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Crow's Story
#1
I live alone, as a direct consequence of my interactions with women over the Internet.
For those of you who don't know anything about me, well, can I recap all that in a nutshell?
I was married. I was a 'stay-at-home dad' for all but three years of my marriage, which spanned nearly twenty. And my relationship with my 'wife-to-be' had started almost four years before we were married, and we'd been living as a couple for three of those, prior to our wedding in February of 1982.
I left a well-paying job with a jewelry designer in Toronto in early 1979 to become a street-performer in Victoria, British Columbia. The city life wasn't what I wanted, nor was the nine-to-five routine so many seem to settle for.
At first I was rather shy when I began playing an accordion on the sidewalk on Yates Street in those early months of learning that instrument. I learned by playing it, not by taking any lessons from anybody. And I learned to play it in front of whoever happened to stop and listen, and I guess that takes a certain something, or maybe it's a lack of something. Not that many do what I did, and I was amazed myself that I could do it, and it wasn't long after I'd begun playing the accordion that I began to wonder what else I could do.
I began painting my face white, and wearing a collapsible antique top-hat, which was in remarkably good condition when I bought it from a woman who worked at the Provincial Museum. I had spent every lunch-hour watching a street-magician performing his magic routines and became fascinated with both the illusions he performed, and with the effect his performances had on the audience. I became obsessed with learning magic.
Meanwhile, I began to act as if I were a mime, although I knew next to nothing about that art either. Nevertheless, I drew large crowds, and was able to make a good show of it, if my take for my performances was any indication. It was 1980, and I was making thirty dollars an hour, and this during government cutbacks, recession, and a minimum wage of two dollars and fifty cents. And it was fun! I was having the time of my life.
Meanwhile, my girlfriend (my wife-to-be) had found employment with the government. Already our lives were going in different directions, but even so, we loved one another dearly, and didnt argue or berate one another at all back in those days.
Then I met my benefactor during what I can only describe as an otherly experience.
Ive tried to write about this before, not here at Separate Reality but at all the other Castaneda-oriented groups Ive been party to and also banned from.
And he told me at that first meeting that I must give up the life Id made for myself, and settle down awhile. That isnt exactly what he said, but what it amounted to. He was so very kind, and I trusted him as soon as I heard his voice, and I didnt argue or question his motives, or his advice either.
Then I got married, and my father gave us a downpayment for a house as a wedding gift.
So we moved from Victoria, to Sooke, which is about twenty-five miles away, into a very run-down old house, which is the one I still occupy to this day.
All of a sudden, we were very poor. We lived for a year on money wed made growing psilocybin mushrooms, which had started out very well, and had been a most lucrative activity, albeit illegal, but then my partner got arrested, along with his cohorts all across the country, and my wife and I were just glad that we hadnt been fingered and we stopped our culture work and threw away all our spawn. I bought metal halide lights with the last of our money, and began growing marijuana instead.
But then, we had a child. A son. And my wife began working locally all day at the health food store, and I stayed home and looked after the baby. I told her I wasnt going to get a job, and of course this set us up for a lot of strife which lasted for all the remaining years of our marriage, save those three, when I did actually go out and get contracts as a finishing carpenter. And those years I was miserable, and nothing seemed like it would ever work out the way Id like it to. Well, it never did anyhow, but I gave up that life in 1989, and havent returned to the working mans life since.
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#2
Interesting
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#3
Well, everyone's life *is* interesting, really, isn't it?
I am writing another segment.
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#4
Growing marijana is illegal in Canada. If it wasnt, I guess wed all be growing our own. When I first met my wife-to-be she was a pot-head. And indeed, had that not been the case, Im fairly certain wed never have met. She was in some of my younger sisters classes at school. Id already dropped out and was growing pot in the closet in my bedroom, although I wasnt growing any buds at all, for I knew nothing about how to induce flowering in a marijuana plant at that time, and was tinkering with a friend with the creation of a hydroponic system. He was a strange fellow. I met him, same as I met my wife-to-be because I was a marijuana dealer. Not a big-time one, just a petty little dealer, buying a pound of Mexican buds all compressed into a brick and then selling it to friends, mostly, so I might wind up with an ounce or two for free, which of course Id smoke myself, partying in my bedroom at my parents house with a few other kids.
I met Ralph because I was selling marijuana. He was younger than me, but had also dropped out of school at fifteen. He told me hed been the subject of some extensive LSD testing which his father was involved in. I believed him. I met his father. Yes, they were most unusual people, and it was a most unusual time, really, but of course at the time I didnt think anything of it.
Ralph had bought a few ounces of pot from me over a period of months. He was an avid pot-head, and consumed several joints at a sitting. And hed get quite out of it and drool and mumble, and come up with off-the-wall things out of the blue. He liked coming over to my place, and sitting in my bedroom on an Autumn evening, and join in the conversations and the general partying going on in that tiny little room. The year was 1977, and time seemed to be accelerating, a monumental page was turning, and we were turning it together, and we could all feel it and marvel about it together. I was eighteen, and Ralph was fifteen. And he wanted to grow marijuana and I said, Well whats stopping you, why dont you?
The following week Ralph rang our doorbell while we were all still eating dinner. My mother went to answer the door.
Hi Mrs. Harris, Im Ralph! Im friends with Peter, and he and I are going to grow marijuana!
And he actually extended his hand.
Oh! my mother exclaimed. Were having dinner right nowRalph
But Ralph was not one to be put off. Oh, thats fine, Mrs. Harris. Ive got some equipment here, Ill just take it up to Peters room while you all finish your dinner.
How brash, how delightful!
My mother returned to the table with a kind of Sitting Bull look of resignation on her face While Ralph carried all the equipment up to my room. He must have had a ride from his father There was far too much for him to carry on the bus.
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#5
Real recapitulation! I think it's just about a miracle and a pleasant sight to see. I'll read all you've got to write.
Sincerely,
Summer Dawn
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#6
'you live alone as a result of your doings on the Intenet?. . . .
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#7
Aww. bro.

Sure, I'm dying to tell this story.
Thanks for your enthusiastic interest.

I know you've quite a story to tell as well.

I sincerely hope you'll try.

Crow
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#8
but you are bound by rules of writing to explain your opening move, are you sayng that your wife found you flirting with ohter women.. . .or that you were using the internet one night and your wife got electrocuted? . . . .
I once saw a woman come out of the beauty parlor, all with fresh new curls. . .
I concluded that she had been electro-cuted.
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#9
I, too find people's histories interesting and would encourage any to make their own thread for here recapping is part of the total nagual experience.
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#10
He didn't tell me the point, the climax, he frustrated me. . . . . . he let me down. . . .well. . . . thank God I'm a man.
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#11
no no, no rotten tomotoes no!
'Course he will say wha!, Crow is a bird of his word.
I tell ya.
Caw!
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#12
HA crow and how do YA grow!!! MUSHIEZ and so grow and are not for sale.I see were U went wrong as U can not sell wat nature teaches.These are only for feww and deffanently not for a prophet for U.ONE more thing.IT was trickery not magic on that street in front of U.LIKE mushiez magic is only for few as itz only a word and thatz wat is wrong two.Somthing beutiful trapped in a word being held limited U must think im obserd.CAN U SEE IT crow or is that just a word to as i know the crow TO and it dose not seem like U!!!!!!!
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#13
i give fungus to people for free
the effect is payment in and of itself
society lies and tricks us
no one makes a loop around we
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#14
So I'd made another start. Darn, it was still the same old story though, the same old one I kept feeling compelled to tell, but now I'd been at it for seven years, and still I'd never finished telling it. Did it even have an ending?
Yes, I'd lost my marriage, but that was only the beginning, surely. And no, it wasn't because my wife had discovered me flirting on the Internet, although I guess that's what I'd been doing after all. 'Wanking' is what she'd called it, and that's what everyone did on the Internet, according to her. She had a very low opinion of the Internet, and it might make one wonder why she wasn't on 'my side' when it came to havin' a computer at all. I'd been dead set against it, and had stated flatly when we got the damn thing as a Christmas present from her parents that it spelled the beginning of the end of our family. What a grump I'd become. I'd ranted and raved against all these stupid contraptions, the microwave oven, the television, the 'Nintendo'... the 'Play-station'... All to no avail, and now I was just *pissed*. I wanted nothing to do with any of them, and if my family was going to embrace this stuff, then *fuc*k them, I thought, they can all go to hell.
And I moved into the loft above my workshop and avoided them all for six months. It was my son who created an account for me in the name of 'Carlitos Crow' and found me my first Castaneda-oriented 'newsgroup' to post to, and showed me how to post. But I'd already died by that time, and when I got on the Internet I crowed long and loud about that, and how I'd returned ... as a kind of ghost. And I got addicted. I did precious little else but send post after post after post. I even went out and bought myself an 'iMac' which I set up in the loft, which of course only further upset our already strained relations, but by then I just couldn't have cared less. The family was 'history' so far as I was concerned, and I set out to prove it.
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#15
i can relate to your x-wifes opinion of the web
see my step-dad that raised me for alot of my life firmly believed that no one on the web is a real person
oddly enough my fiance and all my closest friends are people i have met on the web
evolution is imperative
old beliefs only die after we prove the reality impecably
thanks to you bruduh crow
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#16
yeah. . .maybe you were wanking - maybe you were psychic. . . recapitulation's not easy. . . but carry on.
Summer Dawn
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#17
Yeah. . . maybe you were wanking. . . and maybe you were psychic. . . and maybe you didn't start it at all. . . .recapitulation's not easy. . . . but carry on.
Summer Dawn
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#18
someone asked me how long id been doing ballet
even though ive never done ballet
i said well i never stopped but i never started either
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#19
Crow: Once I felt some of what you are/did. The internet becomes a medium that let out where there was no outlet before.
Here we all can meet: mind to mind. Words become more and people let out what they kept hidden from their friends/family.
This is actually a good thing in that you begin something and find others out there that can relate.
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#20
i recapped alot with numinoso
any contact with him anymore?
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#21
So Crow, now honestly look at the semi-useless rot of a human you have become. It's all the computer's fault. Blame it all on the friggin computer!
And you would presume to lead me to freedom? Nagual my ass!
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#22
This news recived now:
the nagual is an azz
Worship the crows azz or lose freedom.
What do you find?
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#23
Numinoso is not here anymore to my regret.
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#24
i too wonder were hes left. but its surely amazing..
@ crow i really like your storys, they remind me of something... carry on.
zz
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#25
Hello, HerbaMatey!
HerbaMatey:
i give fungus to people for free
Crow:
Do you hunt and collect wild mushrooms, Herba? One can do that here, and I have, of course. Not for some years now though. Of course the big Cubensis variety isn't native to this area, which is the particular variety we cultivated indoors. It was a very intensive business. But in three months we harvested a yield of thirty pounds of dried mushrooms, and our freezer was stuffed with them all sealed up in quarter-pound bags. It was a strange life, there was a certain thrill I enjoyed when it came to the production aspect, but when it came to being involved with some ring of drug dealers, well, my wife and I bailed on that one, and that's when we moved into our own house, and abandoned the world of mushroom growing. Still, we had this freezer full of mushrooms, more than enough to share with the few people we knew who were into taking mushroom trips. Over the following year we sent them via courier air mail to a couple of old friends back in Toronto, who then sold them there and sent us money orders, which of course we deposited in our bank account and lived on for that year. All of that went rather well, and it was with a tinge of sadness that we finally sent off the last bag, and did one more trip together and then they were gone.
It was nice having some real money for awhile. We weren't at all 'wild' about spending it, but bought very sensible and practical things we needed to make our new household liveable.
HerbaMatey:
the effect is payment in and of itself
Crow:
Yes, I have always had very rewarding experiences with psilocybin. And my relationship with my wife was deepened in our sharing those experiences; I've nothing but good happy memories of our mushroom trips together.
HerbaMatey:
society lies and tricks us
Crow:
It would seem that this is the crux of it all, really, trying to understand this and how it happens and why, and how we are to survive the rapid growth and all the changes taking place in the world today.
HerbaMatey:
no one makes a loop around we

Crow:
We fruitloops you mean?
HerbaMatey:
i can relate to your x-wifes opinion of the web
Crow:
Its still a common opinion even today. Despite there being so many people who have access to the Internet now, still many wouldnt consider interacting with others the way we do at groups like this one to be a healthy thing.
HerbaMatey:
see my step-dad that raised me for alot of my life firmly believed that no one on the web is a real person
Crow:
Yes, there is a great fear about the duplicity, of these personas we encounter. How do you know who youre talking to? is one question Ive often been asked, and I answer, Well, I dont. But one doesnt know who one is talking to even in many face-to-face interactions either. Of course mostly this is met with scorn, as if one would have to be an imbecile not to know who theyre talking with in a face-to-face encounter
HerbaMatey:
oddly enough my fiance and all my closest friends are people i have met on the web
Crow:
It surely seems likely that such a network would allow for like minds or like souls to meet and grow together, doesnt it.
HerbaMatey:
evolution is imperative
old beliefs only die after we prove the reality impeccably
Crow:
I agree, yes.
HerbaMatey:
thanks to you bruduh crow
Crow:
Thank you too, HerbaMatey.
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