter, i have cash. I pay, and smile, and take my bag of food and go outside. Its about 10am. ITs a busy, futuristic city. I sit and find a fountain. I crumble the donought up, and feed it to strange birds. I did not know that ravens like donought crumbs, but it seems they do. I am relaxed.

Time...again, speeds up. I am sitting with people, people, from the first dream, having a relaxed meal. I...hace few details, much of it seems shifted up. It may be, and i recall, when i stood, i was alone...alone here. But it was like with the tigers, levels. and i see them again, walking with me. A man, sees, me, i mean SEES me. He starts tlaking to me and another person in line. He says strange things. He remembers the bar, the fight. He remembers me running. He remembers...many things. At first he is sane, but soon, he sounds insane. A random story. He was a normal man, he liked to fish. One day he went to the lake, and a light filled the sky. He found himself on an operating table. His chest was cut. "and that, he said, that was the last day of my life. I died, and now i....WHAT AM I? he shivers. I look at him. His face and chest, they arent human, like a dream poking out. White. Chalk white. fish like eyes...alien...he shivers...and he runs. "I remember!" he cries. the dream...a shiver...people were staring. then, its un noticed. Reset. I am shaken... I go to pay. I am carefull that i select my real card. This is some sort of outdoor cafe, i was sitting on the outside part. I give the man my card, and the machine...it locks it this time. There is a loud highpitched sound. Red is flashing. This confuses the workers. One says "I dont understand, it has never done this before!" there is confusion. People checking, a few running. In the chaos, i leave my card, and simply slip away. My awareness is getting, fragmented. I walk...i walk and walk, to clear my head. IT takes time, to get back to myself. But i do...i come back to myself. I am at the base of a mountain. there are maglev tubes, busses, aircraft even landing. People in lines, a buzz of anticipation. An alarm, like an evacuation siren. People rushing around. I stop a woman. Ask her what is going on. She says she does not know. Perhaps a drill. "A drill for what" I ask? "the end of the world" she says simply, then rushes off. No! i am struck by worry. My card in the machine...notes...i need to recover them. So i start running back, the where i came. I stop. A line of beings, like riot police. But...they are aliens, like the man shifted too. they beat their batons on their plastic shields. they advance slowly. Herding people to form and move. Evacuate. this is no drill. I stop before them. They are like robots. I but one foot between them, to cut through. A voice in my mind. Simple, robotic. "Past us is death, dead, pass us and be dead...Please evacuate". I stop...my leg, its...dead, decayed. the city behind these beings...still...trash blowing. No going back. "Evacuate". I turn back to the mountain. I walk forward. children. Like school children, in lines. Lines move in different directions. Onto trains, planes, everything. Evacuating to the mountain. I...get int he line. I ask the woman, the teacher. "can i get in line here". they are surprised. "yes, it is best if you do, that is how the children practiced....If you ran around, it would confuse. them. It shifts. Not scary. A childrens song. "we are going to the mountain, to the mountain, to the mountain" A song. ?Hand claps after the third utterance of "mountain". Calming, fun. the line moves. I begin to lead the singing. "we are going to the mountain, the mountain, the" and then the children sing "Mountain!!! three claps....TO DREAM THE WORLD AWAY". At this, i final sweeping vista, I wake.
(Song only exists in dreams, closest i could find...no jesus stuff lol)


My god, so much. I think its late, must be. I look at my clock. Its 3:20 am. I was sleeping for an hour. I have so much energy, i cant sleep. Take notes. Go out smoke...consider staying up till nephew goes to school. I do not. Takes me an hour to sleep, dream is all around me. As are two tigers, yet i am awake. Near sleep/awake. Tiger climbs on my bed. in its mouth, was the first dreaming, the food/flagpoll, which had been forgotten. thank you tiger! Hug. Now, and only now, can I Sleep. No dreams of note/recall till i wake around 7:30. Get nephew up and out, watch tv a bit. Back to sleep at nine am.

Back to sleep, lots of dreams slip away. Where i pick dreaming back up...We...we, are in a place. An academy, like semi military, attatched to a resort. A school and then a rest area. The school...was grown out of it, the resort, became a part of it. Strange. I walk, i wait for others. I walk the perimiter. the school...tall chain link fenses. A museum to some war, in a small house. Tree lined streets around it. Interesting. I need to go back, inside, to wait, to sleep, to get prepared. their are trailers around the back, camper trailers. I go into one, its my temporary space. I sleep. A dream. I wake in the dream. There is a cliff, and the ocean, in the distance. the surf is up. I get into my swim trunks, and run down to the beach, as if i mean to surf. People are looking. "hes not going to surf that...no one can". this makes me pause. Did i come to surf, or did i like the idea of trying. the beach gets more distant...and the waves are huge!. I decide to turn back, this was just a small nap, i take my board, and return to a hotel room. The hotel is the one the university is attatched too. I wake...but when i wake, im in the trailer again. Odd... but now im back awake in that dream.


In my dreams see I'm on tv
Get back exactly who I wanna be
If she could really see herself in my eyes
This wouldn't be such a big suprise
I'm sick and tired of it getting in my way
I'm sick and tired of everything I seem I know
Nobody rides for free
Nobody rides for free
Don't stop to think cause I know where I stand
I'm on my way no your not gonna change my plan
If you can break away and see what I say
You'll understand what I'm trying to be
I'm sick and tired of talking to my little dates
I'm sick and tired of everyone in my way
Nobody rides for free
Nobody rides for free
Nobody rides
Noooobooody...nobody rides for free
Noooobooody...nobody rides for free
Noooobooody...nobody rides for free
Noooobooody
You've gotta pay to play
So don't you stand in my way
Cause nobody, nobody rides for free
Now the worlds at stake
The card was drawn
You thought he could swim but I guess you were wrong
You sink to the depths of your misery
Baby the past will set you free
Nobody rides for free
Nobody rides for free
Nobody rides
Noooobooody...nobody rides for free
Noooobooody...nobody rides for free
Noooobooody...nobody rides for free
Noooobooody
You've gotta pay to play
So don't you stand in my way
Cause nobody, nobody rides for free
Nobody rides for free
Nobody rides for free...

I wake. Friends are tapping on my window. I am only partially dressed, but i dont care...i pop up and wave hello, and let them into my dressing room/trailer. Seems like ( ) and ( ). We talk. One of them point at the window...somethings wrong! I look..a blank space. the window air conditoner had fallen out...i look...the front has shattered, i can see shards. Oddly, its like the front was glass. I think i may be in trouble. I almos shale with fear. I think glance says oh well **** happens. I brighten up and say "Yea it does!". I get dressed, sorta mismatched. not sure what is going to happen next. We walk outside, others are gathering. We need to get too others. A man and a woman. We see them through the window. they are fighting. Arguing...yelling. We shy away. I saw who they were and why they were doing so, but i will not say. The woman comes out alone, and smiles, asks if we are ready. "yes" we say, we are. We pretend that we cant see the abuse? going on for her sake. She has not said, we will not see. Memories shift. Not mine, it seems. Hers does, oddly enough.

We go into the university annex. One neat thing, is a double fense, like a prison yard. this matches up with a part of the evacuation dream, i am excited, but there is no one to explain it to, but i get something from it. Hosting. We are hosting other groups. It is like a tournament. Debate, speaking, but energy. I stand at the podium, infront of a large rooms. My partner is a woman. Again, i wont say who. When i start speaking...i loose time. gets fuzzy. this was the final round. I come too. I ask her, it seems it is over, the judges are conferring. When i come too, i ask her.... "how did i do?" she says "ok, well...." but its not very supportive. I have a pang inside. the decision. We won the silver, double silver medals, like the olyimpics. I am a bit...dissapointed. I ask her...what did i do wrong? She...seems to have allot of opinions on this. she told me, i adress every point, i touch everything. these judges, they want one solid thrust, its what they understand, what they judge on. Her tone seems kinda harsh to me. I say "the next one, ill do better the next time...if only i could remember". She says no, "the next time you will win the bronze". the bronze!? somehow my mind goes back to the blood, and the copper. I look at her hard. Who was judging me, the judges or her? I get something. I refuse to say it. she denies me the gold, because she has given it, in her, to another, keeps us from winning. Like a trick. Now im being demoted tot he bronze. Is this a debate partner, who lets another win, by judgement...not support, not a team. I need another. But i say none of this. I almost want to cry inside, but such tears...who are they for? anger, sadness, when it is already decided. I am sad. but i say nothing. I go to the trailer, to pack, to go to the next tournament. But i...have...am deciding something. I need to win the gold, just once. to touch it. to know i can. It snot fair for another to tell me, judge...dismiss that...i can not. when i can. And work to give it to another, but tell me, i can not when i can. A cruel trick. Not happy, but not mad. But its good to see. Truth of things. I wake. I calm myself a bit, then get up around 2:20 pm. Take notes. Take care of my day. Fin.


I woke the same as any other day
Except a voice was in my head
It said, "Seize the day, pull the trigger
Drop the blade and watch the rolling heads"
The day I tried to live
I stole a thousand beggar's change and gave it to the rich
The day I tried to win
I dangled from the power lines and let the martyrs stretch
Singing, one more time around might do it
One more time around might make it
One more time around might do it
One more time around I might make it
The day I tried to live

Words you say never seem to live up to the ones inside your head
The lives we make never seem to ever get us anywhere but dead
The day I tried to live
I wallowed in the blood and mud with all the other pigs
Singing, one more time around might do it
One more time around might make it
One more time around might do it
One more time around I might make it
The day I tried to live, I tried

I woke the same as any other day you know why
I should have stayed in bed

The day I tried to win
I wallowed in the blood and mud with all the other pigs
And I learned that I was a liar (One more time around)
I learned that I was a liar (One more time around)
I learned that I was a liar (One more time around)
I learned that I was a liar (One more time around)
Singing, one more time around might do it
One more time around might make it
One more time around might do it
One more time around I might make it
The day I tried to live
Just like you, just like you
One more time around (One more time around)
One more time around (One more time around)

[Senear]

2/21-22/14 Reversed face, glass hall tour.

I did not go to sleep untill almost 6am this morning. When i did, i was so tired, i expected little in the way of dreaming; however, i felt the pressure of energy, and derire, to do so...to be present in my own dreaming. What happened was...i was exhausted. The observer self never seperated to record. I found myself slipping in and out of form and energy. And yet, the dreaming was strong, the recall however, is a bit messy and a fragment of the total volume. As soon as i fella sleep, i was in deeply connected, energetic dreams...after an hour, it felt like a whole night. I only woke to take notes once, an hour after i went to sleep, and they are very disjointed. I continued to sleep....untill 4pm. Most of my dreaming is from that first hour, when their were others "Asleep" still. However, in dreams (even in dreams i had trouble formulating recall) it was clear that i continued to dream in mostly the same "spot" all day. So that was VERY interesting to me. So, that said, the dreams.

1. "Sidue dreams" (this was recall from within dream trying to see deeper/before. It was possibly an anagram. I had great effort to re arrange things that kept going formless as i dreamed...in the stable surface dream. Guides. It had to do with guides, like spirit guides). (coer/coven) people are in the "sky room". They arent people, and they arent a coven like in the tonal; better to say they were spirits, some with horns, standing in a circle in the sky room. The sky room was the vault of heaven, and a grassy plain, but the way i saw it it was a "room" in "dreams" but higher energy. Related to the guides. Strong spirit/shamanistic themes, like dreams ive had of satyrs and other beings its hard to explain. Left the battle norse? The energy shifted several ways here, like branches on a tree, that intertwined. One branch was like mongolian shamanisim, not the mongol people, but pre migration european/eurasians, similar to ancient germanic/slavic/turkish ethnic groups (related) spiritual beliefs. Even the norse...all the central asian peoples who became the europeans in waves of migration. (including the non sami swedes norse etc). The other branch came from the main branch, it was in here there was the sky room, and they were talking about the "norse battle and leaving it". Talking is not the right word or concept. This was my seeing/recalling, where else i was/am before the dream/during it, but whilst asleep...but i saw clearly, there was no barrier...it was the same while awake. This was my first attempt to gather recall in dreaming, not to wake, but to gather seeing and remember where i had been and the why of things. It made me tired and very...drifty. Where i was, was the house from many dreams, the family house, expanded, but not done. Not multistory, like a very long regular house added to. Walking through the rooms, the familiar rooms. Some are more done. One had glass walls, mirror like from the outside. Polished wood beams, very modern...long...and lots of space. Lots of dreaming here. People come. the group gathers, and a long look at the "group needs/group dreams" a smaller group, possibly the forums, but larger then i am used to seeing being with/in at once. Its people from here, like ( ) and ( ) and others, not ones who are always around. Tours. Tours are "walks" with "spirit guides" people get tours of the more finished house. (pctune Monlce even?) not sure what that means. "Rollet Mort" i wrote a sad face. (French., it was french. Rollet is a name, surname, mort is death. the meaning and context did not come back with me, even as i scribbled notes, i lost the bulk of that on my semi wakeing to take notes) http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maurice_Rollet it had to do with the paganisim earlier in dream. Link is about a poet i think it may be related. Wake here, but as you can see, even with a quarter page of notes, its not that help full.


2. "Before". I walk. A woman meets me walking. She said she quits. She wants to drive the ferrari. What she has is a slightly old honda. She sits on the curb and cries, is sad. ( )? Need, share, answer is an "OTC" (Over the counter?) cure? curse? No, hard to say now. I remember the feeling of the moment more then those detail. Have you ever come across someone, who needed some support, just to sit and listen, or put an arm on their shoulder in silence? those moments, in dreams, arent so silent, as everything speaks and talks in energy. that...state is easy to feel into, but the words i came with from it dont...i dont know, its hard to get at the specific meaning if i dont write/have more. I sat on the side of the gutter, with my arm around her. Loe. the answer was specifically, to some question in the a word/name. "Loe".

Josef Mengele5 days ago

I love this song, but seriously, I think it should be called "We Don't Realize We're a Boy Band".
Singing tough
Singing tough
Are you tough enough?
Hangin' tough
Singing tough
Singing tough
We're rough
Oh Oh Oh Oh x2

(Verse) Everybody's always talking about who's on top
Don't cross our paths cause you're gonna get stopped
We ain't gonna give anybody any slack
And if you try to keep us down we're gonna come right back
And you know it...
(Chorus)
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh x4
(Music Break)
(Verse) Get loose everybody cause we're gonna do our thing
Cause you know it ain't over till the fat ladyt sings
Check it out...


3. Its better after this, smaller group of people around. A woman...im not sure the same woman now, could have been another. A strange man. Like birth defects? His face was upside down. So the mouth was at the top of the head, near the hair, two uneven eyes near chin. Nose was still in the middle. Disconcerting to look at. One arm...was like... the arm from the aliens (o as the guy turns to one) in the film district nine. the other was overly large like popeye. Short. He seemed short. And very misshapen, if even human. But...he was there, with someone, and shy. a prostitute? no... i think, a label that could be thrown. S of them...i was defensive...protective of them. And that strange misshapen being/man. I staid with him, to show him things, and talk. and the woman he was with. and the other one from outside. Long stretches like a bowling lane, between energy. Lots of talking. The here group start forming again.

4. We gather outside the house, then go in. We are talking casual. I am saying to people i have connected to them, in deeper dreaming, and other things. This layer of the dream is the easier layer. The lucid layer. the solid layer. Like the tonal. the tonal of dreams. But there is so much more. Im trying to explain these places, but to them, to you, it is as if im talking about dreams as a reality, to normal tonal people who are skeptical. Someone asks why i didnt bring them speak to them there. I did! i retort. A man... i think ( ) again, tells me i did NOT have a dream of him or with him, but thank for the story. This annoys me. I say "We are in fact dreaming right now". "have we ever met, have you ever been here, there is no here, its dreams! But hes so...certain. shakes his head, that we are not dreaming. Again he says "thanks for trying, but no". Its a bit frustrating. And its not just him, everyone is varying degrees like that. I chalk it up to them not being very lucid...in dreams, they accept these things as reality...no memory even of being awake...but all the personality and stuff bleeds through to this level.

5. The gathering picks up pace. its now like a huge party. maybe a hundred people...surprisingly, the rambling house with different sorts of rooms can hold all of them with ease. Bck to what ive been calling the "glass hall" those windows look out...if you look just so, each window can become a different dream view. (i've seen this before! a year or so ago) ( ) and then i write two smiles I think becasue she was still sleeping, was her directly in dreaming, wasnt sure she would remember. Im pretty happy to see her, because of the stuff with the forest wizard and the ocean that was last time in this room and other reason. "gave/guru our Group/guy sour medicine: Don't" This was something she was explaining to me...might not have been sour medicine, might have been "savor med/ueel"...my writing is that bad amd i was using a pen that bleeds through paper sigh...but regardless, it was something she was explaining to me by looking into the mirror window.


It is time to reflect upon your "ego-self". Nowhere to hide when the walls echo the you that we
all see. Ah, the smiles dissolve! The pulse begins to race; the face a flush of fear so plainly
painted. The Mirror World - the Mirror Maze: Confrontation...

[A. INSIDE THE MIRROR MAZE]

[hippie]
mirror mirror I can see a lonely child, he kinda looks like me
staring out into infinity
his father lies, his mother cries, his spirit flies up in the skies
wandering off to another galaxy

[futureman]
secret fears we all try to hide
lie dormant deep inside us
defy the ghosts of long forgotten days
here inside the mirror maze

[hippie]
mirror mirror I can see an angry boy, oh well I guess he's me
rising up to the society
he's aware that no one cares and life's unfair so he growa his hair
and takes a trip into eternity

[futureman]
secret fears we all try to hide
lie dormant deep inside us
defy the ghosts of long forgotten days
here inside the mirror maze

[B. THROUGH THE MIRROR]

[roman] I see a man, who's unable to withstand his fears inside
[knight] inside we're all but frightened men
but we have to fight until the end is here
[roman] hear what I say: I am doomed,
I have to pay, I can't go on
[knight] go on and persevere
for we have to make it out of here alive
[roman] a life is but a dream,
for in the mirror I have seen what lies within
[knight] within this armour cold and bright
lies a noble heart with the will to fight the pain
[roman] the pain cannot be healed,
I'm surrounded by this shield I cannot break
[knight] break through the mirror now
follow me, I will show you how

[roman] we've reached the other side,
I have overcome my pride and made it through
[knight] we threw aside our darkest fears
and stepped across these new frontiers of time
[roman] time can only tell what awaits us in this hell full of deceit
[knight] deceit, guile and treachery
will they ever set us free again?

[roman] riding on the wings of time



6. Just so much was going on that i couldnt hold, even as it happened, let alone when i woke a bit and even when i got up for the day. One startlingly clear and special scene. In the "glass hall". Its tall...somehow...like three stories, and broad, but very long...like a covered bridge/room. People...on skateboards, then on bikes. Like an acrobatics team. They ride, and spin in the air, twirl around raftors...like a moving dance. they show me. Its..wonderful to watch...and we are all walking the hall, its a dance with movement.

7. the part before i woke. Was long, but not clear when i did. Again, the setting this started was the same i found myself in when i went to sleep. "survival party". We moved on to do things, survive, stay alive? No...the act of living? what we do...how we abide/ This part was surviving, not meeting, living...gathering. We "Veer off?" for the "Moon joy". A full moon. A vast meadow, and then a mountain covered in a forest. Latter, a walk along a modern street. A market, buildings, solid from other dreams. A small market, edge of a town. I go in to...not sure. A display. Soda water. Add flavor. A few employees. We drink. Shifting counterclockwise dreams. A playing field, concrete, like a game. Lines of "site" seeing. A force that would see us and resonate us, we would dissolve...stop living. None of us were hit. Hiding, moving. Enemies were not enemies. We survive the dissociating force. I get hit, people are afraid, but i survive the force but shake head, it was not pleasant. Done. Out. A poster...flyer...for the "game". "Our soldiers are polite little girls" it was printed to look like anime. Was a trick, this was one of the most lethal things ive experienced in dreams. A bit...strange.

8. Again, we are nords/we are nordic. Ravens in a tree. We ar eint he woods, we are gathering dry branches for a fire. A witch, and an old man. Odin? It he references a dream a few days ago i wrote in pad but not in journal. I had one blind eye, and from it a rose, that opened into four blooms, gems. then i had gem eyes i place din my bare skull to see. I felt...it was...like the dissociative force. When i used it a few days ago, it was to fix and heal some dark intruder sin shadow into dream beings like us, so i would...have them as friends/allies, not have to harm them. friends was better, and i was even protective of those beings, as they...its easy to be kind, when you are not afraid. Like to small animals. A "healer woman...TED" Ted talks on stroke? something in the right brain left brain split. "targeted". We are targeted, death targets (more?) the beam force feeling...or...targeted energy line to heal or break... being stuck. Was all of those. But also WE are targeted, which was why just being was a game of "survival" and act, to be alive/aware. Not...dissociated.


Let it be beautiful when I sing the last song
I will give you even my body
Spiritwalker
Let all the children kiss the sun before they sing their last song
I will give you even my body
Spiritwalker

Let the sun shine on me when I sing the last song
I will give you even my body
Spiritwalker
Let all the children kiss the stars before they sing their last song
I will give you even my body
Spiritwalker

Spiritwalker...

Let all the children kiss the sun before they sing their last song
Let all the children kiss the sun before they sing their last song

I will have the whole world to make music with me

Spiritwalker...

Dreamwalker
Starwalker
Sunwalker
Spiritwalker
Spiritwalker

Dreamwalker
Starwalker
Sunwalker
Windwalker
Windwalker
Windwalker
Windwalker

[Senear]

4/8-9/14 Raped, Love, 2 sides, 4 legs.

Lots of dreaming, lots of compressed dreaming, then long wave dreaming between REM cycles. Recall will be more notes then a "telling". Attention was on dynamics, not, specifics, but i still took notes the same...but not how my memory despite that is placing its attention.

1. Fall into sleep, without loosing lucidity. Just kinda submerge, I was hot, its in the 80s or so here, and i still have 3 comforters on my bed. Sheets are cool, when go to bed, but befor ei get warm, the joints...inside knees, around arms, start to feel a bit damp. But otherwise bed is still cool. Mixed sensations, subtle, in them drift into sleep. This i also after seeing and perception before sleep, i babbled about that a bit in another thread in that context. So, i know, now i ive crossed into...first awareness but not asleep or awake, then surface of dreams. Just inside the bubble. How it shimmers! the heat bubbles in my joints, were i begin to sweat slightly, reminds me of the surface. I compare the sensation and feeling. Can almost, but not quite, be felt similar. Now, i feel i am dying. Dying, like wen have collapsed before. Why? shimer of sweat. Fuzzy awareness, like vertigo. Heart, Real heart, beats so fast and erratic, as if it might explode. Why the fear, or pain or... Ecig juice in mouth, too much, can trigger this, mild nicotine poisioning. Was not it. Feel ripped. wear?. RAPED. I was Raped? energy maybe? I am BEING raped? but i dont feel it, yet, there is something. Its the fear? Why death? I in this state ask. death. Why? wrong question. Its not death doing it, death is near, like a lover, i touch it. Close, but not. IN. Hadn't Death always slept, on my left? Hadnt death slept within, and without. Calm. this calms me. My heart, slows. Sweat. Bursts like rain, a big soak, all around and then cool, gone, heart, normal. Feels...nice, comforting, the beat, of my heart. Death has a heartbeat too, to be close as a lover is to feel it...but no, its the pause between the beats, an anti beat. this to is of comfort. Now, death on top of me, merge, dissolves...and i don't have a heartbeat, no space...beat, anti beat...its like a buzz, in my chest. One might think that was unerving, or hurt, but it was the most sublime, full, content...like a purr. Not a beat.


Children behave
That's what they say when we're together
And watch how you play
They don't understand
And so we're

Chorus:
Running just as fast as we can
Holdin' on to one another's hand
Tryin' to get away into the night
And then you put your arms around me
And we tumble to the ground
And then you say

I think we're alone now
There doesn't seem to be anyone around
I think we're alone now
The beating of our hearts is the only sound

Look at the way
We gotta hide what we're doin'
'cause what would they say
If they ever knew
And so we're


2. After this, 3 days of dreaming. It could be, at times, i would keep all. I did resolve to take notes, here and there, to keep track. And i read them back to myself so they were stable. But i did an odd thing, the more i recalled, the more i removed, untill, at the end of these days, i had just three short bullet points left. And my memory, shifted to hold that simple form, so i ended up with less, but felt more...in the chest. and it was, a wonderfull experience. But so spartan. I wrote, what i had, in dreams, what i ended with there, when i woke myself, i placed here. "Town. Move around ...aneroid." Was due to day one. (I erased day one in dream and noted this when woke). A man, is upset. I charged too much for a horse, and, i was the man who was upset. Horse had no skin. One was angry. Yet, this created an even FASTER horse. After this, this last writing (in dreams) i was finished with this. I reviewed the experiences before, as, and after sleep, carefully. Read all i had written up to now. I gauged my confidence in continuing to dream, or shall i wake to take notes? I decided to keep going, i was being carefull with how much i tried to hold.

3. I am at a dream screen, no actual computer. It is not plugged in. I touch it, it is hot enough to burn my hand. I have unplugged from others (power lines) and yet, it is hot, burning, almost but not quite overloaded. thi same thing happened, last week, and then 3 weeks ago, in dreams i never wrote. A cell phone, burning to touch. A power plug, burning. In all cases, a short, and i unplugged more and more. And yet i have not, there was no nead for an actual connection it seems. Untill compressed power discharges. I...remember people, from the past, college. The rape, and death, and lots of things from life, swirl around in energy. And so, a communication opens. With people i love. Loved. One girl, lyn. One friend, hacker guy, mike. He sorta loved her too, and vice versa. Unsure? like that. Friends. we would all go to movies together, for a year or so and such. But it was love. Not lovers. Although, there wa some of that between guy and girl, on some level. Just...love. Forgotten, or, goes wrong, sad, short circuits sorta, fades, changes. But here they were, again. I asked her hello. We ended not speaking. I was much worse, then, at 20, too intense, burn out, get unstable, you know. And thats just me, others are as bad too, we all are. I want to eat. I call her, as she is and was, and then him too. We are going to meet for a film. But frst, i would like to go for sushi like we used too. Somethings wrong though, she gets near me, the heat, surges, again. And then its sorta forgotten, and thsoe two talk and walk slowly over. So forget lunch. and then shes here, sorta. My family but NOTmy family. She comes. And we notice. The non mother mother points. A picture of her smiling, has been forgotten ont he wall, for these decades. And i know something. You see, Love never dies. Is never forgotten, it just...well, sorta gets...buried, inactive. But its there. It slike death i see. Like death doesn't suddenly come and go, its all around. Love is like death. Its odd. Beat counterbeat. Harder now to hold, but i tried, its why i saved so much room on my in dream notepad. A shift, parallel to this dream as its still there. Like the heartbeat/anti beat. another girl, the same girl, but not. Same dream but different. she comes. And. she kills my sister. And then she kills my brother/that guy. She doesnt care...I dont care? Well, not on this side. I also did not "Care" earlier i was dying, it was in that way i did not care. Smooth, pure. The two things were overlapped into one. Like the sun, earth and mars. or gold, blue and red before sleep. Sun was power. Earth was blue, life. Red was death, or heat. all merged. And it was "smooth". like the purr in the chest. Was flipside of love, but was also, the merging of life and death and blue and red and gold. And once again, my cord, burned hot, with energy. And i willed to wake. And i wrote my notes. And checked my alarm...5 minutes to go. Hear people getting ready for school, so i am safe to sleep, and go directly back to sleep to do so. All this took...one hour 45 minutes.

We starve, look at one another, short of breath
Walking proudly in our winter coats
Wearing smells from laboratories
Facing a dying nation of moving paper fantasy
Listening for the new told lies
With supreme visions of lonely tunes
Somewhere, inside something there is a rush of
Greatness, who knows what stands in front of
Our lives, I fashion my future on films in space
Silence tells me secretly
Everything
Everything
Manchester, England, England
Manchester, England, England
Across the Atlantic Sea
And I'm a genius, genius
I believe in God
And I believe that God believes in Claude
That's me, that's me, that's me
We starve, look at one another, short of breath
Walking proudly in our winter coats
Wearing smells from laboratories
Facing a dying nation of moving paper fantasy
Listening for the new told lies
With supreme visions of lonely tunes
Singing our space songs on a spider web sitar
Life is around you and in you
Answer for Timothy Leary, dearie
Let the sunshine, let the sunshine in
The sunshine in

4. Back to sleep. A funny thing, i quickly get to the end point, of what i feel i need to recall, as soon as i sleep. I keep delaying waking, the more i delay, the more thin it becomes, but not less relevant, it was like hitting an internal snooze, surfacing and unsurfacing into dreaming to the in between state, but not to wake, to constantly look at the thing i was holding, to see if it still had its form in recall. there was some trade off. It got more spongy, but also, more good, the longer i waited, and this was a choice. Sometimes id go into side dreams, so there would be a bit more. then an old piece would melt away into the awareness water, and i would have left. Like a starfish/sponge. energy. I enjoyed the rising and falling, was like swimming. And so, after many times, i was swimming, with a thing, my notes, in my mouth, in a deep and endless sea. And i was happy. Was no reason to wake quickly. When i did, this is what was left, of the first thing. And a few bits, two mirror dreams, closer to my final waking.

Walking back and forth. On my legs, not in a car, or flying. Two feet, solid ground. To "school" and back. Walk was like the walk from my home in highschool to and from. about three miles. I enjoyed it, but my legs did get tired, in dream. somedays, my mother would forget to give me money for lunch, and i would find algea or moss, and back that in a cube, on those days. full of small white moss flowers. and some pink. Bu tit was alright...but i prefered meat. Part of me was doing this, like a rythm. Part of me was observing, and part of me, was sitting in conferance with others. all concurrent, but not mashed into the same level of dreaming. I see two women. Oftent hey have bare legs, like shorts maybe i dont know, i seldom look up, i see their legs and face. One was red hair, one aurborn. I stop my writing, speaking, and walking, to feel this. they were intertwining their legs somehow. I was smooth, energy, sensual, i cant say it was sexual although in a way i guess anything sensual is. It just felt nice, and i felt it, the same. 2, then 4, then me but not me. Felt. the one with red hair, felt me pause. She said...like i would mind, that it was just for feeling energy, not to, exclude or...wasnt clear. Now. I said of cource, thank you, i makes me feel better, and her and you. And i cant, now, as i need to work on "this". It is good. And then i felt it, like a feeling in legs, and arms, and seeing, as i "worked". The feeling...how to describe. Like fresh pressed clean sheets, on a cold day with warm blankets. Like in nice hotels, you just want to sweep your legs around and feel it. Something like that, smooth, but way deeper, with satisfying, friction. Nice. Was a second wind, in a way. I was happy i unplugged all thsoe other wires, and just left these two, for now, becasue i still felt them, but there were no hot surges and energy was being used, like this. feeling. This is the body (the dreams i wrote) of what i held in my mouth, as i swam armless, in that "Sea". Two side things grew from the mass. they were at the SAME time. I called them, in dreaming. "game" and "school". Concurrent, like mirrors reflecting into each other and the rays forming different images but same rays.

[Ariel]
Follow me into the light
Leave me tonight
I've gone too far to begin all anew
With someone like you

[Marguerite]
Like ice on a lake of tears
I'll take you through
Life fades in anew
With someone like you

School: Lesson is about "dual". dual beings, doubled? Partners. Dance. And the dueling like fighting, sword fights, fists, arguing. A trailer. A trailer classroom (portable). My education was a review in dreams. What i was current in, and now saw, is where i was going back and forth too, in the mass of dream energy in my mouth as a swam. It was my fathers school, where he worked. A campus, like a garden, was more like some temp classes at college then his school, but it was his. Boxes of stuff. When he died, left a hole. I came tot he campus, and sat in that space, to keep it open. But did not interact with the other teachers. I wanted to smoke just my ecig, but rules are strict. I could do what i wanted. But i respected THEIR perception of rules, as that too is another rule... to do as one needs, not what suites ones sense of showing off. Doing the job, not flailing about to undue it. It was quiet, then. And i ate the lunches. And sometimes bought one. And my legs glowed. "power of legs, of feet, of walking not skipping that". That was the lesson, in the glowing smooth feeling legs, that i needed not speak or instruct, just feel, in that class, to do that job. At that moment. I am working. I am honoring. And also "honing".

Game: A pond, a large, still pond, in a green field. Snowcapped mountains in distance. 3 together. 3 together in game, the two from before plus me. four legs are six. In dream but part still out of dream. Out of drema is flat, like computer screen. Bound items to my character...in a way, they are "Part of my character". It metaphoric and literal. These all become "Unbound". I can share, and trade. Lots of blue items, blue, like water. and life globe. We share the unbound items, as appropriate to out individual characters.

Reflection of two dreams onto eyes is/was a third collapse/picture.


Morph of the two: On the two levels merged. One woman was killed. Her death WAS the part earlier, were in one side the girl killed my sister. Here was not sister. Was 2 of six legs. Dead. Remove snow, a snow tomb, place her in it. then we forgot. But nothing dies, so there was nothing to remember. "love never dies". "death never dies". It is all one, so we forget. But with two split images, and a third, now we can remember. that this had been so. I open the snow tomb, and look. Its not really her, its another figure. Cold and frozen, dead. But not dead, i know, because life never dies, death never lives. Two beats, the pulse and the contraction. All now. So its ok. But now i have seperated to see. So, no concern, or loss, but also, no death. Reverse the vision, and we are alive, and all looking. And sharing "unbound blues". But attention back on this third dream thing. I rounded the dream, and the tomb, and the nothing, the mass of energy in my mouth, touching once changed them all. Now i knew why it kept changing...i kept sculpting and changing it! It felt like spongy snow, i sculpted it, like a snowman. A tower, a stone tower, and a platform. We sculpt. And we live, and we die. And we work. A moment seeing dead and not dead same person. I cry, i cry out now, the dead is real. I laugh, i laugh out and feel joy on the mirror. Alive. Alive is real! i pull the two together, no not I, we, 2 legs, 4 legs, six legs. double undouble. Into one. Not alive, not dead. NOW. is all NOW. double double. Double trouble! lol. We laugh. And it is good, and i swim, and i know why the thing was changing, and i wake. Finally, to write. And get up for the day.


If I told you what it takes
to reach the highest high,
You'd laugh and say 'nothing's that simple'
But you've been told many times before
Messiahs pointed to the door
And no one had the guts to leave the temple!

[Senear]

6/20-21/14 Lives

A very long, lucid dream. The dream literally was an overview of my life from around 1997 until now, 2014. It was re living key events and stretches of time, not only from the aspect of the tonal world, but also, with the understanding and interactions with the spiritual during that time. In this life, however, the two existed in the same space. Key events were going to college, several ufo type things during that time. Then soon after, 9/11. A an energetic event. Latter events were the great eagle in the sky. Even a few other things i never was fully aware of at the time, i re experienced in that weird both sides are one side reality. Hurricane Katrina was another event. My fathers passing, and even a few events from dreams, were now in this reality, and i saw how the real world reacted to them around me, just as my dream self in dreams reacted to real world events. this was the first section of dreaming, it went all the way up to yesterday. And then, i slept, and in that sleep, i was in "now". "this moment". and in "this moment, which i was aware, was this date, this night, this sleep. Something interesting happened.

I am with about eight people it seems, some of them are people from here. In some way, we are now going back in time with knowledge of wha is to come. Reaching back to ourselves, at earlier times in life. Its not exactly going back in time as such; what reaches back are fingers of power, awareness, and again, im back at the start. And start to re-live it all again. and as i go, that me is more like this me here, as i truly was! What went back in time ended up being like hunches. How i felt more into this or that, had an inkling about certain stocks like tesla, or how some events grabbed me in my awareness; they did so because I/we sent the awareness back to guide ourselves, to be ready for "something". To notice/navigate the experiences. Even to nudge ourselves with this awareness. As it ALREADY happened. To get into some understanding for...tomorrow. the day/time after all of this, i had not yet seen. (guess thats today as today is yesterdays tomorrow lol). So we live it again. I live it ALL again. But now i'm the third person, the level that is often in dreams, im more of a spectator guiding these fingers of awareness to myself and others, then actually going through all the motions again. I understand, and in a way, i understand allot more. The world itself, is informed of things, a percentage of the people. This is demonstrated during hurricane katrina. How the knowing guided the storm, but also, in that event and others, i saw how it subtly changed the reaction and physical manifestation. Why the winds died at a certain point...got less. If they had not, the metrodome in new orleans would have collapsed on 15k people. Now i see...the first time i lived it, in the dream it happened. The second time it did not. due to awareness going back.

Sometimes I get so tired I don't focus my eyes
Any time I see the sun up I've been up all night
Everybody wants to think that they're doin' right

Tell me it's right, tell me it's right
Mmm

Time is nothing more than a changing line
All I can hope for is that yours goes with mine
All I can hope for is that yours goes with mine

At the highest point from up on the property,
you can almost see as far as you want to see
There've been plenty nights that you've been up there with me

What did you see, what did you see?
Mmm


What happened was bad enough, but it changed, due to the awareness of outcomes from the future. 9/11 was similar. the 9/11 part was interesting. How it changed., in version one, Los angeles was also hit by a single plane. As easily could have happened, i would have been in the city helping my friend move that day as he asked. I saw how the vision i had, in late october, shifted me to not be there, also shifted that event i was REMEMBERING/SEEING from not happening in version two. this much was clear. all that we saw, experienced, was the shifted Vs 2. the more usefull version. We selected. Last night when we met. Most of the events i saw, experienced, were more specific to the united states. But i also was aware of others, stretching back, back to 1990 in some cases. The way the soviet union disintegrated, was less violent then the original way, in order to produce the best outcome for people. there were a few money moments. Like when i tried to get msyelf to get a job in 2007 to buy tesla stock. i was working hard on myself to make the right investment moves via the oil spike and real estate bubble before that. And i heard, i felt it, i saw it in dreams, but that big of a plot change never manifest, and it was funny. I saw others doing the same. All of us doing such insistent changes, DID shift the world, but only like moving a trend line. No one changed their past but what the did do, shaped them to where they needed to be...for tomorrow.

In the ghetto
Well the world turns
and a hungry little boy with a runny nose
plays in the street as the cold wind blows
In the ghetto

And his hunger burns
so he starts to roam the streets at night
and he learns how to steal
and he learns how to fight
In the ghetto

Then one night in desperation
a young man breaks away
He buys a gun, steals a car,
tries to run, but he don't get far
And his mama cries

As a crowd gathers 'round an angry young man
face down on the street with a gun in his hand
In the ghetto
It is the end of the timeline. It is yesterday. In dreams i know. We all meet, in the university where it all started. (MY seeing anyway as all this went back to the start of college. three minutes till midnight. didn't change it too much, but just enough to be ready for this moment. A meal. opening boxes of cooked pork, touching. Spirits said cant touch, will have to pay tommorow. Knowing there was no tomorrow unshifted. Changing clothes, being ready. No we see the after, we have lived AGAIN to this moment, the same moment as the first version. We have gathered. Again. This time not to change, but to come to this point...and past it. Tommorow. We gather in a grassy quad, waiting. It will seem like a great earthquake, that shakes the structures of the world to pieces. We stand int he quad. I think it would have been nice to be overly ready, not just ready. Sun is high in the sky. moments now. And then, a strange thing. A bus comes. Old. the green one from many dreams. I it are people i had forgotten, that on some level, i shared this with, they participated in. People from old chat rooms, etc. I marvelled to see them in the dream flesh. They had been prepping too, more then us (lots of the were ufo type people etc). the buss was half full. One side had like trunks lashed to a wall. I step in. There is space. So i say for some of us to crowd into it. All must stand. The relaity shakes, no im feeling foreshocks. 2 minutes. NOW. we can do one thing. in these minutes, before the authorities can respond. We unfurl banners and flags on the bus. Saying the world will shift in 2 minutes. a megaphone. Calling people to stand in the big quad away from buildings. come out. some do, gather. more then would have. Its the victory. Before the police can come, the world will be over. We call.


"2 Minutes To Midnight"
Kill for gain or shoot to maim
But we don't need a reason
To Golden Goose is on the loose
And never out of season
Blackened pride still burns inside
This shell of bloody treason
Here's my gun for a barrel of fun
For the love of living death

The killer's breed or the Demon's seed,
The glamour, the fortune, the pain,
Go to war again, blood is freedom's stain
Don't you pray for my soul anymore?

2 minutes to midnight,
The hands that threaten doom.
2 minutes to midnight,
To kill the unborn in the womb.
Oddly im shunted into a side dream, like an aside. Gordon ramsey, a cooking competition show. It was also Dr who, a time machine device. He was always friendly to me. How many times, how many reality shows (parts of life, etc) i almost made it to the latter rounds, but didn't. By design. so id be ready, gather more, spread more broadly. not be a known factor. He said he was glad, and proud i took the training more or less well. And then I popped back to the moment before...

the earth start shaking, so much. buildings start melting, the dirt itself disintegrating, into particles. A child that came out, when he heard the megaphone song, saw the banners, looks back, in shock, as the apartment building he came from, the face falls off, and it melts into the ground, disintegrates, with all those inside. His things, pets etc. I see dozens of variations on this. When the world stops shaking, nothing is the same. No, we are the same. And those multitude who stood. I look up, and go to leave the bus. Waht i see i cant explain, and when i try, i wake up right away. I know it has not quite come, and i have no frame of referance. It will be in the now as it is NOW, not before. no spoilers, we are litteraly now, after all of that, come the present moment. I am full of some excitement, to SEE what it is.


"The Walker"
Ooh, crazy's what they think about me
Ain't gonna stop cause they tell me so
Cause 99 miles per hour baby,
Is how fast that I like to go.

Can't keep up with my rhythm
Though they keep trying.
Too quick for the lines they throw.
I walk to the sound of my own drum,
It goes, they go, we go, hey yeah yeah yeah

[Chorus:]
Oh, here we go
Feel it in my soul
Really need it, need it, so go
Gotta feel it, body takes control
Really need it, need it

I wake up to the city of angels
To see my name headlining the coast
They say I'm a walking dreamer, baby
If I stop they would make the show

Can't keep up with my rhythm
Though they keep trying.
Too quick for the lines they throw.
I walk to the sound of my own drum,
It goes, they go, we go, hey yeah yeah yeah

[Chorus x2]

Everybody walk
Everybody walk
Everybody walk, walk, walk...

[Chorus x2]

[Senear]

7/6-7/14 Highrise 150th floor/China room, Melted work ROYGBIV, Repetitions of 3 Triune (for 3 hours)

We board a plane, oddly enough, we have flown to china for some sort of vacation, but it did not feel like a leisurely vacation. Also the destination seemed off to me at the time, why we were going there i wasn't sure. The surrounding were odd, not so completely formed, like have rendered computer graphics...unless I looked ahead. there was a super tall building, that towered above the rest, with a larger (in area) but not not so tall building (like 30 stories) built around the base. Looking in this direction, the images were fully formed, shift my seeing too much, and it was like Red green blue of a 3d projection, a bit fuzzy.

We go right to the towering, vaguely spire shaped central building. The squat building is vast and opulent, and crowded. Stepping into it is like walking into the entry to a vast, sweeping conference center or casino, a very active space. there is a broad stairway/ramp that climbs up and up, past levels bustling with activity. Our things are taken up for us. At the top of the stairs, is a curiously small reception area, its not where people usually check in. For most, this top part is a broad walkway around the open space, the center, about 8 stories up. We "check in" here. We don't all go to the same spaces, some go here, others there. and the cost meaning of that is dependant on the individual. Im going up. the spire, to find my room. there is an elevator, somewhat small, to get in. When i get in, i get in alone. Its a small elevator, and the panel is strange. A space for the room key to be inserted. and then these strange buttons, one with the symbol for flowing water, other symbols. when i touch them, they know where i am to go. the glow blue and connect, like a pattern. I also use my key. the elevator...it shoots up so fast, i don't feel acceleration, but i know its very speedy. within less then a minute, I get out of the tube. Its is a large clean hall, but relative tot he base, their isn't that much space here. I find my room door, it matches the key combination i pressed, and do the same and insert the room key. It opens to a large almost penthouse like hotel suite. Two rooms, with their own beds, living area and its own kitchen etc. the windows. I go to one. I look out. The ground is so far away, its like everything is seen through a milky haze, due to the height. also, my dream body feels shifted up here then down below, not less solid, but less kludgy somehow.

I unpack my now small Case, laying clothes out on a bed. I see someone else, i think a man, is doing so in his room, but i don't see him. I move around the shape of the room, feeling. My self, body, is easily drawn up. to the outside. Its almost a blank space, so milky, unfinished like the ground was before. So very high, Fear. Most are afraid, roll off, something communicates to me. I dont see color up here, or solid forms, even in my body, just outlines. This is almost as far up at "solid matter" goes, beyond here, above, its energy like...this point was the place where a tower from below, and a energy shape from above, meet. Between them is a blank space, half here half not. this part was that transition. the room i got was not far below this point.


I was a bit overwhelmed. I go back to the room. I want to go down. As i wait for the tube elevator. Something, something i saw in the room. Comes to me. Its is not easy to go up and down, infact, it may be dangerous in some way. Every time i go up, and go down, i am compensated, rather well, in money/energy. For doing it. No one is compensated for free, in fact this space, particularly the bottom, traders experience for energy/money. Nobody rides for free. So the fact i'm being "compensated" for simply riding, is strange to me. Must be a "special skill". Or something. I go down. Back to the ledge above the large lower space. I go down to earn some "money" but i don't see anyone. I want to go back up. I see a group of about 20 smartly dressed men and women. So i follow them, to see what is around to see. They go into an elevator the size of a small room. It is fancy. I dont see any keys to press like before, just more or less standard elevator buttons. I'm fumbling. One of the women seems annoyed, goes past me to punch in this groups destination, and look at me strange. the elevator seems slow. I mention something about this elevator is different. As i'm looking at the numbers, i see it only goes up to the 30th floor. I say to no one in particular, "this isn't the right one, i need the 150th floor". One of them says in chinese (but i hear english) "No elevator goes up that high, this building is not that tall". I say, well, perhaps i got in a staff elevator? It was private. they look at me strange. Like a hobo is talking about the VIP access and scoff even. Well whatever it doesn't bug me. But i can feel i'm not getting paid anything for this ride. this elevator tops, and they get out, and the groups break off. Its very late. I amy be hungry. there are restaurants up here. the nicer ones. I follow a smell/sound. I pas through a hall, where young women are attending to children. I think i'm walking through a day care place while adults do other things. It makes me smile, because its so nice and calm somehow. I cut this way to a restaurant.

"Aerials"
Life is a waterfall
we're one in the river
and one again after the fall
swimming through the void
we hear the word
we lose ourselves
but we find it all....
cause we are the ones that want to play
always want to go
but you never want to stay
and we are the ones that want to choose
always want to play
but you never want to lose
aerials, in the sky
when you lose small mind
you free your life
life is a waterfall
we drink from the river
then we turn around and put up our walls
swimming through the void
we hear the word
we lose ourselves
but we find it all...
cause we are the ones that want to play
always want to go
but you never want to stay
and we are the ones that want to choose
always want to play
but you never want to lose
aerials, in the sky
when you lose small mind
you free your life
aerials, so up high
when you free your eyes eternal prize
aerials, in the sky
when you lose small mind
you free your life
aerials, so up high
when you free your eyes eternal prize
It looks a bit...cheesy. Its dark lacquered wood, and modern, but it was clearly made to look "chinese" and screams "a place for tourists". And infact, i can see some food. Its americanized stuff like orange chicken etc, well made, but clearly for tourists. Not that i mind. there are only one or two people here, and a bartender behind a bar on one side. and a nice view of the city at night. I see staff, eating. Drinking, i think its after most of their shifts. I don't think this place is really open...its open 24 hours, but this is a dead time mostly. I sit quietly to look outside, i know i've earned a bit of credit jut for going down. So i can more than afford a meal. But i'm not that hungry. How do i order? I don't really worry, i'm looking out the clear window. The bartender comes. He pours me a drink, its a golden rich amber type color. Something from fermented rice and other things. He pours himself some. He sits near me and smiles, but its quiet, i drink half the glass. No a woman, a server but she feels like the childcare ones. sits a seat away from me on the other side. She has some sort of cake. Sesami seed, i can smell that, and some honey, light honey based glaze and sesami seed. Its a cake, but light and airy. she cuts a piece for me, and says to try it, so i do. she doesn't say but i know. Its rela quiet. But nice. Nice glow. eat the piece of cake, drink the drink. I could ask for more, but i take what was offered, i don't need more really, not hungry or anything. When its time to go, i feel, a man shows me to the elevator i wanted (it can stop here too) I get in it, press the keys, and go back to my room. I lay on the bed to sleep. As i begin to sleep, it fades like on the roof. It would be possible to fall i suppose. But i wont i know. the milky clouds, look like a painting, as the solidity dissolves, i bend up to the other space. Im not worried, i drift into sleep, and leave this space.


The next dream i remember. Its that old job in retail, or that setting. I walk into it. but...its strange. Its like the wracks of clothes, isles, are partly melted somehow, like half melted wax, or plastic in a toy making over. the roof has melted away. Its all fused. there are no real customers, or staff left. I find a few, sitting in the offices in the back, shuffling papers around. Its almost like a war. something happened, a blast. And some beings are left tied to the memory, going through motions. somehow i'm relieved. I go out into the melted sales floor. and start on a wrack of half melted clothes. I seem to remember allot. ROYGBIV. Red Orange Yellow Green Blue Indigo violet. that show we were supposed to arrange the shades on a wrack. Leave one to one half a finger space between hangers for maximum appeal. Not too crowded, not to spare. Its like combing hair, its soothing. I repeat roygbiv to myself like a mantra, as i untangle the fused things and make them nice. I do a large area., and somehow, this fixes the roof around where i work, and the sales staff comes back to the floor. I even Color code/untangle a register area. I'm really relaxed, its not like working at all. Its like, soothing my hands. Like playing with legos. Thats not really work either. But somehow, like the elevator, to someone else, it is. As i work ad work, more and more its just separating melted COLORS not even the pretense of form. Me being sing song. I keep working in a circular pattern. Soon, its like symbols. then, its like just light, similar to the roof area in dream before. but that was clear void. this is fused colors, separating them like fixing hair or strands. work on and on. Take some notes wake a bit here, then go back into it.

Newton's asymmetric color wheel correlates colors with musical notes and planetary symbols


Back in sleep, it continues like this. Separating, but there is no dream, just sensations now. At some point this transitions. the best way to describe it is three overlapping circles, stacked like a pyramid. It ha the quality of the color wheels, but they are clear. they are...sound. tones. three different tones, then the overlap tones. Sometimes i hear one more strongly then another, sometimes all at once. Im focussed on them, around them, in them, but in different frequencies. Its gentle and effortless, but i'm hyper attentive to it. It seems i just exist in it, hearing.feelings, touching? for an hour. then an ugly flat sound. My alarm. I effortlessly use my hand to hit snooze button. Without breaking concentration. The longer i stay in it, the easier it becomes. I hit snooze many times (alarm was set for 9am) Its easier and more effortless and...hard to explain, deep? the longer i'm in it. At one point, not looking, betwen around the sound/shape feeling. are dreams. hyper lucid. A forest, a planet, things i cant explain. but i don't look At them, they are around, not concentrated on. All in on the tone. Periodically hitting snooze button. Something tells me a word. triune. doesn't mean anything in particular to me, accept it was specific, not triad. At one point, i feel my body coughing, my throat itches i'm coughing allot. I sorta shift it somehow to ease it. I dont stop to look at it or feel it, i just do. Feels dry inside, when i wake i know i could get a drink stop it. More snooze button. After along time, the tones, i'm full. Done. I dont wake right away. its slow. Its hard to say when i wake. Its the opposite of falling asleep lucid. I wake gently and lucid, without a clear transition. Its not the alarm. I finally open my eyes and rise, between the alarm pulses. Its not 11 am. I was doing that for two hours. but it didn't feel like it to me, but i knew.


I didn't wake energized exactly, but i woke up calm and shifted, skin tingling. all day today, i've been feeling and sensing people, a little concentration, or awareness pull, and feelings from people. It was interesting. And nice. When i was preparing to write i looked up some things from notes. I was pretty excited, what i found about the roygbiv, and the triune.

[Senear]

7/7-8/14 Greenfield Reactor.

Brief notes.

1. Im at the university campus. The old one, from dreams stretching back more then a decade. One of the stable places, in it, its a sort of low, single story lab building, surrounded by trees, of the main high traffic areas by quite a bit. In may dreams over the years, there have been different things in it, all lab/learning lab related. Computers, test games, a workshop for electronics and data cultivation. I'm walking to it, tentatively. I've not been here a long time no longer work in it, infact, it seems closed. To my surprise, i walk in, and the familiar, antiquated computers are sitting there, covered by plastic dust covers. I feel such nostalgia, its hard to explain. A man come sin behind me. He is familiar, he reminds me of people, but, he was here for about as long as i have been, a friend. I need. We need. We need to fix the energy, some energy problem. He responds to my thoughts. "We can" we have the funding. How? I ask. He is carrying an old roll of technical schematics. something from a pre digital archive. I recognize it as a nuclear reactor, an old test one. He tells me, they want a "greenfield test reactor" to have one built, or rebuilt, or even unbuilt, but still make power... not many can do so now. He references nuclear reactor, but the schematics look more like some sort of polywell fusion test device. something to generate and research certain sorts of particles, as well as produce energy (in the dream version). I smile. this does neatly fix everything. We can repair the energy as a byproduct, build a team around the device. Our real effort can be on our own thing, we do this other thing to have the space and resources, almost as a side note. I smile, like its working out. (Holy ****, lol this is funny. I just realised this is like recap, as it the energy thing. And oddly, the guy reminded me of ( ), i even called him ( ), even though he was also a longer time familiar character lol. I wanted to if i saw him around today or posting ask him about greenfield, but i forgot, i think i get it now no need to ask lol)


Greenfield status
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Greenfield status (formerly "unrestricted re-use") is an end point wherein a parcel of land that had been in industrial use is, in principle, restored to the conditions existing before the construction of the plant.

All power plants, coal, gas and nuclear, have a finite life beyond which it is no longer economical to operate them. At this point they must be decommissioned; that is, they must be dismantled and their components disposed of either by sale or scrapping. In some cases the buildings that housed the plant may be put to other uses. However, in many cases contamination is unacceptable and the buildings must be demolished. The land on which the plant sat also may have been polluted with high levels of toxins, and in this case other remedial measures like removal and replacement of the top soil or clay capping may be required to render the site non-hazardous.

It is becoming standard practice in many jurisdictions to mandate a return to greenfield status at the end of plant service as a condition of the initial site license, and potential licensees must demonstrate that steps will be taken to assure the availability of funds via the posting of a reclamation bond for that task before a site-license will be issued. While this concept has mainly applied to the power generating industry, it is coming into wider use in other areas of industrial decommissioning.

2. Later in dreams, their is a stairway, to another level of dreaming, its not another world, its like the size of a storm, a big cloud, like a small floating level over this one. Its not to far. But it is...far. Its something like a floating world. their are platforms. I look at the bridges and platforms. Somehow i understand how this place can easily reject people, flick them, attach them to a strand like a yo yo, send them falling back down. I avoid those "spots". Two lines of people, almost like children, but not, just a quality to us all. Two rows of heads, bent down, peering at symbols. A game . Like a game but not. Like the project sort of, in some way. Who will form a team, or who will join to it or what. Game is called, and people start bonding like this. I almost feel excluded, but i ask my friend if she will be on our team, make one. I think she might say no because another guy was sharing symbols, but to my surprise she says ok. Then it shifts to understanding the game. And the inner states age, somewhat. From being six years old, to say being 19. Excited. Game. A stroll around the cloud world, seeing. So part of the game, was how many eyes people had on and around their head. People were older, in small groups standing. Part of the game here, now, was selection. People looked normal, like people, but also, there was this other side. for example, i watch one person not in this game as such, he had a row of 17 eyes around his head. Eyes were also like string star shaped jewels. I look back to the groups of people waiting. Part of the game, it seemed, was averaging and joining. So i knew, if someone with 14 stars, picked a person with two, they both would then have eight stars, one would loose some, one gain, till they were balanced. So why wouldn't people with lots only wait for one with more, and why would one with more pick any with less? Other factors. A sill level, in the 5-1 star range, was attraction. Physical and image. But that wasn't worth so much here. And it masked another aspect. Potential. Stars were not only gained in one way, new eyes were made by actions. So one might not have many, but joined, in a grouping and hen group, there was the potential to generate more. I felt so many ways of this! some people would double, then the two doubles (man women or spirit/spirit but that was the relationship) would carefully only join with others with exact level of stars. the hope was to be stable and attractive, competent enough to get members with slightly more eyes to join, then they all gain a little. but they had to sell the ability to make more, which was much harder, with those more cautious things.


Not sure where i was at the start, i know, after we teamed. I had 8 eyes/stars, and before i had more. We...I...look at potential, longer term, for growth. Others do not. All valid i suppose, but...nothing shared nothing gained. I have such odd ways of feeling things. So it is settled. And i really understand the eyes. Back down on earth level. Up and down form one plane to another, was sorta strange, but it reminded me of the dream the night before. it was all related. there was a woman. On earth side, it seemed to many like she was on drugs. We go to speak to her, neutral. My partner talks to her. she tells her, then she sees me, she points at me. "He brought me up there, and it was strange the flicking strings". shes not mad...just acting MAD. It was true, i realised, i had. so she could get one eye. one eye to start. but this, she had a sickness, a madness, some thought was crazy or drugs. It was with relief my partner did not react, i was afraid she would to the way she said he took me up there, some, something to be read in. of course my share partner would not do that. relax. We know, i speak. "Ascension syndrome" It is Ascension syndrome. You will, she will, get better. (i looked up acesnion syndorme and all i found was, as Quantum shaman would call it, some "Whackadoodle new age stuff". But here it is anyway i guess.

http://www.paoweb.com/msvicerl.htm