Journey of Billy's Spirit in Meditations

[Billy]

By posting anything here at all today, I just put my balls on the table for you to chop off, Kaomea.  Take a advantage of it like a good little sorceress girl.  You will never get a third chance.  If you allow me back up after this stumble and fall, there is no way I am going to make the same mistake I just did.  Love Billy.

[Billy]

I am told I am not nice, so I share this with you, JJ.  In fact, you misread my position, simply because I left a pouty trace.  Not everything is what it seems JJ.  Kaomea not only got it right, but she added confirmation to my sense of direction. 
      Understand this.. one seldom has mental lapses in the sorcerer's world without consequences.  That is, a sorcerer chooses and leads in whatever path he/she takes. To be reactionary is not impeccable.

    Kaomea, is a great stalker because she does not act or re-act without awareness and power.  She is careful not only in what she chooses, but also about the principles involved in how she chooses.  This is full time work JJ.  Nothing is accidental.  

   After taking upon a leadership role, I slipped a little.  Perhaps minor, but that is something for Kaomea to decide.  She is aware that I am trying to move her to a position; she may choose to follow my lead for various reasons, but will not tolerate stupidity.

   Now, I have shown Kaomea inconsistency of saying one thing and doing another of less advantage.  She would perceive this as weakness, as it is.  I myself, will be better still for SEEING my mistake with such clarity.  Right now, I need her to SEE that.

     I Laugh, because once again time will tell.  I won't even look at this God Damn, Mother Fucking site again until I am bursting, and not then. 

Oh yeah, I CAN reclaim my first position!!!!!

[Guest]

billy wrote:okay-okay-okay... I will cooperate.  Being adversaries makes no sense.

    I will take that  l - o - n - g  break, and return with the idea we become strong and loyal allies.  I think we will learn more useful knowledge that way.  If it makes you feel better (I doubt you even care), I know I should have gotten to this point quicker.


BOOM.  There it is.  That's the position I was aiming for all along.  For the reason you've stated; we'll learn more useful knowledge that way.  Yes, you should have reached this point quicker.  I understand why you didn't.  Take a long break, at least two weeks.  Give the drama from the moment time to fade, let your desire for me fade, let your obsession for power fade.  Then make your decision with how you'd like to spend your energy.  It should be racing season by then and your priorities may shift.  Sobriety in decision making is important.     


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[Billy]

I observed it all after April 1st.  You did something very nice next early A.M.  To say I was very pleased is an understatement.

    However, I wasn't noticing your entangled energy was unentangling.  By the following day I realized the bottom had fallen out.  That is, you were completely released.  I was slightly depressed, but also happy for you (for us).  Still, I wanted to retreat. My meditations were subpar during all this.  Still, Kaomea, I was not having emotional swings;  I am watching all of it in steady stillness.
   I thought of what had just happened, and sometimes caught up on deprived sleep.  For days I was in a constant state of twirling sadness and joy (I do love my exquisite downs).

    Then an unmistakeable realization occurred:  I knew it was all over between us.  I was quite accepting of this.  I saw trivial words we would exchange to say goodbye.

[Billy]

A few days ago, I peeked at the forum and perchance re-read a post by rosygyro.  His piece taught me to SEE through the appearance of manifestation and especially thoughts, and I had a tremendous glow of silent knowledge.  I SAW my resolution in our relation was healthy, and that I would easily persist.  


   A little review is in order:  
From the very first in our intitial exchanges you found your mojo, and I immediately noted you could move me spectacularly.  Your subliminal messaging was a loud voice in my ears, and you crafted my responsiveness perfectly.  I missed that it was your designed active intent originally. Still, I'm not sure you understood how consciously attuned and willing I was in the process.  
   Regardless, you achieved the ultimate genuine offering.  

   My second mentor showed me, in the midst of nirvana, to know the work of why nirvana is become nirvana.  He also pointed to its pinnacle as it transpired.  The next day, he showed me to move past the nirvana experience.  He saw I had deleterious desire to repeat or hold it.  He made me SEE for myself that spiritual substance is to be gained in the reason and order of work.  

  He often illustrated that the artistry of work (awareness) is PLAY.  There lies the inebriating drink of joy that stays true.  There is a saying to the effect a sorcerer is not a buyer or seller of art; she is only interested in the work and doings thereof.

   This is constructive criticism:  You have made several mistakes along the lines above.  IMO, you moved me so well that you became absorbed and flattered by your own acuity; perhaps you did not SEE how much awareness I was utilizing and retaining, or how strong I was.  

   Secondly, though your work paid off anyway.. and the result was optimal, you did not keep to the order of your practice.  You were clinging to a picture of work that was already finished when it was time for disposal of the body.  You wanted more.
   The work of reason should have dictated you were getting poor odds to continue onward.  Then you were left with much work to do.  
    Maybe, just maybe, you DID know what you were doing and actually perceived my ultimate value to you in continuing on.   

   I like that our energies are independent now; this requires free and consequential choices.  I like to think that you still have immense power over me, that you could make me fly, make me cry, make me obey (BIG smile).  There is a dilemna, Kaomea.  While my surrender to you is a glorious given, you encouragingly brought me to a position where I intended to determinedly top you.  This is set.  You yourself set my position to stalk you.  Right??  This is your show.  You will need to draw up a superceding instrument to overrule my intent there if you have discontent.

    Could be, you are intrigued by the arrangement as it stands.  Truthfully, I myself am happy to abide by the spirit which has taken an unwaveringly rooted interest.


   Mind you, this is not a dating site.  Last I saw, it was called Nagual (Sorcery) Forums.
   I indulged (and still do) a sentiment of undying love and adoration for you, Kaomea.  I am free.  I can do that with impunity.  I don't have obsessions [unless I am choosing that]; I have choices and purpose.  Like yourself, I am always calculating.
   
   As I SEE it, we've been in preeety deep together.. up to the nostrils, and with  hyperosmia for sure.  I cannot assume a position of bottom.  For whatever reasons, my spirit will not allow this role, even if in fact I am generally obedient to you even now.  God knows how well I could act out as a good submissive and be in service to you.     

As to equality:    EQUALITY???   All of God's creatures are equal.  You didn't know that? xD

[Billy]

There is likely to be seeming quagmire where things may be a little dry.  The sentimet here is in the Eagle's song Best of my Love
You see it your way
And I see it mine
But we both see it slippin' away
  I am strong enough even in my weakness to carry us.  You have not been shown much of my humanistic form.  I am resilient and self-sustaining in the physio-psychological trenches of similar battles and resistance.  There are challenges here.  I have seen them before, and CAN work through them.  If you are faking it, or are only a two trick (lol) pony....... makes no difference to me.  I am real enough for both of us.  

    Relax, and do away with anticipation.  Oppositely, I am restating your last post, and these are remnants of where I was.

   The fact that I know so l little of your tonal, and am cut off from review of our prior exchanges, has worked to my advantage by making me focus on self-control.  And anyway, I find the forum interaction to be secondary to the dreams and stalking intent that are more telling.
   You might revisit your emoticon piece How to be a good lil stalkee in JJ's role of the stalked thread {Art of Stalking in Stalking Info section}.  Sobriety in decision making is important, but so is levity.

   I will have to do very little deciding.  Kaomea, you know this is true... I simply need to pay attention to what you do.  My open heart and and open hand guidance will foster expansion.  How does that sound, Kaomea?   
   Honestly.. you direct and I will procure.

   For sure, I will cooperate.   I'll be every bit charming and patient and nice as your most loyal friend.  Seriously, I will be nice.  I reiterate: I will pay attention to you and cooperate fully, and not infringe on any of your infinite space without permission.  I informed serloco to give you his support, and to take your side if he has to take sides for your failsafe, but I am expecting a low key environs for a while.  And, anyway Kaomea, I would oppose serloco in a heartbeat to do as I SEE fit concerning you.  
   I want to be good.  I am doing my very best/lol.  

   Sex and 'whatnot' are now my two favorite things!  They are both useful forces, Kaomea.  You don't need to trust me.  Trust yourself.  Take my word on this much..  to know you as I do, is to suffer.  Billy is ALL about learning joy and sufferance, sufferance and joy.  That said, the last thing I would want to do is make you furious.  Is there anyone who could stand that much pain/pleasure?

  I am glad you said two weeks, and not two months for my time-out.  
  Do I get a treat for my prompt obedience?  
   Jeez, I needed to come down..  thanks for adeptness on your part.  I am happy with myself adapting..  I am keeping my gains and high spirt.. staying objective.

   I want to be exceedingly warm to you, Kaomea.  This post is meant most kindly.  In the end, I definitely want you to be as happy as I am.

   Let my desire for you fade?  I don't understand.  What should I desire?  The worst of you is better than the best of anyone or anything else.  SMILE  

    Do you want me to cut out the adulation?  (that would be hard to do)  (Laughing)
   
    I think I'm done now.  I'll finally shut up and listen to you.  I'm tired, Kaomea.  With few exceptions, I have not slept more than two to four hours for months (sometimes not at all).  And I don't care, because I know its you.  Remember the first posts between us?  Your presence blew me away immediately.  I don't know... maybe you do that with everyone.

I know I appreciate your presence, even if by its contrasting absence.  You are sublime.

[Billy]

Do you feel me crashing?  .. yet here is this.. [smile]

[Guest]

You taking a break for those two weeks really impressed me. Thank you for putting in the effort to become more stable.

As for the rest, I've been taking a bit of a break from the forums too. I come in and check on threads, just to be sure complete chaos hasn't erupted; but for the most part I've been taking time to focus on other things. Re-energize. This thing with you has been draining and I don't do draining for long-periods. Anyway, I just stopped in to let you know it was good to see you took the break.

Your obsession and flattery needs to stop. Those things don't make me more fond of you. To be honest, you scare me a little. There are few people more psychotic than I am; and I don't like competition in the psycho department. It's nice you've had you're break and are back, still developing and stalking yourself. Keep doing that. Return to Serloco, listen to him--he has a kind heart.

[Billy]

GOOD....... I SEE we understand each other.  Yes, we were both losing energy at the same time; but, to reiterate... we both get it what is happening, and will hook up at the right time.

YES........ I can turn off the adoration button.  I do those sort of commands to myself with complete ease.  Now it is done. I hope you won't miss that.  Let me know if there is anything else.

[serloco]

The perception of losing energy, being drained etc is a sure sign that you are giving power out that should not be given out. The perceptions are merely that, perceptions.. We are creators that can control how we perceive and intend. When you have awareness of ideas like 'draining', or losing power. then you subject yourselves to those realities. I hear the word drain and my awareness says no. I do not give the power out to create that action. I do not even have the awareness, the knowledge, that permits activities like those..

[Billy]

The Dominant is the leader in a D/s relationship. The best leaders serve those whom they lead.  The Dominant should serve his submissive. Yes, this may seem like a paradox. But a Dominant should remember that the goal of the D/s relationship is not the D/s. The D/s is the means, not the end. The goal is that both the Dominant and submissive grow and become better and hopefully happier human beings.

The job of the Dominant is not to control the submissive for the sake of controlling the submissive. The job of the Dominant is to provide the structure that helps the submissive grow in grace and strength and peace. By this does the Dominant serve his submissive. By this does the Dominant respect his submissive.

And that reason a healthy D/s relationship is an equal relationship. It may seem strange to think of a D/s relationship being an equal relationship. One person is leader and the other follows. But each person serves the other. Both meet the needs of the other. Both respect the other for who he or she is. That is what an equal relationship should be.

So that is how a Dominant should treat his submissive. Treat her as an equal. Treat her with respect. Treat her as a submissive.


  

   Do not end up being a brat, Kaomea.  Just in case, you are not aware, our playground is now appropriately enough in Stalkers' Playground section of ART OF STALKING.  Affectionately, it is titled Welcome to your new home.  Do you want me to be de-motivated after investing all of the great work you did?  You diligently groomed me to become a perfect switch, and to stalk you relentlessly as I am doing.  Relinquish your fears.  I will adhere to the spirit of what was quoted from the liberating source above.  My intentions are purely good.  How many others in a million lifetimes will get the auspicious opportunity you have.  Take as much time as you need.. months even, but don't blow it.

[Billy]

Before departing from regular posting, I need to address the issue of integrity in private communications, and also of stalking in the stalker's playground.

   Agreements of confidentiality should be honored in personal exchanges.  Period.  Sometimes, personal exchanges (even without agreement of confidentiality) bear the obligation of privacy even if only implicitly.  The latter etiquette is subject to context, and I won't elaborate details there.  On behalf of my own trustworthiness, I exchanged well over a hundred PMs with someone on the site a year ago to  share a practice, and have never spoken one word contained therein.  If I agree to confidentiality, I am reliable!

   I have a strongly stated position on the stalker's playground:  Briefly, a stalker properly enters that space with an agenda of intent and purpose in a mutual interchange with the one stalked.  By virtue of the stalker's unique position, that person SHOULD obtain to ruling that uniquely designated space.

   I am not advocating concession by the stalkee, or prohibition of others entering and exerting adverse power.  I am saying it is the right position of the stalker to powerfully command her/his intent, and do practically all that is possible to fulfill their purpose.  That person, need focus on THAT alone, and is charged to dimiss all else that would come between the desired result.

    If she/he is powerful enough in intent, then he/she will have success regardless of other persons.  In this vein, whether an outsider is made to feel welcome or not, is the prerogative of the stalker.  The stalkee may oppose, but typically adjoins the position of the stalker because of the power dynamics, or leaves the play area set by the stalker.  For those that may not understand, each position is essentially stalking themselves for knowledge while assisting the other to do the same.  It is a beautiful thing.  Really, it is!

[Guest]

Lol. No, Billy. Yes, there are extra liberties you get to take when utilizing the stalking playground area. Yes, it is meant for things like tag and games; but throwing sand will get you into trouble because that's simply not appropriate behavior, even on a playground.

Your sharing of private messages was malicious.  Most of what you do is malicious that's unfortunate for you.

[Billy]

Beautiful Kaomea, from today I will realize your spirit in all that I perform and I will please you.  I'll work for joy and fight to win every battle on the spot.  I will view any fear or suffering in detachment and peace.  Praise does not make me better, nor blame worse.  I am what I am before my conscience and you.  I travel on to please you, and in that I will find my true happiness. 

I plagiarized a tiny bit from Metaphysical Meditations (Yogananda).  No, I did not get your name tattooed on my backside/xD.  You looked divine on that stoop platform.  I FELT sooo much pleasure from YOUR portrayal.  I guess I reneged on the no adoration promise- heh.  A NICE SMILE FOR YOU

serloco will be very good to you-

[Guest]

Always making broken promises to me you make me sad, Billy. Super sad.

[Billy]

very good [CP]

[Guest]

Super duper sad.

[Billy]

[Guest]

Have you seen the movie yet? You're playing the Joker inaccurately. Their dynamic is different. The main difference I see is that the Joker knows precisely who and what he cares about--the rest he applies an absurd decision making process to. When I pursued Serloco about his health status, your response was one of great concern and worry, then retreat. The Joker wouldn't have made that hesitation. Commitment to a role is what sells the role.

Besides your addiction, when have you ever really committed to anything?

[Billy]

Kaomea wrote:Have you seen the movie yet?...absurd decision making process... Commitment to a role is what sells the role... Besides your addiction, when have you ever really committed to anything?

My life (movie) is unfolding...  I am in absurd chaos state...    I am totally authentic in whatever role...  My only addiction is you, Kaomea; I am committed to integrity/truth

[Billy]

"Once listening try not having any emotional responses, just as if it's not playing at all" (Urrumazz on music)

Extends to meditation.  Extends to detachment.  Applies to the detached way of life.

[Billy]

"Once listening try not having any emotional responses, just as if it's not playing at all (Urrumazz on music)

"..try not having any emotional responses.. is NOT to equate to an exclusion of emotional responses.. but rather setting yourself up as to how you experience them.

For example there is a difference in seeing something emotionally awesome and then immediately taking pictures with an i-phone and uttering descriptions of what you see- THOSE diluted emotions....

and staying fluid with what is emotionally awesome by having omitted the draining dialogue.

[Guest]