Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
Some context to billy 'writings': I am not on some sort of high, such that tomorrow I 'come down.' About a decade earlier, I 'oozed' and told my older sisters I was enlightened. Of course, by comparison to now, I hardly was so enlightened.
I tell you this, because you come here to follow the path of your heart. How many persons even know of such things. There is something in the Imitation of Christ like "If only I knew that I should persist," to which follows, "Do what you would do then as if you did know you should."
Your own story will compel you, until the unfoldings and spirit compel you without questioning. Understand, that serloco gets further on; he assumes partnership with the spirit (as I do), and ownership of the unfoldings in a creative narrative of doing (as I am beginning to do).
I am cheering on your heartfulness.
(also--I have referred myself as being a pig at the trough-- that is meant to be upbeat--I am consuming life)
{also-- I write in first person "I" intentionally. That is..I could use "you" or "one" can, etc. But my experience is to take incoming knowledge from others by emulating the first person concept. I make someone elses knowledge mine at first look. I suggest when you read my 'writings' that you understand to become the person who is writing them (like in Caddyshack > "Be the ball Danny" lol)}
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
My life is not materially different than yours. Think that I have what you experience in terms of 'problems' and occasional celebratory matters, and so on. Here is ONE critical difference.
Think of life in a room having a party (upside), in which the nasty gorilla (downside) is in his cage. The gorilla is a threat to you though he is not out of the cage.. you are reminded that he does emerge sometimes unexpectedly. There is some fear involved when he rattles the cage, and 'what if' reflection occurs, and there is no complete settlement in your mind because the gorilla needs to be gone.
But that gorilla is in my life too. Yet, I enjoy the party (upside) more, because the gorilla's presence is complimentary now. When he gets out (as he does), I relate to that. There is no loss of energy, as I have learned to fully embrace the gorilla when out of the cage.
The textures of the upside and downside are so much different than in the past; the speediness is gone; I have enough space that I can dance with the gorilla and allow it's part, and be a friend.
This is not hyperbole. You need to quit defining how life is supposed to be, and for Christ's sake, know you can be friends with the gorilla.
One generation after another is unhappy.. incorporating a false notion of leaving that prospect for 'their' kids (which never happens). YOU be the one that is finally happy.
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
To bring balance to show I can be sober about reality, I'll say that it is VERY difficult for me to reconcile and stomach such as the madman who cuts children's limbs at the wrist and ankle for islamic idealism. This is not just from the advent of man and some sort of 'original sin,' This was long evolving in species that preceded human existence. Tragedy, horror, torture, disease, hate, evil, rape, etc. is somehow part of existence's fabric. That is some kind of creator there, if you relish a concept of a Godhead. No thank you on worshipping such deity. I'm not looking the other way on such things.
I do not ignore. I am very, very honest. I am doing the best with what is. The unsavory aspects of life are another aspect I brought in as part of self-annihilation practice> and no way, shape or form as guilt.. but rather, the humility if you will, to be a subject in the grotesque nature of being. That said, the survival instinct is strong, and I work through all this the warrior's way.
It is true I cannot directly be a friend with such evil alluded to, but I can embrace that suchness> I MEAN> IT REALLY REALLY IS OF THIS UNIVERSE! I am NOT going to live in conflict with what IS, I'm not.
ALSO.. I am gaining hope and courage from someone named serloco to recreate in my image.
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
I am certain that I write here for equilibrium. There are so few IMO that are willing to be circumspect about reality without putting on a veil. I really do mean to say *** THAT! Geez that didn't come across as light-hearted fun/smile.
I will move into any attention there is, but I won't forget where I came from.
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
I am certain that I write here for equilibrium. There are so few IMO that are willing to be circumspect about reality without putting on a veil. I really do mean to say *** THAT!
I will move into any attention there is, but I won't forget where I came from.
Geez that didn't come across as light-hearted fun; did it?
smile
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
While on the subject.. it's not my disdain for existence (I have a bit of that somewhere in me), but rather my contempt for the sweeping stroke of religion/humans to paint pictures of a 'God' the almighty creator with omission of details, and label that 'good.'
The anology is if my body were God, and I talk about the heart working, lungs, great circulatory, and so on all being healthy. "I'm good," I say. "I do have malignant cancer in half my organs, and it's spreading, but hey-- I don't really want it here in my body. And so, just forget the cancer, the body (God) is wonderously healthy as IS."
No-no-no-no, I'd say, "as IS, the body is preeety fucked up." So there you have it summed up by billy about 'God.' (laughing)
SEE, I can still get sticky in the first attention.
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
I have not talked enough about the Eagle's emanations, or at least the figurative reception of energy fields. I am uncertain as to mechanics in this, but would say it is interpreted and becomes the forms we perceive. Anyway, I am going beyond the cause to my empiricism.
One can feel bombarded with stimuli. Regardless, it's a lot to deal with at times. It occurs to me this hampers 'progress' if there is no way out until the state passes. These ARE the states that need be detached from most. But detachment is not ignorance and burying one's head, and one does not detach at all if overwhelmed.
This is where I am beginning to identify my own accomplishment, that I CAN gain separation from the sometimes overwhelming stimuli enmass as I do-- by surrendering into my heart towards emptiness, and in or for an intelligent state of 'no concern.' This is because when I sufficiently destroyed my self/SELF in the practices I've spoken of, there is NOTHING that remains.
That is, the NOTHING void becomes a very safe and protective place to return to. I return to it habitually now. Very few will understand what I am talking about exactly. You must go deeper and deeper into your own rabbit hole to find where stimuli enmass ends, and simple awareness replaces it. This takes some doing, and I have mentioned the work of Miguel de Molinos for help in this sort of endeavor, but truthfully I know the cut and dry workings of such attainment perhaps better than anyone else, so as to make this work quick. (It does require a modicum of some prior detachment experience, but Jesus--most of you should have that if you're doing the warrior's way)
AND frankly, after an initially profound experience with emptiness, I only truthfully know the remnants of inner stillness. But going back to that works for me. I can tell you how to ride a bicycle all I can (it's useless), so you're going to have to pedal and do it. I CAN encourage you though.
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
I have not talked enough about the Eagle's emanations, or at least the figurative reception of energy fields. I am uncertain as to mechanics in this, but would say it is interpreted and becomes the forms we perceive. Anyway, I am going beyond the cause to my empiricism.
One can feel bombarded with stimuli. Regardless, it's a lot to deal with at times. It occurs to me this hampers 'progress' if there is no way out until the state passes. These ARE the states that need be detached from most. But detachment is not ignorance and burying one's head, and one does not detach at all if overwhelmed.
This is where I am beginning to identify my own accomplishment, that I CAN gain separation from the sometimes overwhelming stimuli enmass as I do-- by surrendering into my heart towards emptiness, and in or for an intelligent state of 'no concern.' This is because when I sufficiently destroyed my self/SELF in the practices I've spoken of, there is NOTHING that remains.
That is, the NOTHING void becomes a very safe and protective place to return to. I return to it habitually now. Very few will understand what I am talking about exactly. You must go deeper and deeper into your own rabbit hole to find where stimuli enmass ends, and simple awareness replaces it. This takes some doing, and I have mentioned the work of Miguel de Molinos for help in this sort of endeavor, but truthfully I know the cut and dry workings of such attainment perhaps better than anyone else, so as to make this work quick. (It does require a modicum of some prior detachment experience, but Jesus--most of you should have that if you're doing the warrior's way)
AND frankly, after an initially profound experience with emptiness, I only truthfully know the remnants of inner stillness. But going back to that works for me. I can tell you how to ride a bicycle all I can (it's useless), so you're going to have to pedal and do it. I CAN encourage you though.
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
I thought this morning about writing as pertains to the ego involved. I'll tell you my own first impression there. I am not gifted or on a different plain, and you can easily access the ideas herein.
I saw that for the most part, (outside of self-benefits), that I only plainly tell you what I know.
I said I talked of being enlightened a decade ago, and I know that this was relatively true even in hindsight. However, I was the beneficiary of enlightenment because someone else pounded into me the foundation over many, many years. The two major components were conscious separation or detachment to become totally objective. The other was the concept that it was more important to be decisive, and have power over fate by caring for the awareness to stand unwaveringly beside one's own choices, regardless of consequences.
The objectivity from detachment assures intelligent (not foolproof) choices, and you must cultivate that consequences are your responsibility even as your focus is on the process of choosing. When objectivity and responsible decisiveness become habitual, then you learn that standing in the fire (accepting hottest challenges without evasion) is doable.
Trust me, when I started on this path I was a total wimp (running away from responsibility all the time). I was a slow learner too.
The main point here is that the concepts forwarded have value, and to tell you when I speak to you, it is not from being a self-obsessed braggart.
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
It only make s sense thart I start mastering awareness as serloco is now showing me to do. It certainly is an answer to **** billy.. lol
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
my concept of enlightenment: toward wholeness and ease in joyful living. Its premise is in emptiness for myself. I said I know the workings of emptiness attainment better than anyone {as through the method of self-annihilation---> For weeks I deprecated with utter abandon with just an inkling of the idea (trust) that I would not go insane.} My god, the peace that flourished when this came to a recognized conclusion was pervasively deep, deep, deep. THIS is what I settle into and draw on.
Where the religious negated in prostration to God to achieve selflessness, I learned the phenomenological foundation, working mechanics, and existential cues of such submission, and why it is effective in
obtaining to authenticity or/and freedom. The deprecation as I would proscribe (virtue of empirical experience) seems radical (in appearance), but is not extreme when the underpinning is understood.
To beat one's self up without a clue as to why.. that really would be insane.
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
No monkey business..
The path of abnegation has threads in most all religious mysticism. Rejection of self in Christianity is often based on the humbling premise that "I" do not deserve to be in God's presence. Today I grasped a key aspect of my own abnegation. By the way, I made it very simple.. I did "I" don't deserve to be {PERIOD!}. In brutal negation (mine as self-retreat in solitude a few hours or so a day), you are not wanting to accept your 'self' in any sense whatsoever. Now here is the great concept I finally understand. In order to negate, you quickly get the gist that ANY thing, emotion, or thought becomes HELPFULLY REPREHENSIBLE. That is, the distraction of these elements (especially self-pity), remind you that you still exist. If you have really set out diligently to do a number on your 'self,' then these distractions bring a sense of shame. I mean, WTF, you can't even succeed at being worthless. In turn, this takes you down a notch, which is good. As you get down, you see any of your subtle indulgences in emotion, and you genuinely despise your 'self' for having them. But anger, doesn't work at all; it is a blatant statement of your existence. Every random feeling begins to make you a loser, and you finally start to get this: YOU ARE A LOSER! LOSER'S quit.. they surrender.
The key is that you can't negate really unless you are dead. Yes, you surrender a sense of value as the entity 'self,' but the awareness of being is intact; AND, you are acutely paying attention- witnessing- and this is perfect detachment. By doing this again and again, there is an unconscious enhancement of your want and ability to detach even as you go back into the world. A clear association of separation from the world ensues naturally as you identify with the inner-peace of negation experience. Truly, you will become enamored with your sense of humble surrender. This is why I give advance warning to be circumspect in manifesting this new-found peace and well-being externally. All kinds of **** can fly, and sentiments DO change. You will become effective to be sure.. but understand to gain maturity before willful manifestation. I mean I got to a point I wanted to obey my wife for a prurient sense of surrender. OMG LAUGH > that had some strange effects on her and me both in tandem, then not so tandem.
Ironically, as I comprehended that 'what you do' has little connection to remaining detached and peaceful, I was able to freely manifest in all kinds of ways. It all becomes PLAYFUL pretense to a large degree, and at this point the learning curve seems to accelerate. I won't elaborate, except to say that serloco's ideas about projecting form and creating the character parts of others in 'your' world is very realistic.
What irony. I kill 'self' to become SELF RULER.
smile.. let me tell ya
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
What I was trying to say sussinctly: If you take self-negation to its conclusion, you will effortlessly pay attention/detach pervasively, because that is what you are essentially doing in negation effort-- and this carries over.
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
I'm briefly going to describe my deportment in the beginnings and then jump way ahead and describe my world today. As a 1st grader, I was an incessant daydreamer. The habit of being in my own thoughts was prevalent even in college, which was a very positive environment and experience. Rather than intelligent connectivity to my surroundings, I was often in a fog. My awareness (paying attention in a wholesome manner) slowly improved after college when I met my first mirror ('friend/teacher'). He was only one of two people I've known eyeball to eyeball that had unwavering awareness. The presence of these two persons rose above any conditions. The second did not make himself readily accessible to others, but the first was very accessible, and he brought a sense of dynamic life to the moment. One would feel very alive in his company (I could observe this, and people wanted to gravitate towards him). Anyway, both made an effort on my behalf to share the knowledge of becoming aware. OHHH THANK YOU (to these two).. I am actually having a teardrop, as I get it right now how profoundly fortunate I was.
Now, Don Juan talked about the value of a petty tyrant for one's benefit. My wife certainly fit the bill (billy); she was gracious to all others, but she could be so psychologically and verbally abusive to me. I was on a one-way street for almost forty years. She dominantly ruled me if it was anyway in her self-oriented purview, yet otherwise (thankfully) she did not concern herself with my doings. Resistance on my part became a figurative death-knoll, and she otherwise leveraged and manipulated through sexual grants and denials. The hostile denials were fucking inhumane.
That ultimately was the catalyst for my recapitulation that ensued. Now, this recap, and the resulting idea and willingness to negate 'self'..... the detachments, the emptiness, the folly of being and acting..... ALL of this reduces to perception as formed and unformed energy. So, as I am empirically getting this, lo and behold--Jesus fucking serloco enters the picture to show me infinity.
It is so ridiculously unbelievable, only excepting it is true, that EVERYTHING is now doable. My body has become agile, arthritis and health issues have disappeared, my wife has become comparatively docile and manageable, and happier-- and I 'ruthlessly, kindly 'dominate' her. I am forming the world around me (I relate to others with a genuine authority) and I am authentic at all times. I dictate the dynamics of relationships, yet I have helped others in the process. Also, serloco was the influence for me to return to the racetrack as a 'vocational pursuit.' I hadn't done this in over two decades. It is a perfect canvas for learning about attentions, challenges, actions, and the acute nature of controlled folly. I have gained much pleasure here.
Maybe as effective as anything else in all this, is the obtaining to the belief that I am immortal; that energy cannot be destroyed. It isn't so much that I care whether or not I live eternally, but that this perception has huge awareness benefit. I am able to slow down and not be in hurry. I have a sense I can do anything without worry... I will be able to try it over and over again in other ways > eternity is a long time, ya know. This makes pressure TASTY pie.
etc.etc. etc.
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
So then my home furnace stops working and I get bent out of shape because the repairs costs are expensive, and replacement cost obscenely expensive. (a sort of wink-lol)
I don't handle these sort of unwelcome surprises all that serenely for sure.
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
The substance of the previous expression of distress is why I like to write when things are tough. The philosophy and idealism of the warrior's way only has value if it is actualized in the full consistency of life. I'm a real guy with common challenges and pitfalls. I was taught that to keep a recognition of this is not exclusive of lofty determination. The disconcerting aspects, events, and moments of life are the premium opportunities to sharpen SELF-control and maintain deportment worthy of the warrior's way. It is a choice to make ones ideas cohesive and relevant, and it is in the worst of times when such choices count most.
This reminds me why it is so important to develop the habit of being consciously decisional; when a time comes that poise and well being are threatened by circumstance, it is habit that draws you to enough pause and presence to SEE your choice stands sacredly above the conditions of life.. that you then stand above fate. This is how a warrior addresses controlled folly.
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
The substance of the previous expression of distress is why I like to write when things are tough. The philosophy and idealism of the warrior's way only has value if it is actualized in the full consistency of life. I'm a real guy with common challenges and pitfalls. I was taught that to keep a recognition of this is not exclusive of lofty determination. The disconcerting aspects, events, and moments of life are the premium opportunities to sharpen SELF-control and maintain deportment worthy of the warrior's way. It is a choice to make ones ideas cohesive and relevant, and it is in the worst of times when such choices count most.
This reminds me why it is so important to develop the habit of being consciously decisional; when a time comes that poise and well being are threatened by circumstance, it is habit that draws you to enough pause and presence to SEE your choice stands sacredly above the conditions of life.. that you then stand above fate. This is how a warrior addresses controlled folly.
And this is not to say a warrior does not shake in his boots.. but he does remember--and then chooses to retain composure and invoke his intent.
I too feel weak and vulnerable at times.. that does not mean I am obliged to indulge that. Understand? I FEEL what you do. But, others showed me how to deal with resistance. I am showing you.
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
THIS.. ALL THIS! I have no clue what INFINITE "THIS" is. (shake'n my/smiling). Really, a chunk of the writing disposition is with wherewithal that I'm not fucking saying anything. It occurred to me to add a link here of Louis Armstrong's pandering to white folk with What a Wonderful World. Whether this is sappy or beautiful expression depends on your point of view. Points of view change, and why it makes sense for me to become the defining, creating, expansive subject.
serloco got that right as I see it, and I'm done having human entities bestow limitations. If I'm not deep enough then piss on it.. THIS is all I've got.. laugh......... ....
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
I'm going to say something that will resonate with serloco (and maybe some others): Empowering SELF with growing independence from conditional shackles brings responsibility that at times has a feel of compression. At this point, one remembers that if not equal to the challenge, this state of compression becomes unbearably oppressive and stressful. I wanted to ask serloco the failsafe for when he experiences the occasional, overwhelming burden of stark, distinct aloneness of upholding reality singularly.
That is, serloco is the point of origin. It has no meaning that a world outside decides his {her, its (lol)} fate. If that is not the case, and enslavement to existential emanations is the rule, one at least needs to question why bother coming to this site (if at least a little bit of self-autonomy is a given). I believe (am) the spirit (if not every specific) of serloco's writings here.
Recognize that one unconsciously adopts culture and thinking and limitation. 'Unlearning' requires intent to do so. I recommend looking at serloco's work here with concerted erasure of all previous conditioning, and envision the unlimted capacity to create one's universe. If this is silly billy, then again.. be honest..
Why go through the motions here??
Manifest your SELF!!
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
In all of my writings their is the implicit conveyance that sex is thee primary tangible expression and sensation of being aware. That is, sexuality is FIRST the expression and sensation of being aware, and the desire to profoundly feel it. In short, sex is sensational desire to SEE SELF BE SELF. Reproduction is only a manifested extension.
Hey, this section says: "show us how you see reality." /smile
Sex isn't just important; it is essence. I know this; I really do. Funny, that which is barren of sex is verily impotent. Yet, I will tell you it is that impotence > darkness, emptiness, meaninglessnesss, aloneness, inadequacy, void, forlorn, true sadness.. it is this (impotence) that is the canvas for self-realization in the most profound way. {I tell you because it is part of my life in totality. When pronounced sexual awareness evolves from the counterpoint of fundamental impotence it is the most luscious, deliciously TASTY experience {many, many times euphoric (and I'm speaking outside the realm of situations involving orgasm)}.
I'm not physically impotent, nor do I purport I am a stud (grin). Still, I said impotence is the fundamental state of existence or/and energy. Why?? Well, because IT (existence) is an infinite regression or an infinite alogorithm going nowhere. Life (energy) is mechanical (not kidding) WITHOUT PURPOSE
Deal with it billy/derek
I LOVE IT!!
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
In all of my writings their is the implicit conveyance that sex is thee primary tangible expression and sensation of being aware. That is, sexuality is FIRST the expression and sensation of being aware, and the desire to profoundly feel it. In short, sex is sensational desire to SEE SELF BE SELF. Reproduction is only a manifested extension.
Hey, this section says: "show us how you see reality." /smile
Sex isn't just important; it is essence. I know this; I really do. Funny, that which is barren of sex is verily impotent. Yet, I will tell you it is that impotence > darkness, emptiness, meaninglessnesss, aloneness, inadequacy, void, forlorn, true sadness.. it is this (impotence) that is the canvas for self-realization in the most profound way. {I tell you because it is part of my life in totality. When pronounced sexual awareness evolves from the counterpoint of fundamental impotence it is the most luscious, deliciously TASTY experience {many, many times euphoric (and I'm speaking outside the realm of situations involving orgasm)}.
I'm not physically impotent, nor do I purport I am a stud (grin). Still, I said impotence is the fundamental state of existence or/and energy. Why?? Well, because IT (existence) is an infinite regression or an infinite alogorithm going nowhere. Life (energy) is mechanical (not kidding) WITHOUT PURPOSE
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
So I depersonalize to meet the truth with truth. Is that it billy?
Yes; isn't that what I've been saying?
Seem kinda empty afterall. REALLY???
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
So I depersonalize to meet the truth with truth. Is that it billy?
Yes; isn't that what I've been saying?
Seem kinda empty afterall. REALLY???
Screw self-pity........ ...
Detachment (and reinvention)
Posts: 0
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2019
I'll tell a little story of this last insertion with its unintended milieu. I was seething with anger and displayed some of out of control temper at my wife for being a REAL **** the last few days. So I'm settling myself down, drawing on my own knowing. I come here to edit words in a previous post, "I LOVE IT"--(a combo that it was goofy, and now unfitting sentiment for my irate mood), then write the piece, "So I depersonalize..."
I have wherewithal to glance at my own last entries for sustenance, and one of the first sentences I read is, "The disconcerting aspects, events, and moments of life are the premium opportunities to sharpen SELF-control and maintain deportment worthy of the warrior's way." (timely, no?)
So I really DO depersonalize to meet the truth with the truth. My wife can rot in hell (anger), or she can rot in hell (simply so). {Malleable point of view} I chose my sentiment immediately from the detached view (simply so) and move on > NEXT > I write, "Screw self-pity......... .... (and really am obtained to detachment and reinventing reality) My wife comes STOMPING in like a terror, (I am a bit alarmed because she has previously screamed at me for screwing up her computer by changing internet providers. I think I have fixed this problem when she enters)
In the same hostile tone you would expect her to address me if there was a continued negative issue with the computer, she tells me, "Its working." Then she babbles derogatory words, I jump from my lazyboy chair and tail her, continuously poking my finger in her ass (unallowed). {SHE IS FURIOUS/I AM GETTING KICKS OUT OF THIS}
Undid Louis Armstrong (P.S. I diddled my wife with some intentional derision knowing I could at this exact point; mostly, the fix on the computer had defused my wife, my obscene riddling let her know it's all okay.')
|
