Crow's Story

[HerbaMatey]

Not to mention other people posting under the same guest name for related ventage.

[Guest]

This ReRavel person is obviously Summer Dawn. As for the Forum of Health: people who feel their posts won't make the cut are intimidated and don't post there. I'd rather have a few posts by the intelligent than a lot of posts from idiots like this forum. My idea of a successful forum is one with intelligent posts.

[HerbaMatey]

Actually Summer Dawn never holds threads this long.

[Guest]

So zee Germans would have you all believe!

[Carlitos Crow]

I had said I was 'unraveling' and I guess 'ReRavel' is someone givin' me a li'l hint here.
I wonder who it could be?

Susie seems to think it's a woman... Now why would she?

[Lillian2]

Well Peter, 'cus it sounds so typical of a few of the communications some women have had with you, lol.
But now I think it is Summer Dawn playing.

[HerbaMatey]

lol
this guessing game is fun
I propose that it is not Summer Dawn but rather several hundred trolls operating under the same general theme in an office building in alabama.
It also reminds me of ingafromsweden or whatever although I've hardly seen any of her posts

[Carlitos Crow]

HerbaMatey:
lol
this guessing game is fun
Crow:
Oh good, then I won't spoil it by guessing correctly.
HerbaMatey:
I propose that it is not Summer Dawn
Crow:
No, it isn't Summer Dawn.
HerbaMatey:
but rather several hundred trolls operating under the same general theme in an office building in alabama.
Crow:
Why Alabama?
HerbaMatey:
It also reminds me of ingafromsweden or whatever although I've hardly seen any of her posts

Crow:
Nah, it isn't Inga. I don't think it's anyone from SR, actually...

[HerbaMatey]

don't hold out on us
unveil the tyrant!

[HerbaMatey]

oh alabama since u can get away with anything in alabama
i.e. segregation

[Guest]

You're a real nagual now.

[Carlitos Crow]

HerbaMatey:
don't hold out on us
unveil the tyrant!
Su:
No, Crow,,, I like to guess!
Crow:
(I'm putting words in Susie's mouth here.)
Su:
Glmmph!
Crow:
Hey, cut that out! That's my foot!

HerbaMatey:
oh alabama since u can get away with anything in alabama

Crow:
Oh. How come they haven't all gotten away then?
HerbaMatey:
i.e. segregation
Crow:
Oh yuck. Like, the men go in one door, and the ladies in another?
I'm kidding here. You know me, no?
I kid when stuff really troubles me. Heck, I kid anyhow.
Hmm, so now we're back (?) to this 'nagual issue' again, are we?
That must've really troubled me too, so I decided to kid about that. I mean, I wasn't any 'nagual'! I was this ... well, same guy as I still am today, only younger, and more... innocent? Is that allowable? Hmm, it does kinda sound like an excuse.
I 'became' a 'nagual' the day I told young Jack I was one. That's how it seems to me. Now I've told much of this story online already. Is it of any interest at this juncture for me to start telling it again?
Who cares. Not to brush off an opportunity, but darn, this 'story' has a life all its own, and is still unraveling... Or 'ReRaveling? I had this good friend, see, and he had been searching in his dreams for the 'dream seers', a group of dreamers he'd met in a dream years earlier, and then had never dreamed of or with them again. It sounds strange, perhaps, but he had grown quite desperate to find them, and one day he confided in me of the 'double life' he'd been living for many years. "I live another whole life, in dreaming." he explained, and so I told him of some of the unusual dreams I'd had too. Indeed, it seemed that my friend's desperation, this seriousness with which he regarded his dreaming life had a profound impact upon me, for although I'd had a propensity for dreaming, even while awake, I'd not really given it a whole lot of thought during my day-to-day life until he confided in me about his dream world. Mine was mostly pleasant, that was it. His, on the other hand, sounded frightful, and it was growing worse when he finally told me about it, or he'd never have confided in me about it at all.
Much of what he spoke about related to what Castaneda had written, although I didn't know this at the time either, for I'd not yet read any Castaneda. When he began saying 'Don Juan says...blah blah.." I had to interrupt and ask blandly, "Who's don Juan?
And so my friend agreed to loan me a Castaneda book so as to acquaint myself with him and his world. I almost lost that friend on the spot when I told him that Castaneda had written fiction. I tried softening that statement then, saying that anything that anyone writes is 'fiction', but this didn't really come across as I'd have liked it to. It never does.
So, in what I thought a rather 'clever' way to 'prove' that don Juan was simply a 'figment of the imagination'.. I dreamed him up, and wrote out the exchange I had. And I read this to my friend. And he was upset. Not because I'd 'pooh poohed' don Juan as being 'fictitious', but because my friend was convinced that I had actually dreamed him up, and could seemingly care less about that. We really were at odds...
So that's how *that* started. And it 'mushroomed'...

****************
Jack never questioned whether I was a 'nagual' or not. He was convinced the moment I told him I was one. He submitted himself totally to being my 'apprentice', and what a delight it was 'teaching' Jack. Gosh, we sure did have some amazing times together. It's as though we both entered 'dreaming' together, and things happened out of the ordinary with alarming regularity.
All I can now say to sum it up was that it was totally 'magical', that peculiar relationship I shared with young Jack. Kinda as though we were both nicely high on LSD continuously for ....wow, eight whole months! (Jack actually did take a fair amount of LSD that same Fall ... And I was a bit... disgruntled? )
No, it was even stranger, because things happened inexplicably, and we weren't high on anything.
One day I answered a knock at the workshop door while I was in the midst of an animated conversation with Jack. But there was nobody there. Despite this, I welcomed a friend of Jack's into the room and shut the door. Jack looked a bit peeved. He'd gotten used to me acting a bit odd, no doubt. I insisted his friend had just arrived, and offered the invisible personage some coffee. And I acted as if this person had accepted, so I said I'd run into the house and put a pot on. Jack was a bit ..unsettled. But then... this very friend arrived at the door, knocking loudly. I smiled serenely and went in to make the coffee, leaving Jack to sort out as best he could what had just transpired with the newcomer.
I had no explanation for this then, nor have I one now. I honestly felt I'd 'tapped intent' or some such thing. And I didn't want to look into it, really, no, I simply felt it was there to be appreciated and enjoyed, this... otherliness.
But of course, having already said I was a 'nagual' it was apparent that these sorts of incidents were accepted as some 'sign' of that, and I didn't argue or question any of it at the time. Maybe I ought to have done. But... I loved Jack. I mean, our relationship was truly 'sacred' in some way. I loved being this meaningful figure in his life. It gave me some kind of fulfillment I no longer was feeling as a father to my sons, or as husband to my wife. I know that's kinda crappy. But there it is. I was enjoyin' 'bein' the nagual'.

But now.

Ha, now I'm the host of a party, am I! That's so funny, honestly.
Could you elaborate just a bit then, on what's 'nightmarish' about it?
Pretty please?

love, Crow

[Guest]

That makes you _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.
All because you pay nothing, want everything for free, that's how the nightmare is created, by you inventing a world with no energy, no life in it, the desert at the best.
Nightmares come from envy, like Lonewolf's that fliers want to eat him. . . . that's how the nightmares are made, by you hunting for free energy. . . . and it doesn't exist.
Anyway, it was your dream, 'host of a party', just a week ago, but I guess you don't do anything with your dreams, just respect them.

[Carlitos Crow]

ReRavel:
You live in hell and you're the boss.
Crow:
Nah, that's silly. I don't live in hell. And I'm not a boss of anyone or anything!
ReRavel:
That makes you _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.
Crow:
Clueless?
ReRavel:
All because you pay nothing,
Crow:
Huh? Pay who what where? For what?
ReRavel:
want everything for free,
Crow:
I don't think I've said anything that would lead anyone to that impression.
ReRavel:
that's how the nightmare is created, by you inventing a world with no energy, no life in it, the desert at the best.
Crow:
But I'm not inventing a world. Telling stories, describing experiences... How is this 'inventing a world'?
ReRavel:
Nightmares come from envy, like Lonewolf's that fliers want to eat him. . . . that's how the nightmares are made, by you hunting for free energy. . . . and it doesn't exist.
Crow:
I haven't any 'nightmares'. I'm not 'hunting for free energy'. I don't envy.
ReRavel:
Anyway, it was your dream, 'host of a party', just a week ago,
Crow:
Oh sure, so long as I'm here I'll probably joke around about all that. If a party forms, I'm sure it'll be delightful. I can't see how one can form otherwise, not any party I'm party to...
ReRavel:
but I guess you don't do anything with your dreams, just respect them.
Crow:
Well, as you must know already, this dreaming up don Juan business was the catalyst which changed my life. Yet perhaps it was changing already anyhow? Maybe my marriage was doomed, even without this sideshow. And lots of marriages fail these days; there's nothing amazing or new and wonderful there...
What do you do with your dreams?

What a strange question!

[Guest]

you don't belong in public, you can not tell the truth in public, you can not 'be' in public. You're out of the world, that's what a Nagual is, deep left side.
You're a phoney in the world and on this site, but maybe you are real in the woods, work hard and maybe one day your radiation will reach the world, the outer layer.
Now you are only a liar and baffoon in the world.

[Guest]

and don't bullshit no more, and don't rush on ahead where you don't have any footing, go back to the ring in the tree where you were real.
Your 'lightness' doesn't fool me and isn't real.

[Carlitos Crow]

ReRavel:
you don't belong in public, you can not tell the truth in public, you can not 'be' in public. You're out of the world, that's what a Nagual is, deep left side.
Crow:
Who's inventing who now?


ReRavel:
You're a phoney in the world
Crow:
A phoney 'what', exactly?
ReRavel:
and on this site,
Crow:
It's a regular barrel of monkeys, huh, except there are a few crows to mess that idea up I guess... Hey, I can fly!

ReRavel:
but maybe you are real in the woods, work hard and maybe one day your radiation will reach the world, the outer layer.
Crow:
Yes, making things out of wood has always been a great joy for me. Discovering and rediscovering a timeless understanding without words, really, yet filled with gentle teaching at every turn. I mean, it's here, now, for anyone. All I can do is try to point to it, and demonstrate that magic which surely resides there. At which point the illusion is born, reborn, given fresh breath... Why people want this is surely a mystery, but... so what?
I am here to enliven and to enchant. I am here to leave a trace...
Tell me. What do you suppose *you* are here for?
ReRavel:
Now you are only a liar and baffoon in the world.
Crow:
No, these are merely labels you are using to describe your misunderstanding.
Don Juan said to me in that first dream I had of him:
"I don't mind being fictitious. But you probably do."
At the time, well, I figured if I was to dream up don Juan he was going to say stuff to me much the way he did to Carlos in Castaneda's stories, witty stuff, but kind of incisive and perplexing. And this comment carried a sting.
Now I understand. Wow, well, understanding can make the most inocuous event into something totally sublime. The guy was a genius. Which guy? Well, that's it, isn't it! I don't know, you've got me there.

ReRavel:
Go back to the ring in the tree that you were true at
and don't bullshit no more,
Crow:
I'm not bullshitting... I'm *storytelling*!
And that is what fictitious naguals do best.

ReRavel:
and don't rush on ahead where you don't have any footing,
Crow:
No base jumping? From bridges, airplanes... off of short piers or high cliffs, you mean?
ReRavel:
go back to the ring in the tree where you were real.
Crow:
There's no 'back' friend. So there is no going someplace that doesn't exist, is there?
ReRavel:
Your 'lightness' doesn't fool me and isn't real.
Crow:
"I don't mind bein' fictitious. But you probably do."

[Guest]

Who I actually am
heh heh

[Lillian2]

(!)

[Carlitos Crow]

Well, that's just it. Who is anyone, really?
I've been out in my workshop all morning, chiseling dovetails and assembling a little drawer for the cupboard I've been making. Of course I drink my coffee as I work, and stop between processes to light a cigarette, which goes out as it dangles from my mouth while I'm concentrating on the careful work I'm so engaged in.
Tsk, such terrible habits. I'm quite unemployable, really. My shirt is rarely even tucked in! And on occasion I pick my nose with great gusto, because if I didn't, I'd soon be unable to breathe for all the cakes of sawdust which accumulate in it.
(Whew, glad to have *that* embarrasing bit of information over and done with.)
I use these habits. I'm a 'user'. I use what I've got to have more. I s'pose I *could* get greedy. It isn't like I'm not tempted sometimes. But then I just smoke more, and do less, and that seems to curb the greed pretty well, as self-abusive as it is. It isn't *really* a remedy, is it.
Maybe I *should* just exercise my greed for a spell. I could do very well! Absolutely. God, it's tempting..
But see, when you can *see* where you can 'be' if you wanted to be, it's quite likely that you'll examine this 'want', and upon doing so, it ceases to be 'important', and is not in dire need of being fulfilled. It's a wonderful thing, 'seeing'.
There are consequences for every act, every thought even. They are inescapable, and quite fascinating too. In woodworking this fact is ever-present in a very tangible way, but it's a fact even when tangibility is lacking.
Some cannot make fire. They must ignite by touching fire. Others, can die, and relight, whenever they please, to their heart's delight.

[Abramelin]

ReRavel....R.R.?
Nah. Or?

[Carlitos Crow]

One mention of 'compartments' and it's gotta be 'Infinity Pilot'.
You know... 'Custodian'?

But no, the tone isn't quite the same. *I* think ReRavel is a woman.
That's what Susie thinks too.
Think she can keep hiding while demandin' that I come clean and be 'real'?

[HerbaMatey]

Regardless:
The clear way never listens to anyone who spends all their energy telling people what they aren't and not a bit on who they are.
All we have learned is that ReRavel knows exactly who they are not.
(i.e. not a crow, not a wolf, and not a lion, and not a snake, and not a spider...)

[Nagual LoneWolf]

Ravel is our own Summer Dawn...

[HerbaMatey]

unraveled- thanks