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transitions, you're exempt (ha ha on report card). This is the first time I've had a glimpse of where you are at. I said that getting issues in the tonal straightened out is imperative, and I am hearing from you that there is work to do there. But listen to this soberly, I have been expounding a lot lately. Have I not?
I write prolifically only when the conditional is NOT optimal. I think it is disengenuous when others write of manifested success in the pinnacle states. I say, tell me about enlightening things when, by all conventional standards all your other things(whether relational, psychological, financial, bodily, or spirititually existential) are going piss poor.
I am telling you that I KNOW to transcend the conditional and practice doing so. Yes my life is in order, but many of my experiences lately would render others a bout of self-pity (if not depression). Yes, I have gained consistent equanimity, and this regardless of what is happening. I get that you got the perception thing in the video. Get the tonal straightened out by using a compartment that suits your personality. Mold that into a concrete medium to bounce off of. AND all the time, this medium is how you practice the finer points of detachment, of realizing the stupidity of being held captive to the world.
.. and not just that, but of what serloco spoke EXPANSION to 'beyond me' and 'speak life.' This is not about me being philanthropic; this about me executing in dynamics of power. Serloco is the master there.
I'm going to delete this later. Hope you see it. (this and some other posts)
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In order to check my stronger 'captivating' feelings, part of that process (at times) is to substantially SEE what cause and effect has happened in such states. {Not just those challenges to equanimity here} > Even when bouyant, I may want to do this.
Higher awareness makes EVERYTHING qualatitively better. I affect suchness in my active stalking here.
Yet, paying attention like this does not get confused with a desire to alter conditional suchness. Paying attention like this is the only way I know of to reform the automatic, reactive, imprisoning reflections that move me onward in repetitive cyclical behavior (otherwise forevermore).
I pay attention because when I SEE my condition causally, I bring reason to the forefront. And my reason is acute to detach me from the aforementioned cycle... this is BECAUSE I tell myself so {over and over (I want freedom)}.
NOTE* I tell myself over and over.. Experience/Empiricism takes over. The reinforcing empowerment from this respective habitual awareness forms an alternative cycle (opposite the reactive imprisonment thingy.)
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I obviously find energy in the type of debasing retreat that nullifies value. I've made comprehension of my meaningless an art. AND, to be clear, I KNOW my meaninglessness.
Look, I tell you this here because I get it. Don Juan personifies the gist too. {note* most view such depersonalization as insane}
How else, but by negating my self-importance, do I unlearn the conditioned seriousness to PERFORM tonal duties of job, family, and 'goals' for esteem?
Yet, such functionality and esteem in tonal doings is an integral part of my actualizing freedom..
Problem is, when do I effectively escape the weightiness of this preliminary and necessary staged act?
On stage, I am reinforced by a societal audience. I have sober concerns of performing with/for others. When do I transcend this? Answer) When I don't care one iota what anyone else thinks of me. I only do that when I don't care what I think of me. I'm not joking here.
I pull back into myself, into my realization of my meaninglessness. *** > this is a beautiful, truthy (LAUGH), trustworthy abandonment (a very deep rabbit hole, where the sensation of failure as a living entity is not only acceptable, it is requisite for admission to my figurative coma. When I come to, I don't incline to preconception. I judge you now. I'm telling you to piss off somewhere else.
Somehow I DO remember myself. Geez, I always like myself.
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I seem to imply I go into a narrowly deep, focused state (and I can do that too). Still, most often this is cultivated bodily sensation that I allow by self-awareness. I intend to capture the essence of my meaningless, and by simple awareness it becomes palpably real.. This is filthy delicious with purity. rosygyro does art that nicely represents the state in FOREBEARANCE (new Seers)
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I seem to imply I go into a narrowly deep, focused state (and I can do that too). More often, this is cultivated bodily sensation that I allow by self-awareness. I intend to capture the essence of my meaningless, and by simple awareness it becomes palpably real.. This is filthy delicious with purity. rosygyro does art that nicely represents the state in FOREBEARANCE (new Seers)
More than anything else though, it is that this permeates via practice. More and more I can access this powerful source that serloco names 'indifferrence' (the canvas of black or the void).
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note* there is lots of double speak here. Every which way I have it together, and so includes weighing in on the conventional standards. I am no failure there to be clear. I'm not representing a radical public posture; I am speaking of a radical self-annihilation in private that evolves into a sumptious retreat.
I mean, if any theoretical conceptual appraisal of own self is a threat, then one is not free. Go to that which if you saw it in yourself would make you run for daylight. GO THERE!! (Objectify THAT)
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From Sun Tzu's Art of War: 1) know yourself 2) know your enemy 3) know your ground and the elements
I learned I moved from a sense of well-being, where action was not in my best interest. Upon latter objectivity, I saw that I dismissed all else. Even after I DID calculate externally, the often ignored subtleties of nature revealed a less auspicious picture. Pay attention that contingencies really ARE integrated and inseparable from essential self.
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What preceded is incongruous (lol).
Let me share some thoughts on existential emptiness, as I have them now. The very fabric of culture reduced to even the immediacy of one's circle of friends and family bears no meaning. One thinks it does, but not if borne out exponentially. All the intimacy is a sham devoid of ultimate relevance. I mean reason to me, for what possible outcome?
Humans breed like rats, and yet the sanctimonious aura and sacred rituals is to tell you what? ..what a crock, and I am smiling with levity. I'm not anti anything here.
I am expressing that conscious relationships with animals (humans included) and things are necessarily hollow when fully abstracted out of the furthest logical context {This 'threatening' truth can be starkly experienced as I surely know.}
I do 'honest' interactive emotions as everyone else, but I'm not fooling myself there either. I like the 'resentful' edge I carry to tell you all (everyone/everything) to *** off.
I love zero value emanation.
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Really though, the pressing inclination associated with societal standards is a sure ingredient of unhappiness. Go 'within' without worldly measurement.
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Really though, the pressing inclination associated with societal standards is a sure ingredient of unhappiness. Go 'within' without worldly measurement.
EDIT: Going within, I identify the angst that causes the pressing inclination. One can spend a lifetime of speak and of knowing the issue rationally, but never get the empirical experience to make a difference.
I know you know the general sense of existential acceleration and reaching forward; THAT has to be reigned in. One learns to hold that tension the right way and to harness one's unruly horses. Observation(s) of this energy is why one gains detachment. But, as serloco does, one detatches to have the space or indifference to slow the process and pay attention. Then you must ACT to change what has been habitually ingrained. Once you have the empirical understanding to do this, lots of resource (and 'idea'--and spirit) come to help). To 'seek' or 'resolve' can be more of the same problem. You have to learn satisfaction in just SEEING (truth) as these doings happen. In later reflection, you certainly will have a potable realization of progress. I mean, I was one of the furthest from awareness and enlightenment as a young man. Later, it did not take genious self-reflection to know that I had become more aware, and what it is I did to have clarity.
Understand too, I am still capable of a goodly amount of stupidity. I've covered this before. One does not essentially change 'human insufficiency.' Nevertheless, I'm enlightened--{big amount of smiling here (but not because i'm pulling your leg, but rather because being enlightened is to be lighter)}
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I make this more complicated than it is. When it suits you, gain a separation to objectively view your own perceptions.. watch how you feel, how the mind/body attains a quality, and then afford the little effort to understand to repeat this until you gravitate to the practice more naturally.
These mindsets are not without continued work of awareness--as that begets awareness. I talk of my own dispositions and temperments not fully manifested, yet this is how I touch them and make them real. It is not that I wake up one morning with no responsibility.
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By the way, if you have any personal conveyances or questions for me, it will be effective for your empirical comprehension. Even when my mirrors cued me on things I did not immediately understand, most often these things became MANIFESTLY apparent without strain soon thereafter. Mirrors are invaluabe for gaining self-trust.
No matter, the best insights happened when I was receptive, and my mirrors responded by showing sharper images.
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For some perspective on my writing here: imagine you have embodied your ideas about the warrior's way. I have embodied my own ideas and am manifesting like crazy.. LAUGHING.
I recently experienced the stark lethargic feel of lacking substance.. so I was not just empty, but impotent and consumed by emptiness that had no desirable qualities. I thought immediately of serloco, because I know he has traversed all this. I sense we have some parallels, and I wanted to tell him of this state as I'm doing now. I know I needed not to worry; the creme dela creme is my DESIRE to accede to my own depths when beckoned. Hear me---billy/derek is doing just fine........ ... b/d's getting caught up in common absorption makes me smile.
You were feeling guilty? Guilty ? ? ? WTF is that .. (should I come and smack you in the head?) OMG derek, you make me laugh. I AM NEVER going to hold your hand to pull you out of some half-assed dream. Wake up on your own, and then tell me of this dream you had.
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such a narrowness of mind to have any viewpoint --and such as it is-- and so with humor, I say I have tried doing some of the things I've done to obtain negation of sorts, yet this idea of being nobody is odd. I DO want to be me.
I don't get confused and lost in some ridiculous concept to rid self-importance when the whole idea is to be plain authentic self.
Such a FUNNY game....
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To beckon death-ground, requires some effort on your part. I would tell you upon this reading to choose a destination at least one hour away that you've never been to, that you will abscond all else to visit within twenty four hours. This is a very effective technique to shatter conditioned alignment by simplicity of decision. Before you continue reading, I want you to stop and choose this destination now as though you would hypothetically comply...
Okay now, I promise if you make the commitment this very moment to actually manifest THIS contrived choice, it will affect interactive dynamics forevermore with astounding benefit. In THIS moment's notice-- say 'yes,' THIS is doable-- and SO it will be done. If you have chosen affirmatively--WAIT a full two minutes to absorb THIS before you continue reading.
Do you notice the myriad mindful machinations. SEE???? How many mitigating factors, excuses, doubts, and descriptions of conflict arise immediately thereafter?
It isn't that these thoughts are completely void of relevance; it is however to point out that to escape the snare of your conditioned way and to pronounce explicit self-actualization takes jolts of sorts. Don Juan also points to this need of extraordinary novelty to loosen the grip of the first attention. More than that however, I highlight one's choice as a matter of empowerment. It takes cultivation and resonation of such choices to give bottom to the day when your death-ground presents. I tell you now to accept this idea that death-ground will surely be in your path.
The difference is clear. ONLY ONE way to make such a trip is the autonomous CHOICE adhered to, all the rest is reactionary distraction. The trip is a microcosm of life.
Awareness to choose definitively, and then obedience therewith, is a needed practice to obtain freedom.
{YET, know that none of the work pertains to far-reaching goals; the intimacy with such empowering practices goes to immediate qualitative states of presence; though, there is cumulative value in experiencing these states. If you ask the question "What is this and that going to do?"-- the answer is nothing.}
I have been a self-reflective person; I parlay life into a tidy box. I admit I'm soft (untested).
Still, there are fundamentals I speak of that you would be wise to adhere to. Don Juan talked about the seers of Mexico who were advanced, but who mistook certain values in a tonal environment. The Spaniards literally clobbered them. There is a message: Don't digress from grounding in the first attention carelessly.
I like my warrior's box. I have figured life out, and have balance. When people survive a catastrophe they feel blessed with a second birth, but this is usually a temporary thing as the coarse mundane reality erodes the blessing with time.
One must pay attention to the workings of why it is possible to be enlightened, and stay that path with self-directives. Primarily, my objectivity challenges the fluctuations that arise:
I'm happy when... I'm sad when... I'm angry when... I'm nostalgic when... I'm kindhearted when... and so on-- often based on current events. I SEE this is not good, because it demonstrates my dependency on conditioned feelings. Yet, the reptiles have their reactionary 'avoid pain' and 'obtain pleasure' as the way of being-- believe it that I'm not knocking this either.
I won't get into the human stem brain working its way up to the frontal lobe thingy here. Suffice it to say that when it comes to the very happy infatuation of love's beginnings, it is the human stem brain at work. {The male often does not reach as far up as the stem, and actually thinks with his dick (lol)}
Whatever, the human frontal lobe is hardly of any use as it stands, and yet one needs its capacity to reason over the emotional mid-brain to understand the nagual's way. Do you really think you can be a warrior if whatever physiological conditions of the day hold sway to make you feel good and bad?
Some magical pass is supposed to change this? NOT!!
Pay attention to detach and objectify your states of mind!!! Then a defining *death-ground opportunity will present itself, and you will understand empirically that you prevail by choosing so. Then you will learn the value of shifting attentions as a free person.
*Death-ground here refers to a crucial moment of deciding as far reaching consequences are looming (perhaps physicality of life and death), where no conceivable right choice presents. It is possible to experience one's essence, and choose WHATEVER with absolute staunch abandon, to realize beyond fate and death the raw power of your own existence. This is embodied in heightened awareness of physical presence and one's acute intent to choose freely as the only choice that could ever matter, and underscores affirmation to be one's self.
When speaking of the proper tonal I surely make no reference to status per se; I DO refer to the right perspective in engaging the tonal and subsequent attentions. Abstractions out or further into one's rabbit hole should not be an exercise in stupidity, but rather exploration and formation by its knowledgeably attuned author. {Comes a time to be authentically and predominantly the creator of your world (ala serloco)}
.... to the old town.
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I mention here again that I make it a point to write more arrogantly when I am NOT on top of my game. The conventional happenings are challenging to me at this time (they are trying to beat me up), and without a noticeable reprieve I can get weary. I have not resorted to crutches (yet).
I am a very average individual concerning genetically endowed resources. I have no bounty of natural or developed qualities and am quite lazy. My first mirror was very astute to bring attention to the workings that were within my capacity. I say this on the chance that some are gaining knowledge here, but are lacking confidence. It took me a long time, and one never becomes immune to the teeth of reality. However, the acquired tools and empiricism of which I write in 'billys detachment' are those that pertain to obtainable freedom that I am now acquainted with.
Objectify your more weighty experiences.. break down the components.
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One important note* It is a very necessary distinction to NOT confuse a path which infuses knowledge with the idea of learning. It is an endless trap here because there is nothing to learn, and the only one learning is YOU ! SEE ?
I underscored 'YOU' because the freedom of controlled folly is in DEPERSONALIZATION. Every reinforcement of yourself 'learning' is counterproductive.
Profitability lies with a very humble simplicity. One settles into the abyss where there is NOTHING to offer...
Though there is open-ended 'reception' where I do glean from words and emanations, it is imperative to have awareness of the subtlety I mention here so the path is continually one of detachment and impersonal objectivity.
If it helps you understand more clearly.. OKAY-OKAY, 'I learn'.. but only in and as a result of the detached view.
Now too, I am going to emphasize-- though this 'learning' may be expressly understood in externalities of feelings reigned in and detached from, the objectivity that properly happens is PRIMARILY that which derives from DEPERSONALIZATION AT THE PHENOMENOLOGICAL BASE and drawing on the EMPIRICISM of meaningless emptiness.
It really does make me smile that I authentically posit 'I am worthless' (but not as worthless as YOU).
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Oh yeah (the irony), for myself.. the empiricism of TASTING the emptiness at the primal base BEGAN with years of detachment practices coping with externalities. I think this primed me for the stark, abysmal realization of being empty.
serloco, welcome back.. my dearest friend
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Oh yeah (the irony), for myself.. the empiricism of TASTING the emptiness at the primal base BEGAN with years of detachment practices coping with externalities. I think this primed me for the stark, abysmal realization of being empty.
serloco, welcome back.. my dearest friend
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Just so ya know.. I am VERY passionate about my doings. Serloco, did you know that for all my cynical talk and empty abasement, I do subscribe to your views wholeheartedly? I even hang on to the old town quite well. "Beyond Me" and "Speak Life" are fabulous shapes. (I'll erase this later)
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I realized this morning that my reluctance to expound on 'current' state of being was because of the sense of pain in doing that. (by the way my last remark in prior post was tongue in cheek)
{Also, I want you to get the irony that DEPERSONALIZATION lends itself to making you much more "REAL" (much more an authentic PERSON)}
Now, I do have my downs, and certainly this last week or so I have had them. {How pathetic I have to come here and reread my own posts for nourishment because few here will offer in print their nuggets of wisdom (lighthearted nudge here)}
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So here it is: I am not really getting a sense of being worthless; I am not at all ashamed; I have not been acute with conceptual self-negation these days. I would give you the impression that 'I think' I am God-like (laughing).
The truth is if you chatted with me on Ixtlan, you would sense my initial awkwardness. I am not imposing, and oppositely feel timid sometimes. I am not insecure though {compartively (as I perceive)}
The concepts I put forth may or may not be 'valuable,' though I DO believe they are valid in their entirety. I am relatively happy and have no sense of lack in any respect imagineable. {Well, OKAY.. I'd like to have a ten inch dick in a few instances (not that I'm small /////// must protect my ego > smile)}
Why do I write? (I don't know really).......
The thing is, "being decisional," seems to have been paramount for me. I was NOT an individual who could "choose" and stand by my "choices." I had a role model who had fashioned himself oppositely, and I knew his words to do something could be depended on. Literally, he would have to be dead not to keep them. (I have NEVER known anyone else like that) He also was expansive about creating separation for objectivity, so that one could be really present to life, even in dire situations where others would normally evade responsibility. He occasionally elaborated on being in the fire, deathground, and spirituality.
I slowly absorbed a few of the characteristics. I know that they are tested and of proven value in my own life.
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What I would emphasize, is that the essence of this thread is very good. There is so much useless **** out there.
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Oh, and the trickery to beat the **** out of my self------- yeah, I do use that.
I found it worked to create immense space. I work that space (separation-detachment) with the authenticity of my own presence and unconditional awareness..
Imitation of Christ (Thomas a' Kempis) is my favorite for abasing. Mind you, I'm non-theist. so where reference to God was made, I conjured a vague infinite, sacred feeling. Later on, I substituted the words God, Christ, Thee, Thou, Spirit, Master, Lord, etc. for one word, shame. I worshipped, loved, intimated with the idea that all words and concepts read were funneling me into the deep abyss of self shame.
This is very effective, and I could write rationally at length why it is so.
Again, this sort of annihilation is nothing new. Miguel de Molinos was the original author of such abasement and what its effects were (Spiritual Guide which Disentangles the Soul). I highly recommend it to get an overview. Again though, I think it will suit you better if you exchange the terms relating to God to ones more accessible to your own TASTES. Whenever you engage this sort of reading, it is best that you physically absorb and TASTE the essentiall sentiment. You need to feel your body chemistry and let yourself be reduced to (sink into) primitive sensations. These are what will bring you back again and again. The primal, adrenal states further in will effect every nerve in your body. These are luscious, sensual, exquisitely erotic experiences. They can accede to ecstacy and euphoria, and they always fill you with abundance of energy. Detachment practices when going about in the world thereafter involved heightened awareness. In other words, the very pure, base (animal) presence you obtain to in 'shame/annihilation,' has residual effect when you learn to intend it. The appetite grows, and this cycle becomes reinforcing to some degree.
The overwhelming floods of energy were a welcome challenge. I say were, because all these new experiences evolve into others, as if in ever new stages.
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Oh, and the trickery to beat the **** out of my self------- yeah, I do use that.
It works to create immense space. I work this space (separation-detachment) with the authenticity of my own presence and unconditional awareness..
Imitation of Christ (Thomas a' Kempis) is my favorite for abasing. Mind you, I'm non-theist. so where reference to God was made, I conjured a vague infinite, sacred feeling. Later on, I substituted the words God, Christ, Thee, Thou, Spirit, Master, Lord, etc. for one word, shame. I worshipped, loved, intimated with the idea that all words and concepts read were funneling me into the deep abyss of self shame. This is very effective, and I could write rationally at length why it is so.
Again, this sort of annihilation is nothing new. Miguel de Molinos was the original author of such abasement and what its effects were (Spiritual Guide which Disentangles the Soul). I highly recommend it to get an overview. Again though, I think it will suit you better if you exchange the terms relating to God to ones more accessible to your own TASTES. Whenever you engage this sort of reading, it is best that you physically absorb and TASTE the essential sentiment. You need to feel your body chemistry and let yourself be reduced to (sink into) primitive sensations. These are what will bring you back again and again. The primal, adrenal states further in will effect every nerve in your body. These are luscious, sensual, exquisitely erotic experiences. They can accede to ecstacy and euphoria, and they always fill you with abundance of energy. Detachment practices when going about in the world thereafter involved heightened awareness. In other words, the very pure, base (animal) presence you obtain to in 'shame/annihilation,' has residual effect when you learn to intend it. The appetite grows, and this cycle becomes reinforcing to some degree.
The overwhelming floods of energy were a welcome challenge. I say were, because all these new experiences evolve into others, as if in ever new stages.
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