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Start wth this simple exercise I will call the 'Julio facepalm.' If you catch self-immersion in some doing that is unharmonious and stealing energy, I want you to figuratively if not literally do a facepalmin immediate concerted realization of the needlessness. Make this an incessant habit for a week. Watch the variations of feelings as the outside observer, even laughing at the silliness of doing your mental facepalm and just for good measure, every once in a while when you really 'get it' - smack that palm up there to tell yourself how dense you were not to have gotten to this point a long, long time ago.
Still, by the same token act, you must bring awareness to your own idiocy as being pure and simple. You are an **** for being attached. Period.
Thus the exercise can't be so sober that you aren't able to laugh at even doing this ridiculous practice. That moment when you sense some victorious delight of gaining space and lightness, I want you to hold it and savor the good work. Even goodly self-reflection here is okay > then wham step out of that too; SEE what you are doing here, appeciate and say thank you GOD {or billy (BIG smile)}.
I expect some of you to respond in a week {(a report card) else screw this}. I'll do the 'Julio facepalm' too.
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A few things:
People solidify your tonal positions. The three exceptions I knew otherwise, talk of limitless expansion. I think the word teacher is bad autonomy. These three are/were mirrors.
If there is connotation on your part someone is teaching you, run away fast. The idea is to SEE yourself truthfully, and that is all.
A common theme with all three mirrors was the concept of being decisional > choosing strongly with commitment to grow. The first mirror put me to the test (painfully). The want of return to 'conventional' stagnation can be insurmountable. If your mirror is working, you will SEE that the state of being normal like others is a miserable prospect, because others are miserable themselves. But misery DOES love company.
I ran away from the first mirror again and again as he posed poignant challenges to SEEING my pitiful confinement. I would hate that bastard too, because he showed me the truth of my barren state with regularity and without sympathy.
He pounded home the value of being decisional. There are a million ways, excuses and 'reasons' not to do something I've chosen to do. I can't allow those!! (A MUST HABIT!!)
I consciously choose life. Fucking good or bad results be damned. I empower BEING. (having had the good fortune of deathground is the height of this dynamic concept, and I will reflect this to you)
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Do I have integrity? The answer is yes. Nevertheless, my failures are many and often in the ordinary mundanity of a tonal structure. Controlled folly or not, the hierarchal order of living requires fuel (eat), thus work sits atop it all.
Work is equated to awareness. Instead of just paying attention (work), I PLAY in attention .. cute billy.. smile {mirror #2 taught me work (to do in ordered focus) is the innebriating drink at the feast of life}
What does mirror #3 do? BEYOND ME/lol
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Yes billy, i am gracious and if and when I have something to add to your posting i will do so surely. I do not see any weakness nor flaws to point out in your work at this time.. in fact i think you are doing well..
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In chatroom with serloco yesterday, I made the observation that most here merely parrot thoughts. In reflection, I realized 1) that was me for most of my life (and now at times) 2) I am very ordinary, but can do the extraordinary as all of you can with some realization.
Too, I apologize for my insulting posture.
I resorted to some braggery pertaining to tonal acts when a third person joined the conversation, which reminded me to reconcile 'tonal occupation' with detachment for clarification.
Even the enlightened will dabble in worldly affairs and become entangled in love, war, and sticky strings. I am emphasizing here that I am of human nature, and goes with what I parrot, "I am always prone to being the **** I was (am)."
This does not preclude the work to have awareness for integrity. I mean being an **** is part of the deal, but not the whole enchilada. And yet, a goodly section of learning is getting from off the ground from after disappointment, and maintaining a 'noble self-image.'
It takes a lot of paying attention to balance identity with image(s) in controlled folly and for the real foundational divestiture of/for freedom that can be achieved (that I have achieved).
I am reluctant to continue with dialogue in this regard, but do remember I am recipient of having been given the words myself. I am truly grateful there.
It is a mistake to believe you can obtain to say 'spiritual maturity' disregarding 'tonal occupation.' Lots of effort to get the tonal in order has to happen first. There is getting a stable 'fix' concerning relations, a sustained income of foods, a balance of holding the tension of one's existential autonomy > (let someone smack you silly if you don't get what I mean).
Then what sensible perspective is there concerning natural drives, and tendencies of fight or flight when the world impinges?
I get the impression that many don't understand that 'tonal occupation' is the initial basis for nagual activity and forever inseparable from spiritual essence. I am a fucking human being.
That said, it does not disqualify me from enlightenment and authentic PLAY, nor is it an excuse. My maturity is to continually become aware to the point that I participate without being consumed, and can project out there without ever leaving billy behind. Ironically, the whole point of practicing detachment is integrity.
Who could think this crazy nonsense? I become detached so I can be whole??? *** this ****!
Laughter!
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coming right back to decisions...
I'm not talking just weighty or lofty choices. I am especially talking of those somewhere inbetween and of daily opportunity. This is where my growth occurs most.
Lots of value here...
1) I can practice having crisp clarity that I am making a decision, and surround my decision with crisp clarity itself. Okay?? SEE where paying attention here creates space and is a form of detachment?
2) Focus on decisions highlights that they have import/consequences. I want reason (unemotional calculation) to be part of my choices. Again, SEE where this attention too has created space from a personal billy?
3) The good part.... I don't always know my fate (results), and IT IS A MAJOR POINT here to make the conscious effort to divorce from concern with results!!!!!!!! !! The next choice appears in fluid state. It is all about the choices, because I decide to make it so.
4) Decide, decide, decide, decide (myth of sysyphus overtone) will make personal billy want to resort to self-pity. In a battle of two billys, I choose to remember that a 'personal' billy is a slave. NO NO NO NO > I want my freedom, and I choose to reinforce this in every choice.
{THIS is all I have until my authenticity predominantly rises (as it does now)}
5) All this becomes the crucial preparation for 'deathground.' One day comes and whatever it is, the prospect of fate and your next choice in the given conditions will be immensely overwhelming. You will stalk yourself for a clear answer where none is possible, excepting this one. And having stalked yourself, your CHOICE is immediately, dynamically, manifest in the void of unlimited fate and potential. This is the RIGHT answer. This is a moment of sacred self-affimation. Welling up from previously unknown depth within comes profound reinforcement that says "YES I AM!" You know you can walk through fire, and pain is not a burden. You will draw from this empowering experience forevermore.
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coming right back to decisions...
I'm not talking just weighty or lofty choices. I am especially talking of those somewhere inbetween and of daily opportunity. This is where my growth occurs most.
Lots of value here...
1) I can practice having crisp clarity that I am making a decision, and surround my decision with crisp clarity itself. Okay?? SEE where paying attention here creates space and is a form of detachment?
2) Focus on decisions highlights that they have import/consequences. I want reason (unemotional calculation) to be part of my choices. Again, SEE where this attention too has created space from a personal billy?
3) The good part.... I don't always know my fate (results), and IT IS A MAJOR POINT here to make the conscious effort to divorce from concern with results!!!!!!!! !! The next choice appears in fluid state. It is all about the choices, because I decide to make it so.
4) Decide, decide, decide, decide (myth of sysyphus overtone) will make personal billy want to resort to self-pity. In a battle of two billys, I choose to remember that a 'personal' billy is a slave. NO NO NO NO > I want my freedom, and I choose to reinforce this in every choice.
{THIS is all I have until my authenticity predominantly rises (as it does now)}
5) All this becomes the crucial preparation for 'deathground.' One day comes and whatever it is, the prospect of fate and your next choice in the given conditions will be immensely overwhelming. You will stalk yourself for a clear answer where none is possible, excepting this one. And having stalked yourself, your CHOICE is immediately, dynamically, manifest in the void of unlimited fate and potential. This is the RIGHT answer. This is a moment of sacred self-affimation. Welling up from previously unknown depth within comes profound reinforcement that says "YES I AM!" You know you can walk through fire, and pain is not a burden. You will draw from this empowering experience forevermore.
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An added remark is that I am not diminishing the manifestations arising from my decisions, I am pointing to where I assign my focus. I do DESIRE (materialization).
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So,
"What does mirror #3 do? BEYOND ME > I am referring to serloco and the concept of unlimited resource
serloco has shown me a unverse full of allies
Christ, serloco has shown me EVERYTHING
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Recapitulation had a major impact several years ago. I was fighting for months with my wife over what else but sex. I was making a war, and my wife finally was signing for a condo rental, and our house was at stake.
During this war, I began to write of my life just to keep my sanity. I found that what I was really doing was recapitulation the way Castaneda had meant.
I had enough detachment so when I revisited unsavory life experiences, not only could I remember and relive the pain and sadness, but this pain and sadness was mixed with astounding joy. Believe me I was recouping energy a thousand-fold too. I would write twenty hours a day at times and rarely slept more than a couple hours a night (if at all) during these months.
At one point, I actually summoned my mother-in-law (OH MY FUCKING GOD) so my wife would stay. She stayed, but her bitter hatred was all she afforded me. It was BAD; and I smashed our Lexus into a deer at dark. Everything seemed to crumble, but I was staying integrated.
I got a real taste for negative states of mind then too; I had boundless irreducible energy. I was getting off in unending waves of both pain and bliss. Nothing could threaten my wholeness.
The writings became an e-book that was selling okay, but I pulled it to rework and add. I was looking for something about Castaneda's Flyers, and I found serloco here instead, and never wrote another word.
BEYOND ME is areference to serloco and the concept of unlimited resource and allies.
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"You will draw from this empowering (deathground) experience forevermore."
To clarify--victory in deathground is the profound empiricism that your fate has no power over you. The warrior in that ultimate position, neutralizes death.
While the specific experience gradually faded into memory after a few months, the impact as resource has never gone away.
When I neutralize self-importance, what is it I do really? Freedom is the security I have in the face of fate and death, elso how can one say the word honestly?
Self stays, awareness stays-- I choose to live happily with the sharp cutting teeth of reality. I'm here to tell you that the disposition for this is obtainable.
I have it in large degree.
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About a dozen years ago I thought with my dick, paying a prostitute and disregarding sensible behavior too. I had much consternation as to contracting an STD (went to doc). Instead of somehow easing my mind, I decided on castigation (not castration-lol) for my stupidity, and willingly entered a spiral of despair that was dropping me hopelessly deeper and deeper. In some twisted original notion, I trusted I should give no thought to any action to extricate myself.
Being billy, I want as habit to trump the conditional and stay on a chosen path. True, the **** and carelessness was effectively a cause. I am NOT at all immune to the conditional, so the habit is impotent concerning the conditional.
So, what gives here?
That's the thing about controlled folly; it is not a figurative thing. It's a fact that points to my meaninglessness actions. Still, the art goes to emanations bombarding me, and yet SEEING to my dispatching of them as the single choice afforded. CHOICE is reduced to my detachment as its essence. This is very powerful.
So here I was choosing not to detach from my despair, but at the same was oppositely aware of having CHOICE not to detach, and yet {AND ONLY} DETACHED from clinging to my own despair by empiricism of my choice's essence.
In this episode, it surely seems the emotional state is reaching the point of my being suicidal. (I mean to say, I did not pull back from the sorrowfully, horrific spiralling despair (nor could I as deep as I went.)
THEN, this happens: I awaken to a nightmarish phone call that comes at 3:00 A.M!! My wife's sister is crying/wailing tears and tells me that Susan's brother just committed suicide. I am immediately startled 100% out of my own depair just like that. DONE
Turns out, he did not commit suicide. This was the sich prank of one of Susan's sick sisters who belongs in an assylum. She had effectively impersonated and had identified herself as one of Susan's other sisters.
Having allowed myself this deep journey, paved the way for further exploring and comprehending that I am deeper than life itself.
Words have helped me with understanding, but I convey here words are near useless relative to the connective experiences. The abstractions need the work of practical manifesting. I LOOK for my opportunities to do this. Those adversities that are woeful to me are only so because I'm not SEEING to the choice of potentially complete detachment.
Do I take some effort to understand this, do some juliofacepalm? When I make the connection and celibrate my own sense of being, THAT is a victory over the conditional. I habitually hone this sense of my own presence using detachment opportunities, and is how I became enlightened.
By the way, turn in your report cards, or I will only write to myself. (oh yes-----i forget sometimes----- i am writing to myself)
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While this is in Bodhidharma thread, this belongs here also.
Nuts and bolts, floors and rafters, windows, doors, walls > everything comes down to detachment.
The most effective short-cut is to do severe annihilation conditioning.. similar to what the quietist monastics did ala Miguel de Molinos.
There are two problems with his Spiritual Guide which Disentangles the Soul (which is pretty good at inculcating to annihilation) One, he refers to God, which is an unnecessary distraction. Two, his work suggests to the reader a lengthy process.
I could teach the whys and hows of really beating the **** out of your 'self' quickly so that you are left with nothing sensible.. so to finally realize power by obtaining to emptiness.
This in turn reinforces natural detachment acuity. That enhanced habit, in turn makes you understand and want to continually surrender and dissolve into your emptiness. This cycle spirals.
Too, the severe work you needed to annihilate your 'self' to have emptiness 'visit' you, now happens with a simple purity that is learned.
I am not kidding around that I know the workings of getting there.
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billy wrote:Start wth this simple exercise I will call the 'Julio facepalm.' If you catch self-immersion in some doing that is unharmonious and stealing energy, I want you to figuratively if not literally do a facepalmin immediate concerted realization of the needlessness. Make this an incessant habit for a week. Watch the variations of feelings as the outside observer, even laughing at the silliness of doing your mental facepalm and just for good measure, every once in a while when you really 'get it' - smack that palm up there to tell yourself how dense you were not to have gotten to this point a long, long time ago.
Still, by the same token act, you must bring awareness to your own idiocy as being pure and simple. You are an **** for being attached. Period.
Thus the exercise can't be so sober that you aren't able to laugh at even doing this ridiculous practice. That moment when you sense some victorious delight of gaining space and lightness, I want you to hold it and savor the good work. Even goodly self-reflection here is okay > then wham step out of that too; SEE what you are doing here, appeciate and say thank you GOD {or billy (BIG smile)}.
I expect some of you to respond in a week {(a report card) else screw this}. I'll do the 'Julio facepalm' too.
I didn't see this until just recently so my report will only be for today. I decided to use the literal facepalm method.
hour 1 - x 3,207 = Ow! hour 2 - x 2,982 = Arg! hour 3 - x 1,725 = Ugh! hour 4 - x 4,462 = Ayiyiiyii hour 5 - x 3 = ....
So how'd I do? I can't wait to see my grade!
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Well, for starters you get an "A" for reporting back in your Daffy Duck style. Ironing out aspects of one's personality to meet some norm should be discarded-- as you are so inclined anyway.
I want you to SEE if detachments you perform are of a purely rational nature (of reason, and not invested with emotion). As you become more proficient your detachment will coincide with everything life, and ultimately prevail even as feelings are manifest. Then too, you should enjoy the feelings of detachments well executed. We are not out to kill emotions.
When I am presented with unlimited julio facepalm opportunities, I learn to choose the predominant ones. I make sure of a conscious connection that I don't try and detach from every problematic sentiment, but that I know they get lumped together. One primary feeling can represent and subsume all others so long as I make the connection with good awareness. Like algebra, I assign formulative value. Do I really care if in learning advanced separation that it has to do with this or that feeling?
While it helped to be specific as a beginner, it helped more later on when I identified with the procedural feel of detachment in progress. Else all I would do is endlessly obsess. I must 'soberly' SEE the detachment practice itself with enough levity, wherefore it bears no weight. I am literally become game to do it.
Find balance. Detachment is work, but it is also PLAY. I do not get hooked on detachment having ultimate purpose other than the active qualatitive state and lightness it engenders now. In detachment, 'reason billy' takes notice of 'ego billy' and laughs. 'Ego billy stops' in his tracks and laughs.
If gaining said separation from seriousness cannot happen, go into some other line of work.
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Maybe what helps me most is to bring reflective externalities of detachment to my heart or gut and then pay attention to my body. I very often find an acute sensation of my physical presence.. a generous feeling of being graced.
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In conjunction with the above and by itself, the consciousness of small rituals with awareness to bring the body in tow is very cultivating and satisfying. For example, when having a glass of wine I give pause to allow specialness apart from all other thoughts and concerns. I isolate moments of my own awareness.
Another example is to pick and read a sentence from a source (at times randomly and sometimes in recall) and work the feel and sensations with bodily attention. Castaneda's wheel of time, a'Kempis imitation of Christ, my own writings are my 'go to' for this. Don't read so cerebrally; obtain to poignancy that gives rise to physical sensations and allow them to carress.
Another example, is to go for walk and indulge your detachment 'prowess.' SEE how silly you are. SEE how fruitless is the effort to be purposeful in all these doings. This **** in itself can be imprisoning as many personal and material relationships.
PLAY around, as in complete opposition to seeking meditative stillness. Let yourself reflect on or do whatever, and be good with just SEEING what it is you ARE doing. AND TAKE THE FUCKING SERIOUSNESS OUT!! I promise, you'll still be the same **** tomorrow, and the next tomorrow, only excepting that tomorrow never comes.
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In conjunction with the above and by itself, the consciousness of small rituals with awareness to bring the body in tow is very cultivating and satisfying. For example, when having a glass of wine I give pause to allow specialness apart from all other thoughts and concerns. I isolate moments of my own awareness.
Another example, is I pick and read a sentence from a source (at times randomly and sometimes in recall) and work the feel and sensations with bodily attention. Castaneda's wheel of time, a'Kempis imitation of Christ, and my own writings are my 'go to' for this. I don't read so cerebrally; I obtain to poignancy that gives rise to physical sensations and allow them to carress.
Another example, is I go for walk and indulge my detachment 'prowess.' I SEE how silly I am. I SEE how fruitless is the effort to be purposeful in all these doings. This **** in itself can be imprisoning as many personal and material relationships.
I PLAY around, as in complete opposition to seeking meditative stillness. I let myself reflect on or do whatever, and am good with just SEEING what it is I AM doing. AND, I TAKE THE FUCKING SERIOUSNESS OUT!! I'll still be the same **** tomorrow, and the next tomorrow, only excepting that tomorrow never comes.
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going deep down into one's own rabbit hole.. had to look it up. Good stuff there. {Don't go away anytime soon Mornings Son} I settled on just this exemplary piece. Listen carefully to empirically apprehend conditioning being deep and automatic. A real gift is shared here.
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I only watched a part of it.. was predicting and seemingly guiding it into motion and so I stopped. don't wanna over run the piece with the power of my perception!!
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serloco, he grounds your main thrust in his experience.
I go into the rabbit hole to remove the automated responses. OMG, a lifetime of social conditioning is brought to realization, and I an aware to form over the distorting limitation.
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awesome post, im enjoying it. no report card to speak of. it helped me recently to shift awareness to my energy body, to see everything thats happnin at once in terms of energy, like the walking practice dJ talks of.i see that in dealing with energy in terms of energy it seems a natural effect of this practice to be detached, yes i liked your comparison of 'stillness' meditation practice to the active billy practice of detachment in the moment, interesting point.. also its like dealing with energy in terms of energy in the moment?
yes falling into the world of objects happens but im getting better. thanks for this, it helped me as well, and i look forward to more..
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transitions, you're exempt (ha ha on report card). This is the first time I've had a glimpse of where you are at. I said that getting issues in the tonal straightened out is imperative, and I am hearing from you that there is work to do there. But listen to this soberly, I have been expounding a lot lately. Have I not?
I write prolifically only when the conditional is NOT optimal. I think it is disengenuous when others write of manifested success in the pinnacle states. I say, tell me about enlightening things when, by all conventional standards all your other things(whether relational, psychological, financial, bodily, or spirititually existential) are going piss poor.
I am telling you that I KNOW to transcend the conditional and practice doing so. Yes my life is in order, but many of my experiences lately would render others a bout of self-pity (if not depression). Yes, I have gained consistent equanimity, and this regardless of what is happening. I get that you got the perception thing in the video. Get the tonal straightened out by using a compartment that suits your personality. Mold that into a concrete medium to bounce off of. AND all the time, this medium is how you practice the finer points of detachment, of realizing the stupidity of being held captive to the world.
.. and not just that, but of what serloco spoke EXPANSION to 'beyond me' and 'speak life.' This is not about me being philanthropic; this about me executing in dynamics of power. Serloco is the master there.
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transitions, you're exempt (ha ha on report card). This is the first time I've had a glimpse of where you are at. I said that getting issues in the tonal straightened out is imperative, and I am hearing from you that there is work to do there. But listen to this soberly, I have been expounding a lot lately. Have I not?
I write prolifically only when the conditional is NOT optimal. I think it is disengenuous when others write of manifested success in the pinnacle states. I say, tell me about enlightening things when, by all conventional standards all your other things(whether relational, psychological, financial, bodily, or spirititually existential) are going piss poor.
I am telling you that I KNOW to transcend the conditional and practice doing so. Yes my life is in order, but many of my experiences lately would render others a bout of self-pity (if not depression). Yes, I have gained consistent equanimity, and this regardless of what is happening. I get that you got the perception thing in the video. Get the tonal straightened out by using a compartment that suits your personality. Mold that into a concrete medium to bounce off of. AND all the time, this medium is how you practice the finer points of detachment, of realizing the stupidity of being held captive to the world.
.. and not just that, but of what serloco spoke EXPANSION to 'beyond me' and 'speak life.' This is not about me being philanthropic; this about me executing in dynamics of power. Serloco is the master there.
I'm going to delete this later. Hope you see it. (this and somw other posts)
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