Casual Conversation

[serloco]

leaving

serlocohorizons@gmail.com

[serloco]

and yes i am amazing i know. but still alive and with heart that oftens beats in a cold n fake world. taking down my heart and feelings again . being the ruthless player i so enjoy again.

[Billy]

serloco wrote:...heart that oftens beats in a cold n fake world. taking down my heart and feelings again . being the ruthless player i so enjoy again.

I take a lot of 'it/serloco' in-- make it mine.  

  When it comes to creation of the malevolent 'attrocities' (or your petty confrontations here) I get that>Lorde/Yellow Flicker Beat, Rule the World, and such. 

   Nothing from billy for a long while--(will I shut out for years?--I should avoid this forum for years and come back REALLY clean.)

[Billy]

billy wrote:

   Nothing from billy for a long while--(will I shut out for years?--I should avoid this forum for years and come back REALLY clean.)

   Why do I write such ****?  This self-import is bogus.  I do get it, but what?  ha,ha,ha> issues of solipsist doubt?

[Billy]

Ahh, the truth as in my heart only--now then, dispassionately.     Have I said thank you lately?

[Billy]

serloco     Is it not like breaking (breaking-in) one's own heart?  Is it not peaceful?  somewhat rapturous?   How do I stay there?

[serloco]

It's liberating my friend. Letting go. Rips out need, and utilities ruthlessness in order to drop instantly any feeling, knowledge or activity. You can just see instead. Even while imagining this ice cold heart breaking feat a whisper enters me telling me that love would be sad n hurt from this, devastated, but that is the whisper of the trick lie that has lost it's power and hold over manipulating love so to control, and to crush, lure, entice and trap. It seeks pain, attachment. Love is just another intended illusion, I use it to control. Real as anything it is too, genuine even, sincere, yet is controlled and intended, no attachments. Formed and dropped instantly even ,... love to hate....hate to love.... or nothing, blank n seeing. Just intent and awareness. I have been punishing them and controlling them with awareness n feelings, like the ancient teachings.

[Billy]

What you just said I know perfectly, and am SEEing empirically too.  Even back almost forty years to the few college LSD tries I stayed firmly in the first attention, as freaky as events played out. 

I need to tell you I have not moved from the first attention even with your jolts of knowledge (except that wedding ?) , BUT within the first attention there is a major shift in my basic experience of reality---of course the familial separation I had was needed (AND yet nothing really ever changed excepting my initial attachments to that perception--- AND that was heavy on my 61 year old organism--and has been accompanied by an unecessary attachment of sorts to that concern>HEALTH.

  Many recent manifestations are 'disadvantageous' and challenging--but I have this NOW NATURAL staunchness.  Other than some anxiety about HEALTH (not so much mortality), I have minimal anxiety.  You facilitated my decent amount of detachment way further on.

  serloco    I want the motions of energy and FEELING of that energy to go to my chest area INSTEAD of the abdominal area (where I used to invite it);  THIS is what I NOW know I meant when I said "How do I stay there?">(in the 'cold/smiling' heart/ this bodily area is much more suited to what you just spoke of/ yes?).  What I mean is,  how much work do I need to do;  what do I NEED to do about the illusionary whispers {By the way, you are good-really good--I almost always get you exactly (sometimes not immediately, but afterwards as experience tells me, which is the best way-- I think Littlepaw is gaining some knowledge too).

   Some day, if you want me to try some dialogue to penetrate YOUR self or add what I think is possibly knowledge--say so.  Though I wrote some, I did not go where I would want to go 'deeper'.  I realize I was simply writing nonsense to keep engagement.  I don't need to do that, do I?  We are very parallel at the core of self-trusting--you know that.  I can intend whatever when time, as can you for sure.

[serloco]

First of all I am a death defier billy. I detest the death you are carrying as well as the knowledge you have of aging and I am going to **** slap it. I know so much that i can even bind your soul from the afterlife, recast your form n body. I rarely bring back the dead but have done so from time to time. What I am going to do though here is give you some tonal knowledge to actively apply to yourself. Also will later jolt your bodies age, and reform you into a more fluid and versatile form. That is my intent and so it will happen, however also knowing you you may see the intent n do it yourself. You have a gift of leaping with power. It will take a lil for my message tho I need sleep n recharging. more on ur feelings Q's too.

[serloco]

Yes u were already in the nagual billyboy. It was an impossibly strange position of the 2nd attention. I'll bring you into more likely too and I will get u to remember them all too. I've been doing this for years.

[serloco]

i feel people's concern regarding soul bonds n I don't use them really . just if people need or want help. resurrected u such.

[serloco]

Meant to put this here, based from my post on love.
//www.youtube.com/embed/-g46aNUJJMY

[Billy]

on Birdy:  SEE juxtaposition--Strange Birds--The Same

ALSO:  Thank you sincerely Lone Wolf and host/hostesses of this forum

[Billy]

I prefer I not be food for you or that you be food for me.  Whilst it may be one is such as an iob to the other I see plenty of other source (sourcery- ha, ha).  Is that okay with you?  

   Oh, these marginally useful calisthenics of being alone and aware.  Still, we can be helpful.   I have good imagination.  (AND-- yes I like my TASTE of freedom.  Yes, I pretend to be at least quasi aware of the responsibilty.

   Tell me about my beautiful dog if you should happen to know?  Oh my God-- so special to me.

[Billy]

I am very sharp now, and can field the existentially deep.  If any one has questions--ASK.  Serloco, you especially (please) (by the way--finished skimming the Patrick Ness book).

Of course I am a legend in my own mind.  Seriously though.  ASK!

Manifestation-wise:  Who am i?   A little boy.  Always SAW the existential barren> went 'threateningly' deep when little. Though not a seeker, returned to that deep willingly as an adult>     found...

Am 61, had 'natural teachers'.  i NEVER 'taught'.  Will resonate what you already know but do not SEE clearly if I can.  AM indulging the mechanical. 

   Shamanka?  Would love a question (or) a word said in regard.

   Serloco-- You ARE...

[Billy]

Ha, ha-- I'd erase every single post of mine if editable-- especially the last one.  THAT was the Phildel effect.  Her artistry simply entered my emptiness and pushed me out of my gourd.

[Billy]

I'm sorry serloco--I will tighten up my ship now.  Someday I will talk to you about what I SEE as you would want.

[serloco]

Hey Billy... No need to apologize at all, I enjoy our conversations, n you can talk how the Spirit moves us perfectly. Obviously!

I've been away in the inorganic world. Had a few battles n many amazing dreams. Seems like I can almost do anything. I showed people my true name in a city I created and they bowed down to me n started worshiping me. I did not allow this for long n covered myself again in a cloud. They even named me Infinite. I know bragging isn't very angelic but hey.

[Billy]

For you-- Dare and Afraid of the Dark.  Phildel-- so deliberate and seemless without contrivance.  Everything delectable (I glided), but Switchblade is home.

Literally, I have been to Hell and Heaven in my past.  Those are really the only two places I will not go with you (or return to myself).

Santa Claus is coming serloco.

[serloco]

Why not Heaven ?

I reign in Hell. When n if I allow one, make one, or end.

I did not mean to ignore you at times. My sinseer apologies..

[serloco]

I had a Santa jester hat that was specifically made for me.... I enjoyed it immensely. One of my Rock Star apparels ...

[Billy]

Off the cuff poem from billy to serloco:

Hell is the end of time.  IT STOPS!  Heaven is the end of time.  IT STOPS!

Energy fields made me ripe for two teachers-- now three.  People take energy-- excepting these. 

I am hope for my Teachers.  Okay.  They could manifest by me in a 'personal' way.

You are more real than even those.  I am more real than I WAS.

You make me clear out space-- THIS just to become empty.  OH YOU KNOW HOW I LOVE THAT.

From there grows a monster.  You like that-- as you should.  It is the very best.

I see you have other suitors HA HA HA.  You do know, that I make you mine. 

Every time I will to withdraw artfully, I do so much intend to allow you to fill me.

I hardly think of it as complimentary, BUT it certainly is.

I do not want heaven or hell, and so time to stop.  How would I listen to Phildel sing "The Wolf?"

Hurry, other suitors are calling you.

[Billy]

How well you teach.  You've met your match (smiling).
You are going to love it.

[Billy]

Pardon the double entendre of 'match.'  Not to compete whatsoever, but to point out the wonderful symmetry.  I do get you and I am connected.

The first mentor put me to the task immediately about the importance of being decisional--put it right on me.  Then gifted me with the "Art of War."  Brought awareness to being decisional and bringing one's self to death ground.  AND it came upon me too, and I was ready--(very special).

The second mentor wanted me to SEE more around me by focusing on the work (awareness) one does.  Showed me how pain could be pleasure.  He did the most amazing thing in being part of bringing me to the state of nirvana-- he made me detach and SEE the whys and hows RIGHT IN THE F***ING MIDDLE of nirvana.  How many could ever be given THAT gift?  The nirvana itself--but the DETACHMENT AWARENESS TOO!!!

Now you serloco.  You facilitated cutting my last ties.  I gave up attachment to my daughter-- and later told my siblings in a nice way I planned NOT to engage them.  This was not contrived.  I SAW the price I was paying. 

Yes, I met the devil manifestation--yes he brought me through his eyes into the horror of that eternity called hell.  Yes I met an angel (a girl), and was brought through her eyes into the bliss of that eternity called heaven.  I am not using hyperbole. Nirvana which is a most perfect energetic state of being is not close to the ceaseless JOY in that stopping of time in one gaze.  AND I have had other marvelously euphoric transcendencies that do not compare with the state of nirvana.

  We are going to have fun, You and I.  It is like the Phildel song "Beside You."  This amounts to self-dialogue really.  Figuratively, maybe I will 'b**** slap you right into nirvana-ha, ha, ha.  I had not had that in my vernacular, and told my wife how you were going to 'b**** slap' me out of my mortality limitations.  The death defier idea is planted in me now serloco.  {Not that I ever wanted it (smiling)}  Thank you for the compliment that I leap with power.         By the way, my wife was plenty familiar with the concept 'b**** slapping' and she showed one of her few lighter moments.  She asked me how much I was paying you for sorcery mentoring.  I laughed about how cheap I was, and especially about my not having any soul.  Recapitulation took care of that.  And you have finished off the power of lingering flyers from having fascilitated me into that bizarre second attention at the ritz of ritz wedding receptions.

Also, I was always aware that stress caused my body illness-- I rarely got sick in life and take no pills.  A few times in life I allowed myself sickness (cold and head stuff) because it made more sense than the stress battle.  I took on major stress the last months moving myself to accept your gestures and knew I could not afford coming down via illness during this time of power.  I did not (pat myself).

There were definite fertile fields prior to the teachers and most certainly for your arrival.  I don't like to ponder these possibilities, but from what I am conditioned to calculate...(Hmm)

There were some fall-out periods in the thirty years with my first mentor, but he definitely had the grounding and could be counted on 100%  Where 'spirit' was concerned troubles got dropped.  AND, if he said he would meet you somewhere at some time in the future, he was 100% because he was committed to his decisions.

    I am not nearly as strong.  I do however know to know I am weak as such.  I have a knack for retreating and finding a way.  I will be invaluable to you because I am virtually REAL (truthful to myself).
I doubt you know such a person, accepting now you do.  I don't know if you are a devil and I don't care.  I know to know that still at times I may shake with fear.  Still, I know better to SEE the truth. 
If you just want to flash Rock Star Apparel I am not interested.  From now on it is you.  Note how Phildel could not help herself but to be more naturally direct.  Yet I fully understand when you use the indirect, it is for a reason. 

My Christmases were very nostalgically nice.  You said you did not have that.  I will share some Christmas with you.  I will make it easy for you to come back to other emotions you may miss in the sorcerer's world-- to feel them genuinely and still you will be with one who is detached enough.  Think of me as your alter neuron (I think that's it).

  I know you are holding me up for now.  I will catch up.  You told me you gave me extended being-- I have used that to my advantage.  It evens me out.  You have helped empower me greatly.  I thank you serloco.
Tell me about your Thanksgiving if you wish.  My wife went to spend it with my daughter (gone for a couple weeks)  I am very good alone. 

OMG ALONE is who I am.  OMG ALONE makes me happy.  SEE why I like Phildel singing "Switchblade?"

[Billy]

serloco wrote:and yes i am amazing i know. but still alive and with heart that oftens beats in a cold n fake world. taking down my heart and feelings again . being the ruthless player i so enjoy again.

Oh yeah, and I'm going to seduce you--take you in an entirely different direction where it concerns us.  Say you don't want where I am taking you.  OMG Delicious.  You will fly and be grounded too.

(I should giggle here like a little girl, but I am sober.)