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Ok I hope this does not come across too weird but I am having a lot of ups and downs lately and i don't like it.
Maybe I have issues about my past Loves and still blaming the world and my parents for my shortcomings!
People have said to me " wow you have allot of talent "you are so gifted" "If i had that talent i would be doing this" good grief blah
blah blah!
The truth is my fellow warriors this has no meaning for me: to be adored-to be admired-to be envied sometimes even to be loved and that is the part that scares
me the most.
About the Love part in my life so far there is always someone else to come around when one relationship is over and because I know this as truth, it seems to
make me not wanna commit fully.
I love sex and I like the companionship of a Girl partner in my life. But it's as if i don't even care if I loose them.
Maybe I have acquired some type of Nagualness and I dont even know it?
Maybe I know we are all GONNA DIE and everything seems to make me feel detached and kinda withdrawn?
People make me tired or rather I let them make me feel tired.
It's as if the system that much of the world works under seems to make me feel freaked. Acquiring things- making money- gotta get paid-I don't teach
for free.
blah blah blah! Really and truly I hate money it makes the world sick and lately it is making me feel sick
Maybe I just need to move away from here-screw my predictable comforts they are not real anyways. I do realize this post is all over the map and kinda negative
but i just need to get some feedback on my bullshit cuz really in the end all my petty worries are bullshit anyway. thanks
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Hiya Docta...
two simple things:
One: Assume responsibility for your life. Sounds cliche and all, but true action starts with the advent of full responsibility. If others forces are in charge
or your life, if other people is directing your life, no amount of wishful thinking will help you.
Two: reflect on your life and ask yourself... "what do I really
want?"
The rest will take care of itself... but this much you owe to yourself if you want ANY form of
satisfactory life.
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Thanks very much Grand
I think what I want is to get away from this chaos that I have been living.
-Living hand to mouth
-bullshiting people
-hurting people
-wasting my time
When i read the CC books especially the power of silence I always fancied that life-going into the unknown-being a sorcerer-accepting where we come from and
NOT playing the game that most of the world plays. Can I do it?...... I don't know?
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You want freedom... ok. What stops you? Where there is will, there is way... is there a will?
Be responsible... and pick. Don't let your surroundings choose for you.
For a warrior, in a world where death is a hunter, there is no time for doubts and lamenting... only for decisions.
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Ha, you're a young guy getting older, you have reached the age of disapointment, don't damn panic, now is the time of becomming a fuller man, that **** hurts but it is useful to you and intimate with you, it is crying for you to learn. I tell you there is something important to be learned from the tonal even when it goes into the realm of bullshit or even especially when it goes there. Your ideals have taken a fall and you and the people around you disappoint. You and the people are never what you think, thought can't keep up with that ****, howhy judge that? This judgement seems to protect and maybe it did in a time when you needed it to, but now maybe it dries you up and keeps you from recieving the full of your deep humanity. This clay is always good. Make a bowl there. Needs water. Grieve man, let it out without thought and judgement, peace, and please, from me to you tears move(ing) a man or a woman to feel with a tender heart but you'll still have bitchy days and cool lapses always changing from moment to moment. Bless it.
I like you docta lee, I sense your will to learn and you are willing to step back from judgement, I've noticed that here. And you are generous in sharing your web site with other players. I loved watching those children drum, watching them listen. There is life you shared. Share some more, slow down, breathe. Have ideals accepting that you wont always live up to them. Ideals are important but they don't exist as we depict them, insist too hard and you loose them. Friend , forgive everything to be free. And here is some of the best advice I(after I'd already chosen it and seen it's damage) received along this old trip. Never choose bitter, you may feel it sometimes but don't consent to take it as a consant and justifiable position. Consider this docta, I'm sitting around realizin I'm getting older, I've lived it and I'm still a **** head , always will have an ass but somehow my life is getting juicier and friendships better, my alone time too--my ass is more fit and trim--ha ha ha! Yes it is fragile, imperfect, preciously perfect.
The spirit moves me, moves you, all
Peace and Blessings docta lee
this is a night of thankful to the spirit
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Wow thanx Bluedreamer a fit and trim ass...nice.you have any photos LOL! there I go again.
You really have moved me with all that you have felt and written.
I will sleep with more ease tonite. I suppose I am a soooooooo self involved and I need to leave that now.
Thanx again
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you sound like a mixed bag right now, it's not really fit and trim and that was a clunker i have a lot of those and i am soooo self involved too just not
takin it so personally today--the other day I was
I tell you grieve because it has helped me a lot, not through it all yet but it ha made me more fluid it's been a good thing for me
wish i would have trimed the fit and trim out of the post but i didn't---CLUNK
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Hey Docta Lee,
Personally, I love what Bluedreamer and Grandspeculator wrote. I will add this to it, since you seem to be up on the Castaneda word, when you hit those ups and
downs, and everything seems to be falling apart....remember that you are probably just loosing the human form. It comes in waves, and some of them will test
you to your very bone, believe me. If you can remember that in the midst of hating everything about your life, it WILL give you that moments pause, that
millimeter or chance that will help you make the choices you need to get to a better ground.
Dreamgirl
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Loosing the human form eh?......yes I think so. Thank you dreamgirl and thanks to everyone else for the support.
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