What are we left with when the FI flee"s?

[bluedreamer]

I'm really intimidated by all you toothy warriors but here goes once again and hope a fool doesn't fall on her knees foot in mouth anyway from someone
who recalls being way on the bottom of it because it wasn't so long ago it behooved me to pay attention to my internal dialogue at some point and still
does at times, at first( like 10 through 20 years ago) i had almost no idea what was going on in there--all the negativity--i recall hearing a tape of abuse
directed toward me--it was a lot like a looping tape, a you're so stupid channel, less than ayear ago it was often focused on my spiritual trip and how
enlightened I thought I was, these days when i notice myself blowing myself up big or small i stop it and change my flow of thought. It's only just lately
that i have felt that having it and giving it attention is becomming a hinderance and it even seems as I write this that the intent of the dialogue or flyer
has changed as if it knows I'm on to it and now it persist to keep me from reaching the quiet, well anyway, most of the time it is so full of **** it is
starting to bore me, i want to be in a quiet flow more often but it wont shut up and it robs me of my potential, I'm getting pissed as I write this. And
yeha with the music, playing it quiets the babble and becomes visual sometimes but that looping muzac especially when its a crappy song seems even more hard to
banish when I sit than the dialogue and my dicipline is terrible and I'm a scattered and rather multiple person so can anyone offer advise about how to
increase dicipline? and to focus or bringing all these sub-personalities under one roof? I'm not saying I have multiple personality disorder, it's not
that severe. Has anyone got any insight on those multiple aspect s ?




I am sceptical about flyers because I haven't seen a flyer that I know of but I know that the phenomena are real and operative and rob countless billions
of their full potential.




This is a great thread, and so many study links. Thanks everyone.




The point I was trying to make was that for early beginers paying attention to it, then learning (for me I learned through the pain of my mistakes) not to buy
into it ought to come before attempting to reach a quiet mind.

[docta lee]

Hey bluedreamer.




Welcome to the Fam




First i would like to ask you not to be intimidated by us.


Those feelings are based on fear and you are in good hands with us ok


I am a novice at this too. So I read, I learn, and I post my questions, stories and ideas.


The truth is there is something going on here.....ever since i joined the fourm things started to become more clear to me on the warrior's path.


Maybe it has something to do with with the collective energy of the people on here.


I know what you mean about that tape loop thing in your head, I would say that is the flyer or the foreign installation.


Yeah it is freaky when you start to feel that it is real. You are not alone in these feelings bluedreamer, I get scattered too sometimes.




I will say this in the way of advise: you know you are aware of this and most people are not. That is in itself something powerful.


I would say meditate more or start to. I dont really meditate though I do the equivalent with my djembe (drum).


whatever works for you to open the door.

[bluedreamer]

docta lee wrote:

Hey bluedreamer.




Welcome to the Fam




First i would like to ask you not to be intimidated by us.


Those feelings are based on fear and you are in good hands with us ok


I am a novice at this too. So I read, I learn, and I post my questions, stories and ideas.


The truth is there is something going on here.....ever since i joined the fourm things started to become more clear to me on the warrior's path.


Maybe it has something to do with with the collective energy of the people on here.


I know what you mean about that tape loop thing in your head, I would say that is the flyer or the foreign installation.


Yeah it is freaky when you start to feel that it is real. You are not alone in these feelings bluedreamer, I get scattered too sometimes.




I will say this in the way of advise: you know you are aware of this and most people are not. That is in itself something powerful.


I would say meditate more or start to. I dont really meditate though I do the equivalent with my djembe (drum).


whatever works for you to open the door.





Thanks Docta Lee, I appreciate your warm welcome, advise, and the questions you ask on this forum. I have been visiting here off and on for maybe a year but
didn't have a computer or internet till recently, I have posted twice here I thnk. My other "persona" on this forum is grackelsnblackbirds. I
like the discussion here and especially the ones about the foriegn installation cause I don't have anyone to talk to about it and especially stragety for
reducing it's interference. Nigh on impossible to eliminate it it seems, seems like what Jesus says about sweeping your house clean and then 7 more of the
devils arrive to take their place, all the more reason to keep sweepin or take up that pick axe as Rumi says. And I recall Don Juan describing it as an
impossible task. I'm no good at remembering quotes, too much banal repition in public school dumesstication days and since then i rebelled from keeping
facts, so goes my excuse anyway. Yeah, djembe's are awesome, back when i was in college in the 90's Halim El-Dabh, a musicology professor, came
packing djembes and radiance. He did a convo and the student s were required so many of them to graduate and got the whole audience participating in one way or
another when the usual was students talking or doing homework. Two others were playing drums and around a dozen on stage circumambulating, dancing. Audience
members were clapping and beaming, it was amazingHe had been to places I thnk in western Africa learning from people there and he was shining, I believe he was
the closet to an enlightened man I have ever met. I got to go on stage and he put me on the papa drum which was what I needed lacking my dad who died and I
never got to know him welll when he was alive because of mom and dad's divorce and his drinking. While I was playing I got visual and felt fear and
unworthyness, memories, joy and acceptance for my fear ,memories, & unworthyness and I believe he was showing me a way to work--like you said meditation.
After the convo I went up to thank him and I had a red jeweled costume jewelery necklace that I wore as a talisman for my voice, for my speaking out and he
said to me "I like your voice." It was the first time I met someone who could see things like that about people. He was beautiful. I have had a few
other times such as in drum circles where I had visuals start, once when I was foraging for wild plants alot I started having visuals of them while drumming
and I knew then that eating them helps connect to wilder ascpects. I don't have a drum but i sure have things I can beat on here I just really need help
with dicipline and the town I'm living in at this time is small and conservative--no drumcircles round here, no one practicing meditation that I know of..




Last night when I went to bed just as I was falling asleep something "hit" or jolted me inside the head and I bolted awake. I have had electric
sensations hit me before and then lucid dreams but never inside my head like that. It didn't hurt , I was momentarily frightened but calm too, thought I
might start lucid dreaming but fell all the way asleep after that, kept hearing quiet voices. It felt like a "somebody". I said in my earlier post
that I had never seen a flyer that I know of but then I got to thinking about lastyear when I was laying on my cushion and noticed a tiny brown beetle near my
head. I started watching it and I felt like it was more than a mere beetle. It would walk a little toward my face and then stop and do an odd movement of
starting to step forward like a pacer horse does with the two legs together on one side and then he would shift back and forth several times. He was making
clicking noises that were too loud for one his size and I could see no way he was making the sounds. I felt like I was in an altered state and I'm not sure
if the sound he was making was that loud or if my hearing was more accute than usual due to my state. My mind was relatively quite then. I wasn't
frightened and he didn't seem threatening but I wonder now after reading here about flyers appearing as insects. I'm so green I don't have the
knowledge about what to trust and what to watch out for. So I would appreciate what you or anyone else might know about that. Once again thanks to all.

[bluedreamer]

Ha, ha , I see from my posts record that I've posted more than twice!

[docta lee]

Hey bluedreamer




I think you are talking about a guy i know Halim El-Dabh but his first name is Kallil he has a band called Ethnic Heritage Ensemble


I met him a few times very nice guy.




Yes the beetle thing i am not sure but maybe it's a Ally?




Later.

[Nagual LoneWolf]

Being hit is good, from what even better.

[bluedreamer]

docta lee wrote:

Hey bluedreamer




I think you are talking about a guy i know Halim El-Dabh but his first name is Kallil he has a band called Ethnic Heritage Ensemble


I met him a few times very nice guy.




Yes the beetle thing i am not sure but maybe it's a Ally?




Later.
Was your Kallil Halim El-Dabh very old and a professor at Kent State? He was up in his 80's I thought though my memory isn't fresh,
coud've been between 68 and 80's. I thought the bug could have been a shaman or that maybe insects have more going on than I suspect, but I have to be
cautious about giving things permanent features because I don't know. It didn't feel harmful, I liked watching it.


Later

[bluedreamer]

Nagual LoneWolf wrote:

Being hit is good, from what even better.


But from what was it?-When passing into sleep last night or the one before i saw a pelvis shaped reddish(i think) area on a dark field that I interpreted as a
whole at the time and had a passing fear that being hit had made some kind of hole in me, in my cocoon. I don't feel that that is the case, the last so
many days have been so good and flowing. So what is good about it and what would you say it is?

[Nagual LoneWolf]

Being hit to me would be as a sign that you attracted the nagual spirit. This spirit uses signs that are physical in nature as they will trap your attention.
Learn to see and then react with intent and using your eyes to capture the intent of the nagual. This can then be saved for future interactions.

[bluedreamer]

Interesting Nagual, some things are moving along with some blocked energy I was experiencing and lately I've noticed that a couple of people that used to
obviously dislike me with no reason since they barely know me are friendly, I must say I've been mostly impeccable with those two but I didn't expect
them to become friendly. The pelvis shape reminds me of the birth passage. Would a pied grackle be a physical sign?--I had a lot of what I thought of as signs
last year prior to the sand castle kicking I'm doing now but I can't say it is me that's doing the kicking, not really. I am not sure where to
start with learning to see, maybe intending to dream more often than I do. There are a lot of odd things I would like to ask about but not all at once. Thanks
Naugual and thanks for this web site.

[Nagual LoneWolf]

Your most welcome Bluedreamer. A sign can be anything that can be read as omen. Certainly grackles could be enlisted.

[bentheben]

Hi there.




I am not in a position to give some great advices, as I am a novice. Regardless of the fact that I tend to live as a warrior (impeccable) for nearly all my
life I still have flyer and I still can not see, though I lost my self importance. Anyways I like apparently many others just as well came to this forum
without any really knowledge, I just read CC's books a couple of months earlier, yet still I managed to develop my will power to some extent much earlier.
So there I was, trying to figure out things. Most fortunately I met Grandspeculator a couple of times on chat here and then I got priceless opportunity to
receive some of his teachings. I am most thankfull for his teachings.




He taught (gave me instructions on what to do) me also about dealing with flyers. He talked about being aware of here and now and about asking yourself the
question "who am I". Asking yourself that question is a basic as then you realize that you are not the mind or the body. (try it and do it with
intent and you shall feel a peculiar feeling on a specific area-around your heart). Then another thing is being aware of here and now, if you are aware that
you are just here and now that there is no past and no future but just now, you will automatically be silent, effortlessly. I used to force myself to be silent
and had little success, but doing this I once managed to sustain silence (not totally complete but more or less) for 3 days. I have my ups and downs, but it is
a breeze to do it, there is nothing more natural than being aware of here and now. I would also like to add something from my personal experience that being
aware of here and now is not related to the mind but it is more a bodily awareness or some other sort (sorry but I just do not know how to explain it better).
Being aware of here and now means being silent, being silent means beating flyer, it is not an impossible task, but it is close enough .




I mean I managed to push the flyer away with my intent a couple of times for a short time. And it is a great feeling being without it, hopefully one day I will
be totally without it.




As I have sever health problems and quite some other problems I relatively fast learned that being aware of here and now is the most important thing in the
world. There is nothing more important. (please don't attack me, it is just what I found out for me, if something else matters or nothing matters to you it
is your thing and I hope you are successful).




You might wonder why I told you this? I think it was not stated in CC's books. Well you should read also other material not just CC, as he (in my opinion)
did not find the best solution to everything. I wrote this because I got an intuitive order to pass the knowledge here. I hope it will help at least someone.
Once again i am enormously thankful to Grandspeculator who helped me really a lot.




And don't attack me because I very well know that I am not in a position to teach or give some useful advice., I just had to wrote this.

[Nagual LoneWolf]

Thank you for sharing Bentheben. The internal dialogue is the first hurtle a warrior must surpass. Sounds like your well on your way. Once one has control of
their mind they can concentrate on moving forward out into awareness of themselves. The battle of the flyer is the warrior's greatest battle and one that
must be fought many times over a lifetime.

[heluka]

around my house there are some allies I see, I can sense their lonely. One time I dreamt about this animal,it contorted its shape, and became very scary, but i
touched its face affectionately. and it teleported me. There were people i knew there, and they disappeared before my eyes, and the piano began to play oddly,
and a mass of intent/electricity flooded me. I was seriously scared that time. . If I ask where are you!? outside, it will make knocking sounds or something,
look for blinking street lights in a city. They touch them and play with them. Why do they remain in the city I wonder. Its so bright out here. Its fun to go
hunting for the allies, their pretty common. A not doing, make sure to watch behind you, and move your awareness with theirs. What does this ally mean, are
these guides?(yes) Are some allies assigned to humans for a lifetime?I can tell that it wants me to lead and is sad, because originally we are meant to be the
males .

[heluka]

internal dialogue is the amount of energy holding the perception fixed(routines). Names and age, birthday are personal history and are a fix of assemblage, try
not to name people.do anything different.

[heluka]

sexual energy is used to move the assemblage point, the taoist have studied and written in great detail. The toaist immortality practices. check it out.

[heluka]

In the right side the flyers can be caught EASILY in the peripheral vision in a dark room or during sunset or night time. especially around twelve until 6. If
you lay down in bed you will feel the flyer as a magnetic impulse that is irritating. like a tickle . on your knees area, or your eyebrows, and temples.try
doing a circle with your eyes to find out where the impulse is coming from. Then trap the circle with your eyes and lead it out through your eyes ad throw it
far far away after you have eaten its outer layers. I move my bed all around my room. if you have a house the best is to get a small mattress and move it
anywhere and everywhere in an unpredictable manner for sleep hours. Its really easy, just close your eyes and wait for a flash to occur, and then pull that
flash into your hand with your mind and start ripping it apart line by line ruthlessly examine it. Try laying down and not just pushing them away, but eating
their awareness and leave them running almost empty so that after you have thrown them far, they have no line back because you violently ripped it from them as
you flang them. I know I shouldn't eat too much of them, however sometimes its good to eat a lot of one and sometimes a little, and sometimes its even good
to completely kill one of them in front of their piers to instill fear. GRIN .Oh yeah, if your sexual energy is not kept circulating through the heels up the
spine and down the front and into the lower dan tien, preferably in morning and evening, the energy in the sexual organs will vibrate ad leave through the
bodily opening, where there is likely an inorganic ready to *** you and make little inorganic scorpions or something so that they can cover your leg and
slowly eat you away ahhahahahha. dont feed the pidgeons .

[bluedreamer]

The other night i dreamt that i was dancing at some public gathering and damn it i was showing off and later that day a guy was attracted to me and we were
talking closely but that was all I thought, then later in the dream i saw a "tape" or "flashback" of us talking and in it he kissed me and
I knew that he really had though I didn't realize it when he did it. That's all I remember of the dream. I believe that was some fe or flyer, before i
went to sleep that night I'd read arnways post about fe that disguise themselves as beautiful women(in his case) and sleep with you draining energy away. I
was angry with myself in the dream and after for showing off, it clearly shows that when you do stuff like that you open yourself up for invasion. I'm
impatient with my regressions and blind spots.






Thanks for the tips heluka, it is getting time i saw the flyer. Is that flash you are talking about visual when you close your eyes or are you talking about
the magnetic sensation? Eat it's outer layers? I don't know if i want to do that--what effects does it have?

[heluka]

its just atoms energy , vision., if a dog is biting you bite back twice as hard to attain self importance. Of course loss of self importance is the idea too,
but that is their playing field. They are self importance. The deadlier the more aware and powerful, the more commanding, and thus listened to and feared. Tape
recordings are messages that you need to recapitulate men that wanted you sexually, casual conersations need to be seen for what they were. a sexual
attraction. hahaha . sux . there arent many real people with awareness, just a bunch of penises and vaginas and feet. hehe. The flyers also guide us too, they
have to pay us back for eating us somehow right hahaha. Its good to keep a journal of your dreams and daily occurences so that nothing goes unnoticed. DEADLY.
Because of lack of true nature , heart energy, men and women become ghosts.

[bluedreamer]

Yeah, I started a dream journal not too long ago and then i didn't write a dream down and i didn't remember a dream again till i had the one i just
related, thanks for the reminder. Something sounds good about biting back, biting back is best when it's not planned, I'll mull it over and find out
when




I just saw some beautiful raindrops hanging from a bucket handle when i went outside for a cig, we had thunder showers tonight, those drops were way more
interesting than anything I have to say further about this dream.




Have a beautiful night next night heluka.

[heluka]

im sure, because the raindrops dont need to be recapped.

[bluedreamer]

On the contrary, it helps me to recap connections with nature.




I don't disgree about recapping casual conversations like that, i just don't recall anything recent except one guy I met and I was aware that he was
attracted but it wasn't a big deal, I only saw him for an afternoon at some friends and I might not ever see him again as he was from out of town, he
wasn't trying to "pick me up" and I wasn't interested like that either.




Those drops took me out of inner flapping jaw for awhile--much more interesting.

[heluka]

kissing = not doing. so maybe its also the need to not do and hang around males. We are condititioned to act a certain way towards males. Arnway eats too much
meat, and heavy stuff, and he doesnt know how to breath, so his intent becomes focused in the lower area, and thus the nocturnal emission. Hopefully Arnway,
youll notice that and eat nicer to the female with respect. if you learn how to breath, sexual desire becomes vitality.

[bluedreamer]

Does "not do your folly" mean not act out of habitual patterns? and what about controlled folly--I could use a better grasp on that.




I do notice myself breathing in certain ways when i walk, or when I'm spinning sticks or dancing etc . I don't breath that way deliberately--my body
already knows, it is breathing "with" the movement . Don't know if this is like the breathing you are talking about, would like to hear you speak
more on that.




Yeah, conditioning sucks. I do have some good male friends to hang out with and not do.




Thanks heluka

[heluka]

yes not get angry when someone is raging, for instance. the right to left and left to right sweeping breath with the movement of the head.