How I Lost Years of My Life - cut off part

[00000]

Hi.

First of all, I want to say that I'm not here to convince anyone here.

I just want to share because I just feel I need to.

I got interested with Carlos Castenada teaching by boredom. The books are well written and I liked it.

I read a lot about how he was just a fraud, and just a other guru of a sect.. But I didn't want to believe that, I was seduced by immortality so I started practicing what was written in those books.

I even had some crazy dreaming experiences and I was like "holy #!@@ its real"...

My point of view changed recently. It's just dreams you know.. these are not real.

I LOST SO MANY !+%+*## YEARS FOR CRAZY STUFF.. I CANT STOP TELLING TO MYSELF WTF!!!

Again I'm not here to convince anyone, but more and more I think about these experience and the more and more I realize that it is not real. It's fake. Just dreams you know.

I just feel this way, but I close the door to Castaneda forever. I mean, that's %**+*+ up..

I lost so many time in my life for it that I feel that my life was stolen for my naivity.

Just wanted to share to move on. If you like all these sorcery stuff why not..

But personally I put an end to it.

(edit by Sorcery: changed all caps in thread title)

[serloco]

If you lost years of your life pursuing a path that expands and enriches awareness then you were a craaaaaaapy warrior. Not trying to convince you though..

[watergaze]

well, it's not for everybody, that's for sure.

But on the example that you brought up - dreaming. Let me try to show you something...
Dreaming - I approach it as an extended hobby. Imagine, amazing dreams and experiences, learning opportunities and tryouts/practice ground for bettering my skills, personality etc. Most people have some kind of a hobby, but theirs takes time away from things during the day. My dreaming hobby uses the time I already have for said activity anyway (everybody has to sleep, I have to sleep and I sleep whether I decide to utilize the sleep time for something productive or not). Kinda like if someone would make a hobby out of their bathroom activities. Everyone needs to poop . So, if I make pooping into an art and enjoy myself immensely and learn something useful for my out of the bathroom life in the process - then why the hell would I find anything wrong with that? And, if this is the case that I benefit, then what does it matter to me that another pooper (even if he was the one who inspired me to give it a try) was a poop fraud? and maybe never pooped a proper poop in his life?


Boredom is not a very useful setting to have. It takes a big junk of magic away from our lives. I hope you find the magic around you. It is everywhere, you do not need to follow Castaneda's teachings to see it and interact with it...

(I actually find CC's teachings miss something very important. And it might be why people fail so often when they try to learn only from the black and white pages of his books. I don't think CC claimed that one can reach the very courageous goals of his books' protagonists just by reading and following what he has written. But of course, you do not say that is all you did, so I am not so much responding to you here as I am just making a general statement of what I have discovered over the years.)

[Julio Juliopolis]

Reading the thread title makes me wonder what one could do for years of their life that couldn't be considered a waste. If working on one's consciousness doesn't qualify as worthwhile, how about spending years playing Quake 3?

[Guest]

00000 wrote:I lost so many time in my life for it that I feel that my life was stolen for my naivity.

Just wanted to share to move on. If you like all these sorcery stuff why not..
But personally I put an end to it.I lost years of my life to playing video games.  Those interpersonal skills turned out to be useful in ways I couldn't predict.  Sometimes it's difficult to determine the value of something until a significant amount of time has passed.  I've lost years of life by breathing too--that turned out to be pretty helpful.  I like the poop comparison.  It's very true and why I dream: we sleep ~one-third of our life.  If we collect that one-third and gain useful experiences, memories, and skills then maybe it's not so bad a hobby.  We have to spend time in the dream world anyway, why not intend to enjoy the experience.  It's just dreams anyway, they can't hurt you (probably).

[rosygyro]

The "other"That thing you would have done instead of "wasting years of your life"That is the real thief of your energy.you should take strength from the fact you questedas even if you had achieved some of the "other" successwhich countless do not even though they try mundane successyou would have a doubt about your spiritual "other
or worse still be asleep to the other life of quest you could have endeavoured.
25 years ago a friend paid a deposit on a houseand began mortgage paymentstoday he owns his house.The track that created his modern day securityis 25 years welded to business, capitalism and the habitual assemblage position.it seems very clear and like a railroad track in retrospectbut no-one ever looks out of the windows of the trains upon it.or can see out of the back from where it came.

[Guest]

Rosy, that's a fair point. If we can't be ourselves, then we're inappropriate for a given space. It is better to be ourselves in spaces which can support us rather than go against our spirit to reside in a superficial space. You should be proud I have almost an identical perspective. That's scary xP

[watergaze]

rosy, I find your point of the "other" to be quite ponder-worthy . And I agree... I see this in others, normal people (unrelated to sorcery) who, after some years, find they have wasted their time on something and that they should have done something else etc. I find that this 'other' that is often not properly formed and it holds some fragment of a dream. This is not really good for a person, it can actually get a piece of them to be locked in it. So, yea, sometimes these people get locked and can't move forward all too well enough, they can become resentful and dissatisfied. It may be a hard spot to move from if that happens.

One needs to be able to have compassion for oneself and one's spirit. And, yes, following one's heart, spirit, etc. should not lead to one thinking they wasted their time because if one does what feels right in the moment.... then there is not much more a person can do. One can regret not being wiser or more knowledgeable etc, but in the moment of being who one was in that moment, one needs to recognize that one did the best one could.

What is the difference anyway? I see people already in retirement age pondering if they had wasted their life - working working and paying their payments and all of that and never thinking of their soul and spirit. 00000 at least thought of it and tried. One way or another people might have regrets or wonder if something else would have lead to a better path.

Whether I die a millionaire or I die poor - I die. Whether I have lived as a scientist, a teacher, a barkeeper - I die. Whether I collected stamps or devoted myself to the art of proper poops - I die. At the end what does it matter? Most of all one needs to do what one feels to be right and what one enjoys and what helps one grow - ideally they will be all coupled together lol. And hone the ability to feel what is what more accurately .

-----
Kao, that is not what I read in rosy's post. I wonder in which part you figured rosy is saying that

is it that you understood that rosy's friend. who has a house, was in a place that is superficial and cannot support him and that he cannot be himself there?

-----
00000, I hope you find something more fulfilling for yourself. Good luck and best wishes on your path.

[Guest]

Wg, I read that part in the YouTube video My Way

Rosy was seemingly subtle in his words, but the music revealed a deeper layer. The tones, rhythm, and lyrics painted a mature acknowledgement that it's better to die as the self than live as another. It is a nod to remain oneself even when doing so brings an ending.

On the other hand maybe that's not what Rosy is communicating. He could be talking about slaughtering unicorns. It's Rosy, after all. Lol.

Rosy, would you paraphrase yourself so we can better draw meaning from your post? Now I'm genuinely curious.

[Guest]

Ah, and Rosy... I have an inkling appearances have been deceiving. If this is the case, I encourage you to remain here. Just because one version of self dies, doesn't mean this version should too. This version has been successful. You don't have to live as another, you could consider reinventing the self and trying on something which is appropriate to the site, but still honors who you are

Know what I mean? Or was that too subtle? Or too obvious?

[rosygyro]

carsI am having a subtle wrestle with Ebay at the moment.
I keep seeing goodish car deals and picking holes in them
such as----------------- "Hmm It doesn't seem right for my destiny""perhaps that cars previous owner was a man of the north and if i took it overit would fall off intelligent co-operation for my intent""perhaps if my car has 170 horsepower i will have a bad crash "OTHER" and shouldget something less powerfull that i can Redline without being actually very dangerous""perhaps a second buyer will perform a greater purpose within the unspeakable with this vehiclethan i can. my selfishness although beneficial for me today could have deeper implications forall of our futures in later manifestation of change".. etc..until PING.-someone else snaps them up and they are gone. i am left sitting, thinking, after the event fantasizing.."Oh if only i hadnt missed that car i would be doing "this OTHER" with it now"
1) Speculation on potential outcome of decisions ( OTHER as seen as future (EAST )  is leading to inactivity in making a decisions. _thats above)
2)Speculation on actions i could perform had i made alternative choice ("i could be doing this now instead of typing)(the OTHER as present (NORTH) is a waste of energy in terms of nowness, as this parralell world OTHER does not exist.if i am thinking about a different present how can i stop the world?(this is happening after the decision chance has gone)
3)Speculation on wether these cars would have already broken down, or been put through a hedge with me behind thewheel.my body already at the morgue. (The OTHER as past (WEST) -does not have any recapitulation truth in it.that dead body in my minds eye does not contain the root of my life it is some "other" soul.that living body in my minds eye also does not contain the root of my life is some OTHER soul.(this is happening after the chance to make decision has gone)
THE OTHER IS A TRICK, THE OTHER IS A VAMPIRE.
solution,
be aware...1)that energy is being lost to some alternative past. (west other)2)that energy is being lost to alternative present (north other)3)That energy is being lost to the never to manifest (east other)
that these others do not contain any truth of east. of north or of west.but the three together show an entire skin of energetic loss within totality.
The real recapitulation of your life is not the other.the real stopping the world is not the other.real decisions are not made in the other.
-perhaps when i look to choose a car i will see if itreminds me of recapitulation junctureschildhood scabs or the mumps.. a new pair of tiny shoes long outgrown.reminds me of my first decent go on a bicycle..
but even then.. a car that has poweful WEST energy for memay deprive anothers other when I move it, and they may be left thinkingabout other pasts..within the NORTH that which is west for me may once moved be plus or minus for their westunless within sight of the rose.i do want to co-operate.
powerul sorcery can deprive others of their energy.i believe our world should be able to collectivly form a second skini believe the habitual assemblage point has come of age.that a few sorceric egos must dieand all will be good and well.
It seems to me that the SOUTH
IS the other.for the nagual man the OTHER is to be normal manunfluid in folly.
If MEST was a vinyl record upon a player.
The west would be the outer spiral of the record grooves and the receipt from the shop it was boughtthe east would be the inner spiral of the records grooves and the timely payment of the electric billthe north would be the sound from speakers wether skip, crackle or beat.the south would be the whole record, the national grid, the entire music industry,his other is the STYLUS.
for the southerly man the OTHER is to be a normal man,
for east, west, and north men.. the OTHER is a vampire leading them to totality.
the purpose of the Yellow rose of friendship and intelligent co-operationis to ensure that when people work powerfully with the OTHERthat there are not any victims of greed or will.that a nostalgic man will not inspire regret in all he deals with.that a visionary will not instill catatonic fear in all he deals withthat a martial artist will not inspire violenceThat a cloud will not fear building charge within its formto be part of a single lightning strike.
that sort of bullshit.

[Guest]