intro

[Guest]

hi. i have been reading this forum for a while now, not knowing where to begin. i know that i have little to offer in terms of knowledge or useful info. i guess that opening up a thread here is the correct way to proceed for now.
i have had little successes and many failures on this path, i guess it started around 6 years ago. i was unhappy with my life and i transcended those circumstances somehow. i removed myself from the long term relationship i was in, managed (eventually) to find a 'nice' place to live and a job which i have held down longer than any other.

i find myself in a position where i can do anything and be anything i want, and yet i am still flailing and unable to put into action the things i really want to do.

i succumb to waves of pure anger, these come and go yet they are so destructive, i feel that this depression/self destructive aspect is really the only barrier i have (perhaps ever had) i feel terrible after for the things i have said and done during these episodes. sometimes i feel i am completely beyond help and this scares me.

it really is strange as these things are so at odds with the rest of my life. normally i am happy and usually have the strength to deal with anything at all. i have dealt with a lot of stuff that i feel the average person has no experience of even.

i know that i just need a push in the right direction, a spurring on.

in return i offer my services for the greater good in whatever capacity that may take. i love this world and i am open.

i dont want loads of money or a quiet life. i want to embrace knowledge and go where it leads me. i know that evolving awareness is the purpose, as described by many before, and it is something that i can see for myself. i just want to fulfil this purpose as i know that literally nothing else matters, and yet i find it so difficult to focus. im prepared to do whatever it takes.

i am also aware that maybe im in the wrong place, either way im sure i'll find out soon.

to be honest any input will be carefully considered, you have my undivided attention. just to let you all know that i know you have an amazing group and i am more than grateful for all the help and support you all have provided over the years, i would be honoured to be even just a little footnote in the legacy here, and i hope to be of service in the future.


many thanks
michael

[watergaze]

sounds like a seeker hehe

hello michael transitions,
since you seem aware of some of the obstacles you face (like the anger you mention), it seems you are on the path of figuring stuff out.
(Interestingly, I have had a different type of challenge. That is to express and allow anger when a situation calls for it. Curious how we are)

All best for your self-stalking efforts - it really is worth while and leads to good things (and interesting to read about too).

[Guest]

thanks watergaze.

yes im sure that self stalking is the way i can overcome these barriers. it is interesting to see how my anger manifests and look into the cause, it is just old self importance, silly things that no one in their right mind would give a damn about. it is funny as i notice how i can be so impeccable and have no self importance and the next minute its creeped back in.

i guess im not as tight as id like to believe.

i laughed because i also fail to get angry if the situation calls for it, then i do get angry later over something else meaningless, then i find that the reason is my failure to act impeccably.

i feel strange talking like this to the whole board, like probably its annoying and noone cares, i should write a diary or something.

[watergaze]

dont worry about such stuff, as to writing publicly. All in all, it is still anonymous, no one has a clue who you are . Plus this is a thread about you, so you can disclose whatever you feel like (err within the rules and guidelines propriety heh)..

[Guest]

im not worried, i should however refrain from posting when i'm not sat at my computer at home. i think aiming to write from inner silence is the way.
what i really wanted to say was that i am not going to continue writing in this intro thing as it seems a bit silly and also self-important. i made the point to myself that this forum is where im putting my attention, and dont really feel the need to say any more on this particular post.
i will contribute by replying to the posts i found interesting and aks some questions. all the information i could ever need is in the books of cc and written on these forums. i just need to do more reading and more practice, put what i'm learning into practice.

[watergaze]

ah, got it . well, enjoy

[Finwe]

Hi, transitions.
Pleasure to meet you.

[Guest]