billy's basic detachment practice

[Billy]

"After arranging the world in a most beautiful and enlightened manner, the scholar goes back home at five o'clock in the afternoon to forget his beautiful arrangement." (Castaneda- Second Ring of Power)

The warriors way has to be actualized by the way you work your awareness in mainstream.

[Billy]

A major step forward to effective de-personalization is the viewpoint that all other persons in existence are joined in communal manifestation to such degree that no conceivable personal kinks, quirks, perversions are not part of your nature too.  Conversely, the private abominable imagination's secrets (not admitted), are truly innate to mankind at large.  This isn't about feel-good absolution here.
You need this understanding to become matter-of-fact.  As I touch the surface, I am learning that all ideology and interactions come full circle inclusively.  That is, as I watch my wife, you, or anyone else-- I learn in acute detachment that I can observe myself therein.  Why would I alienate what is essentially how I am?  If I hate you, I kinda hate something about myself.  Not ethics here

  Now that great sounding talk can register, but it is not enough if the gap between world (otherness) is not completely bridged, and the bridge SEEN in the normalcy of your predominant vision and exchange.
SERIOUSLY, this is all farther along in detachment practice (not theoretical).  Clearly I am able to control the immediate world around me in ways I could not fathom even a year ago.  But this step occurred because I had gained a modicum of separation that comprehended I was not unique.  Only then could I extend SELF-control to my world in general.  That is, I was no longer in a mode of controlling you, I was simply controlling myself.  I have a lot of catching up to do with myself (dubbed billy/derek)   derek (serloco)= expansion= billy= empty void= happy

[Billy]

I am not saying anything different with de-personalization than omission of self-importance talked about on the forum.  In detachment, the beginning experiences are with our thoughts and feelings.  I make them into objects of amusement.  Even with pains and tragedy, I want to toy with their occupation (as best I can).  Then as the skills are sharper, I can make the material world and others into objects as well.  Is this hollow and cold?  Well, it does not help me to bury the truth; and I find the expression of thoughts and emotions to be more fluid and not less real.  I am more authentic, that is certain--and overall my life has a benevolent feel (I feel gracious and often grateful).

[Billy]

I'll ease up on the serloco connection, but not without stating this observation.  serloco's work here in total, IMHO far outclasses the IMMENSE substance of Carlos Castaneda.  AND IN NO WAY am I downplaying Castaneda's profound help to myself.  I don't think it is just that I connect with the entity serloco; I am first and foremost a being of reason, and gravitate to logic religiously.

     serloco is stupendously gifted.  I am eternally grateful that he has shared.

[Billy]

SELF MASTERY

[Billy]

This is a glimpse, much of which I will remove very quickly.  For s: (this was about you telling me to examine command or my expectation awareness as my perceptions flow out of the formless or preform.) 

serloco: "It is self-awareness that one needs, to see and observe the energy forms you are aligning to reality in your AP. When you see this you can see it form and know that you are forming it...I have it boiled down to choice of awareness."
 "Detachment is key."

[Billy]

Post #134:  "...sexuality is FIRST the expression and sensation of being aware, and the desire to profoundly feel it.  In short,  ...Sex isn't just important; it is essence."

   Humans have buried this expression and sensational essence.  This is from evolutionary and not just cultural pressures.  So, I mean you to understand that when you feel, or experience presence (self-awareness), it should have a predominant quality of sexual reverberation and TASTINESS.  One does not cultivate this quality, but must rather uncover and remember it again; then one will have this delicious TASTINESS in all heightened states (one won't forget again).  This is apart from sexual activity, as one could abstain from coitus, etc. without compromising this.

-- get rid of the image selves that pose as 'i' to emanate sexy 'I'


What I say here:  When you are being the unconcerned observer you should feel sexy.

[Billy]

I am so laughing at spreading it on thick about 'sexuality,' as this is meant in part to be emotionally manipulative.  It takes too long to explain sexual phenomenolgy upwards through evolution as I understand it.  Just say sex and sexual denial is without question at the root of pride and shame respectively, and of all positive and negative emotions respectively too.

[Billy]

I will add something decent here tonight or tomorrow.  The last several posts were drivel, as if i had to write something..yuk.  I'll comment on Morning Son's 'losing self-importance' along with what I have in mind also. 

underlined 'I' because of the subtleties of difference between properly reflected SELF and not so proper.  I am staunchly in favor of my ego, and STILL aware of distancing from self indulgence that is referred to in Morning Son's chosen quote.

[Billy]

serloco  "It is self-awareness that one needs, to see and observe the energy forms you are aligning to reality in your AP. When you see this you can see it form and know that you are forming it...I have it boiled down to choice of awareness."

  A few days ago my wife was to order a pizza for me to pick up near to where I was.  I remind her to be sure she called the right location.  There is no pizza ordered when I arrive, and I find that she has ordered from a place on the other side of town.  I am furious of course, but quickly find equanimity.  I will not get angry at how stupid my wife is; I'll convert this to relational leverage credit.

   Not even twenty fours later she is contemptuously yelling at me about yardwork, and I don't have an iota reserve of patience for this (so much for imagined credit).  So, I return plenty of hostile temperment.  So she reverts to the weapon of coldness and sexual denial.  Nevertheless, I find enough space in the dread and negativity to not feel a critical mass over my head.  I am more patient, and not panicky.  {after I write this, I neatly get a foot back in the door a day later}.

   I say this because I can clarify something about detachment and conditions.  Clearly I show a preference for favorable relational conditions.  However, in all of my preferences is the choice of how I am aware.  Thus, the conditions are irrelevant in so far as I focus on my point (base) of projection rather than a situation.  Again I am emphasizing that if you want to change the world or your 'self' > FORGET IT!  NOTE {this no longer applies once you can reach the place of indifference; then, you CAN change the world and yourself}
 The de-personalized look is what matters, even as you watch things get royally fucked up by your own actions.  And deeper and deeper you need to go into the place of indifference.   You must practice this when situations such as I relate happen.

   Humbling recapitulation and an abasing compunction that you feel moves through your heart is a trustworthy way to remove self import that conflicts with your better interests to stay objective.

[Billy]

So you know that it is a stage, the recap and abasement I talk of is not part of what I need to do anymore.  The sumptuous bottom is simply a place (void) I move to when I remind myself to go there. 

I really think the easiest way to know that place is to self-annihilate however that can be accomplished.  The unruly self is not my friend.  I beat the **** out of it in a brutal yet positive removal process a few years ago.

[Billy]

http://www.ispot.tv/ad/77Zt/berry-pomeg ... sformation

mio {me0}  Detachment

[Billy]

So you know that it is a stage, the recap and abasement I talk of is not part of what I need to do anymore.  The sumptuous bottom is simply a place (void) I move to when I remind myself to go there. 

I really think the easiest way to know that place is to self-annihilate however that can be accomplished.  The unruly self is not my friend.  I beat the **** out of it in a brutal yet positive removal process a few years ago.


http://www.ispot.tv/ad/77Zt/berry-pomeg ... sformation

mio {me0}  Detachment

[Billy]

I know you know the detached (observer) view CHANGES EVERYTHING.  You need to trust reason to take you away from habitual emotional indulgence.  Stick with reason to exercise separation (particularly in tensed states and situations).  Your reason needs to do the math > it is better not to waste energy resenting, indulging, and over-reflecting.  REALLY, you need to choose the awareness that continually puts you outside of the show.. and likewise to SEE the inherent clarity for decisive actions.  Whatever doing arises because the fluidity of perception has no outlying contradiction > it SEES what it SEES.

  I mean, think what happens instead when you re-introduce your personal agency.  Everything seen then involves endless threads of thought and import.  Do you think that leads to clarity?  It only fucks life up.  You need to get this; you need to stamp the proclivity of reason to work for detachment as its primary function.  You DO this until it is habitual.

[Billy]

I found in my experience that one gains a sense of progress in detachment that is a double edged sword.  Realization of 'progress' is rewarding and good, yet there comes times when this converges on you in forms of stress, fear, anxiety, and pressure of responsibility.  Very critical to know this is going to happen, and that you should not deflect this to what you think is causing it.  You must break the connection to any tangible concerns that are involved.  That is, take on the fear etc. directly as if it is independent of all else.  You have anxiety... so identify that and move on with that state as being yours > no running or moving away from it.  Hold onto and stroke the sensations.  Notice the moment this interactive 'play' ensues; WHAT HAPPENS KIDDO??  (big smile here)
 
  Regardless if the concerns are real (even if you will address them shortly with thought or/and action) this is how you settle into an objective state.  Early on in this practice, you may need to gain the sort of separation I talk of by diverting self (a walk, pulling weeds, a movie, reading, a glass of wine, a nice treat in quiet repose, a ritual).

Casataneda--When faced with odds that cannot be dealt with, warriors retreat for a moment. They let their minds meander. They occupy their time with something else. Anything would do. That is the fifth principle of the art of stalking. {same principle}

Still, such retreat must be undersood as a self-teaching device to show that your states of anxiety, stress, fear etc. are not real or have no permanence.  Meaning eventually, you should gain command over suchness because you can (without props).

I am already given to the power that rules my fate.

And I cling to nothing, so I will have nothing to defend.

I have no thoughts, so I will see.

I fear nothing, so I will remember myself.

Detached and at ease,

I will dart past the Eagle to be free.

[Billy]

I found in my experience that one gains a sense of progress in detachment that is a double edged sword.  Realization of 'progress' is rewarding and good, yet there comes times when this converges on you in forms of stress, fear, anxiety, and pressure of responsibility.  Very critical to know this is going to happen, and that you should not deflect this to what you think is causing it.  You must break the connection to any tangible concerns that are involved.  That is, take on the fear etc. directly as if it is independent of all else.  You have anxiety... so identify that and move on with that state as being yours > no running or moving away from it.  Hold onto and stroke the sensations.  Notice the moment this interactive 'play' ensues; WHAT HAPPENS KIDDO??  (big smile here)
 
  Regardless if the concerns are real (even if you will address them shortly with thought or/and action) this is how you settle into an objective state.  Early on in this practice, you may need to gain the sort of separation I talk of by diverting self (a walk, pulling weeds, a movie, reading, a glass of wine, a nice treat in quiet repose, a ritual).

Casataneda--When faced with odds that cannot be dealt with, warriors retreat for a moment. They let their minds meander. They occupy their time with something else. Anything would do. That is the fifth principle of the art of stalking. {same principle}

Still, such retreat must be undersood as a self-teaching device to show that your states of anxiety, stress, fear etc. are not real or have no permanence.  Meaning eventually, you should gain command over suchness because you can (without props).

[Billy]

My astute friend Joe would often point out my disconnect from full awareness by asking me, "Is that the story you tell yourself?"
  
Despite whatever objection or disagreement to protect my pride, he always displayed overt mocking smugness because he knew I got it. {Godamn it too (I hated that)}.. 

He would often follow with, "When are you going to stop using your crutches?"  He was giving me the tools to become expansively successful... there was never limitation around him.  He made my spirit soar while at the same time grounding me with poignant lessons for self-cohesion.

 It took incessant encouragement to give up those crutches; I was so used to clutching them I often never gave it a second thought. 

I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH I ACCEPTED SELF-LIMITATION!!

I posted an exceptional video in post #81 of this thread.  Watch the paraplegic with ultimate patience and grasp details; watch him several times.  There is really nothing special about this until you empirically absorb a very specific idea at the end of his little story. 

   Chew on the immensity of what is meant there as it pertains to you.

[Billy]

As I write lots here relative to others, I've never meant to impress anyone of having some mastery.  In fact, I'm lazy and closer to being a hack.  Still, I know that one needs self detachment to get to the endless resource of emptiness or indifference.  If I can get there, then ANYONE with such intent CAN.  Seriously, I'm nothing much... but OMG what I am now doing.  I'm shaking my head-- as I have amazed myself, and I encourage you to keep on.

[Billy]

Some truth telling (smile) {my view} >  Look: the philosophical dialogue, the humble guidance, the warrior's way, the removal of self-importance, the self-annihilation.. THESE are artifice for the work of SELF living.  Understand?

The detachment and the assimilation of a humble appraisal of valueless, empty self perception is a tactic.  Maybe someone has lost themselves completely in a way I cannot yet understand, but this isn't THAT.

What I have said naturally (lol) boils down to what serloco succinctly worded: ""It is self-awareness that one needs, to see and observe the energy forms you are aligning to reality in your AP. When you see this you can see it form and know that you are forming it...I have it boiled down to choice of awareness."

   Now the intent of my detachment is for to have accute, honest, unobstructed objectivity as my choice of awareness {an UNLIMITED awareness (formless and now forming as I write)}.

   MIND SELF is only the catalyst to become free (in control instead of controlled).  AND, only that essential beingness and intent at the root of perception will DO.  That is, beingness prececeding perception of otherness is ALL of EVERYTHING.  Ironically, it is that I have come to love that existence is a meaningless void (LAUGH, because TRUE).

[Billy]

By the way, it is that meaningless indifferent void as his canvas that my good friend Derek 'exploits' to create form so beautifully.By the way, it is that meaningless indifferent void as his canvas that my good friend Derek 'exploits' to create form so beautifully.

By the way, it is that meaningless indifferent void as his canvas that my good friend Derek 'exploits' to create form so beautifully.

ADD > Remember etch a sketch?  serloco shakes IT up and erases form and recreates altogether.

I know I said I was going to move on from that connection, but that's hard to do when an entity can reach through the fabric of reality into your world with momentous effect. 

   Before I came here just over a year ago, I was Ayn Rand school, with reason as my template. I NEVER believed in any of this **** with sorcery-- I'll tell you that unequivically. 


serloco discarded the framing of my boundaries, without compromising my reason's logic.  Everything he says begins to make sense.  Sorcery is detachment and acute objectivity at the balance of zero origin.

Like Don Juan (Journey to Ixtlan), "...all I needed in order to make it work was the idea that it could be done.  Once I had the idea, I accomplished it, without knowing how.  I recommend that you do the same." {Don Juan's reference to erasing personal history and unseating his sense of self-importance}

  It's not that I or my world has fundamentally changed (though, that also, in appearance), but that the essential energy to form has become mine to DO by degrees of empiricism or/and energetic fact.

  I am a decent storyteller with good imagination, but when it comes to adherence to sound epistomology and physics, I was recipient of an aware mentor who pounded into me the need for grounding therewith.  I'm as honest as there is.

[Billy]

By the way, it is that meaningless indifferent void as his canvas that my good friend Derek 'exploits' to create form so beautifully.


ADD > Remember etch a sketch?  serloco shakes IT up and erases form and recreates altogether.

I know I said I was going to move on from that connection, but that's hard to do when an entity can reach through the fabric of reality into your world with momentous effect. 

   Before I came here just over a year ago, I was Ayn Rand school, with reason as my template. I NEVER believed in any of this **** with sorcery-- I'll tell you that unequivocally. 


serloco discarded the framing of my boundaries, without compromising my reason's logic.  Everything he says begins to make sense.  Sorcery is detachment and acute objectivity at the balance of zero origin.

Like Don Juan (Journey to Ixtlan), "...all I needed in order to make it work was the idea that it could be done.  Once I had the idea, I accomplished it, without knowing how.  I recommend that you do the same." {Don Juan's reference to erasing personal history and unseating his sense of self-importance}

  It's not that I or my world has fundamentally changed (though, that also, as well as in appearance), but that the essential energy to form has become mine to DO by degrees of empiricism or/and energetic fact.

  I am a decent storyteller with good imagination, but when it comes to adherence to sound epistomology and physics, I am recipient of an aware mentor who pounded into me the need for grounding therewith for thirty years.  I'm as honest as there is.

[Billy]

Putting aside nagual perspective and looking at a tonal attitude alone, how is it not an advantage to have one's purview be without those limitations 'normally', culturally imposed? 

Without limitations WHATSOEVER?  Imagine if you converted the idea of immortality in eternity into its complementary of an enegetic fact.  I've done that; that is, I empirically project that idea as fruitive experience.  Just in the sense of unrestricted time, it blows away the self accepted, self imposed alternative. 

   You answer, but, death has no alternative.  SEE, piss on you!

   You don't like that? 

   Well, lets move on to tonal attachments.  Then, you also accept that fate imposes irrevocable painful experiences?  Why can't beneficial detached views run the gamut?  One situation after another, I learned the flavors of your (lol) undesirable experiences can be savored, can be excruciatingly exquisite.  I believe crucifixion even can be turned.  Where is the advantage in sticking with conceding to pain the conventional way?
 
   I can no longer philosophically view a life that is judged awash with problems and misery.  IT is life. 


  Finally, be happy in awareness that is wholesome at the core and consumes sad, lonely tribulation in hungry desire. 

  How about I not post for awhile?  Okay?  > whenever again ..........   ...

  billy SELF is smiling

[Billy]

Couldn't resist a helpful notation:  When I allude to such turning extreme negatives into palatable delights, I am expanding your perception of what is possible.  Without doing this, there is no room for growth.  The evolution is one step at a time having turned this around.. then that.. then another state that previously seemed ridiculously idealistic.  Then you realize....... 

......... nothing is seemingly impossible...

Also (not just as a courteous note), I have learned from others here (well, when the ideas are shared anyway).

[Billy]

Putting aside nagual perspective and looking at a tonal attitude alone, how is it not an advantage to have one's purview be without those limitations culturally imposed?

Without limitations WHATSOEVER? 

Imagine if you converted the idea of immortality in eternity into its complementary of an enegetic fact.  I've done that; that is, I empirically project that idea as fruitive experience.  Just in the sense of unrestricted time, it blows away the self accepted, self imposed alternative.

   You answer, but, death has no alternative. {Redact- "piss on you"}

   You don't like that?

   Well, lets move on to tonal attachments.  Then, you also accept that fate imposes irrevocable painful experiences?  Why can't beneficial detached views run the gamut?  One situation after another, I learned the flavors of your (lol) undesirable experiences can be savored, can be excruciatingly exquisite.  I believe crucifixion even can be turned.  Where is the advantage in sticking with conceding to pain the conventional way?
 
   I can no longer philosophically view a life that is judged awash with problems and misery.  IT is life.


  Finally, be happy in awareness that is wholesome at the core and consumes sad, lonely tribulation in hungry desire.

 

 
Couldn't resist a helpful notation:  When I allude to turning extreme negatives into palatable delights, I am expanding your perception of what is possible.  Without doing this, there is no room for growth.  The evolution is one step at a time having turned this around.. then that.. then another state that previously seemed ridiculously idealistic.  Then you realize.......

[Billy]

Scenario to illuminate (turning emotive states): 

   Okay, so an extraordinarily painful circumstance or/and tragedy enters my stage.  I begin evoking separation.  I am overwhelmed, and the 'practice of detachment' is too trite.  This is unimagineable suffering. 

I somehow at least SEE that everyman/everywoman necessarily would be rendered distraught. 

   I envision one of those people now experiencing my sorrow and pain.  I watch what it is to be me, as it is, to be the one really hurting, but from the outside.  "This technique is a fucking joke," is my thought > "*** detachment" > "I hurt too bad."  Again (drawing from habit), I SEE, this too as the thoughts of another.  But, I am bombarded by my helplessness... the effort to detach is more energy than I have; I am confused, defeated, and HURTING REALLY REALLY BAD.

"Everyman/everywoman IS HURTING, not just ME." 

    I see this person 'me' again before myself-- and in the small opening of space therewith, I empathize with billy; as for this now moment, he is not 'me,' but just another unfortunate 'everyman.' 

   I pick up Matt Sanford's autobiography Waking {highly recommend} and begin reading.  Now THERE > THERE >  THERE is 'my' pain.  "How can circumstance so miserable be called life?", I ask myself.  I continue reading about 'my pain' through this 'other man.'  His is unbearable, greater than mine and I feel self-pity anyway; because, though this man beckons no sympathy, I FEEL sympathy (and for myself even moreso).  I watch this unfold with intermitttant glimpses from the 'observer billy.'  I begin to notice the differences between when I am totally consumed by my heartbreak and when I can actually witness from the detached advantage.  "This is working well," I tell myself (a slight reprieve from misery)...   Then I dig into Matt Sanford's true account, of his experience with new energy.  I am skeptical though: "WHO does this guy think he's fooling?.. He would be better off dead."  I have some negative appraisals about this Matt Sanford, and I notice that I do so.  I SEE I am focused on his painful, tragic story though; that is I am distracted; at times I am not thinking about myself-- I note this--  I note this because it seemed IMPOSSIBLE to have space/reprieve from my own pain.  I happily note that I was WRONG; that is, the pain I felt is not necessary ALAWAYS.  "Well, geez, I'd rather experience my pain this way, or not at all as billy...   I think I'll just watch billy for a while.   This seems incongruous with what a piece of **** this segment of life is, but I think to laugh.  I laugh because I've tricked billy, and either way the 'i' billy or the 'observer' billy notices the absence of unbearable weight.  "How can this be?"